“Dumbest thing I ever did. I thank fuck every day that I finally got the balls to tell her how I felt.”
“I can see why.” I took another sip of my beer. Maybe if I finished it, I could leave without the lecture.
“Look, I know you don’t want to talk about your feelings.”
“There are no feelings, Gabe.” I frowned. “Are you and Nate ganging up on me?”
“No. But both of us know the agony of loving someone and thinking you can’t have them. He’s just paying it forward.”
I arched a brow at him.
“I gave Nate a similar talk that finally got him talking to Hallie.”
“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but you’re wasting your time. It’s not like that with Hope and me. We’re just friends.”
Gabe shrugged. “You can tell yourself that, but we can all see it’s more than that.”
“Doesn’t matter.” I took another long swig of my beer. Almost done. One more and I’d probably be able to leave.
“Why not? She certainly seemed into you at dinner a couple of weeks back,” Gabe said. I wondered if being in love gave him superpowers to see it in others. No, because he thought he saw it in Hope, I knew for a fact it wasn’t there.
“She’s not anymore.”
“How do you know?”
I sighed. “Because Parker asked me to help her move and she couldn’t have been clearer that she didn’t want anything to do with me. It was the same polite but distant way she treated me the first time.”
“First time?” Gabe asked, his expression showing intrigue.
Fuck. I ground the palm of one hand into my eye socket, wishing I could keep my big mouth shut.
“That suggests there was something this time and another time.”
I shrugged. “It’s all done.”
“What is? What will it hurt to talk about it?”
I could think of all sorts of reasons starting with getting razzed about it.
“I told you about Sam. I’m not here to bust your balls,” he said, echoing Nate’s statement.
Maybe if I told him the deal, he’d let it go, and I could leave. “We hooked up about nine years ago. After college graduation. It was a one-time thing that didn’t end well.”
“Why not?” Gabe crossed his ankles clearly settling in for a story.
“I felt like shit for betraying Parker. She took offense to my regret, as she should have. I never should have touched her in the first place.”
“So, why did you?”
I gave him a look.
“There are lots of pretty ladies out there, Mitch. You don’t go around fucking all of them.”
“I may have liked her, but she was Parker’s sister, so I never did anything. Until that night, when she gave me vibes that she was interested, and I was too weak to say no.”
“What about this time? She’s still Parker’s sister,” Gabe said.
I finished my beer, and instead of leaving, I wished for another one. “It was the same. She was there giving me the signals. I didn’t want to say no. We agreed to limit it to the time she was on her retreat at my place and that Parker wouldn’t know.”
“But it bothers you still.”
I nodded. “A little.”
“Enough to let a woman you love go?” His dark eyes pierced mine.
“Did you miss the part where I said she’s not interested?”
“Are you sure? Did you tell her how you felt?”
I scoffed. “I’ve had my heart squashed like a bug enough, thank you. I’m not going to put it out there have it smashed again.” I realized I was admitting to loving her, but clearly, Gabe had already ferreted that out.
“How do you feel right now?”
Like shit. “I’m hanging in there.”
“Would you really feel that much worse than now if she rejected you?”
“I think so.” I felt sure hearing her tell me she was sorry, but she just didn’t feel the same would hurt me more than when I walked in on Gwen and my partner fucking in my bed.
“How about regret? Will you ever get to a place that you regret not telling her? Maybe when you get a wedding invite to her marrying some schmuck.”
That would suck for sure, but at this point, I probably wouldn’t get an invite. She'd effectively cut me out nine years ago. She’d likely do it again.
“You know, not everyone gets what you and Nate got.” I was feeling agitated all of a sudden like I had chiggers on my skin.
“Why not? Nate and I got it because we had the balls to tell the women we loved how we felt.”
“And they loved you back, which brings me back to the point that Hope couldn’t get me out of her life fast enough after I helped her move.” Having enough, I moved toward the door of the treehouse. “I’ve got to get on the road.”
Gabe didn’t say anything more, which for some strange reason, annoyed me.
Once down from the tree, he finally called my name. “Why don’t you stay here tonight? You’ll just be back tomorrow for Sunday dinner. This way you can avoid the traffic.”
I stared at him.
“I promise, no more talk about Hope.”
I felt like I wanted out. I wanted to be at home, safe in the woods, and alone with my own thoughts and feelings. But he was right. I could save myself the hassle and frustration of driving in Northern Virginia traffic if I stayed.
“Yeah, sure.”
He smiled. “Good. Then we can have another beer, and you can tell me how to fix the blue screen of death on my computer.”
I rolled my eyes but smiled. He’d helped me do all sorts of renovations and projects on my house, keeping his computers running was the least I could do.
Hope—Taking Control
Hope
The following week, I pushed through the fatigue to take care of all the details of my business. Luckily, most of the work I was able to do from home over my computer and phone, as it involved researching places I could sell my clothes to once I had my catalog. I’d also need a website. Mitch had offered to help with that, but it would be weird to solicit his help at this point.
