Stars Over Alaska

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Stars Over Alaska Page 11

by Jennifer Snow


  Her gaze met Katherine’s and once more, guilt washed over her. She sent a silent apologetic look for burning down her sister’s yearly retreat and Katherine’s single nod meant she was forgiven. Her sister wasn’t big on words or emotions and she didn’t hold grudges or ill will for long. Maybe Leslie had inherited all of the spite in the family gene pool.

  Sometimes she wished she was more like her siblings.

  The sound of the front door opening again made her tense even more. “Who else is joining us?” She felt her anxiety rise. What part of keeping Selena a secret didn’t her family understand? Inviting the entire neighborhood to lunch was risky.

  But Eddie touched her shoulder. “Don’t worry, it’s Montana and Kaia and I believe they’ve already met.”

  Selena’s eyes lit up. “The kid from the bar?”

  Eddie smiled as Montana and Kaia entered the kitchen. “That would be her.”

  Kaia was carrying a cake from the bakery on Main Street. “I brought dessert,” she said. Then, seeing Selena, she dropped the cake onto the counter and reached into her coat pocket, pulling out a stack of paper. “Eddie said you were going to be here, so I brought the script for the school play...in case you wanted to help me rehearse?”

  Selena nodded. “Absolutely. What play are you doing?”

  “Romeo and Juliet.”

  “One of my favorites,” she said.

  “Awesome. Let’s find a quiet place,” Kaia said, taking Selena’s hand and leading her out of the kitchen.

  The star sent a parting glance to Levi, but he wasn’t looking at her. His gaze was on Leslie. She cleared her throat. “Why don’t you all go play a card game or something? I’ll help Eddie cook,” she said.

  Her grandmother nodded, obviously sensing Leslie’s need for space and fewer people, and ushered everyone else out of the kitchen.

  “She’s actually really nice,” Eddie said, moving toward the stove and stirring the risotto sauce that was simmering. As he removed the lid, the delicious smell of garlic and white wine sauce had Leslie’s stomach growling.

  “You try spending every minute of every day with her then,” Leslie mumbled, dipping her finger into the sauce to taste it.

  Eddie swiped her hand away. “What irritates you so much about her?”

  “She’s just so...oblivious to the real world. How it works...” Selena wasn’t a child, yet she seemed so sheltered from everything that she had no idea how serious her situation was. “She’s just always so perky and optimistic.”

  Her brother nodded slowly, leaning his weight on his crutches. “And you think everyone should look at the world with the same bleak-colored glasses that you do?”

  “No... I...I don’t know. Maybe.” She hated when her brother tried to make her feel unjustified for being practical and seeing the world as it was.

  “Not everyone grew up hearing all the horrors of humanity, always prepared for the worst,” he said.

  “You make it sound like a bad thing that we were cautious and Mom made us realize we had to be careful...not trust everyone we met.”

  “I just think we were robbed of blissful ignorance sometimes.”

  Her brother had no idea what blissful ignorance she’d been robbed of. The wake-up she’d received at such a young age that had made her grow up a hell of a lot faster. Leslie grabbed a spoon from the drawer and tasted the risotto next. “This is delicious, but it tastes different from your usual recipe.”

  “It’s cauliflower rice,” Eddie said.

  “You guys watching your carbs?”

  He shrugged. “Wouldn’t hurt for all of us to consume a few more vegetables, but I was actually trying to be considerate to Selena.”

  Leslie sighed. “She wouldn’t starve to death, and it wouldn’t kill her to eat a grain of rice.”

  “I’m trying to be a good host,” he said, opening the oven door and checking on the roast turkey inside. “Besides, you just said it was delicious.”

  “It is. I’m just saying we don’t all need to cater to her. I’m keeping her alive—that’s enough.”

  Eddie laughed. “You know, all of this might be a little easier if you’d ease up a little and try to get to know her.”

  Leslie ignored the suggestion as she stared out into the living room where Selena and Kaia were rehearsing lines. She couldn’t get to know Selena. Protecting strangers was so much easier than protecting friends. It was one of the first lessons taught at the academy. Don’t get too close. Don’t jeopardize the client’s safety.

  Twenty minutes later, they all gathered in the dining room to eat. The family members took their usual places around the table and Selena sat between Kaia and Levi.

  “The food looks amazing, Eddie,” her mother said. She picked up the bowl of seasoned cauliflower risotto and scooped some onto her plate, then passed the bowl to Leslie, but Leslie’s attention was elsewhere.

  Something was different about the dining room.

  Her father’s oil painting of the Chugach Mountains was no longer hanging above the old antique dish cabinet along the far wall. Now there was a thick mahogany wood–framed mirror instead.

  “Hey, sis, wake up,” Katherine said on the other side of her, nudging her elbow.

  Leslie took the bowl from her mother and passed it along without taking any. Suddenly, she wasn’t hungry. “Um...is that new?” she asked her mother, nodding toward the mirror.

  Across from her, she caught her grandma’s worried expression and Eddie’s Oh no, here we go look. She ignored them.

