by Brad Fraser
ROYCE
You had a boyfriend?
KANE
I he we had a relationship.
ROYCE
Relationship?
MADISON
Did you live with him?
KANE
For two years.
MADISON
Wow.
ROYCE
And you’re telling us now because?
KANE
You asked.
Long pause.
We can talk about it if you’re.
MADISON
I’m outa here.
CAROLYN
You haven’t eaten a thing.
MADISON
I said I wasn’t hungry.
KANE
Any time you want. We can talk.
MADISON
Great. Thanks.
CAROLYN
Where are you going?
MADISON
Armand’s.
CAROLYN
Who’s Armand?
MADISON
My friend.
CAROLYN
Are you sure you wouldn’t rather?
MADISON
What? Talk about the man Dad used to live with?
KANE
If you want.
MADISON
Later.
MADISON exits.
CAROLYN
We’ve all done things in our pasts that we’re ashamed of.
KANE
Young people are supposed to try different things.
ROYCE
Like packing fudge.
KANE
Stop saying that. I just.
ROYCE
What?
KANE
It was a first-time thing.
ROYCE
It isn’t bad enough having a father who’s artistic and tasteful—but he turns out to be gay too.
KANE
One relationship with a man doesn’t make me gay.
ROYCE
What does it make you then?
CAROLYN
Complicated. Being an adult’s complicated.
ROYCE
If you say so.
KANE
We always taught you that life was about making choices. That there’s nothing wrong with being different.
ROYCE
And now I get why.
KANE
Are you angry?
ROYCE
No.
CAROLYN
Where are you going?
ROYCE
To a fag bar to meet a child molester.
ROYCE exits.
CAROLYN
He’s angry.
KANE
Should we have lied?
CAROLYN
They can always tell.
KANE
And they would’ve heard it from someone else. Eventually.
CAROLYN
I think we should’ve lied.
KANE
I think you’re right.
A light on DAVID at his desk. He’s reviewing resumés as he speaks on his cellphone earpiece.
DAVID
I didn’t tell anyone I was selling my condo. I didn’t want to be talked out of it. The fact that I’ve been gone for nearly five months and you just noticed should be explanation enough. Don’t take it so personally. Yes. I promise Clive. Everything. I’ll email you.
Lights rise on KANE, outside of the house, smoking and pacing. MADISON enters.
MADISON
Dad.
KANE
Hey. How’s Armand?
MADISON
Controlled by television. Are you smoking?
He stubs the cigarette out quickly.
KANE
No yeah I’m just I’m not starting again.
MADISON
Your life.
KANE
Do you think less of me?
MADISON
For smoking?
KANE
For having had a boyfriend.
MADISON
You loved him?
KANE
I thought I did.
MADISON
So are you a straight man who fell in love with a gay guy a gay guy who decided to have a family or a bi guy with a rare sense of commitment?
KANE
I’m mostly straight.
MADISON
What about the whole born straight or born gay thing?
KANE
I don’t think that applies to everyone.
MADISON
Where does Mom fit into this picture?
KANE lights another cigarette.
KANE
She we met after the breakup.
MADISON
But she always knew.
KANE
Of course. It wasn’t a secret.
MADISON
When did you see him last?
KANE
The day I moved out.
MADISON
You don’t wanna talk about this.
KANE
It doesn’t matter anymore.
MADISON
Then why are you smoking again?
KANE
Because I’m scared my children hate me.
MADISON
I don’t hate you.
KANE
Thanks.
MADISON
It was just you know.
KANE
I know.
They embrace.
MADISON
Now chuck those cigarettes before Ma gets a whiff of you.
MADISON exits. A light rises on CAROLYN at the kitchen table working on her laptop. ROYCE enters.
CAROLYN
It’s twelve forty-nine.
ROYCE
You should be in bed.
CAROLYN
I have to finish this payroll.
ROYCE
Is Dad asleep?
CAROLYN
Yeah. He’s smoking again. Where were you?
ROYCE
Sigfreid’s.
