Yeah, I wasn’t touching that.
“Here.” I picked up the bag Tex’s man had given me and handed it to her. “I can clean my face, if you’ll dig out whatever is stuck in my right shoulder.”
Eva took the bag but didn’t follow me to the bathroom. Instead, she headed to the couch where Liam and Elijah were sitting.
“You guys wanna watch some TV while I help Max?”
Liam looked from his mom over to me then back to Eva. “Sure.”
She crouched in front of her sons and kissed each boy’s cheek before she handed Liam the remote.
“I won’t be long.”
The older boy nodded and scooted closer to his little brother.
No way would I wish the shit Liam had gone through on anyone, but if there was one good thing that had come from the shit hand the kid had been dealt, it was that he learned early in life to take care of those he loved.
The bathroom was utilitarian at best. A small vanity, a toilet, and a shower stall for one. Without much space between the three. I pulled my torn shirt over my head and pain radiated down my arm.
“Oh, hell,” Eva muttered.
“What?” I started to turn back to the mirror so I could see what had her grumbling, when my arm brushed across her chest and I stopped. “Shit, sorry. There’s not much room in here.”
“It looks like glass.”
Well, that would explain the pain.
“Hopefully, there are tweezers in the bag. You okay to pull it out?”
“Yeah.”
I glanced over my shoulder to find her pale face staring up at me.
“I understand if you can’t—”
“No, I can. I’m just sorry you got hurt because of me. Then you drove all that time with glass in your arm, and dirt and rocks in your face. We should’ve looked at it when we stopped. I should’ve driven. I’m so sorry.”
“Eva.” I carefully turned to face her, this time making sure I didn’t touch her. Which was difficult, not only because the two of us in the tiny bathroom was a tight fit, but now I was very aware of her nearness. Very aware she was a beautiful woman with a fantastic body. “You have nothing to be sorry for. And I needed you to be my ears when I couldn’t hear over the pounding in my head. You did a great job, by the way. You stayed calm, you kept in contact with my team, you guided us here, and you handled the boys even though I know you were scared and didn’t know what was going on. Thank you for that.”
“But you’re hurt,” she repeated.
“It’s nothing. A few scrapes. They’ll be healed in a few days.”
Her soft look and frown were almost too much to take. There was sadness and fear, but it was the concern that would be my undoing.
“How can you say it’s nothing? There’s glass in your shoulder and arm. Glass, Max. And you couldn’t hear for like three hours. I saw you wincing in pain when you were driving. I don’t know you all that well, but a big, strong guy like you…” She trailed off a moment and shook her head. “I assume you’d have to be in a great deal of pain for it to show. And I saw how much you were hurting.”
“If you’re worried I won’t be able to protect you because I’m a little scratched up, I promise you I can.”
Eva’s lips parted before they closed and opened a few more times before she sputtered, “Wor-worried? I’m not worried about you protecting me. I’m worried about you.”
“Babe, I swear I’ve been banged up worse than this and continued on a mission.”
Now she was openly gaping at me. If the situation wasn’t totally fucked up, I’d say she looked fucking adorable standing in front of me, eyes wide, mouth hanging open, clearly alarmed at my declaration.
“I don’t want to know what kind of missions you’ve been on,” she snapped. “Obviously, your definition of a scratch and mine are two different things. My boys scratch themselves when they’re playing in the backyard trying to climb the tree. Liam gets banged up when he falls off his bike and scrapes his knees. This…this is something different. There was an explosion.” The words whooshed out of her. “Something exploded. That’s insane. And how close were you to the blast? What happened?”
Oh, hell no, I wasn’t going to tell her it was her car that blew up when I needed her to get the glass out so I could take a shower. That information was for later, after the boys were asleep and we were alone. She’d done remarkably well keeping her shit together, but I had a feeling that tidbit of news would send her reeling.
“Let’s talk about what happened later.”
“Why?”
