by Sara Cate
My cheeks redden. Behind me, glass clinks hard against the bar. Suddenly, I hear my name on his lips again, and I realize that I never told him my name. All I hear is my breath on every slow inhale and exhale before I finally respond.
“Me?” I have to force my smile as it spreads across my cheeks. Inside my head, I’m screaming, Not in front of him. Please don’t hit on me in front of him.
“Yeah,” the brunette adds with a charming grin. “If you’re not too busy, we’d love a tour.”
“Well, I don’t really give tours, but I’d be happy to walk you guys down to Yeager’s.”
They all agree amicably, and I can feel Callum behind me, seething. Suddenly, he’s sitting at the couch he was at the night we played Battleships, when everything between us was at its best, before it was ruined. He’s leaning forward, his elbows on his legs, staring at me like a predator. There is no humor in his eyes, not lust or love. It’s something dark and ugly. It’s jealousy.
“What about after the pub?” one of the boys says, stealing my attention away from Callum. “Where does the tour end?”
Another one of the guys sniggers, and suddenly holding my smile feels impossible, but I manage to keep my face light. “Um...what exactly was in that review?”
They laugh, and I get a somewhat sincere look out of one of them. Inside, something in me is turning cold as I realize exactly what is happening.
Taron must have let the word spread. I am the Ennis Bed & Breakfast whore. An amenity listed on the website, like a complimentary breakfast.
I couldn’t keep my stare off of Callum if I tried, and I do try, but my eyes drift there on their own. It’s like I need his stare for comfort. He’s waiting to see what I will say.
What will I say?
The old Cadence wouldn’t hesitate. A night out with three hot guys, yes. A night in with three hot guys, sure.
I would go along with whatever they wanted because that’s what I did. Who was I to turn down the attention, mistake it for love and let it devour me.
But now, Callum’s hard glare is turning me to ash.
“Let me go get you guys some dessert.”
In a rush, I cross the parlor toward the kitchen. I don’t even see Callum get up, but the moment I’m alone in the kitchen, he’s at my back.
“Tell them no.” He’s so close, I feel his breath on the back of my neck.
“What do you care?” I ignore him as I pull out the dessert plates and dish out three pieces of pie. “Why should I tell them no?”
He roughly grabs my hips and spins me, pinning me between him and the counter. “You know why.”
My heart hammers inside my chest. “No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you fucking do.”
“You’ve barely spoken to me for two weeks, Callum. You left me without a word. Who’s to say you won’t do that again? If you want me, you better get the fuck over it, because you don’t own me. I can fuck whoever I want.”
He snaps, grabbing the hair at the back of my head and pulling down so that my face angles up toward him. It’s a stark contrast to the man with the feather-light touch. I may have had Abel already, but now I’m bringing out the Cain, and I like it.
I push away from him, part of me knowing that I’m only getting more heated. The other part can’t be this close to him. It’s too much, too tempting to fall right back into the routine we had before. One more touch and we’ll fall off a cliff we can’t climb out of, and I refuse to be a problem for him.
But as much as I fight him, I feel like I would die right now if he let me go.
“You know that’s not true, Cadence. I tried to stay away from you. You know as well as I do that I do fucking own you.”
His hand is still in my hair, and he’s so close I feel like I’m drowning in that scent of his I love so much. “I won’t stay celibate for you. I won’t just turn down every man forever because you have a crush and can’t do shit about it.”
“So you’ll let those assholes fuck you instead? Is that what you want to be, Cadence?”
“Unlike you, Callum, I make my own decisions. I say what I do with my body.”
“Not anymore,” he snaps as he crashes his mouth against mine.
“You can’t,” I manage to gasp out before his tongue is in my mouth, and I become water, dripping through his fingers. I catch a glimpse of the white square at the collar of his neck just before I open myself to him, and my fighting hands turn into passionate grabs for his shirt and skin.
My senses are flooded with Callum as he squeezes my hip in one hand, the other still buried in my hair. As our mouths move together, I let myself believe that the world inside this kiss is the only one that matters. No vows. No rules.
His hands are on my legs as he lifts me to set me on the counter, squeezing his body between my knees. Immediately, I feel the hard bulge pressed against me, and I pull him closer. We are going to do this. Finally, he will let down his guard for one night, and I can have this thing that I’ve wanted for so long.
A voice calls from just outside the kitchen near the front desk. “Cadence?”
Callum breaks the kiss, but I hear him growl a low hum of irritation, and I know it's the way the man called my name like he had any rights to it that pissed Callum off.
“Tell him you’re not going,” Callum whispers against my mouth.
Our eyes meet and I search for any sign that this is real. If I stay with him, will he make me his? Will Callum be another lost cause in my search for love? My heart can’t handle another devastation.
“Tell him.” He squeezes the flesh of my hip so tight it starts to hurt.
My hands find Callum’s stubbled cheeks, and I let them roam the landscape of his face, a face I’ve stared at for over two months, wishing I could kiss it and touch it.
“Then what?”
His features soften. He can’t answer that question. Then what is impossible for him to say at this point.
“Excuse me?” the voice calls again.
