Where Loyalties Lie

by Ramsower, Jill

  By the time we were done, my limbs were heavy with exhaustion. I knew, come morning, the thrill of a mission would provide ample adrenaline to energize me. Until then, I was beat. But I still had one more thing to do.

  I waited for Alon and Asaf to settle in their room before going to Emily’s room. It was closing in on midnight, and splatters of pale moonlight filtered in through the tree outside her window. She lay peacefully asleep on her side. It wasn’t the first time I’d watched her sleep. Often, at the cabin, I’d wake and find myself seeking her out, admiring how innocent she looked in sleep. Tonight was no different.

  Her rich skin was flawless in the soft light. I yearned to strip her bare and lay my eyes on every inch of that supple body, make it writhe and glisten under the strain of prolonged pleasure. The one taste I’d had of her had been an intoxicating mix of sweet vanilla and pure temptation. It was a heady flavor I’d never forget.

  I tore myself from her bedside, not willing to torture myself any longer. We had a big day ahead, so I needed to get some rest.

  When we first arrived, I’d checked to verify the old window in Emily’s room was sealed shut. Many of the finishes in the older house had been updated, but the doors and windows had not. I didn’t have to worry about her slipping away in the night through her window, but walking out the front door was still a possibility. She’d been far more compliant than a woman in her situation should be. A woman who was used to going on the offensive and fighting for her survival.

  She wasn’t thrilled to be here, and I wasn’t going to dismiss the possibility that she’d reconsider her decision to go along with my plan. Just to be safe, I grabbed a blanket and made myself comfortable on the couch with the front door in view.

  As it turned out, my cautionary instincts had been justified.

  Those years in the military had taught me to be a feather-light sleeper, able to rouse myself with the slightest change in the room around me. I woke up the moment the shadows shifted.

  Emily had her duffel slung over her shoulder and was tiptoeing toward the front door.

  I silently rose from the sofa and approached, not making myself known until I was a few short feet behind her. “I thought you said you trusted me.” I spoke softly, not wanting to draw an audience.

  Her posture stiffened, but she didn’t turn to face me. “I thought you wanted to keep me safe.” She spoke calmly, but each syllable was laced in venomous warning.

  “What makes you think I don’t?”

  She slowly spun, her righteous glare meeting my eyes in the shadows. “It’s him. Asaf is the man who attacked me back in New York. You set me up from the beginning.” The air around her practically vibrated with fury.

  Her accusation caught me totally by surprise. I never imagined she could have identified Asaf. He had sworn she never got a good look. It had been so dark in that alley, and she’d been terrified. People rarely recalled details clearly after a traumatic event.

  I should have known she’d be different.

  “Let me explain,” I urged, hands up to try to calm her.

  “Explain what? That there was a bounty on my head, and you wanted the money? I’ve been such an idiot to trust you. I knew from the beginning something was off, but I pushed those feelings aside because I wanted to believe there was more to you. But there’s not, is there? You’re just a fucking mercenary for hire to the highest bidder.” She spat the words at me, shoving my chest with both hands.

  I grabbed her wrists and forced them around to her back, bringing our chests together. “Do I get to tell my side of the story? Or are you just going to condemn me on sight?”

  “As if I even have a choice.”

  My eyes narrowed reflexively. “I learned about the bounty and recognized you immediately. I wanted to learn more about how you’d ended up with a price on your head, but you wouldn’t let me anywhere near you. I had Asaf stage an attack, hoping you would drop your guard around me so that I could get to know you and your past. That’s the only way I’ve deceived you. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’ve never once hurt you. And trust me, I could have.”

  “You told me you were an assassin, but you never quit, did you?” This time, her words were the whisper of a blade slicing through the air.

  “Assassin, and a bounty hunter when the job suits.”

  She bucked and yanked to free her wrists. “Let go of me. You’re a fucking monster. You’re just the same as the rest of them.”

  Her flailing wouldn’t stop, forcing me to press her back against the wall. The others had probably heard our tussle at this point, and I hated to air out what should have been private.

  “Listen to me,” I hissed next to her ear. “I know you’re upset, but you need to listen. Yes, I kill people, but I’m not just some hired gun. I have a code—I only take jobs when the target has done something bad enough to earn the price on their head. I refuse jobs all the time. I’m not going to kill a woman just so her ex-husband doesn’t have to pay alimony or kill some executive to enable a hostile business takeover.”

  “And you? Who judges your actions?” She stopped struggling, the front entry filling with a silence saturated with pleading and accusation.

  “You. You are the only one, so take a long, hard look at what I’ve done. Not what you suspect or what you fear, but at the truth of my actions. Words and feelings can be manipulated, but actions paint a perfect picture. See the things that I’ve done—the ways I’ve protected you and provided for you—and with those truths, you decide my fate.”

  Our eyes stayed locked in battle as I spoke, but little by little, conflict filtered into her gaze, diluting the anger and hurt until she was completely adrift in her emotions. Her eyelids slowly shuttered, cutting off my view to her thoughts. When they lifted again, the indecision was gone, leaving only a resigned sadness.

  She edged forward, touching her lips to mine in a kiss that was bittersweet anguish. There was no mistaking the kiss for what it was.

  A goodbye.

  There had been so many lies between us, and she had every right to hate me. I could understand her need to pull away. But if this was where things ended, I wanted more than a simple kiss. I wanted the memory of her writhing body to carry with me after she was gone.

  I released her wrists and wrapped my arms around her, seizing her mouth in another kiss. Her body molded against mine. I lifted her, relishing in the feel of her legs wrapping easily around my waist. Managing to avoid hitting any walls, I walked us back to her room as we stole the breath from each other, one kiss at a time.

