Feelings and emotions don’t affect me like they might other people. I can’t even remember the last time I cried. Maybe when I was three?
I reach in my wallet and give her twenty bucks for pizza and tell her that I’ll be out on her back patio smoking my cigarette. I walk away without looking back at her tearstained cheeks.
I’m never gonna be that guy that holds his chick while she cries about… well… anything. It’s just not something I have in me.
I walk outside and look out at the shitty parking lot. It’s cooler, and soon, it’ll be snowing. I think about how Hattie doesn’t have a car, and my Chevelle isn’t really made for the snowy roads that lead me to her.
“Johnny,” I hear her sniffle a few minutes later.
“Yeah?” I ask not looking back at her, but focused on the shitty parking lot.
“Pizza’s here,” she murmurs before I hear the sliding glass door close behind her.
I stub out my smoke on her banister and follow her inside a few minutes later. She’s getting plates and drinks out. No beer, but Cokes instead.
“Is Coke okay?” she asks.
I nod, taking a plate and putting a few slices of pizza on it before I grab the drinks she’s made and set them down on the table. I don’t sit down, though. I walk back over to where she is in the kitchen and grab her arm, spinning her to face me.
She looks up at me, but her wide eyes aren’t full of innocence, like usual. Now, they’re full of fear. I back her up and pick her up off her feet before I set her ass on the counter top and wrap my hands around her bare thighs, fitting my hips between them.
“I’m not good at emotional shit,” I admit.
I sound angry and pissed, but I don’t know how to do this.
“I noticed,” she remarks, like a smartass.
“Smartass,” I mutter.
She smiles at me before I feel her hands wrap around my cheeks. I look up and into her mossy, green colored eyes. I could get lost in these eyes of hers, completely and totally fucking lost.
“You don’t do feelings and tears. It’s okay. I didn’t really think that you did, anyway,” she shrugs.
I trail my finger from her thigh to the center of her little shorts, touching her warm pussy before I slip it underneath the fabric.
“I can’t do emotions. I’ve never really had sympathy, or empathy, or whatever it is. It’s just not in me. I know anger and I feel pleasure, but beyond that, there’s not much going on,” I explain the best I can while my finger trails the warm slit of her cunt.
Fuck, I can’t wait to bury my dick inside of her. She’s going to be so goddamn tight. I bet she strangles me. I lick my lips in anticipation.
“I think you have more going on than you want to admit,” she says before she moans and drops her head back to hit the cabinet behind her. “One day, maybe I’ll get to see it all, too,” she whispers.
“I need to eat before I show you more of me, tonight, princess, you’re gonna see and feel a fuck’ve a lot more. I’ve waited long enough,” I inform her as I pull my hand away from her pussy and place her back on the floor.
We eat in silence and I grin as I watch her quickly chew her food, bouncing slightly in her chair. I don’t take my eyes off of her. I can’t. She’s too fucking cute, and pretty, and mine. I stand up and take her hand. The anticipation is killing us both as I pull her toward the bedroom.
I was serious when I said I was burying my cock inside of her tonight, and I’m doing it bare. She’s my woman and, apparently, I’ve decided that I’m going to be her man.
I’ve never been in a relationship, and I’ve never been faithful to one woman, for any length of time; but with Hattie, the sacrifice of easy pussy seems like a non-issue. She’s everything I never thought I’d have.
My princess.
I think about what she would look like fat with my kid. If that was something I could have with her. She’d be a good woman to be the mom to my kids. A good, clean, girl to raise and care for the family I want.
I grin thinking about it.
The thought is nothing more than fleeting at this exact moment, but maybe in a couple years I could breed her. She’s mine, and she ain’t goin’ nowhere.
HATTIE
Johnny quietly leads me into my bedroom and then pushes his jeans off of his hips and is completely naked again. I’m getting more and more used to seeing his nude body.
I like what I see. He’s lean and fit and beautiful. He continues his silence as he strips me of my cotton sleep set.