“Coming!” I answer, jumping off the counter and pushing past Callum to greet the young man in the lobby.
“The guys are taking our bags upstairs and we were just going to go to that pub for drinks. We’d really love it if you would join us.”
I’ve never walked away from a man I wanted. Never. But tonight, I do it for the future-Cadence who will know the heartache I fear.
“I’m in,” I say with a smile.
Callum doesn’t stop me as I grab my purse from behind the counter and walk with the guys outside. I leave him to clean up the mess and close up the lobby and parlor, but I catch his face in the window as I walk away.
Eighteen
Callum
She’s crazy if she thinks I’m going to sit by and let her disappear into that room with those three guys. I’ll let her have her moment of freedom, but I’m still on her lips, and she won't be able to drink away the memory of that kiss.
Fuck, that kiss. It was my first real kiss in over ten years, and I could die happy with that kiss alone. But I want more.
I want to never stop kissing her.
With those full lips against mine and that soft, round ass in my hands, I don’t know that there’s anywhere else I’d rather be. So while I sit on the second floor, where I sat while she fucked Taron, I let the memory of her mouth against mine fill my time.
I had been doing so well, keeping my hands to myself and sticking to my rules. I let Father Markus’s words carry through each day. I am here to serve God’s purpose. It’s not up to me to question it. I can save Cadence, but I can’t do it by fucking her.
These were the words that got me through it. But then tonight, seeing those guys trip over themselves trying to win her attention, I threw every one of those thoughts out the window. Right now, my only thought is that I can save her from making a mistake with them.
And that fucking shithead Taron leaving the review, which I found, online.
The staff was super friendly. Especially Cadence, the Am
erican tour guide who not only took us to the pub and partied with us, she gave me a special tour of the bedroom afterward. So accommodating.
I consider tracking this piece of shit down and making him pay for that, but I settle on deleting the review and making sure Cadence never sees it. Why did she still go out with them after she knew what they wanted from her?
Because she doesn’t know her worth, that’s why. Cadence gives her heart and her body away in hopes that it will be enough to please them, but she never gets anything in return.
How do I make her see she’s worth so much more than what a review says online? How do I make her believe that God loves her? That I love her.
A door opens downstairs, and a single set of footsteps enters the house and heads straight up the stairs. I know it’s her when she gets to the second floor, and she stops to stare at me. God I hope nothing happened at the pub. It was a risk I was willing to take to let her go in the first place, to see that I’m giving her space, a choice.
“I don’t think we’re going to get a good review this time.” Her voice is cold and flat, and I’m standing and closing the gap between us just as she puts up her hands.
“No.”
Without another word she turns and heads up the stairs, but I’m quick on her tail. Unable to keep my hands off her, I snatch her by the waist and stop her.
“You think this is easy for me?” I spin her so she is facing me. I’m down a couple steps so our faces are almost level with each others’. I hold her by the shoulders, afraid to touch her face because if I do, I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing her. “Watching you leave with these guys, wanting you the way I do, knowing you’ll give them more than they deserve. What am I supposed to do?”
“Will you fuck me, Callum?” Her tone is so even and casual, the question makes me flinch. My hand goes to her mouth, the other to her lower back. With one small push, she is sitting on the steps, with me between her knees. I lean her back, her elbows on the top step as I rest my body on top of hers.
“Don’t ask me that.” Slowly, I remove my hand from her mouth.
“Will you?” She gasps, and I see the desire clouding her features. “Will you love me? Devote your life to me? Marry me? No. I know you won’t, so why are you doing this? What could possibly come of it?”
“Do you want me to?” I nuzzle my knee higher up so it creates friction between her legs. My lips are so close to hers now.
“Of course I do.” Her answer comes out in a light breath.
This time it’s her who presses her lips against mine, and I nearly lose myself in the soft movement of her mouth as she runs her tongue across my lips. I let her lead the way, but when she takes my bottom lip between her teeth, I lose myself.
With her body laid out on the stairs, I have her before me like an offering on the altar. Letting my hands drift up her legs, I feel her tremble when I reach the inside of her thighs where the skin is so soft and plush that I can’t help myself and take a quick pinch which makes her jump.
I know what’s waiting for me at the top of her legs, and I bide my time, enjoying every second of her body in my hands. She begins to writhe while my lips trail down to her neck, her earlobe, her shoulder.
Not one time do I think that this is wrong. If God is here in this moment, he can’t fault me for what I’m about to do because it was my faith that prepared me for it. The unwavering ability to worship something so perfect and all-consuming. To give my very soul to power greater than me. Powerful enough to commit my life to. My mind screams that this is wrong, but my heart doesn’t know the difference between God and Cadence.
“Touch me,” she breathes into my ear, and I listen, letting my fingers skim the edge of her panties, feeling the moist fabric where her arousal has soaked the cotton. Carefully, I peel back the fabric and run my middle finger along the soaking center. She lets out a heavy exhale as I touch her, exploring every inch.
“You’re touching me, Callum,” she gasps against my lips as if this moment is too big to not make a mention of it.
