“You are to me, Violet.”
She was embarrassed and giggled, which came out as more of a squawk. With her free hand, she put her fingertips to her lips. “I'm sorry.”
“For what?”
“I don’t know why, but I’m always saying or doing the wrong thing. I do and say things before I think.”
He continued to stare at her. “That's what I like about you. You’re honest and natural.”
She took another sip of her drink because he was making her nervous.
“I can see me staying around these parts.”
“Jah, you said the other day you intended to stay here.”
“Violet, I know we haven't spent a great deal of time together, but I'm keen to start on the next chapter of my life. I’ve got my working life organized and now I'd like to get my home life the same way. I want to start a family. I was wondering what you thought about marriage.”
Violet gulped and swallowed, managing to swallow the large mouthful of cider she’d just taken. “I think marriage is a good thing, of course it is.”
“I mean marriage—you and me.”
Chapter 16
Violet’s eyes grew wide. She thought he’d been hinting at marriage, but now he was no longer hinting. She hadn't expected him to propose so soon. Wouldn’t they have gone on various dates and outings for months before he even thought about marriage?
“What do you say, Violet? Will you marry me?” He stared at her with his eyes glowing with so much affection that it made Violet feel uncomfortable.
Violet coughed to buy time while she thought through a response. It didn't feel right. He didn't feel right. Even though he was good looking, and polite, and everything she wanted in a man, it didn't feel right in her heart. She cleared her throat. “I feel as if I don't know you well enough to say yes or no.”
He frowned, seeming not to like her answer. “What do you mean?”
“We hardly know one another. Not well enough to make a decision like that that will last a lifetime.”
“What's there to know? We’re both in the community and it ends the search for both of us. We’ll no longer have to put any more effort into finding a marriage partner. If we marry each other, we’ll be done with it all and on to the business of making grosskinner for my parents.”
Violet’s cheeks grew hot. She couldn’t help but frown as she tried to follow the logic of what he’d just said. Had he meant he was proposing to her because he thought she would be the one most likely to say yes to him, and she was the easiest choice for him? He seemed more eager to be married, rather than taking time to choose his wife carefully. Love seemed unimportant to him, not as important as getting his parents grosskinner.
“I'm in no hurry to get married and I need to get to know you a great deal better before I can say whether we're a good match.”
“Well, what are you looking for in a husband, Violet?”
“I’m looking for love, of course. Isn't that what everyone looks for?”
He shook his head and snarled, “Love grows after marriage, Violet. Didn’t your mudder ever teach you anything?”
His pleasantness was gone and his voice had more than a hint of a snarky tone to it. She was disappointed at his response. There was certainly a different side to Benjamin. If she married him, she was sure he was the type of man who would not let her have a say in anything. “My mudder taught me everything I need to know. Regardless of who says what, I won't marry anybody unless I'm in love with him.”
He almost scoffed as he laughed. “I think you're being rather naive and childish, Violet. You come across as mature and sensible but you’re really just a child. Love like you’re looking for does not exist. It’s the stuff of trashy romance novels.”
She stared at him. “It’s not. The Bible is full of stories of love.” Seeing him still staring at her blankly, she didn’t even bother to recount to him all the love stories she could name from the Bible. Her words would be lost on him. “Anyway, we’re each entitled to our own opinion.”
He sprang to his feet. “I will withdraw that offer of marriage. I've got no intention of being involved with an argumentative woman. A woman should follow where a man leads without question.” He shook his head at her as he towered above her.
She shielded her eyes from the sun as she looked up at him. Violet was willing to follow, but didn’t know about the part that involved not questioning the man she was following. For her to follow someone, she would need to be confident that everything lined up with the Word Of God and plain old common sense. Because of his aggressive attitude, she kept her thoughts to herself.
He continued, “I didn't think you were that kind of person, Violet. I’m quite surprised.”
