“You’re leaving, right?” he asks, shoving a bite of lasagna into his mouth.
“Yeah,” Mary-Anne confesses.
I wonder how in the ever-loving hell he figured it out.
“Where to?” he asks around his food, not seeming pissed at all.
“California. I want the beach.” She grins widely and he nods once.
“I’ll set you up with cash to get you there. Only thing I ask is I get a call from you once a day, every day—that way I know you’re okay,” he informs her. My mouth drops open in surprise.
“Seriously?” she squeals.
I can’t help but giggle at her elation.
“Yup. Now, what’re you gonna do?” he asks, pointing his fork at me.
“No clue.” I blow out a breath and he nods.
“Hows about I move into Mary-Anne’s room? That way you have a man around the house and I’ll help with Bear when I’m around?” he suggests.
I blink once before I grin. My heart skips a beat at this man. He’s so good, so kind, and so damn sweet.
I can’t believe the lengths he’s willing to go to take care of me—of us. It is as if a switch is flipped inside of my head and I suddenly see him in a different light.
Bates, my one constant these past few years.
Bates, the man that is here, watching over me, helping me, and taking care of me.
He’s smiling with straight white teeth, his dark hair messy and his eyes bright with his usual wicked gleam.
“I don’t want to cramp your style with the ladies, Bates,” I murmur. He grins back at me.
“Ain’t gonna cramp shit, babe. Got a clubhouse full o’ whores to suck and fuck, don’t need to wine and dine those bitches,” he says.
Mary-Anne starts making gagging noises while I feel as though my stomach has completely dropped.
“Yeah, I know how you work, too. I was at that patch-in party last night,” I remind him.
At the time, I just ignored it; but today, now that I’m seeing him in this whole new light, it makes me sick.
He’s a man and he’s here. He’s kind and caring, helpful and sweet, even if he is screwing around like a whore.
I caught Fury seconds from getting his dick sucked by Katie Powell, would it be so bad to want Bates for my own?
Am I tricking myself into feeling more for him because he’s here, right here in front of me when Pierce can’t be?
It doesn’t make me want him less. I’m confused. So confused.
“I do not want to know,” Mary-Anne says, holding her hands up in mock surrender.
“You really don’t,” I admit, shivering in fake disgust.
Bates just shrugs and continues to eat. This is family. This is what I envisioned when Pierce and I moved into this place.
Now I’m sharing it with somebody else. I should be missing Pierce, but right now, I don’t.
I have Bates, his smiles and his jokes, his love and his devotion—even if it’s not romantic.
This is what life is all about.
Loving, teasing, joking, and laughing.
I wish that my table could be complete with Pierce, Brentlee and Connellee, but would it?
Would Pierce even be here if he were out of jail?
I’ve lost faith in him, in the us that he painted a picture of in my head.
I have my sweet baby boy, Mary-Anne, and Bates here with me, along with phone calls from Connellee touching base with me.
They are my family now.
I have to push everything and everybody else out of my mind. I have to focus on the present, not the what-ifs, or could-be’s.
BATES LUKIN
SNIPER
I take a deep hit off of the joint in my hand before I let it out and chase it with some whiskey.
We lost brothers today.
Not just a couple, a whole fuckin’ charter. Our brothers in Calgary, Canada are just gone.
Fuckin’ obliterated.
Blown the fuck up.
It has that Aryan’s stink all over it. Those bomb happy pieces of shit.
I was never so happy than when MadDog decided to finally cut ties with them. I hated being associated to them at all whatsoever.
I’m not one hundred percent pure white, so they pretended I didn’t even exist when we had to make contact.
Half Russian, a quarter African American, and a quarter Cherokee Indian was too mixed for their taste.
Fuck ‘em.
I ever see another one of those racist assholes again I’m going to put a bullet in their head.
“You doin’ okay?” Vault asks me as he slides up next to me. He’s our treasurer, our money guy.
“Yeah, just angry as fuck those assholes got the best of us,” I admit, downing another shot.
“You gonna tell Fury?” he asks, worry etched in his features.
I shake my head once.
No tellin’ what Fury would do being locked up the way he is. He’d be liable to find someone with Aryan tats and kill them, adding more time to his sentence.
No, that surly bastard needs to come back as soon as possible.
“He don’t need to know a fuckin’ thing until he’s back on free ground,” I murmur.
“Fuckin’ truth,” Vault agrees, slapping my back.
“Need some company?” Kitty asks as Vault stands up to leave me to my drinking.
I sigh and look away for a moment before I feel her hand slide up my thigh and cup my cock.
“Get another girl and I’m in,” I grunt.
I turn to look at her and watch as her eyes light up. I think this bitch likes eating snatch more than any guy I’ve ever met.
Kitty runs off to find a willing victim and I take two more shots.
I need to get drunk to fuck this dirty bitch.
I need to get drunk to get my brothers off my mind.
I need to get drunk to get the desire I have to take Kentlee as my own off of my mind. I can’t go there, not only is she lonely, she’s my friend.
Nothing more.
I try telling my cock and my heart that, but they don’t fuckin’ listen.
