Reborn.
“Never heard those words,” I choked.
“How is that possible?” My eyes snapped open at the anguish I heard.
No pity, only disbelief.
“I think you understand how I grew up,” I reminded her. “When your father’s an abusive drunk and your mother’s cowed and more worried about fending off her next beating than about protecting her child, there’s not much time for hugs, kisses, and declarations of love. My aunt and uncle didn’t love me nor did they pretend to.”
“But Pam… You asked—”
“Babe, it kills me to admit this, because I’m gonna sound like a prick. I didn’t love her. I knew it then and never lied and said the words. Neither did she. I asked her to marry me because I was scared of losing the only thing that was familiar.”
“I hate that for you.”
“Can’t change the past.”
“Nope, we can’t.” The heaviness of our exchange lifted and back was Eva’s bright smile. Her tiny hands grasped my face and she leaned forward, smacking her lips against mine in a playful kiss that had my heart thundering. “But we have the future.”
“That we do.” I returned her smile because there was no way I couldn’t. It was infectious—a beacon of hope I wanted to get lost in.
“One last thing before I show you how much it means to me that you love me.”
“Show me?” Her lips twitched and she wiggled her ass on my already semi-hard cock.
“Yeah, honey, show you. And fair warning, you’re gonna be boneless when I’m done, so I’m gonna need to carry you out of here.”
I flexed my ass, pushing my hard-on against her center, cursing the layers of clothes between us.
“Hm… you think you have it in you to render me unable to walk?”
I didn’t bother to answer her ridiculous taunt—she knew I was more than capable of leaving her a quivering mess.
“So what’s this about a job?”
“What about it?”
Eva’s hands moved down my neck as she sat straight, grazing my throat. And when her palms rested on my chest, I had to summon all my concentration in order to finish this conversation that at the moment seemed seriously fucking unimportant.
“You’re looking for a job?”
“Of course I am. I need to work.”
“What about the boys?”
Eva’s brows knitted together, clearly perplexed.
“Liam will be in school and Elijah will go to daycare. I managed to save some money, but only enough to float me for a month or two, depending on what the rent is on this place.”
“You’re not paying rent.”
As she stared down at me, her features sharpened even more and I braced for her response. Gauging her new look, it was going to piss me off.
“Yeah, Max, I am. I pay my way.”
“Not anymore.”
Jesus Christ, Eva transformed right in front of my eyes. Her entire body stiffened—her once-lax thighs resting near mine had gone solid and she looked like she was ready to come out of her skin.
“Don’t do this,” she muttered.
“Do what?”
“Force me to rely on you.”
“What the fuck?” Every good feeling I’d had minutes ago fled in a rush of fury. “I hope to Christ, you’re not comparing me to your asshole ex.”
“I’m not. I know you are nothing like him. You’re the best man I’ve ever known. You’re the only person that has ever made me feel cared for. You make me feel protected in every way. Not just physically safe from harm, but I know you’ll guard my heart, you won’t let anything hurt me—or the boys. But that doesn’t mean that you telling me that I can’t work isn’t a huge trigger for me. I have to know I can support myself. I have to know I can contribute in some way—even if it’s only paying half the rent and buying groceries. But I have to do it. This is important to me, Max. Please don’t do this to us. Don’t strip me of my self-worth and make me beholden to you.”
Fucking shit, if the panic in her eyes hadn’t already gutted me, the tears would’ve.
“That’s not what I’m trying to do. I want to take care of you. If it’s about money, I have—”
“It is, but it isn’t. Yes, I want to make my own money, but it’s more than that. I need to feel like I have value, like I’m important, like I’m worth something.”
“Christ, honey, you’re worth everything.”
“Then prove you feel that way and don’t ask me to sit around while you pay for everything.”
My stomach clenched as I tried to find a way to navigate the minefield she’d laid.
“Can we compromise?”
“Honestly, it depends.”
“Fair enough. What if I cover the rent until you get on your feet? I don’t want you draining your savings. And this house is expensive, half the rent would be more than you were paying in Florida. Can we agree on a quarter? I’ll cover utilities and kick in for food. And before you argue, remember you’re used to only feeding yourself and two small children. You want to contribute, I get it, but I don’t want you taking a financial hit because of me.”
“But you get to take the hit for me?”
Goddamn, I was mucking this up despite my best efforts.
“Straight up, Eva, I make a lot of money. I’ve had no overhead for a lot of years, so I’ve got a sizeable amount sitting in the bank. I could easily carry our family and not feel it. You don’t want that and as much as I hate to admit it, I understand why you need to feel useful. Hell, honey, I admire and respect it. But the truth is, I want to stay in this house even if it’s more than we need. I want this. I need this. I’ve never had a home. I feel at peace here with you and the boys. I like knowing they have something nice. And this is gonna make me sound like a dick, but, Eva, you gotta know. I suck at cooking. That means you’re gonna be saddled with that or we’re eating takeout. I can do all of the laundry, but I have no interest in dusting, sweeping, and vacuuming. I’ll kick in when you ask, but please, honey, do not think you’re gonna come home to find me with a dust thing in my hand. That means I’m hiring someone to clean our house, or you’re gonna be taking on the brunt of that, too. You’re looking at this arrangement as me taking care of you because I’ll be paying more. But the truth is, you’ll be the one taking care of me and our family in all of the important ways.”
