by Gray Gardner
“Romance. I’ll only read a good romance story, nothing else.” She giggled, waving her empty glass at the waiter.
“So, you haven’t read my book,” he deduced, taking another long sip of his wine.
“No, but maybe you could read it to me later. Any love stories?”
Conrad sat up a little straighter as her hand rubbed his leg. “Just, uh, blood and guts and inner demons.”
“You should write romances. That’ll sell.” She sighed, looking up. “Where the fuck is my drink?”
He rubbed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, watching the fish swim next to him. Fish didn’t have complicated love lives. No girlfriends leaving after you return from war, no spiteful words about finding a stronger man, no accusations about putting work first. Fish just did as nature intended.
Something in the fish tank caught his eye. He leaned towards it, realizing that he was looking through the tank to the street. Chatting away in the cold night air she stood, red hair blazing, holding a cigarette to her lips.
What in the hell was she doing off campus and in the city at this hour? His old troubles withdrew from his mind as his new little troublemaker took over.
“Thank you so much for dinner.” He smiled, standing and excusing himself as he set his napkin at his place setting. “I’ll see you all at eleven sharp at the office tomorrow. Really, dinner was great.”
Everyone looked confused and disappointed as he shook a couple of hands, grabbed his jacket, and pulled it on, as he ran out of the door. He looked around, spotted the red head, and then took off down the street. If she thought that it was okay to come into the city she had another thing coming. This was so dangerous and against the rules and he was so fired up he couldn’t think about anything else. He didn’t even consider calling the dean. He was going to paddle her himself.
He paused as he came to a corner and peered around. She was with a group. A couple of guys who looked to be about his age, and two other red heads. Did she have sisters? She’d never mentioned siblings when she talked about her aunt. Had they been separated? What was going on?
The five-some turned into an open pub with music blasting and heat lamps around to warm the patrons sitting at tables in the cool night air. He quickly walked in to the long bar and sat at the end with his back to them, listening and watching in the long mirror behind the bartender and ordering a beer. He had to figure out what was happening here. Who was she with?
“How about that guy?” Darby asked, smiling and pointing at a baseball hat walking by.
“Please, please, please do not make me go and talk to some stranger!” George begged, staring at her friends as the music from some guitarist on stage played loudly. “You know I can’t do it. I just end up looking like an idiot!”
“Then how are you going to meet guys when it’s all said and done?” Darby asked, looking over at her husband and smiling. It was one of those smiles that said something like ‘we’re so happy, so we want you to be happy.’
George shook her head and looked down at her hands in her lap. “Maybe… maybe you only get one chance.”
“That’s not true!” Burton immediately said, as everyone agreed with her. She tried to catch George’s eyes so that she could continue. She suddenly perked up and turned her head. “That’s me!”
The MC had read her name off the performance list. It was, after all, open mic night.
She jumped up and ran to the little stage, leaning back against the baby grand piano and singing Fergie’s ‘London Bridge’ as adorably as she could. It was kind of her thing.
“I love this song,” Connor muttered, staring at his wife as she winked and pointed at him. He nodded his head to the beat and bit his lip as he watched.
George and Darby laughed as the room half clapped when the song ended. Burton had no fear about stuff like that. It was a song that meant something to just the two of them and no one else. It was something George envied in her friends.
“I think you need to do karaoke,” Connor grinned, gulping his beer and grinning at George as Burton returned to the table. “You did lose that bet to me earlier.”
“Please don’t make me get up in front of all these people.” George sighed, leaning back in her chair. She hated attention. She preferred being invisible. Undercover operations suited her down to the bone.
“Well you have to do something fun tonight!” Burton demanded, slamming her beer on the table.
“I am. I’m hanging out with ya’ll.”
“Something crazy fun,” Darby corrected her, glancing over her shoulder at the stage.
George noticed and shook her head. “No.”
“Aw, come on! Sitting and playing at a piano in a bar is better than singing into a microphone with nothing to do with your hands!” Burton smiled, jumping up and running to the karaoke guy before George could stop her.
“Don’t look at me,” Connor said, nodding at Peterson. “I didn’t push the matter. His wife suggested crazy fun instead of plain ol’ fun.”
“Since when did anyone think I have any control in this relationship?” Peterson asked, as Darby smiled at him. “How could I ever say no to that face?”
“You better not have signed me up for anything,” George grumbled, sipping her beer as Burton returned.
“No,” she replied, shaking her head. She sat down and looked at the ceiling as she killed her beer.
“Aaand, coming live to you, all the way from Texas, ladies and gentlemen, our very own Jaaane George!”
She froze at the announcement. Her friends tried way too hard to make her be outgoing. She appreciated the gesture, but she really had wanted to be mixed into the crowd her entire life.
“Go, Jane!” Darby clapped, looking up at the stage. The guy with the mic was squinting as he looked out at the crowd.
She furiously shook her head as Burton nodded at the glowing spotlight. “You’ve done much worse than this!”
George still refused as the announcer walked over with his mic and grabbed her hand. “Come on, Jane, don’t be shy!”
