There was suddenly no space between them, and the air shifted as they stared at one another for mere moments that felt more like an eternity. He glanced from her eyes, shining so bright, full of piqued curiosity and thinly veiled trepidation, maybe even the slightest hint of desire, dipping down to her full lips parted just enough for him to hear her labored breaths.
Unexpectedly, Evan felt something deep inside, something he hadn’t felt for a long time. So long, in fact, he’d thought it was dead and gone. So long, it almost felt foreign.
“Thanks.” Maggie bowed her head, the first to break their intense moment.
Evan took that as his cue to step away, and he did, as far as the limited space in the kitchen would allow. He turned quickly, heading for the door.
“I’m j-just gonna go … get a start on the, umm … the screening,” he stammered without another glance over his shoulder.
He couldn’t look at her. Not after that. He couldn’t trust himself to look at her again. He couldn’t trust himself to look at her and not kiss her. He didn’t know what the hell that was all about and he sure as shit couldn’t risk finding out, either.
***
Maggie paced back and forth in her bedroom as she tried so hard to wrap her brain around what on earth had just happened between her and Evan downstairs in the kitchen. Not only had he snuck into her house, he’d stood there watching her make a damn fool of herself on the kitchen counter before she’d almost gone and killed herself. Then, he’d touched her, his hands holding her in a way she hadn’t been held in so long. She’d felt his breaths hasten. She’d seen his Adam’s apple bob in his throat with a hard swallow. She was almost certain she’d seen lust in his eyes as he stared down at her. He’d licked his goddamn lips when he’d looked at her mouth, for Christ’s sake.
She kept thinking back to Jane and the warning she’d given her back at the café. Be careful. Be careful? Be careful of what? What did that even mean? What did she need to be careful of?
“Oh my God.” Maggie shook her head as an overwhelming feeling of dread settled deep in her belly.
This couldn’t be good. Evan had looked as if he was about to kiss her. And the confusing truth was, if he had tried to kiss her, she would have let him. She would have let him kiss her, and she would have kissed him right back. What the hell? She hardly even knew this man. She was a widow. Tom was barely even dead. This was not okay. It couldn’t be. Could it? She shook her head again at that thought, raking her hands through her hair as she took a few deep breaths in through her nose to try to calm her frantically racing heart.
Stopping at the windows, she looked out over the lake, up to the sky at a flock of gulls flying out toward the ocean. Her thoughts immediately drifted to her late husband, and, without even realizing, her fingers moved to the wedding ring on her left hand, twisting it around and around. She closed her eyes, silently chastising herself. Here she was, feeling guilty for even thinking of kissing another man two and a half months after Tom’s death. And yet, he’d been living some messed-up secret life with another woman, behind Maggie’s back, for more than a year. But even though she knew how ridiculous it was, she still couldn’t shake that feeling of betrayal. Like she was doing something wrong.
She glanced down at the wedding ring on her finger. After she had said “I do” to Tom, she’d never imagined looking at another man in such a way again. Now her heart was racing, fluttering, skipping mandatory beats at the sheer thought of Evan’s lips having been so close to her own. It wasn’t right. It couldn’t be. But maybe it could …
“Get it together,” she hissed to herself, looking up to find her reflection in the mirror leaning against the wall.
Blowing a breath out between her lips, she shook her head at her own confusing deliberations. Whatever it was that had almost happened between them, she couldn’t hide away upstairs. She was a grown woman.
Pulling her long hair up into an unkempt knot on top of her head, she smoothed down the front of her paint-splattered overalls and took a long, hard look at herself. She almost laughed at the sight. Shapeless overalls over a concert T-shirt a size too big because that’s all they had left at the merchandise stand. Messy hair. Not an ounce of make-up.