“Because you need to get back to the boys, and when you go back to them, you don’t need to be upset and worried. Liam watches you, he picks up on your moods. If you’re anxious, he’ll feel it. Elijah is already nervous around me. I need them both relaxed—it’s the only way they’ll trust me.”
Some of the softness that had crept in slipped away. Anytime I mentioned the boys, she became overly defensive.
“Eva, listen to me. Nothing I just said was meant to be a dig. I’m not trying to offend you. It’s a good thing Liam pays attention to what’s going on around him. He’s smart. He loves his mom and brother. What I’m telling you is, I want you and your kids safe. Which, I swear to you, I will keep you all that way. But neither of them are going to trust me if their mother goes back to them agitated after spending time with me. I have one shot with them. Please give this to me. After they go to bed, I’ll tell you everything. Just trust me.”
Eva studied me for long moments. And I did something I hadn’t done in well over a decade. I didn’t mask my emotions. I didn’t deliberately blank my features and shut down. I allowed her to see I was being honest. A gesture I didn’t afford anyone else in my life. I was a cynical asshole, I didn’t trust anyone outside of my inner circle and I didn’t give a shit if others outside of those I respected trusted me. I didn’t bother to put forth the effort because I knew it would be a waste of time, I wouldn’t trust them back, so I saved everyone involved the trouble and remained closed off.
But for some reason beyond the fact Eva was my mission and keeping her alive would be easier if she trusted me to do so, I actually cared if she did.
“You’re right. They’ve done great so far, but if I’m freaked out over what happened, they will be, too. And you need to check in with your team. Brooks said he’d be waiting for your call.”
Determination shone in her eyes.
The love she had for her boys was undeniable.
And a flicker of something I couldn’t read flashed in her eyes, her chest heaved, and the pulse point in her neck throbbed.
“Hey.” I reached out and placed my hands on her shoulders and she stiffened. Damn, I’d meant to comfort her, not freak her out. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”
“It doesn’t feel that way.”
“It never does when you’re in the thick of it. Darkness creeps in and tricks you into believing it will never end. But it always does.”
“I feel like I’m right back where I started. When Tex saved my boys and brought them back to me, I swore I’d do better. I promised myself that no one would ever hurt them again—including me. One bad decision snowballed out of control. I know you don’t care and it doesn’t matter, but I never wanted to hurt anyone. And I’m not as stupid as you think I am.” Eva’s chin jutted out and she stood a little taller. “Tex gave me a new life, and whether you believe me or not, I’ve spent the months since then doing nothing but working and spending time with my boys.”
I wanted to believe she hadn’t wanted to kill Bubba and Zoey, that she had a conscience. But it was hard to forget she’d dropped the two of them off in a remote area of Alaska and left them there to die.
What would it have been like if my mother had been willing to do anything to keep me?
“Where’d that come from?” I asked her.
“Where’d what come from?”
“I never said I thought you were stupid. I never said I didn’t care. And believe me, it
matters to me and to my friends that you have some sort of remorse for what you did to Bubba and Zoey. But why’re you bringing all of that up right now?”
“Because sometimes I catch you looking at me with suspicion. I have nothing to hide. I told Tex everything—every painful detail of my life. I withheld nothing, he deserved to know everything about the woman he was willing to help. And now here you are, hurt because of me, because you were sent to play bodyguard. I don’t want anyone else hurt because of me, I can’t take anymore. I’m afraid the guilt and anger is going to consume me until there’s nothing left. And if that happens, where does that leave Liam and Eli? I talk a big game and say I’d do it all over again to save my boys. I tell myself that I had no choice, but it is all bullshit. I’m weak. I was barely holding it together before, and now I’m afraid I’m going to break. There is no light for me—only darkness. Nothing will ever be okay for me. The best I can hope for is that it will be for my boys. As long as they’re happy, healthy, and good men, I don’t care what happens to me.”