She pulled back and was about to use federally trained force when she looked back and saw Darby cuddling with Peterson and Burton sitting in Connor’s lap. They were so happy. They were loving people who just wanted to see her happy. All they wanted was for her to relax and enjoy herself for once.
The light blinded her, and she felt her hot cheeks as she squinted and timidly sat down at the piano. She stretched her fingers out once, placed them on the keys, then began playing the intro to ‘Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy’. It was the first thing that popped into her head. Perhaps the incident at the bookstore had something to do with it. She didn’t know for sure.
As she sang into the microphone and played faster and faster, more and more cheers came from the audience and she noticed that people were dancing in the little area in front of the stage. Swing dancing, of course, which only led to numerous accidents, but she realized that it was really funny—and fun. She was even a little disappointed when the song ended.
When she finished she stood and quickly bowed, meeting Darby as she exited the stage.
“A tall draft beer for your bravery,” Darby smiled, handing her the glass. “That was fucking fun.”
“Thanks,” George grinned, taking a big gulp. Singing sure made her mouth dry. Darby headed on to the ladies’ room as she rejoined the table. Peterson and Connor were high-fiving her and she was just sitting down and readying herself for another big swig when someone stood next to her chair and greeted everyone at the table.
“Hello.”
George froze mid sip. Slowly, she glanced up to her left as Connor, Peterson, and Burton all greeted him in the dark bar. Then she spit the beer back out into the glass and looked up.
“Hello, Jane. What a coincidence,” Dr. Thomas said, smiling down at her. Every time he thought he had her figured out she became even more of a mystery. It was intriguing and exciting.
She quickly wiped her mouth and pointed at the beer. “Uh, th
at’s not mine.”
“Of course not,” he replied, still smiling. “Mind if I join you?”
She nodded, eyeing Burton for help but not knowing exactly how to signal her that this was someone important. This was him. Darby took care of that when she reached the table.
“Hey!” she grinned, looking at everyone as she pointed over to the hot guy standing next to George in the dimly lit bar. “Mr. Curly Head Levi Pants!”
George closed her eyes and folded her hands on the table top. How on earth could he have possibly known how to find her on her day off? What, was he tailing her or something? Did he plant some kind of homing device on her?
“Uh, um, this is Dr. Thomas, the professor I was telling you about,” she deliberately said, eying her friends as she tried her best to not look so stupefied.
“Conrad Thomas. Nice to meet you all,” he greeted them. “Sisters?”
“Cousins,” George quickly replied, clearing her throat as it became twice as dry as it was after singing. “Ellie and Ryan, and Baylor and Pete.”
“Dr. Thomas,” Burton grinned, shaking his hand. “Please, sit. Our Jane has told us all about you.”
George looked like she wanted to die as he turned and grinned down at her. “Please, it’s Conrad. And that’s nice to hear. She never told me she had more family so close to the school.”
“They’re all here because our grandmother is sick,” George replied, glancing at her beer that she’d pushed in front of Connor and wishing that she could just down it in one sip.
“Grandma is so sick,” Darby nodded, pressing her lips together and looking down.
“Well, I’m so sorry to hear that. Maybe I should leave you all to some family time.”
George nodded as Burton and Darby jumped out of their seats and shook their heads, begging him to stay.
“I don’t want to intrude.” He grinned, like he had every intention of staying.
“What are you drinking?” Peterson asked, standing.
“I’ll have whatever she’s having,” Dr. Thomas said, looking at George’s beer.
She closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair. “I swear, Dr. Thomas, it’s not mine.”
“Hey, I went to boarding school, too, you know.” He smiled, thanking Peterson as he returned with the drink. He was so curious to see who Jane associated with outside of the school that he absolutely had to come and join them. They all stared at him, the other two red heads grinning widely, the guys looking like they wanted to talk but not sure if their wives would let them, and Jane with sweat beading on her forehead.
“I read your book!” Burton exclaimed, sounding a little too excited as she broke the silence. She dialed it back a little as she continued. “Yeah, I thought it was just amazing, kind of had a little Hawkeye meets Billy Pilgrim thing going on.”
She widened her eyes at George as he nodded in thanks. Still, George couldn’t put together a coherent thought, let alone engage in conversation.
“I’m glad you liked it, and I’ll take those comparisons as a compliment. I don’t think anyone’s made those connections before but I’ll be sure to plagiarize you at my next press conference,” he smiled, holding his beer up to her.
She smiled and looked over at George, hoping to God that she would say something. She didn’t.
“So how long have you been a professor?” Darby asked, leaning over on her elbows. Someone had to fill the silence.
“Only a few years, but I really like it. Writing’s great, too, of course, but it’s really fun connecting with the kids,” he said, looking over at George. “You never know what’s going to happen.”
“I’ll bet this one’s a troublemaker,” Connor suddenly said, getting in on the action. George shot him a shocked look as he continued. “I mean, you wouldn’t believe the things she’s tried to get away with over the years.”
“Hey,” George huffed, as Peterson suddenly joined in with some long, embarrassing story.