I want to do more than touch her. So much more, and my throbbing cock wedged between us won’t let either of us forget it. She doesn’t move her hands to touch me. Her elbows are still propping her body up against the hard edge of the steps, and maybe that’s a good thing. I’m not ready to feel her hands on me, yet.
For now, I’ll take what I can get, and I peel her panties aside to plunge one finger inside her, making her cry out a deep moan. My thumb finds the sensitive spot that makes her body jolt as I slide another finger in, stroking them in and out while I watch her face.
Her head hangs back, her lips open and her eyes clenched shut. Her cheeks are tinged pink, and my God, the sounds she’s making. I could record them and listen to them every second for the rest of my life. It’s exquisite.
Too fucking beautiful to feel bad about.
“Don’t stop,” she moans, and I pick up speed. I feel like an animal, overcome with lust and greed. The filthy fucking thoughts in my head are anything but righteous.
I’m going to come in my pants, without a doubt. Who wouldn’t? Every sense is consumed by the feel of tight pussy in my hands, the sound of her pleasure, the look on her face. If only I could taste her…
I want to put my face between her legs and lap up every ounce of dripping arousal from her body, but I need to take this slow. What I’m doing is wrong, so fucking wrong, and it’s not just about the vows I’ve taken. This is my soul at stake. My relationship with God. My honor as a man.
Of course, every single one of those thoughts goes out the window as her breathing picks up speed and grows more shallow. I know she’s close. So I settle for the only taste I can get, and I run my tongue from her clavicle, up her throat and to her lips where I invade her mouth with mine.
Slamming my fingers inside her one last time, I grip her tightly and feel her body explode with her orgasm. Every muscle tightens, and her thighs close on my hand, squeezing them in a vice grip as she stops breathing altogether. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in all my life.
It feels like her pleasure lasts forever, and I don’t want to take my hand away from this spot, but as she relaxes against the steps, her eyes find mine, and she melts. Reluctantly I pull my hand away, and I let the dirty thoughts take control. With her moisture still on my finger, I run them along her lower lip, remembering the drunk night I touched her bottom lip because I wanted it to be mine.
I steal a kiss, so we can both taste what we’ve done.
When I finally pull my lips from hers, she reaches for my pants, and I grab her wrist. “No, Cadence.”
“But—” she cries, and God help me, I almost give in. But letting her touch me would lead to other things, and I can’t break any more vows than I already have. I can’t.
I pull her up and fix her skirt, kissing the top of her head like it makes what I just did acceptable. The look on her face as she stares up at me says now what? And I have no clue how to answer it. Going to bed together is out of the question.
She reaches up toward me, lifting onto her tip-toes. “So I guess it’s goodnight then?”
Relief floods through me. Pressing my lips to hers, I murmur my response. “That’s probably a good idea.”
I can’t stop myself from taking one more deep kiss to fill my dreams and a tight squeeze of her ass to think about while I shamefully relieve myself in my own bed, alone.
She walks quietly back to her room, and I turn toward the bathroom. When I walk inside, I shut the door and turn on the light. The first thing I see sends a wave of guilt to my gut. My reflection in all black and the white collar around my neck. Cadence’s arousal is still coating my right hand, and I’m staring at a man who is supposed to be wholly devoted to God and God alone.
It becomes clear as I wash up, unable to look at myself in the mirror that if I continue down this path with Cadence, it will cost me everything I’ve worked for and lived for. For something that surely won’t last, I will sabotage
my own soul.
But it’s also blatantly clear that I have absolutely no choice in the matter. At this point, I couldn’t stay away if I tried.
Nineteen
Cadence
He’s avoiding me again. When I wake up the next morning, he’s gone. He’s not at the barn when I show up to clean Misty’s stall, and he doesn't show up to the house for the rest of the day.
I get that this is a moral conundrum for him. I understand that he’s torn between his vows and his desires, but I’m not just some vice to avoid. I’m a person, with feelings and needs, and I hate being avoided.
When I mention it to Bridget, how Callum is around less today than normal, she reminds me that it’s Wednesday, and he has Mass tonight.
So naturally, I’m feeling the sudden urge to get right with God.
After helping up around the house and turning a couple of the rooms over for new guests checking in tomorrow, I duck out at five and head to the church. I’m a little late, so by the time I walk in, in my simple blue dress with the high neckline that hugs my waist and flares out enough to not be too risqué, I hear Callum’s voice the moment I cross the threshold.
He sounds like a different person up there. There is more charisma in his voice while he’s preaching and for the short time that I get to watch him without him seeing me, I see just how fit he is for this job. Callum is the best of both worlds. He’s just the right amount of young and fresh while also representing the ancient and holy side of the faith. The way he talks, he makes me believe.
He spots me just before I slide into the back pew, and his speech falters. He wasn’t expecting me.
Just after finishing his sentence, he takes a moment, turning away from the crowd and walking back to his altar, looking as if he’s thinking over his next words. I wonder briefly if he’s thinking about me. What we did last night. I squeeze my legs together just reliving it in my mind, the feel of his hand against my thigh, the way he knew exactly how to bring me to climax, the heavy thickness in his pants, grinding against my hip.