  “Well, not new,” her mother’s tone was chilly. “It’s been hanging there for about a year and a half.” She cut into her slice of turkey and didn’t meet Leslie’s gaze.

  “Mirrors definitely make a room look bigger,” Selena said.

  Leslie continued to stare at her mother. “What happened to Dad’s oil painting?” The painting had hung on that wall since they’d framed it for him as a Father’s Day present when she was eight. For twenty years, it had been there and all of a sudden, her mother decided to replace it with a mirror?

  “I stored it in his garage,” she said, daring Leslie to argue with the decision. Her steely gaze was like bait to Leslie.

  “Why?”

  “Leslie, just eat,” Katherine muttered next to her.

  “The food really is delicious,” Montana said, obviously hoping to turn the conversation around.

  Enthusiastic nods and appreciative noises sounded around the table, but Leslie and her mother were locked in a battle of wills.

  “I thought it was time for a change and I liked the mirror,” her mother said.

  “But the painting was special. It had meant something to Dad. It meant something to all of us...or I guess maybe not.” She stopped. Everyone was quiet now and staring at their plates. She’d done it again. Made things uncomfortable for everyone.

  Levi was the only one still looking at her and his sympathetic yet uncomfortable expression made her desperate for an escape. Why was he even here? She’d made her position on where they stood quite clear the night before... Why was she even there? She never should have let Selena bully her into this.

  She stood and her chair scraped noisily against the hardwood floor as she pushed it in. “I’m going to get some air,” she said, leaving the dining room.

  She headed toward the front door, but her mother’s voice in the hallway behind her made her stop.

  “Where are you going? We are trying to have a nice family meal and we have guests. We’d like you to come back and join us,” she said tightly.

  Leslie turned around. “Who are you kidding, Mom? This is just awkward.”

  Her mother placed her hands on her hips. “Because you’re making it awkward by storming off like a child over a silly redecorating choice.”

  “It’s not just a... Never mind. It’s your house. Do wha
t you want.”

  Her mother walked toward her. “That’s right. It is my house. One you’ve barely been inside in years, so forgive me if I didn’t think it was necessary to consult you about the decision to hang the mirror.”

  “Don’t you think maybe Katherine and Eddie might be upset about you taking down Dad’s painting too?”

  Her mother threw up her hands. “They don’t live here either.”

  “Fine.” She turned toward the door again. There would be no getting through to her mom. She wouldn’t understand. Fighting was useless. Trying to get her mother to see her side in anything, ever, had always been futile.

  “Leslie, please come back and eat.”

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” All she’d be thinking about, stewing over, was the missing painting. How could her mother take it down? Didn’t it mean anything to her? Couldn’t she consider their feelings? Her feelings? She and her father had been close. There was so little of him left. Over the years, she was slowly forgetting the sound of his laugh or the way he looked. Her mother had to know how much this would upset her.

  “Fine.” Her mother gave up. “You never did want to be a part of this family, so I guess you running off again shouldn’t upset me,” she said behind her.

  Leslie whipped around. “That’s what you thought my leaving was? I was fifteen, mom. I was angry and sad and in the matter of weeks, I’d had to grow up very quickly.” It was so long ago, but right now, all of the tough emotions and difficult choices felt like they’d happened only yesterday.

  “Right,” her mother said with a nod. “You were faced with some tough decisions and forced to deal with your mistakes.”

  Mistakes? That hurt. Maybe getting pregnant hadn’t been planned and maybe it wasn’t the best thing to happen to a fifteen-year-old, but her mother was still acting like it had been the worst thing that could have happened to Leslie.

  “So what happened was...”

  “If you say it was a good thing...” She was going to lose it if those words came out of her mother’s mouth again. She’d heard it too many times.

  “No. Of course it wasn’t a good thing, but Leslie, look at things from my point of view. My baby was pregnant. I saw your future evaporating. I saw your life getting so much harder.”

  “Then why didn’t you try to help instead of trying to tell me what to do, how to live? Convincing me that I should break up with Dawson and consider other options wasn’t what I needed from you back then.”

  “I reacted the only way I knew. By trying to protect you. From Dawson. From having to grow up too quickly. From yourself.”

  “I didn’t need protection. I needed support, guidance, a shoulder to cry on and a hand to help me get back up...especially afterward. Instead, you let me move out.” Emotions strangled her and she forbade herself to break down right now.

  Her mother gave a sad laugh as she said, “You were determined to leave and I didn’t honestly expect you to stay away.”

  “Then why didn’t you insist that I come back?”

  “Because I was trying to give you space and I thought maybe your grandmother might have a way with you that I didn’t. You were so headstrong.” She shook her head as though feeling the defeat all over again. “Never listened to anything I said.”

  “Eddie and Katherine were stubborn too. You managed to deal with their rebellion and mistakes.” That had been one of the hardest things about leaving home, not being with her siblings. Feeling left out—her own doing—but still painful. And knowing they were happier without her there.

  “They weren’t like you,” her mother said.

  Fantastic, so she was just the problem child. The uncontrollable one.

  “If I could do things over...”

  Her mother sounding unexpectedly remorseful was worse than her anger. But it was too late now. They couldn’t go back and change the past and they couldn’t move forward with this pain between them.