Eva Dawson believed every foul word she said about herself and I hated that she did. Hated that she believed her life was meaningless and the only two people who mattered were her kids.
But the funny thing about hate was, it was a hair’s breadth away from love. And fuck it all, I admired the hell out of a woman I wanted to dislike. I couldn’t stop myself from respecting the fierce mother she was. So, I hated she didn’t care what happened to her, but goddamn if I didn’t love how she put her boys first—above all else.
There wasn’t a damn thing weak about Eva. I knew she’d hitchhiked back to Alaska and I knew where she’d been a stripper to save money to buy her boys back. She would do whatever she had to do to give Liam and Elijah what they needed and she’d drain herself doing it—physically, financially, morally. She’d completely bankrupt herself before she let the boys fail.
Chapter 9
My hands shook as I tweezed the last shard of glass out of Max’s shoulder. I thought one of the cuts needed stitches. He disagreed, then held up a bottle of skin glue and some tape.
Crazy man!
“It’s gonna scar,” I told him. “Maybe if a doctor stitches it closed, it won’t.”
“Babe, does it look like I’m a stranger to scars?”
No, no, he didn’t, and if all of the marks on his back were anything to go by, he was well-acquainted with all sorts of injuries. And when he’d been facing me, holy shit, it’d been impossible not to stare at his impressive chest. He had muscle stacked on top of muscle. But what had caught my attention was a long puckered scar that started right above his belly button, went diagonal toward his hip, then dipped under his waistband. I wanted to run my finger over it, trace the line, and see where it ended. But I didn’t dare.
“Where’d they all come from?” I asked about his marks.
“Here and there.”
“From when you were in the Navy?”
“Some.”
Well, that was cryptic. I let the subject drop because he obviously didn’t want to talk about it, and I wiped some blood from his skin.
“Do you want to wait for me to glue you shut until after you’ve had a shower?”
I glanced around him and met his stare in the mirror.
He looked pensive before he quickly shut down and gave me his cool blank eyes. It was crazy how one look could chill me to the bone or make feel warm and flustered. It was strange—he made me feel strange.
Hot and cold.
Fire and ice.
I couldn’t get a read on him and I’d tried.
I wasn’t afraid of Max, though maybe I should’ve been. All the way around, he was bad for my health and I knew it the moment I started to care what he thought of me. I didn’t have the luxury of caring about anything other than my boys. They were my priority.
“Yeah. Thanks for your help.”
“Anytime.” I shrugged and beat a hasty retreat out of the bathroom.
Liam and Eli were still on the couch, Eli now in control of the remote. I knew this because cartoons were on, something that Liam tolerated because his brother liked them, but at six, he’d deemed them for babies.
“You guys hungry?” I asked, plastering on what I hoped looked like a happy smile.
Two yeahs rang out from the couch and both boys turned to face me.
Damn, I had good-looking boys. They were everything good in my world—they were my purpose for living. My boys were the only reasons I hadn’t curled up in the fetal position and given up. We had to make it through, I had to be strong for them. Had to. There was no other option.
“Who wants to help me in the kitchen?”
“Me!” Eli shouted and jumped up.
Liam was slower to follow and less enthusiastic, but he trailed behind his brother.
This was our thing—cooking. It always had been. As soon as Liam was big enough to sit on the counter, his tushie was on it and he was helping. Then Elijah came along and now he did the mixing while Liam measured and poured. I was no master chef, but what I lacked in culinary skills I made up for with fun. We danced, we sang, we goofed around. Our time. Just the three of us, spending time together cooking.
Best time of the day was when we were together.
“What are we going to make?” Liam asked.
“I don’t know. Let’s look through the cupboards and fridge and see what we have.”
“Is this Max’s house?”
“No, honey. It belongs to one of his friends,” I told Liam, then decided to give my son some honesty. “This place is called a safehouse.”
Liam’s head cocked to the side, a lock of hair falling over his forehead reminding me he needed a haircut, and his nose scrunched in confusion.