She was starting to think the moment between her and Evan had been her imagination playing tricks on her. He’d almost kissed her? Yeah, right. The pure notion itself was utterly ridiculous. Evan was a handsome, single man with what appeared to be his own fan base of beautiful women who wanted him. And here Maggie was, looking like a thirteen-year-old tomboy. She scoffed at her reflection and turned to head back downstairs, her chin held high in a show of self-confidence she didn’t really feel on the inside.
Maggie walked outside in time to see Evan standing on the porch steps, taking the mail from the UPS lady. He stopped when he saw Maggie walk out of the door, dropping his eyes to the envelopes in his hands before crossing the deck and handing them to her.
“Thanks.” She smiled when he met her eyes, their fingers touching at that moment.
Evan turned quickly to get back to the task at hand, otherwise ignoring her. And with a heavy sigh, Maggie took a seat on the top porch step, trying not to think too much into his evasion of her as she opened the mail. Nothing but bills, which wasn’t really a huge surprise. But then she came to the big white envelope, the one stamped with the Manchester College—School of Design seal, and her brows pulled together as she dragged her index nail under the tab, tearing it open.
Brochures and pamphlets fell out of the envelope as well as a letter.
Dear Ms. Morris,
We are delighted that you have shown interest in enrolling in the Interior Design course offered by our School of Design. Please find enclosed an information pack, containing everything you should need to know, and an application …
Maggie looked up in thought, staring out over the water, racking her brain.
“Everything okay?”
She startled, glancing over her shoulder to find Evan watching her, a roll of screening under his arm. She managed a light laugh, and a dismissive shrug.
“What is it?” he asked, craning his neck to get a better look at the letter in her hand.
“It’s an information pack from the college in Manchester,” she explained, looking back down at the glossy fold-outs on her lap. She shook her head. “But I didn’t … Well, I mean I did look online, but I didn’t request anything to be sent.” She thought back to a few nights ago, to when she’d been so close to submitting her request for more information, but her self-doubt had managed to get the better of her. “So weird …”
“You gonna apply?”
Maggie looked back over her shoulder, watching as he got on with his work. “I don’t know. I mean … I want to. I’d love to. But … with the boys, and now that I have a job, I don’t—”
“What’s with that, by the way?” Evan interrupted.
“What?”
He cast her a wry glance, and a dubious smirk tugging at his lips. “Working at the café.”
She shrugged. “I need a job. And Jane needs the help.”
He seemed to consider her response momentarily, but then he stopped what he was doing, placing the screening down and walked over, taking a seat on the step beside her. He looked at her, one scrutinizing eye narrowing like he was suddenly able to see straight through her casual, nonchalant facade. She swallowed hard, trying to remain indifferent.
“What about what you want, though?” He pointed to the brochures in her lap. “Interior design.”
She looked down at the information pack. “I don’t need some fancy degree. It’s not brain surgery. I can redecorate a room without a framed certificate of authentication. Besides, I need to focus on my boys. What I want doesn’t really matter anymore.”
Evan nodded slowly, as if he couldn’t really believe a word she was saying. Then he looked down at the letter in her hand, pointing to it and meeting her eyes. “Well, someone submitted your details online. Maybe they think w
hat you want does matter.” And, with that, he stood and went back to the screening, leaving her to contemplate his words.
Maggie glanced at Evan once more, watching as he started stapling the screening in place, his brow furrowed with determination. And with a smile, she couldn’t help but wonder … Perhaps it had been him who had submitted her details online.
Chapter 23
Later that night after TJ had gone to bed, and while Jack was busy in the attic hanging up all his posters, Maggie walked out to her newly screened porch with a glass of wine in one hand and the college brochures in the other.
She took a seat on the porch swing the boys had helped her secure before dinner, and momentarily she was captivated by the clear, calm night. Evan had been right, the new screening was so fine, so sheer, it was almost non-existent and provided an uninterrupted view of the river, the trees, the starlit sky—pure tranquility laid out before her like a picture.
She smiled to herself, releasing a long sigh before going back to the brochures she’d only managed to skim so far.