CAROLYN
Don’t be angry at your father.
ROYCE
I’d prefer not to know anything about your sex lives.
CAROLYN
It was one short period of his life a long time ago.
ROYCE
We checked that guy out on the Net.
CAROLYN
Why would he be on the Net?
ROYCE
Everyone’s on the Net. He’s done porn.
CAROLYN
No. Really?
ROYCE
Totally. Daddy Does Dallas and Wide Load in the Rear. I downloaded a few stills if you want to.
CAROLYN
No thank you very much. I wish you’d stay away from that stuff.
ROYCE
Right. It’s everywhere.
CAROLYN
I never would’ve thought—porn.
ROYCE
Jeez you act like there’s something wrong with it.
CAROLYN
Isn’t there?
ROYCE
Only if you’re like really old. He’s had quite a few restaurants too. Some really swish place in New York. Did you know him?
CAROLYN
Not really. Your father was in the process of breaking up with him when we me
t.
ROYCE
Were you the other woman?
CAROLYN
Don’t be ridiculous. Go to bed. Now.
Lights rise on DAVID in the restaurant. He’s testing fabrics for tablecloths and napkins against the colours of the room, muttering to himself. MADISON enters carrying a newspaper.
MADISON
Hi.
DAVID
Hello—Madison?
MADISON
That’s right.
DAVID
What can I do for you?
MADISON
I thought all the jobs were taken.
DAVID
They are.
MADISON
Then why are you still advertising for “waiter bus and bar staff”?
DAVID
The ad runs for a pre-set period.
MADISON
I think you’re scared to hire me because you were my dad’s boyfriend.
DAVID
They told you?
MADISON
Sure.
DAVID
Then I’m sure you can understand why I can’t give you a job.
MADISON
Not really.
DAVID
It would be—uncomfortable.
MADISON
Because you’re still in love with him?
DAVID
No.
MADISON
Then what’s the problem?
DAVID
You’re parents wouldn’t approve.
MADISON
I’m a grown-up.
DAVID
It’s a bad idea.
MADISON
They speak very highly of you.
DAVID
They do?
MADISON
Sounds like you were quite the influence.
DAVID
That’s one way of putting it.
MADISON
How did you meet him?
DAVID
We worked at a restaurant. He was my busboy.
MADISON
Sounds romantic.
DAVID
It was fun.
MADISON
They were both delighted when I told them I’d met you.
DAVID
No they weren’t.
MADISON
It was a long time ago. Everybody’s over whatever happened by now right?
DAVID
You’d think so.
MADISON
They’d like to see you.
DAVID
Yeah right.
MADISON
I could probably get them to invite you for dinner.
DAVID
But you couldn’t get me to come.
MADISON
You could meet my brother. See the whole family together. Then you’ll be able to see there’s no lingering whatevernesses and you can give me a job. Whadaya say?
DAVID
No. Now please go away and never bother me again.
Pause.
MADISON
Now I see why he left you.
DAVID
Is that what he told you?
MADISON
Bye.
MADISON exits. Lights rise on the kitchen. ROYCE works with his laptop at the table. KANE and CAROLYN are preparing to go out.
ROYCE
Did you know we lost thirty percent of the polar ice cap last year?
CAROLYN
I’m not surprised.
KANE
It’s so disturbing.
ROYCE
Polar bears are practically extinct.
KANE
Not to mention the suicide rate among the Inuit.
CAROLYN
Whose idea of after-dinner conversation is this?
ROYCE
I’m doing a report.
KANE
I watched a TV show.
MADISON enters.
MADISON
Sorry I’m late.
CAROLYN
You’re supposed to call.
MADISON
My cell ran outa juice. Who died?
CAROLYN
For the opera.
MADISON
Ew.
ROYCE
Where were you?
MADISON
I went back to McMillan’s restaurant.
KANE
Why?
MADISON
I need a job.
KANE
He already turned you down.
ROYCE
She was checking him out.
MADISON
I was so.
KANE
Madison.