Every time she walks past me in her skimpy as shit little sleep shorts and tank, sans bra. Her fat tits and ass are typically not something I’m attracted to but fuck do I want all of her—or at least my cock does.
My heart loves her for a completely different reason, she’s soft and gentle, I love that about her.
“Ready, baby,” Kitty says shaking my thoughts away.
I look over and see a pretty redhead standing next to her.
Oh yeah, I’m fuckin’ this new little bitch tonight.
FURY
Twelve months.
Twelve measly months.
That’s all the time I have left in this hell.
I know one thing. I ain’t never coming back here again.
Fuck this shit.
I can’t wait to be free. To eat, do, go, and fuck what I want, when I want, and where I want.
Although, maybe not the fucking part. I still only dream of one pussy I want to fuck each night and that’s Kentlee’s.
I close my eyes and try to remember the way she smelled. Light and fruity, some bullshit girlie lotion she bought that smelled like cherry blossoms or some shit, but it was her.
I miss the way she smiled at me, the way her eyes would light up when I would pull her close to me.
The way she moaned and whimpered while she was around my cock. Fuck, her whimpers were my undoing.
I wonder what she’s doing right this minute. Late on a Friday night. She’s probably home from work with Bear.
Giggling and cuddling with the little man. Little guy can already walk, apparently. He can say a few words, too.
I’m missing so much, but it’s a sacrifice I need to make. No way am I going to meet my kid for the first time in lock up.
Fucking hell.
I want to be able to hold him in my arms without somebody telling me not too close, not too tight, and keep you
r hands where we can see them.
Fuck that.
An involuntary tear slips from my eye, and I’m glad that I’m alone. Prison is not the place to cry. I can’t help myself, though.
Thinking about everything that’s waiting for me when I get back, thinking about my woman and my boy—makes me an emotional fucker.
Twelve months.
Twelve measly months.
That’s all I have left.
If I tell myself that enough, then maybe I’ll feel like it isn’t such a long time.
Chapter Eighteen
KENTLEE
“We can’t,” he whispers as his hand cups my cheek.
“We shouldn’t, because we can,” I murmur into the dark, feeling the warmth of his hand against my skin.
It’s been so long since a man has touched me. My thighs quiver at the thought of his hand sliding down my body.
“He’s my brother, Kentlee,” he mutters as the heat from his breath fans my face.
Fuck.
He smells like whiskey and it makes me groan. I imagine what his whiskey laced tongue tastes like in this exact moment.
“He doesn’t even want me, Bates, what does it matter?” I reason.
I need someone to want me.
I need to know that I’m not completely broken, not completely undesirable.
“Kentlee,” he moans before his lips brush mine in a soft kiss.
Bates burps loudly from the kitchen, breaking me of my daydreaming.
I know what he’s doing. He’s drinking straight from the milk carton, again.
Our one shared kiss proved that we were not really into each other. I was just lonely.
I still think he’s beautifully built and sexy as shit, but there’s no sexual connection between us.
When his tongue slipped between my lips, there was nothing. I felt absolutely nothing. All desire was just—gone.
I hear him rustling around in the kitchen, burping again. If I could choke him, I would.
Six months.
That’s how long we’ve been roommates and it has been five months too long.
I love him, like a brother, but the guy is a pig—a totally slob. I wonder how he was even in the military.
I thought they were supposed to beat the sloppiness out of these guys?
“You’re disgusting,” I say, wrinkling my nose as I walk into the kitchen to make breakfast for Bear.
“You love me,” he responds, wagging his eyebrows.
It’s always how he responds.
“I don’t love your pigness or your crudeness,” I point out. He laughs.
“Without me, you’d be bored to death,” he says with a grin.
I want to yank on his thick, dark beard and pull. He’s annoying as shit.
We danced around possibly having feelings for each other, when he moved in and we found ourselves alone together.
Flirty comments turned into flirty touches, which turned into our one and only kiss.
I’m glad we got it out of the way, otherwise I may have wondered forever if pining over Pierce was a mistake or not.
There is no denying the way my body reacts to Pierce. It’s nothing short of sexual dynamite.
Too bad he’s a fucking piece of shit asshole. I’m still angry with him. I probably will be until the day I die at this point.
“Without you my house would always be clean, and it wouldn’t smell like disgusting man. Oh, yeah, I’d be bored.”
I roll my eyes and Bates laughs before I hear him scoop Bear into his arms and blow a raspberry on his tummy.
“Us men gotta stick together, dude,” he rumbles.
It makes me smile. One thing that made me more attracted to Bates than I should have been was the way he is with Bear.
Bear giggles his little boy laugh and I wish I could keep him this way forever. Though, so far, I’ve said that about every stage of his life.
“Is Tammy coming over tonight to babysit?” he asks, taking the plate of eggs and toast from my hands and snapping Bear into his highchair to eat.
“Yeah,” I say with a sigh, sitting down with my morning cup of coffee.
“Good. Before your shift, you’re gonna come with me to the clubhouse. Party tonight and you need to show up,” he informs me. I almost laugh.