“Remember back at the restaurant, there was an explosion?” Liam’s eyes widened and he nodded. “Well, Max wants to keep us safe. So he asked one of his friends if we could stay here. That way, no one can find us and Max and his friends can find out what happened at the restaurant.”
“Are we going to die?” Liam asked.
“Absolutely not!” Max boomed from behind me, scaring the absolute shit out of me.
I jumped, banging my elbow on the counter, before I turned to face him. I also may’ve taken a step in front of Liam and Elijah.
Max’s expression was piss-your-pants frightening. Furious didn’t begin to cover it. His pale blue eyes had gone glacial. He was scowling, complete with deep, hard lines between his eyebrows. And lastly, he was still shirtless but not wet, which meant he hadn’t taken a shower yet.
“Max! You scared me.”
His gaze racked over me, then beyond me to the boys, and glacial was a thing of the past. Fire had melted the ice. The air turned stifling, so thick that it was hard to draw in much-needed oxygen since I was panting.
“No one is going to hurt any of you,” Max continued.
“But someone hurt you,” Liam argued.
“The only thing that matters is no one hurt any of you.”
“That’s not true,” I cut in.
“Which part, Eva?”
“That it doesn’t matter that you got hurt protecting us. It does matter. And the boys should be grateful you put yourself in harm’s way for us, not told that your wellbeing doesn’t matter. That’s crap, Max. Your life is just as important as ours, so please don’t tell my kids you don’t matter.”
Nothing.
Not even a flicker of recognition I’d spoken.
“Is everything all right?”
“I came out to remind you not to open the door.”
Well, that was mildly insulting—I wasn’t some dipshit who had a death wish, therefore I’d go traipsing outside for funsies.
“Right,” I mumbled. “Thanks for reminding me, otherwise I may’ve taken the kids for a stroll.”
“Now’s not the time to be a smartass.”
“But now’s the time for you to treat me like I’m an idiot?”
Max said nothing.
Then he turned and walked away.
I was reconsidering my earlier assessment—maybe I should be afraid of Max. He had no problem turning his anger toward me.
Liam broke into my thoughts. “Is someone trying to hurt us?”
I took a deep breath, and even though Max was no longer scorching the room with his presence, it still burned to inhale.
“Remember Tex?”
“The man who saved us.”
It wasn’t a question, I knew my boy would never forget Tex—I made sure of it.
“Yes, honey, that’s him. He still watches out for us. He thinks that…well…he sent Max to make sure we were safe.”
“But you said—”
“I know what I said, honey. I didn’t want you or your brother to be scared. So I didn’t tell you the truth about who Max was.”
“You lied.”
Christ Almighty, Liam’s accusation hurt like a bitch.
“Yes, Liam. I didn’t tell you the truth. Like I said, I didn’t want to scare you and I wasn’t certain Tex was right. He likes us a lot, and because of that, he’s protective of us. I thought that it would be best until I knew for sure not to tell you.”
“But lying is wrong. That’s what you always say.”
“It is. I’m very sorry if I hurt your feelings, but it’s my job to protect you. And part of that is making sure you and your brother aren’t scared and worried something bad is going to happen.”
“Mommy,” Eli murmured and my eyes went to my youngest son. “Is Daddy gonna take us again?”
“No, Elijah,” Max said from behind me. But this time I didn’t move. I was utterly frozen from the fear in Eli’s voice. “No one is going to ever take you from your mom again.”
“Are you sure?” Liam pressed.
“Positive.”
“So we’re not really on vacation?”
“You were on vacation,” Max continued. “Your mom wanted to give you and Elijah something fun to do while I kept you safe.”
“But we’re not on vacation anymore?”
“Elijah, honey?” I called.
My boy looked up at me, tears welling in his big eyes, hands trembling, and agony tore through me. I stepped around Liam and scooped Eli up. His little arms went around my neck and his legs wrapped around my waist.
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