MADISON
He won’t give me the job because he thinks it would be a problem for you guys.
CAROLYN
It would be a problem for us guys.
MADISON
Why?
KANE
Because we don’t want him back in our lives.
MADISON
Why would you think my working for him would bring him back into your lives?
KANE
Because he’s David McMillan.
MADISON
I thought it might be nice if you guys asked him to dinner. Just to prove that—you know—everything’s cool.
KANE
Forget it. You’re not to go back there again. Ever. This subject is closed.
MADISON
Dad.
KANE
Closed.
Very long pause.
ROYCE
He’s got like a really fat dick.
KANE
Goddammit Royce.
A light rises on DAVID in the restaurant. He is cleaning the bar and talking on his cellphone earpiece.
DAVID
I dreamed about him last night. It’s strange. She doesn’t really look like him but some of the things she says. The way she moves. I haven’t dreamed about him in years. It was just short. We were in bed and he curled his back against my body the way he used to and I let my arm fall across his chest. I could feel him breathing. Then I woke up. Boring. Now tell me what’s happening with you.
Lights rise on KANE and CAROLYN walking to their car.
CAROLYN
He practically winked at you.
KANE
Stop.
CAROLYN
He did. He said I hear David’s back in town and then he all but winked at you. And the way Sylvia was smiling. Creepy.
KANE
If Maddy hadn’t.
CAROLYN
But she did.
KANE
Why did he come back?
CAROLYN
I don’t know but everyone in town’s aware of it.
KANE
You’re exaggerating.
CAROLYN
I know when people are talking about us. We have to do something.
KANE
What?
CAROLYN
Take Madison’s suggestion to heart and invite him to dinner.
KANE
Seriously?
CAROLYN
Now that the cat’s out of the bag we have no choice.
KANE
Sweetie it’s a very bad idea.
CAROLYN
Would you rather wait to bump into him somewhere where we don’t expect it? When we
’re both looking terrible?
KANE
Christ no.
CAROLYN
It’s just dinner.
KANE
Right.
Lights rise on MADISON working on her laptop at the kitchen table. ROYCE enters and gets something to eat from the fridge.
ROYCE
What’re you doing?
MADISON
Family research.
ROYCE
What for?
MADISON
To see if there’s anything else they’re keeping from us.
ROYCE
And?
MADISON
And they are. You know those paternal grandparents we never met?
ROYCE
Died before we were born.
MADISON
Wrong. They didn’t die until we were in school.
ROYCE
Why didn’t Dad tell us about them?
MADISON
They seem to have completely disowned him.
ROYCE
Harsh.
MADISON
They were stinkin’ rich.
ROYCE
No way.
MADISON
His dad was big in prescription-drug development. Left his entire fortune to a Christian family-values institution. You should see all the entries about our grandfather.
ROYCE
Seriously?
MADISON
I bet if Dad hadn’t been a faggot we’d be living like millionaires right now.
ROYCE
Damn.
MADISON
He musta really loved that guy.
ROYCE
To give up your family like that.
MADISON
Doesn’t seem like Dad.
ROYCE
You ever get the feeling they’re really nothing like we think they are?
MADISON
Yeah. Creepy.
ROYCE
Yeah.
Lights rise on DAVID reviewing a menu proof at a restaurant table. KANE and CAROLYN enter.
KANE
Hi.
Short pause.
DAVID
Kane.
CAROLYN
Hello David.
DAVID
Carolyn. Surprising to see you both. And so nicely turned out.
KANE
We were at the opera.
CAROLYN
Così fan tutte. Boring.
KANE
Hate opera.
CAROLYN
But a lot of our clients go.
DAVID
This is such a surprise.
KANE
We’re here to apologize if Madison caused you any inconvenience.
DAVID
No problem. I probably would’ve hired her if she hadn’t been your daughter.
KANE
We’re grateful you didn’t.
CAROLYN
This is a stunning room.
DAVID
I’ll take that as a great compliment since I know you guys have one of the most successful interior-design firms in town.
CAROLYN
Don’t you love googling?