“What the hell am I going to do there, Bates?” I ask on a laugh.
I haven’t been there since the day I stormed in, pissed off at Pierce, almost three years ago.
“You need to make appearances when you can. He’ll be out in six months, LeeLee. He’ll want to claim you, and those guys need to already respect you,” he announces.
I can’t help myself, I burst out laughing.
“I’m a half-naked cocktail waitress that brings them shots and beers during their fuck parties. I could walk in there wearing a nun’s habit and they still wouldn’t respect me, Bates,” I inform him.
“They will when you’re the president’s Old Lady—when you’re his and you walk in there at his side with his baby in your arms. They’ll respect you.”
“These are all if’s, Bates. I haven’t heard from him in two and a half years. I don’t know that he’ll want me. In fact, I’m assuming he doesn’t.”
I lower my head and take another sip of my coffee. It’s so depressing to think about the future, about what will happen six months from now.
“He wants you, LeeLee. He loves you,” Bates says.
I can’t help the snort that comes out of my mouth at his words.
Loves me.
That’s fucking hilarious.
If he loved me, he wouldn’t have abandoned me for two and a half years. He wouldn’t refuse to see me, refuse to talk to me, and refuse to write to me.
He wouldn’t refuse to see our child, either.
I’ve been a mix of emotions since he left. Angry, disappointed, and sad.
Disappointment and sadness have won out in my overall feelings on the subject. Disappointment not only in Pierce but in myself.
I’ve let him rule my life these past few years. Rule how I live my life. Not moving on, sitting around in limbo for a man that doesn’t even recognize me.
That can’t even call me.
Now the disappointment is gone and I’m just tired.
“Sure, whatever,” I respond, trying to hold back my tears.
I’ve cried so much in the past two and a half years; I don’t know how I can have any tears left to cry. But every night, more tears come. Like clock-work. Like a bad dream. Like a record on repeat.
“Okay, then it’s something that will happen when he’s out,” Bates murmurs.
I try not to roll my eyes at his words. He doesn’t know shit. Pierce is going to do whatever the hell he wants, and if that means he doesn’t want Bear and me, he won’t think twice about cutting us loose.
“I’m going to take Bear to the park today, wanna join?” I ask as I stand up to clear Bear’s dishes and my coffee cup.
“I got shit to do. Keep an eye out, yeah?” he warns. I nod.
I’m used to the warning, he always says that when I go out in public alone.
Like he’s worried something will happen to me. I doubt any of the club’s enemies even know I exist.
Bear and I spend the morning and early afternoon in the park together. I love the warmer weather and the fact that we’re the only people here.
I watch my son play and I push him on the swings for over an hour, because it’s his favorite part.
It makes me think of his father. The wind whipping his blonde hair around, his little arms up in the air, and his voice, giggling with delight…
Freedom.
The way Pierce feels on his motorcycle.
Though I haven’t known Pierce for long, or all that well, I can see so much of him in Bear.
The way Bear always runs through life, barreling head first. I wonder if that’s the way Pierce was as a child.
I was the most cautious of children, always afraid I would get hurt.
/> Bear is nothing like that.
He’s stubborn and headstrong and fiercely protective of me. He hates to have anybody take my attention away from him, and the only man he doesn’t get pissed off at if he’s near me is Bates.
The mailman shook my hand once, and I swear I thought Bear was going to take him out at the knees.
Totally Pierce’s genes on that one.
Once we’re done at the park, I take Bear home and put him down for a nap. I spend that quiet time cleaning the house before Tammy arrives and I have to do the dreadful, go to work.
Tammy is a fifty-something empty-nester who lives down the street. I’ve known her for two years and she’s the sweetest woman.
She has four grown children and two grandchildren. They are all spread out and she’s lonely.
She used to offer to watch Bear all of the time, but I had Mary-Anne living with me, so I never took her up on it.
When Mary-Anne moved to San Diego, I needed someone to stay with Bear at night.
Bates ran a background check on Tammy and said she was clean as a whistle. So I finally took Tammy up on her offer, on a trial-basis, and she’s been my rock ever since.
I pay her and she enjoys the little extra spending cash. She usually spends it on her grandbabies, which makes me like her even more.
“Knock-knock,” Tammy says as she walks through my door.
I’m just wrapping my thin coat over my horrendous work uniform.
“Hey, Tam, I’m just about ready,” I call out from my bedroom as I grab my purse and throw it over my shoulder.
Just then, Bear comes toddling toward me and throws his arms up, his signal that he wants me to pick him up.
I scoop him up and carry him into the living room. Once he sees Tammy he smiles widely and says Hi.
“Hello, sweet boy. Are you ready for your Auntie Tammy cuddles?” she asks, holding her arms out for Bear.
He quickly wiggles from my grasp and toddles over to her waiting open arms.
I love that he has her. I love that he has a grandmotherly figure to cuddle, since he doesn’t have my parents.
I don’t know what ever happened to Pierce’s father, but I wasn’t ever able to meet him, and I haven’t heard a word about him since Pierce went away.
Notorious Devils MC Complete Collection: BoxSet Page 17