It was irritating her so much that she couldn’t keep quiet any longer. “I’m not an argumentative person. Are you looking for a woman who doesn’t have any opinions? Someone who would say yes as soon as you asked her to marry you, without knowing each other?”
“It happens. Many people make quick marriages. It’s romantic. Isn’t that the type of thing you want?”
“Well, that’s fine for them, I guess, for the people who want quick marriage, but I’m not one of those people. Regarding romance—yes, I do want that, but we don’t agree on what’s romantic.”
“A quick marriage is romantic. It means we’re both sure.”
What he was suggesting, in her mind, was stupidity and far from romantic. He had no idea the kind of person she was. “Anyway, sit down and let’s eat.” Violet wished she hadn't taken so much trouble preparing the food. This was going to be an awkward picnic. When he didn’t sit down and instead continued to stare down at her, she said, “Well, we best not let this food go to waste.” She opened the lid of the basket that he’d closed when he’d replaced the bottle of cider.
“I’m not hungry. I’m going for a walk.” He strode away.
When he was out of sight, she felt bad that things had soured. Turning her attention to the food, she pulled out a piece of fried chicken. “Special day indeed!” she said aloud to herself. She took a bite, actually feeling better to eat alone.
Violet was onto her third piece of fried chicken when Benjamin walked back and sat down on the blanket.
“I’m sorry for my behavior, Violet. I let anger get the better of me.”
Violet swallowed the mouthful of chicken and wiped her greasy hands on a paper napkin. “That's okay. We all get upset about things from time to time.” She dabbed the napkin around her mouth, pleased that he’d been man enough to apologize for his outburst.
“You’re right about getting to know each other a little better first.”
She nodded and her heart sank as she realized she wasn’t off the hook, and now she was convinced that they were totally unsuited. But how could she get out of this without hurting his feelings?
“Have you met any other girls you like since you’ve been here?”
He stared at her for a moment before he answered, “Why would you ask me something like that?”
His tone indicated that he didn’t like her question. Violet shrugged her shoulders. “I just thought maybe you should get to know some other girls before … I don't know, I mean …”
“I see what you mean. Are you trying to let me know you’re not interested in me?”
She bit the inside of her lip. That was exactly what she was trying to do, but it sounded awful the way he said it. “I guess I'm just not ready to get married.”
“Not ready yet? Exactly how old are you, Violet?”
“I'm eighteen.”
He leaned back as though in shock. “Oh! I thought you were much older than that.”
She pushed her glasses further up the bridge of her nose. “How old did you think I was?”
“I don't know, twenty-three to twenty-six, maybe. I thought you would’ve turned down many offers of marriage by now. That explains why you’re so immature.”
Violet was more upset about him thinking she looked old rather t
han him saying he thought her immature. His words were so odd it crossed her mind that he might be joking. Studying his face, she saw no hint of a smile. Those must’ve been his true thoughts.
It was starting to make sense why he thought she would say yes to him so quickly, if he thought she was that old. It would mean she’d been passed over by other men and was getting desperate to marry. “Does age make a difference to you?”
“I had hoped to marry someone closer to my own age.”
“And how old are you?” Violet asked.
“I'm twenty eight. There were no women back home and when I say none, I literally mean none. Now that I’m here, I want to get married as soon as possible.” He looked at her intently. “Do you see something wrong in that?”
“Nee. But I see that I'm not the right one for you.”
“Jah, now I can see that you're too young for me.”
“Jah,” Violet agreed in a quiet voice.
He opened the lid of the picnic basket, seeming far more relaxed now. “Ah, good. You’ve left some chicken for me,” he said as he glanced down at all the chicken bones that Violet had piled up.
Violet relaxed too, and had to laugh. “Just as well you came back when you did.”
The ride back to Lily's house wasn't quite as awkward as Violet had thought it might be. Benjamin had gotten over whatever had been troubling him and was talking more freely, as though they’d never exchanged a cross word or had any kind of misunderstanding.