My wet hair slaps my back once he’s pulled the shirt off and thrown it behind me somewhere.
“Are you going to let me inside tonight, princess?” he asks.
His voice is so low and husky, so soft; and when he calls me princess, I melt.
“Yeah,” I breathe, unable to speak more than the one word.
“Lie down, spread your legs for me,” he murmurs.
I crawl into the center of the bed and spread my legs slightly. I’m so embarrassed. He’s standing at the side of the bed, just watching and waiting.
“As wide as you can, show me what’s mine,” he murmurs.
With a shaky breath, I pinch my eyes closed tightly and spread my legs as wide as I can. I gasp when I feel him slide one foot back so that my knee is bent and my foot is flat on the bed. He orders me to do the same with the other leg, leaving me even more exposed. I feel the bed dip and then Johnny demands that I open my eyes.
When I gain enough courage to finally open my eyes, I am shocked at what I see. Johnny is between my legs, sitting back on his haunches, and he’s stroking his hard length as his eyes shift from mine to my center.
“Don’t be embarrassed, Hattie. There is nothing at all to be embarrassed of. Your pussy is probably the most gorgeous pussy I have ever laid eyes on,” he murmurs as his eyes stay completely focused on my center.
My belly clenches and I squirm slightly. I need him to touch me, to help make this ache go away like only he can. I wrap my fingers in my hot pink sheets and try to breathe. I gasp when his fingers trail my slick core.
“You’re wet, my sweet Hattie,” he murmurs as his finger swirls around my clit.
I whimper as my hips search out more contact.
“Are you ready to take my cock?” he asks.
I nod as my response, afraid I’ll scream if I try to open my mouth and speak.
Without another word, I feel him line the head of his dick up with my pussy and push inside of me. Immediately, I scream and pinch my eyes shut as I try to breathe through the slight pain. He’s so much bigger than the other two guys I’ve been with, plus Willa was right, it’s been almost a year since I’ve had sex.
“Your pussy is fucking heaven,” he grunts as he pushes the rest of the way in. “Open your eyes and look at me.”
I do as he demands and open my eyes, but a few tears slide down my temples.
Johnny doesn’t move inside of me. He stays completely rooted and still as his thumbs swipe across my temples to rid my face of the wet tears.
“I’m not a soft man. I’ve never been gentle during sex,” he announces.
“Okay,” I rasp.
I feel his hands leave my face and wrap around the insides of my thighs. Then he pushes them down further, opening me up even more and making my legs scream in protest.
Before I can say or do anything, he pulls out of me and then slams back inside on a groan. I gasp as he does it again, repeating the motion harder and faster each time.
My thighs burn, and my pussy hurts, but when he grinds down against my clit, when he’s fully rooted inside of me, it’s worth all of the pain I’m feeling.
I arch my back and relax the rest of my body, letting Johnny consume me—all of me. Letting him completely inside of me with no hesitation. It’s then that I feel my body climb toward its release. I moan as I start to shake slightly, climbing higher and higher.
“Johnny,” I sigh.
“Come all over my cock, Hattie. Come all over
me,” he groans.
My body starts to shake uncontrollably and my eyes roll in the back of my head as I explode. I climax, hard. Johnny doesn’t stop. In fact, he thrusts into me harder and faster until I feel him twitch and then fill me with his own release.
“Fuck,” he roars before he releases my thighs and collapses on top of me, his mouth going straight to my neck.
His tongue licks the side of my throat before his teeth bite down against my sensitive, tender skin.
“Wow,” I breathe as I wrap my arms around his back.
Gently, I start to stroke his damp skin with my short nails.
“Fuck, yeah, wow. Pussy’s so good, Hattie, so fucking good,” he murmurs against my sweat soaked skin.
My breath hitches when I feel him begin to move inside of me again.
“Johnny?” I ask, unsure of how he could have come and is still inside of me.
The other guys I dated came, got out, and that was it.