“Hey, Mom?”
Looking up from her reading, she found Jack’s head poking out through the front door. “Yeah, honey?”
“Do we have any of those sticky wall hook thingies?”
“I think there’s a whole new packet of small hooks in the top drawer in the mud room.” She narrowed her eyes dubiously when she realized what he was asking. “Why? What are you doing?”
He rolled his eyes. “I just want to hang a few things on my walls.”
“Oh. Okay.” She nodded slowly. “Do you need help?”
He shook his head, and then his gaze flitted down to the brochure in her hand, his brows knitting together. “What’s that?”
Maggie looked down at the information fold-out and suddenly felt silly. She didn’t know why, but she was worried Jack might get upset at her if he found out she was considering going back to school. Sheepishly, she held the brochure up in the air. “Oh. Nothing really. Just an information pack on a design course—”
“It arrived already?” he asked, cutting her off.
She snapped her mouth shut, blinking as it suddenly dawned on her. “Wait. You submitted my information?”
“Yeah,” he said with a casual shrug. “I saw the page open on your laptop when I was looking at the baseball scores on Tuesday morning.”
“But … w-why?” she stammered, unable to find the words.
“Because it’s what you love.” He shrugged again. “You should do it, Mom.”
Maggie, looking down at the brochure in her hands, had been rendered speechless.
“I’m gonna head up to bed,” Jack announced, clearly oblivious to the shock his mother was currently experiencing. “Goodnight.”
She looked up, but he’d already disappeared back inside before she could say or do anything. And, with tears in her eyes and a smile ghosting over her lips, she managed a quiet “Goodnight” in his wake, her heart so full right at that moment.
***
Evan finished what was left of his beer, bobbing his head to the beat of the Red Hot Chili Peppers song as it blared through his boat shed. He’d been tinkering with Bob Sheffield’s trawler motor for a few hours. Anything to take his mind off Maggie and the fact that he’d been almost stupid enough to kiss her.
Not even four beers had managed to blur the image of Maggie’s lips, or the scent of her hair which had lingered with him all afternoon. He was hoping to lose himself in his work in an attempt to take his conflicted mind off the woman who had occupied almost every one of his waking moments since he’d first set eyes on her. It’d been a long time since a woman had turned him into such a pussy. He hated it. He knew he wasn’t good enough for her. She deserved a man who would treat her right, not a washed-up has-been with serious commitment issues like him.
“Hello?”
Startling at the sound of the familiar voice coming through the open shed door, Evan turned, his eyes narrowing to make out her silhouette as she stepped tentatively over the machinery and the crates strewn over the floor. When she came into the glow of the fluorescent light, he could see the look in her eyes and he knew exactly why she was there.
“I brought you over some leftovers.” Jane smiled, holding up a glass dish of what appeared to be vegetable lasagna. Her eyes glanced furtively over his shoulder, and he could see a small crease appear between her brows when her gaze landed upon the collection of empty beer bottles lined on top of his workbench.
“Thanks,” Evan muttered, taking the dish from her and placing it onto his tool trolley. He wiped his grease-covered hands on one of the old flannel shirts he’d torn into rags, and turned back to his sister to find her standing there looking awkward, hands wringing together in front of her. He knew she had something she was dying to say. He was just waiting for it.
“Are you okay?” she finally asked.
He nodded, adding a casual shrug. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
She jutted her chin toward the near-empty bottle of beer in his hand. Meeting his eyes again, she raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”
He fixed his jaw hard, his teeth gritting together. “Yeah. I’m sure. Just a long day, that’s all.”
She stared at him for a moment longer, studying him. And then, smoothing a hand down over the pretty floral dress she was wearing, she came right out and asked, “What’s going on with you and Maggie?”
Evan frowned. “Nothing.”