When he stopped the buggy at Elijah and Lily’s house and didn't make a move to get out, she felt obliged out of politeness to ask, “Are you coming inside?”
He shook his head. “Nee. I should help you with the basket, though.” He made to get out of the buggy.
“Don’t. I can manage it. It’s a lot lighter now that you ate all the chicken,” she said with a little giggle. She pulled the basket from the back of the buggy, pleased that they were back on good terms and pleased that he knew she was no longer interested in him. “Bye, Benjamin.”
“I’ll see you ’round, Violet.”
The buggy moved away, and she walked up to the door of the house, hoping Lily was home. When Violet pushed open the door, she saw Lily sitting on the couch, doing some of her needlework. She jumped up when Violet came through the door.
“Let me take that from you.” She hurried to take the basket out of her hands.
“I can do it, Lily.”
“So can I. Benjamin didn't come in, I see?” Lily pulled the basket out of Violet’s hands.
“He probably thought Elijah wasn’t home. Anyway, the picnic took long enough. Do you think you’d be able to drive me home?”
“Are you homesick?”
“A little.”
“Can't you just stay for a few more days? Daisy will be back next week and I'll be lonely until then.”
Violet giggled at Lily’s sad face. It must've been hard to be a twin and be without the other. “Okay I'll stay until Lily … sorry, until Daisy comes back.”
Lily threw her arms around her and hugged her tightly. “Denke, Violet. I love having you here.”
“I don’t know why I called you Daisy just now.”
Lily swiped a hand in the air. “Don’t worry about it. Do you think that’s never happened before?”
“I guess it probably has, once or twice.” Violet giggled.
“More like every single day of our lives.”
“Anyway, I've enjoyed being here. It's been lovely and I really needed the break. A few more days sounds like a good thing for both of us.”
“That’s good. I’ll empty this out.” Lily took the basket into the kitchen and proceeded to toss out the garbage.
“I can do that, Lily. You sit down and talk to me.”
“Okay.” Lily sat down at the kitchen table. “I haven't asked, and I’ve been waiting for you to tell me, but since you haven't—what happened at the picnic?”
Violet looked over at her, and saw her anxiously waiting to hear. “Well, you can't tell anybody.”
“Not even Daisy?”
“I'm guessing you tell Daisy absolutely everything?”
“Absolutely everything, and probably things that I shouldn't.” Lily giggled.
“Okay, I suppose you can tell Daisy because I don't think she'll tell anyone else.”
“You're right, she wouldn't,” Lily answered quickly.
“It didn’t go well.” Violet left off what she was doing and sat down opposite Lily. “It was actually dreadful. He asked me to marry him, and then he could see I didn’t want to.”
Lily gasped. “That’s fast.”
“Exactly what I thought, and I said so … and I think I offended him. Anyway, we talked things through and now we’re back to being friends.” Violet left out the part about Benjamin thinking she was well into her twenties.
“Well, at least you've sorted that out now, that he’s not the man for you.”
“I'm glad you agree with me.”
“I thought he was good for you, but now after what you told me, I guess he’s not. Otherwise, you'd be upset and you’re not, are you?”
Violet shook her head. “I’m relieved. I think I was forcing myself to go out with him. Like I was trying to talk myself into liking him in a romantic way.”
“You just need to forget about men for a while.”
“Well, jah, I just need a break from them.” Violet stood up and went back to taking things out of the basket. “I'm just upset that Nathan didn’t even say goodbye to me.”
“What happened to forgetting about men?”
Violet sighed. “Jah, I know, that's what I'm doing—forgetting. I’m forgetting about Nathan and forgetting about Benjamin.”
“Now are you sure you won’t be sad if Benjamin marries someone else?”
“I’ll be happy for him.”
Lily scrunched up her face. “Won’t you be even a little bit sad?”
“Nee. I’ll be glad. He's not the man for me.”