“Ssshhh, just want to feel you some more. So fuckin’ good. So warm. So tight,” he mumbles, his face still buried in my neck, his scruff scratching me.
Johnny continues for a few more strokes until he pulls out with a groan, placing a kiss on my nipple before he rolls onto his back next to me. I don’t know what to do, lying next to him, feeling his cum sliding down the crack of my ass.
“You got work in the mornin’?” he asks as he stands and walks over to my bathroom.
“Yeah. At eight,” I say.
Once I hear the toilet flush, I roll off of the bed and head to the bathroom myself. When we pass each other, he stops and wraps his hand around the back of my neck, pulling me into his naked chest. His head dips down and he places a gentle, sweet, kiss on my lips.
“I’ll stay the night, yeah? Take you to work on my way out of town,” he murmurs as he touches the tip of my nose with his finger.
I nod as my answer before he turns and walks back to my bed.
I hurry to the bathroom to clean up and wash my hands. I look at myself in the mirror. My hair is messy, my makeup washed off, and there’s a red mark on the side of my neck where Johnny bit me. I now completely understand the term—freshly fucked.
I look just like that—freshly fucked.
I make my way back to my bedroom where Johnny is pulling his jeans over his hips. My steps falter at the sight of him getting dressed, until he turns to me with a cigarette hanging between his lips.
I silently watch as he bends down and grabs his shirt, holding it out to me. I slip it on before he jerks his head in the direction of my living room, holding his hand out for me.
I slide my hand in his and let him walk ahead of me, tugging me gently behind him until we’re outside.
I stand away from him as he lights his cigarette and takes a long drag. Then he sits down on the only piece of furniture I have out here, an old metal chair that the tenants before me left. I never bothered to move it or to replace it with something else, since I hardly come out here.
“Come over here, princess,” he murmurs.
I step closer to him and can’t stop the giggle from escaping when he pulls me down to sit on his lap. After a moment, I throw my legs over his other thigh and rest my head on his chest.
His free arm wraps around my back, and his hand curls around my ass while he takes slow drags from his cigarette, releasing the smoke off to the side, away from my face.
“Is being a Notorious Devil always something you wanted?” I ask in a whisper.
While I wait for his answer, I trace the crazy looking devil he has on his chest with my fingers.
“I never thought I’d be anything. Maybe I’d get some kind of shit job here and there, scrape by like my parents,” he shrugs.
I nuzzle my face into his neck and lift my head to kiss his earlobe.
“Is that why you moved to Idaho? Your parents moved here?” I ask, trying to get to know him better.
“I don’t talk about my parents or my past, princess. You want to know something about me, that’s cool. I don’t talk about anything before I moved to Bonners Ferry when I was fourteen. I don’t talk about my family, either. You gotta be okay with that because it’ll never change,” he announces. I feel my face heat with embarrassment.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, shifting away from him to stand and go inside.
“Don’t leave,” he demands, tightening his arm to keep me in his lap.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” I murmur as I look down at my hands.
“You didn’t. It’s just part of my life I don’t talk about. I try not to ever think about it and I don’t ever talk about it. You know where I was born, where I lived before here, that’s more than anybody else,” he says, his voice rugged, low, and raspy.
“Okay,” I whisper.
“Tell me about your dreams,” he suggests.
I close my eyes and I tell him something that I’ve only ever told my parents, something they laughed at and told me to forget about. I tell him a dream of mine, something I have always wanted, something he’ll probably think is stupid.
“I’ve always wanted to open a dessert bar,” I say, keeping my voice quiet and low.
“A what?” he asks.
“A regular bar, with drinks and maybe coffee too, but it also serves desserts instead of what someone would consider bar-food. I would have a case of desserts; and then on slow days, like Wednesdays or Sundays, I would have a dessert buffet to draw in traffic,” I explain excitedly as I sit up.
“Who the fuck would go to that?” he asks with confusion written all over his face.
I deflate. I completely deflate. It’s been my dream since I was ten years old. I’m an idiot. I don’t answer his question. I stare up into the night sky, trying to will my tears to stay at bay.