“Our family?” she whispered, tears now streaming faster down her pretty face.
“Baby, again, what do you think we’re doing here? Yes, absolutely our family. What you add daily is more valuable than anything I could ever contribute. Without you I have nothing, Eva. If you leave, I go back being the cynical, lonely asshole who’s walking through life in a pitiful daze. You and the boys will still have each other. The three of you would be just fine. But me? I’d be fucking wrecked.”
“I love you.”
Christ, how was it possible three words could catch my soul on fire?
“Love hearing you say that. But I need to know, can we compromise on this?”
“Yeah, baby, we can.”
“Great.”
Then before she could utter another word, I had her flipped over, her shirt was sailing through the air, and my lips latched on to her nipple over the lace of her bra.
“Time to prove how much I love you.”
Chapter 33
It’s amazing how much could change in just a few days. The rest of our weekend had been awesome. No more talk of jobs, money, or rent.
Life was about give and take. And the thing I needed most Max had already given me. He understood why I wanted to pull my own weight. His understanding made me love him all that much more. And maybe one day I wouldn’t associate my self-worth with being able to financially support my children on my own and I’d see what Max saw and that I was valuable no matter what. But that would take time and Max was giving me what I need.
I took that as a huge win.
The only hiccup had been when Zane called to tell Max tha
t the hitman Joshua Lemont was being detained in one of Z Corps’ holding rooms. Something to mention, it kind of freaked me out that the man who’d been hired to kill me was named Joshua. I didn’t know what I’d expected his name to be, but Joshua sounded sweet, almost wholesome. Which was a strange thing to think but I couldn’t help it.
Max had laughed at me when I told him my weird thoughts on the subject and asked what I’d imagined his name to be. I didn’t have an answer, but the man I pictured was short, ugly, and mean-looking. I thought he would have a mangled face and bald head, and the mere sight of him would scare small children. Max said I was describing Freddy Krueger and he was right. Joshua Lemont was not what I’d pictured.
So Joshua was being held in Maryland but was supposed to be taken to Alaska and turned over to the authorities later today. The team that Tex had hired to find him had an emergency callout—I didn’t know what that meant but Max explained they were needed somewhere else and it had to be top priority or Tex wouldn’t have pulled them. That meant Joshua was handed over to the Blue Team, which Max explained was another group of men that worked for Zane.
Further, I’d learned that Max’s team was called the Gold Team, and Zane had a third group called the Red Team. I’d had a million questions about what Z Corps did, all of which Max answered. I got the sense he was sugarcoating some of it, but I could admit I was happy he’d held some of the details back because what he’d told me scared the shit out of me.
But the worst of it was when he told me his team would be deploying again in the near future to take out a group they’d been following for a long time that had proven to be hard to catch.
I didn’t ask what “take out” meant, I had a pretty good idea and I didn’t need confirmation. Suffice it to say, Max had a dangerous job. One that would take him away from me for weeks at a time. I viewed this as all the more reason for me to find a job quickly so I’d have something to keep my mind occupied on something other than worrying about him twenty-four-seven.
And as my luck would have it, Tatiana knew someone that was hiring a nanny.
How perfect was that?
The mother of the toddler was Tatiana’s hair stylist. Her husband was an insurance broker in DC. Audrey—that was the mother getting ready to open her own salon—didn’t want their son Mikey in daycare all day.
When I’d spoken to her over the phone, she’d said she had no problem with me bringing Elijah over when I watched Mikey. As a matter of fact, she’d suggested it. That way Mikey, who was three, would have someone to play with.
So there I was, standing in the bathroom finishing up getting ready for my interview with Audrey and Michael, and I was more nervous than I ever remember being before an interview but I really wanted this job. It was perfect.
I heard Max’s terse voice in the bedroom so I stopped brushing my hair so I could listen.
“They’re moving him today?” Pause. “Myles and the whole team is escorting him, right?”
Oh, shit, Max was talking about Joshua.
“Yeah, Zane, I know I’m wound tight,” Max barked. “I’m not happy the fucker is in Maryland to begin with. I want him away from my family but I need to know that Myles, Owen, Gabe, and Kevin got this. So cut me some slack and just tell me the whole goddamn team is taking him.”
Family.
God, I loved when he said that.
“Now you’re pissing me off. Yes, my family. You wanna talk about how you lost your shit over Ivy? My ass was stuck in the sandbox when she had you tied in knots, but the stories are legendary so don’t think I haven’t heard them a thousand times.” Another pause. “Perfect. Let me know when they deliver him.”
I heard Max blow out a breath and in my mind’s eye, I could see him raking his hands through his hair in frustration, something I’d witnessed a lot.
I set my brush on the vanity and made my way into the bedroom where Max was indeed combing his fingers through his hair.
“Hey.”