Thinking of him brought tears to my eyes that I tried to blame on hormones, but I knew that it was grief and guilt. I needed to tell him about the baby, but I hadn’t figured out the best way. I suspected I was in denial of some sort hoping the test had been wrong. Except for the fatigue, I didn’t feel pregnant. I didn’t look pregnant. In fact, the thing that kept the pregnancy foremost in my life was Parker. He was making sure I got enough sleep, ate right, and had everything I needed. Much of it was stuff I knew Mitch would do if given a chance. But I also knew it wasn’t what he wanted. That didn’t absolve him or get him off the hook, but I hated that from now on my contact with him would be out of obligation. Perhaps that was why I was putting off telling him about the baby. I wanted him to want the baby and me. I didn't want him to have to do the right thing out of duty.
I left the house that week only to check on the manufacturer's progress on my samples and to see a doctor. She confirmed the pregnancy, gave me prenatal vitamins, and told me to come back next month unless I had spotting or another health issue. She said hormones could impact my blood pressure so I shouldn’t stand up too quickly from sitting or laying down. She finished with saying that I should avoid strenuous activity but that regular exertion was fine, including sex. Ha! Like I was ever having that again.
By the end of the week, I was closer to getting my clothing line ready for market, but still not as excited about it as I should be. How was it possible that just a few weeks ago, all I wanted was to start my own clothing line, and now that I was close to making it a reality, the appeal of it had waned?
“When are you going to tell mom and dad about the baby?” Parker asked me one evening as we sat on his deck after having dinner together. We had settled into a routine of eating together, unless he had a business dinner or date, and then hanging out on his deck in the evening.
“I don’t know.” I
wanted this baby, but I didn’t want to see the disappointment on my parents’ faces that I’d gotten knocked up. I didn’t want the pressure to reveal the father, either. Thankfully, Parker wasn’t pushing me on it, but someday he’d have to know. I hated that I was not only going to ruin Mitch’s perfectly designed life but probably his friendship with my brother too.
“They can help too, you know. Maybe not financially, but they’ll babysit,” he said.
“How are they financially?” I asked, knowing Parker was involved in helping them figure out how to get out of the financial hole they were in.
“Not great, but they’ll live. Selling the river house helped. Downsizing and selling the current house will help. It’s too bad the business is tanking as selling that could solve a lot of problems.” He sat back in his chair, extending his legs out and crossing them at the ankles. He sipped from a glass of red wine.
“If they move south, I won’t have babysitting,” I pointed out.
“They won’t move south if they know they’re going to be grandparents.” He turned to look at me sitting next to him. “What about the baby daddy? When are you going to tell him?”
Ugh. Just when I thought I was safe from that question. “How do you know that I haven’t?”
He shrugged. “It’s hard to think you’d be with a man that wouldn’t do the right thing, and no man has shown up.”
“I’m just trying to sort things out first.”
“Hope, I’d be pissed if I’d gotten a woman pregnant and she didn’t tell me.”
I closed my eyes, knowing Mitch would be pissed too. I looked over at Parker. “What if you didn’t love her.”
“I had to care for her some to sleep with her. I’d still want to know,” he said.
“Even though you’d be tied to her when you didn’t love her? Even though you don’t want a relationship and kids?” I asked.
“Yes. That kid would be partly mine, and I’d want to be a part of its life. Not out of obligation but because it was my kid.” He gave me a pointed look. “The idea of kids is often something single men say they don’t want, but the reality can change things. I don’t want kids right now, but if a woman showed up and said she was carrying mine, you can bet I’d be there and love that kid. If your baby daddy is a good dude, he’ll feel the same.”
I sighed, knowing he was right.
“What is the problem? Won’t he handle it well?” Parker said, reaching over to take my hand.
I shrugged. “I know he’ll do the right thing like you said. And, you’re right, even though it wasn’t in the cards now, I think he’d be loving toward the child. I don’t know why I’m hesitating.” Yes, I did. I wanted Mitch to want me for me. When he heard about the baby, he’d do what needed to be done. I suspect he’d even suggest marriage, but I didn’t want him merely because of the baby. I wanted him to want me. I was being stupid and selfish.
“I’ll tell mom and dad this weekend at dinner,” I said. Parker was right in that my parents would be okay. They might even see it as good news to brighten up their stressful life.
“And the father?” Parker prodded.
“I’ll work on that as well. I’d really like to get my business up and running first. I want to show that I can take care of this baby on my own.”
Parker frowned. “He won’t help you? He has to. We can make him. Legally he has responsibilities including financial ones.”
“I know he’ll help, but I don’t want to need his help.”
“You know what they say, pride goeth before the fall,” Parker said.
“It’s not pride,” I said. “Well, maybe a little. I want to feel secure in my own ability to do it all.”
He squeezed my hand. “You are a strong, smart woman. You can do it, but you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here, and I know mom and dad will be too.”
On Sunday, I sat at the table with my parents, having a meal of roasted chicken and potatoes as I worked up the guts to tell my parents about the baby.