“Hey, that was a dick thing to say, okay? You want to do that, then you should,” he says nudging me off of his lap as he snubs his cigarette out.
I don’t respond. When will I ever learn? My dream is stupid. I need to forget it ever existed and just be happy with my place in life.
I have a good job at the bank where I could advance easily, making it a career. I have my parents and Andy. Plus, now I have Johnny, for however long this lasts between us.
“Let’s go to bed,” he mumbles.
I follow him without saying a word. I can’t help but think about my dream; my dream that will never come to fruition; my dream that will die like the dreams of a million other people on earth. I watch as Johnny drops his pants and gets into my bed, the pink sheets surrounding him.
“Shirt off, Hattie, come to bed,” he orders.
I don’t hesitate as I grab the hem of his oversized shirt and peel it from my body before I drop it onto the floor by my feet. Then I crawl into bed and lie down next to Johnny’s warmth. He sighs as he wraps his arm around me and places a kiss on my shoulder.
“Sleep, yeah?” he murmurs against my hair.
“Yeah,” I whisper into the dark bedroom.
I close my eyes and try not to think about the way he laughed at my dream. The way he refused to talk about his past, his parents, his own thoughts and feelings. I can’t help the sick feeling that he’s here for one thing and one thing only.
Sex.
Deep down, I knew it. I even offered it as a one-time thing. But now, now he’s spending the night, calling himself my man, and making me believe that we’re more.
I can feel it in my gut that this is going to get ugly; at least for me. I need to try and figure out how to keep him out of my head, and most importantly, my heart.
Chapter Eight
HATTIE
Johnny holds my hand as he walks me down the street toward the bank. My thoughts from last night about keeping him out of my head and heart are now obliterated and nonexistent. He’s there, in both places.
This morning when I woke up, he was gone.
I wanted to sit and stress, worry and possibly cry, but I didn’t have time. Instead, I got up and took a shower. By the time I
was out of the shower, he was back, dressed and holding a bag with some donuts and coffee.
I was shocked, but I didn’t have time to dwell. I thanked him, then hurried to finish getting ready while I snagged bites of my delicious chocolate donut here and there.
Now, with his hand wrapped around mine, we walk down the street toward my job.
“There’s a party at the clubhouse tonight. I can pick you up, you can stay with me for the weekend,” he offers.
My eyes widen at the idea of sleeping at that clubhouse, of being there for days. I don’t know if I can. All those women, those men, the alcohol and the drugs.
I look down at my feet, but Johnny doesn’t allow it for long. He places his finger under my chin and tips my head back. My eyes connect with his chocolate ones and I melt a little.
“I’ll be with you the whole time. Nothin’ bad’s gonna happen to you, princess,” he murmurs before he presses his lips to mine in a kiss. Its gentle and sweet, leaving me wanting so much more.
“Okay, tonight,” I agree, nodding my head.
“Now, get your shit handled so we can have a free and easy weekend, yeah?” he says before he leans down and kisses me again.
This time, it isn’t sweet, nor is it gentle. He slides his tongue past my lips and his hand travels down to my ass and squeezes roughly.
I moan wrapping my arms around his neck as I press my body even closer to his. He owns me, his kiss owns me, and I accept it.
“Be a good girl today. I’ll see you later,” he murmurs as he breaks our kiss and takes a step back from me.
I grin and turn from him, walking to the door of the bank and putting my key into the lock. I look back at him before I open the door. He’s standing on the sidewalk, a smirk on his face and a cigarette firmly planted between his lips.
He looks like the classic bad boy, and I shiver at the sight. He’s my bad boy, and I’m his princess. I smile as a blush crawls up my cheeks, then I open the door and slip inside, locking it behind me.
Once I’m inside, I see Willa setting up her station with an evil grin on her lips. She’s never early. She’s usually ten minutes late every day. Yet, today she’s at least twenty minutes early, as I’m fifteen minutes early.
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