It was only a half-lie. Technically, there was nothing going on. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t hoping like hell to get another shot at kissing her. Especially now, four beers in. If he could go back a few hours with the kind of Dutch courage he was feeling now, he’d have wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and crushed his lips to hers with such force, she’d have been seeing stars for a week. Sure, he knew he was no good for her; didn’t make him want her any less.
Jane looked away, moving to one of the crates in the corner and taking a seat. “You’ve been spending time with her.”
It wasn’t a question, but he knew she wanted answers. “I’ve been helping her with her house.” He shrugged.
“I saw it in your eyes at the cookout, and I saw it again today in the café.” She shook her head to herself.
“You saw what?” Evan scoffed once more. “What are you talking about, Janie?”
Jane stood to her feet and stepped right up to him, even though she only came up to his chest. “The way you look at her. It’s like the old Evan. Like you’re not that hollow shell you’ve been for the last five years. Like my brother is right back here with me.”
Evan glanced down at the old wrench in his hand. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. But …” He met her eyes with a raised brow. “Isn’t that a good thing?”
Jane cocked her head to the side, hesitating before continuing softly, “She’s a widow, Evan. She’s broken. Her husband died just a few months ago.” She admitted tentatively, “I don’t want you to get hurt. Not again.”
“I’m not gonna get hurt.” He shook his head.
“You might think that, but if you start falling for her, you will. I don’t want to lose you again. She’s mourning her husband. She’s emotionally unavailable. She’s—”
“He was cheating on her!” Evan said the words without even thinking, snapping his mouth shut, knowing he had no right to tell her that information.
He suddenly hated himself. Maggie had opened up to him, confided in him. She’d trusted him with that confession. And he’d just gone and told the biggest gossip in all of Jewel Harbor who just so happened to be the sister he loved with all his heart.
Jane’s eyes went wide as she processed his words. “What?”
“Yeah.” He nodded with a sardonic laugh, unable to stop himself from continuing, “Yeah, she was mourning him. But then she found out, in the worst possible way, that she was mourning a man who had been seeing another woman for at least a year before he died.”
He knew it wasn�
�t his business to tell anyone. But he had to. In a way, it helped him to justify his own confusing feelings toward Maggie. He continued, “She’s been living this lie ever since she found out. She can’t tell anyone. No one. She doesn’t want her boys to know. So, she confided in me!” He pointed to himself. “Because, as messed up as it is, I’m all she’s got.”
Jane shook her head again, clearly battling with her words. “You’re not …” She stopped herself again, raking her teeth over her bottom lip. “It’s not your—”
“We almost kissed today.”
Jane’s eyes nearly bugged right out of her head. “You what?”
He nodded. He could tell she was pissed, but he didn’t care. Sometimes he liked to rile her up. Served her right for butting into his business.
“Evan, you can’t—”
“Calm down, Mom.” He chuckled with a roll of his eyes before turning back to his work. “I said we almost kissed. I wanted to. And I’m pretty sure she wanted to, as well.” He smiled to himself at the memory. “But we didn’t.” He wanted to add that it was only a matter of time, but didn’t. It was though, he could feel it. Soon enough, Maggie would see he was right for her. First, he just needed to make sure he was strong enough not to screw it up. He couldn’t risk hurting her. She’d been hurt enough.
Evan could feel his sister watching him, her eyes boring into the back of his shoulders. He knew she was just looking out for him—she’d seen him at his worst, and he knew she never wanted to witness his downfall again—but he was also a thirty-five-year-old man. He didn’t want to push her away, but it was time she let him go. She had three kids of her own; she didn’t need to mother him too.
“I’m worried about you.” Jane’s voice was soft and tentative, and wavered with the hint of fear.
As much as he tried to act unaffected, it broke him on the inside. He didn’t want to scare her. He’d already put her through enough. Turning, he forced a smile. The kind of smile he’d used ever since he was old enough to realize that when he smiled like that, women fell for it. Not even his big sister was immune to the Evan Boyd charm.
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