Under the table, Parker nudged my foot, which I took to mean he was there for me.
I waited until my mother finished telling about her adventures in couponing for the week. At first, she’d felt self-conscious about using them, but since then had taken them on as a challenge. Each time she went shopping, her goal was to save even more.
“This week, I saved twenty percent. That’s the most ever,” she said, clearly pleased with herself.
“Yay, mom,” Parker said, holding up his wine glass to salute her.
I was sticking with water, which no one had questioned so far even though I’d always enjoyed wine with them before.
“How is your business coming along, Hope?” my father asked.
“Good. I should be getting my samples soon, and I’ve been working on lining up places that can sell them.”
“The money came through?” my father asked.
“Yes. All that is good.”
“What about opening your own store?” my mother asked. “Maybe a boutique.”
“There’s a lot of overhead to that,” Parker said. “But you know an online store wouldn’t hurt.”
I remembered Mitch offering to do a website for an online store, but nothing ever came of it.
“That’s something on my list,” I said. “In the meantime, I’m working on getting other stores to carry the items. I have an outdoor line, so I’m targeting one or two of the big-name sporting good retailers.”
“Go big or go home,” Parker said, smiling at me. He really was a terrific brother.
“I do have something else to share,” I said.
“Oh?” My mother’s face showed concern, which suggested my tone wasn’t positive.
I looked at Parker, needing his support. He smiled and nodded.
I took a deep breath. “I’m…you’re going to be grandparents.”
My parents’ brows knitted together, and it seemed to take them a minute to understand what I was saying.
My mother’s eyes widened. “Oh. You’re having a baby?”
I nodded.
“I didn’t know you were seeing anyone,” my father said.
“It was back a little bit.” God, I hoped they didn’t put it together with the time I’d been at Mitch’s.
“Who is he?” my mother asked.
“I haven’t told him yet,” I said.
“I’ve told Hope that I’d be here to help any way I could,” Parker said.
“So you’re not getting married? The father isn’t in the picture?” my father asked. He didn’t have any judgment in his voice, which I appreciated.
Even so, I felt tears pool in my eyes about the father. “I’m sure he’ll be involved when I tell him, but no, I’m not getting married.”
My mother frowned. “Why haven’t you told him? What’s wrong with him?”
“Nothing, mom. He’s a good person. I just want to get my life sorted first. This isn’t something either of us planned.”
My mom and dad looked at each other, but I had no clue what that silent communication was about.
Finally, my mom turned back to me. “We love you, Hope, and whatever you need, we’ll help you with.”
My father nodded in agreement. “We can’t help much financially, but we support you.”
“We can babysit!” my mother exclaimed, clapping her hands over her heart. “Oh, I can’t wait.”
My father turned to her. “What about moving south?”
“That can wait. We’re going to be grandparents.”
Parker was right, as he usually was about such things. My mother went through a list of names she liked for boys and girls and wanted to know my plans for the birth. All in all, it went well, thanks to Parker.
“Thank you,” I said to Parker as I rode in the car beside him as we headed back home.
“For what?”
“For being a great big brother.”
He grinned over at me. “Good thing I took cuts coming out of the womb.”
I laugh
ed. “Good thing, indeed.”
“Hey, what if you have twins? I hear it runs in families.”
Oh really? I wasn’t sure I could manage one baby, but two?
Parker laughed hard. “Your face is priceless right now.” He picked up his phone from the center console and snapped a picture of me. I hope he got my tongue sticking out at him.
The following week, I continued to work on my business, but I also knew that if I really wanted to get my life sorted, I needed to move into my own place. Being at Parker's home was great when I needed to move quickly because my parents sold the river home, but now that I had a baby coming, it was time for me to get settled before I got too big to move.
I didn’t want to buy a home as my business wasn’t up and running yet, and I didn’t want to use up my nest egg just in case it took longer than planned to start making money in my business. Instead, I found a cute end unit townhome in a community filled with kids not far from my parents’ house.
“You don’t have to go, Hope,” my brother said when I told him about my impending move. “You can stay as long as you want.”
“I appreciate that. I really do.” I gave him a hug to let him know how much his support meant. “But I have to do this. How can I run a business if I can’t even manage my life?”
“Living with me isn’t a sign that you’re not managing your life,” he said.
“To me, it is. It says I can’t afford to support myself.”
He leaned against the kitchen cabinet as I made us spaghetti for dinner.
“Who’s going to make me dinner when you leave?” he said.
I laughed. “Ah, the truth comes out. You want me here to cook for you.”
“Well yeah.” He grinned at me.
“Get married or get a maid.”
“I think I’ll just order takeout.” He helped carry the food to the table. “So, when are you going?”
“Next weekend.”
“That fast? Fortunately, I’m available. I was thinking of inviting Mitch to play golf, but I can rope him into moving.”
I shook my head. I still wasn’t ready to see him yet. “I’ve hired a company to move me. Mom and dad said I can take some of the furniture that’s in storage from the river house, and I only have boxes here.”
Her Mountain Hero Page 15