* * *
And that’s exactly what Benjamin did; he married someone else after Violet refused him. Months later, Benjamin proposed to Bessy, a twenty-eight-year-old woman. She’d been a jilted bride engaged to Thomas Egberger, who'd broken off their engagement only weeks before the wedding, and then he quickly married Sarah King, a much younger and prettier version of Bessy.
Now Bessy had something to smile about, because she had managed to find a good man in Benjamin. Violet was happy for both of them. Maybe Bessy thought their approaching quick marriage was romantic and she’d blindly follow his lead and give Benjamin’s parents many grandchildren. Violet was happy it hadn’t been she who was going to marry him.
* * *
Nancy sat across from Nerida and Valerie when they were having a quick break from serving the food at the Sunday meeting when Benjamin and Bessy’s approaching wedding was announced.
“That was a huge failure, Nancy. Didn’t you think Benjamin and Violet were a match?”
“I had hoped so.”
“There is someone different for Violet,” Valerie said.
“I would hope so, but she doesn’t seem interested in anybody.”
Nancy patted her sister’s hand. “There’s still time. Maybe we should start early with Willow.”
“Nee, I’d rather leave things be. I’m disappointed that things didn’t go according to plan with Violet.”
“Things don’t always go according to plan. And when that happens, we have to adjust with things and change our plans,” Nancy said.
Nerida shook her head. “I don’t know. Maybe we should’ve just let things be rather than trying to push a man on her. Let her make her own choice.”
“That’s not what you said the other day.”
“I don’t like a certain man she was giving attention to. That was the problem.”
“There’s nothing wrong with Nathan,” Valerie said. “He’s a lovely young man. He just needs to find his way and work himself out. He’s had a tough time o
f things with his father the way he was. His mother was too soft and gentle to be with a man like that.”
“I don’t want his problems to become Violet’s. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with him, but …”
“He’s left the community now so there’s nothing to talk about,” Nancy said, appearing a little annoyed with her sister.
“I have a feeling he’ll come back and stay for good.” Valerie smiled.
Nerida stared at Valerie. “I hope you haven’t said that to my dochder. Maybe she’s waiting for that to happen.”
“Nee, I’d never say anything of the kind to her. I wouldn’t want to get her hopes up.”
As soon as Valerie said that, Nerida knew for certain that Violet liked Nathan. That gave Nerida more reason to be worried because he’d had a troubled family life. What would he know about raising children properly? He had no examples to go by and that wasn’t good for Violet. If he’d been raised in a different family, Nerida might have felt differently about him.
They’d tried to bring Benjamin to her attention, but she had passed him by. They couldn’t force her to marry someone. She had to make her own choice
Nerida had seen firsthand what happened when someone made a wrong marriage, and she didn’t want that to happen to her eldest daughter. All her nieces had made good marriages and she wanted the same for Violet. Surely that wasn’t too much to expect. Nathan had been gone for months and it didn’t look like he was coming back, so it was no use even considering him.
* * *
Across town, Nathan still hadn’t forgotten his feelings for Violet, the girl he’d grown up with. As much as he could, he pushed Violet out of his mind. At lunchtime, instead of eating lunch in the workshop with the other men, he drove off by himself. He couldn’t stand to listen to them talk about their girlfriends and wives. It always made him feel so alone, like he was the only one in the world with no living relatives. He figured he had some relations somewhere, but he’d never met them. He stopped at a nearby diner.
After he’d sat in a booth and placed his order, he leaned over and grabbed a couple of newspapers off the empty table nearby. To his astonishment, one of them was an Amish newspaper. He thumbed his way through it. Then a name caught his eye. It was Benjamin Hostetler. He was devastated to see Benjamin was getting married. His heart pounded and he hoped Benjamin wasn’t marrying Violet. There was a section of the paper missing, but the date of the paper was on the bottom. It was a recent paper so the wedding wouldn’t have yet taken place. Someone had ripped a section out of the paper and the name of Benjamin’s bride was missing.
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