  Desperate for an escape, Leslie stormed out of the house and across the yard to the garage. She slipped inside and closed the door behind her, then took a deep breath.

  Her head hurt and her chest felt tight.

  Why the hell had she let Eddie talk her into this? Her and her mother together was never a good idea. It always escalated into an argument and damn it if they hadn’t reached the worst topic ever that day.

  They hadn’t talked about what had happened...since it had happened.

  Avoidance had worked fine to keep things relatively peaceful for everyone else in the family all these years.

  She forced several deep breaths as she walked around the garage. Her father’s workshop, his hiding place, his own place to create. She touched his woodworking table, her finger leaving a trail through the sawdust still covering the top. No one ever came out there. It was as though they wanted to preserve it as it was, a way to honor their father.

  But Leslie knew he wouldn’t mind her being in there.

  She’d spent a lot of time in there with him. Watching him build, watching him draw, watching him develop photos in his makeshift darkroom and watching him paint...

  She stared at the last mural he’d created, weeks before he died. One full wall of the garage always acted like his canvas. He’d paint it white, then paint the most magnificent scenery images, based on photos they’d taken. He’d take a photo of it, then paint over it...and create something new.

  It had always broken Leslie’s heart to watch the designs disappear under layers of white paint, but he always reminded her he created for the love of it.

  And then she’d smile seeing the next one.

  He’d tried to teach her to paint and let her fool around on the white canvas wall sometimes, but her passion and talent had ended with photography. When he’d gotten sick, he’d stopped going out to take new photos, so he’d painted hers...

  Like the one still on the wall now. The image of the Chugach Mountains in the middle of a rainstorm with thunder and lightning... Ironic that it was the last one he’d done before he’d died—and before her life had gone to shit.

  She scanned the shelves and found the dining room painting in the corner, a blanket draped over it. Would her mother be willing to let her have it? Send it to her in LA once she got back there? She hated to think of it here in the garage. And obviously Eddie and Katherine hadn’t wanted it or they would have taken it already.

  She wished she could explain how much this small thing meant to her and why she’d gotten upset, but she wasn’t sure anyone would understand. So many important people had been stolen from her life far too quickly and she needed something to hold on to.

  The garage door opened and Leslie quickly wiped her eye and voided her expression of any emotion as she turned around. Levi entered and shot her a concerned look. “Just checking on you. I saw you slip out.”

  Like she always used to. Like she did that day...

  She swallowed hard. “I’m good. Eddie’s cauliflower thing didn’t look very appetizing.” Jokes. Deflecting from real emotion. Her only way to cope.

  And this time, Levi let her do it. “Definitely not his best creation,” he agreed, scanning the garage. “This place looks exactly the same as it always did.”

  “Yeah... I was just looking for the painting,” she said, slightly embarrassed for her reaction in the dining room. For once she’d like to say she was fine and holding things together and have her actions back her up.

  “So you and your mom...everything okay?” he asked carefully.

  She sighed and waved a hand. “Bickering as usual. Nothing new there.” Making light of her relationship was the only way to survive it. For years she’d felt sad and guilty and angry. She’d longed for her mother’s support during her teen years. She envied the relationship Katherine had with her and what hurt the most was the fact that her mother didn’t seem to feel like she’d lost anything whe
n Leslie had moved out. She’d never asked her to move back home. She hadn’t made an effort to make things right at all. The more time that passed, the harder it had become to think that they could ever reconcile. She spotted her father’s camera on the shelf next to his old photo albums and processing stuff. She picked it up carefully and blew the layer of dust away. She might not be able to take the painting with her right now, but she’d take the camera. No one was using it. No one else wanted it. It wouldn’t be missed.

  “You still taking photos?” Levi asked, looking slightly relieved. “I bet LA provides some stunning scenery.”

  She did and it did, but it was a hobby that she liked to keep to herself. She shook her head as she wiped the dust from the lens. “Not really. But I thought I might take a few while we were stuck here.”

  His attention caught the word stuck and his face fell slightly.

  But she refused to feel guilty for distancing herself from him...from her past. It was a self-preservation thing and if he knew her at all, he’d know that and not take offense. She’d stupidly let her guard fall the night before and look how that had turned out.

  Had he thought about the kiss? He must have, but she’d bet he wasn’t replaying it in his mind the way she was. Levi had reacted exactly the way Leslie would have predicted. With distance, with a clear head, by pushing her away. Ignoring the conversation or any discussion about it was the best idea. Forget it ever happened.

  “Do you know how much longer that will be?” he asked.

  Unfortunately not and it was making her crazy. “No. Still no update on the stalker.”

  “I’m sure police in LA are working on it.”

  She wasn’t but she nodded. “Is Selena ready to go? Are you ready to head back to the resort?” She’d had enough of the family get-together.

  He nodded and looked about to say something, then closed his mouth and nodded again. “I’m good to go and I think Selena’s ready anytime.”

  “Great. Um... I’ll meet you both at the truck?” She needed a moment alone with her father’s things, with his memory.

 

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