“Okay, so she’s always been able to just pick up an instrument and play it, right? So this one time, we’re at a hotel right here in DC, visiting Grandma, and we go to the hotel bar and she gets up with the lounge band and begins ‘Dueling Banjos’ with the lead guitar. Then, when the music starts picking up and you can’t even see their fingers they’re moving so fast, she jumps on top of the piano like she’s fuckin’ Slash from Guns ‘n’ Roses, they pull her off, she finishes the duet as they are dragging her offstage, and she still gets a standing ovation from the hotel patrons.”
Everyone laughed as George half smiled and eyed Dr. Thomas without turning her head towards him. True story, yes, she was really drunk and it was after a friend’s wedding. This was going to totally blow her cover if she wasn’t careful. Most sixteen-year-olds didn’t hang out in hotel bars. And she didn’t think she was Slash.
“Musical genius,” Dr. Thomas grinned, finishing his beer. “Your song on stage was pretty impressive, I have to admit.”
Holy shit. Had he heard her rendition of ‘Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy’? She’d chosen it with him in mind. She looked over at him and frowned.
“Dr. Thomas, I…”
“But you shouldn’t act so shy all the time,” he added, giving her a sincere look. “You have a real talent. That alone should summon more confidence than just being an ace at math, which of course, you are as well.”
She nodded and tried to smile as he complimented her. What was happening here? When was he going to drag her outside and threaten her? Yell at her? Punish her?
“Well, I’ve taken up enough of your time. Just thought I’d come and meet you since you look like such a tight knit family and Jane is such a good kid.”
Everyone except George asked him to stay, but he graciously declined, shaking everyone’s hand, noting that they all really seemed to genuinely want him to stay, then turned to Jane.
“See you Monday?”
“Yes, sir,” she quietly replied, forcing the corner of her mouth up into what might appear to be a grin.
“We’ll discuss your drinking and smoking then. Good night,” he said, leaving the bar.
George fell forward and smashed her head into the table.
“Jesus, Jane!” Burton squealed, slamming her hands onto the table. George lifted her head up and grimaced. “He’s great!”
“He’s really, really great,” Darby agreed, eating some peanuts. “You were holding out on us.”
George threw her hands up into the air and hollered, “You could have,” she lowered her voice, “blown my cover, you love-crazed shitheads! I told you that he just appears wherever I happen to be! Did it ever occur to you that he’s on to me?”
“He’s not on to you,” Peterson said, shaking his head. He looked at his wife. “While I do agree that he is dreamy, he’s a little too involved in his own life to go prying into Jane’s.”
“I still think he’s interested,” Burton sighed, eyeing her friend.
“Baylor, he… he’s a teacher!”
“So?” she and Darby both responded at once.
George shook her head. “Even if he did like me, which isn’t the case, he wouldn’t do anything about it because I’ve seen him at the school. And for once in my line of work, I can say with certainty that he really is one of the good guys.”
“He won’t always be your teacher,” Darby smirked, thinking of the future.
“Out of the question,” George sighed, taking her beer back from Connor and downing it in one sip.
“Stop making excuses and just seduce him.” Burton smiled.
George rolled her eyes and lit a cigarette.
“Come on!” Darby said.
“It’s not going to happen, okay?” George snapped, the cigarette bouncing between her lips.
“You can’t hide behind your work identities forever,” Burton sighed, shaking her head.
“Baylor, I am undercover; he is a subject. There will never be anything between us. And the next time you want to play fucking matchmaker you’d better just
keep it to yourself!”
“Hey,” Connor said, holding up his hands as the table sat silently. “Now look, Jane, we were all just trying to help, and you know that you aren’t doing anything wrong by looking at other guys, right?”
“What are you talking about?” she groaned, exhaling smoke into his face.
He looked around the table. “It’s… well, it’s not a betrayal to Ralph if you start dating.”
“That’s not what I think,” she quickly said, looking into her friends’ faces and seeing that it was exactly what they thought. This was the first she’d ever heard of how they felt about that subject. “I just… I told you. No one I’ve met has made me want to start dating yet.”
Lie. Conrad Thomas did. She wanted to date his brains out.
“Sorry, but you can’t hide the sparks that were flying between the two of you,” Darby sighed, raising her brow at her friend. She could read her like a book.
George peered around the table at them. She wanted to disagree and yell at them and blame them, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t because they were right. She put out her cigarette as she thought about him for a moment, then grabbed her face with her hands. The more she tried, the harder it was to get his dark blonde curls and kind brown eyes out of her head. “Aw, God, I think I’m in love with Conrad Thomas.”
“Yes!” Burton and Darby cheered.
“Don’t get so excited,” George moaned. “He’s a best-selling author and a respected professor at a top preparatory school. He’s like, the most unavailable guy on the planet.”
“Patience, my pet,” Burton smiled, ordering another round. “He may think he’s just your professor, but once he finds out who you really are he’ll smack your ass and then fuck you senseless.”
“Aw, such tender pillow talk.” Connor grinned at his wife.
George blushed to her roots as she shook her head and frowned. “There will be no smacking and no fucking, okay?”
“He already spanks you,” Peterson chuckled. “That’s obvious. He’s your teacher and you’re his good-girl-acting-bad student.”
“It… no, that’s not what happens,” she mumbled, looking into her empty beer mug.