His head popped up from studying the floor and he glanced over at me.
“You look beautiful.”
“Thanks. Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” His brows lifted in question.
“You sounded a little agitated when you were talking to Zane.”
“Nothing for you to worry about.”
Silly man.
I walked closer and wrapped my arms around his middle, happy he was mine to touch this way anytime I wanted.
“It’s my pleasure to worry about you,” I told him and watched as his forehead unwrinkled. “You said it yourself, when you told me that the Blue Team was going to take Joshua back to Alaska that they were completely competent. You also told me, they were all hand-picked by Zane, as you all were because they were the best at what they did. You’re worrying for nothing. But I have to tell you, I love that you are. Says a lot about how much you want to protect us.”
“I love you, Eva, and the boys. Of course I’m going to protect you.”
Damn, I seriously loved Max Brown. It’s a crazy, irrational love that snuck up on me and invaded my life, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“I love you, too. Now tell me I’m gonna nail this interview.”
“You’re gonna nail this interview. They’re gonna love you and hire you on the spot.”
“From your lips to God’s ears.”
“Really, you’re perfect for the job, you have nothing to worry about.”
I wasn’t sure if I was perfect, I had no experience nannying but I had been a mom for six years so that had to count for some on-the-job experience.
“Perfect, right. Now kiss me, give me your keys, and walk me out so I won’t be late.”
“You’re becoming quite bossy.” His lips quirked and I gave up waiting for him to kiss me.
I rolled to my tiptoes and took what I wanted. Unfortunately, Liam came into the room before it could get heated.
“Max, are we still gonna practice pitching?” Liam asked.
This was something new. Liam had decided in the last forty-eight hours he was going to be a major league pitcher and Max had decided to indulge my son’s latest professional endeavor. I figured I’d let Max learn on his own that Liam changed his mind about what he was going to be when he grew up about twice a month.
With a final soft, sexy brush of his mouth, Max pulled back, grinning.
“Yep. Let me walk your mom out to the car and then we’ll go out back. Is Eli ready?”
“Yeah, he’s waiting by the door with his glove and bat.”
When Declan had shown up with three bags from a local sporting goods store filled with baseball and football gear, I had two choices: pitch a holy shit fit Max was asking his friends to run errands for him and still spoiling the boys, or delight in their joy as Max showed Liam and Elijah the purchases. I decided on the latter. I also decided that seeing Max’s boyish smile when he explained to the boys how the game of baseball was played was the next best thing to my boys telling me they loved me.
I’d never seen Max so carefree and happy as he was when he played with the boys. It was a different kind of love that he shared with them—it was unconditional, pure, and paternal. There was nothing better than watching Max and my boys fall in love.
“Liam, please go make sure Elijah’s not swinging the bat in the house. Especially near the sliding glass window.”
Max chuckled as Liam darted out of the room.
“What’s funny?”
“You are.”
“I don’t see how.”
“No, honey, there are a lot of really great things about you, you don’t see.” He leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose. “You’re a good mom.”
I loved he thought that. Maybe if he told me another five-million times I’d start to believe it. I’d made so many mistakes sometimes it was hard to see past them.
“You’re doing it again, honey.”
“Huh?” I looked up at Max to find him gazing down at me, watchful.
�
�Stay out of the past.”
“How do you always know what I’m thinking?”
“Magic.” He chuckled. “C’mon, let’s get this show on the road so my woman can go dazzle her new employers so she can hurry up and come home so we can celebrate.”
“Do you want kids?” I blurted out.
My question sliced through the air, electrifying the atmosphere. My hand flew to my mouth as if I could somehow shove the words back in.
What in the hell was wrong with me?
“Forget I asked. Hell, I don’t even know why I asked.”
“Babe—”
“Please, Max,” I begged. My face flamed with embarrassment. “I have to get to my interview so just forget it. I swear, it’s like I was possessed for a second and I wasn’t in control of my mouth. Just walk me out.”
Ohmigod, it was like an alien spirit had taken over my mouth and I was spewing the most humiliating shit.
I needed to leave.
Max clenched his jaw before he forced himself to relax. “Okay, Eva. Let’s get you on the road.”
After hugs and kisses from the boys and Max making sure I had the directions, my phone, and understood how to use the navigation system in his truck even though he’d printed the instructions, because one could never be too prepared—those were his words—I was on the road.
It wasn’t until I was crossing over a quaint bridge that it hit me—not only had I left my boys with Max to watch but he’d loaned me his car and I was driving in Maryland for the first time. Hell, it was the first time I’d been out of the house alone since I’d moved.
My freak-out was cut short when the nav system blared through the speakers for me to turn. Two minutes later, I was pulling down a long driveway, an elegant house stood proudly at the end of the drive and my breath caught. Insurance brokers in DC must make a pretty penny if the couple could afford a huge brick home on the water.
Thankfully, the door opened as I parked and I had no time to talk myself into believing I wasn’t good enough to nanny for Audrey and Michael.
An hour later, I was back in the truck, gainfully employed.
I dialed Max’s number and waited for him to pick up.
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