  Once there could be no prying eyes, I set her down and made a show of slowly stripping her clothes from her body. I stepped back to admire her form, unable to help the guttural groan that ripped from my chest at the sight of her naked in the moonlight. It was just as mesmerizing as I’d imagined. My eyes devoured her as if she was the most exotic delicacy known to man, and I’d been living on bread and water for years.

  She peered up at me, so brave and uninhibited. There was fear there, but she was too strong to let it bend her to its will. A stubborn reed standing tall in a raging river.

  I stripped off my own clothes until we were two people, equally bare. Equally broken and exposed.

  “Don’t run from me, Emily. I can feel you pulling away, but you’ll never make it. I’ll always find you.” I walked her backward until her legs hit the bed, and she tumbled onto it.

  “How could I ever escape you? You’re everywhere. You’re in my head and under my skin.” She raked her fingers down my arms as I lowered myself on top of her.

  I kissed the words from her lips, devouring her admission and trying to pretend I didn’t taste the blame layered within. This was no perfect union. No joining of souls, given freely with love. This was defeat. A farewell. This was two people surrendering to their need for one another, despite all the reasons to walk away.

  I didn’t care. I would take whatever I could get from her and deal with the consequences later.

  I
had no patience for tenderness or compassion. There was only blistering need. If her clutching hands and writhing body were any proof, she was just as greedy for me. She understood the urgency. The unbridled obsession that drove me to the brink of madness—the madness of wanting something so desperately and knowing it was wrong.

  Lining up our bodies, I eased myself inside her, swallowing her moan with a kiss. Her knees bent reflexively, opening herself to me fully. I only gave us a moment to adjust, the count of several ragged breaths, before I began to rock inside her. My movements quickly became more frenzied, as if I could use my cock to erase all the lies and ugly that lay between us. Wipe the slate clean and find a place where we could exist beyond the heavy anchor of our pasts.

  “Tamir.” She breathed my name, a benediction and a curse.

  I knew exactly how she felt. This thing between us was too consuming not to fear it and too dangerous to ignore.

  “What is it, motek? Tell me what you need. Tell me.” I ran my hand down her body, finding my way to the curve of her ass and squeezing, kneading her flesh.

  “You. Nothing else … just you.” Her words were raw as though they’d been wrenched straight from her soul.

  I lifted my face so that our eyes could meet, and it was that connection, that electrical current pulsing between us, that ignited both our fuses and sent us over the edge. Liquid lightning shot down my spine and into my balls, sending cum spurting in hot jets inside her. Emily’s body shuddered violently, her eyes wide and unseeing as she was swept away on a stampede of pleasure. Her inner muscles squeezed to a breaking point, keeping me snugly inside her as if her body was doing what her heart wouldn’t allow.

  I dropped my face deep into the crook of her neck, breathing in her essence and stamping its chemical makeup into my memory. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

  I only wished the same could be said for her.

  Emily was, understandably, quiet the next day. I walked her through what she needed to know about the plan first thing that morning. She didn’t argue or try to run. She was braver and more disciplined than some of the soldiers I’d had the misfortune to work with.

  The irony was, while she swallowed her fears and walked into battle with her head held high, I was more worried than ever that our plan was horribly flawed, and that I wasn’t making the right choice.

  I’d never felt so conflicted in my entire life.

  We used the number on the bounty listing to set up a meet for that evening. By the time we filed into the car, even Alon had lost his trademark levity.

  The neighborhood was comprised of mid-century houses in various degrees of decomposition. It always amused me that criminals, like her uncle, stayed in areas like that when they were bringing in enough money to afford a swanky estate in the suburbs. Instead, they parked decked-out Escalades and custom Harleys under carports, next to pillbox houses with the vinyl siding falling off and shingles missing on the roof.

  It was the type of neighborhood where people knew when to make themselves invisible, which was good, because things were about to get ugly.

  Chapter 24

  Emily

  I never thought I’d be back here. It hadn’t even been a full year, but the feeling was surreal to see the houses I thought could only be seen in my memories. It felt like a dream or, more precisely, a horrible nightmare. I had that same sense of dread. That feeling you get while watching a horror movie when the actor was slowly walking through a dark, empty house, only to discover it was not so empty just as a psychotic murderer lunged from the shadows.

  My toes curled and uncurled in my sneakers, the need to run clawing at my muscles. I was terrified of what was about to happen, but at the same time, a part of me was sidetracked with the desperate need to see Isaac and Averi, one last time. I never got to tell them goodbye, and they were far too young to understand. My heart ached to think how much my leaving would hurt them and that they’d likely be told horrible stories about me. They’d grow up to hate me, and I couldn’t do a single thing about it.

  Instead of righting things with them, I was going to confront someone I had hoped never to see again. The one silver lining was knowing that after this, it would all be over. No more living in fear.

  I couldn’t dwell on the way things could have been different. Life was rarely perfect. Losing my mother at birth, having a father who didn’t want me, being raised in the shadow of crime—the only shining stars in the darkness were Tita and my sweet siblings. I focused all my nervous energy on those brilliant points of light in my memories and reminded myself that, after this was over, I’d at least get to see Tita again.

  Tamir had lured me to San Antonio with the promise that we were going to kill my uncle, but that’s not how things were going to play out. I’d made peace with that. I’d done what I could to fight against human trafficking. I’d given up everything for what I believed, and this was just the next step in that fight. I was proud of my choices. Even if fear wracked my body, I knew I was doing the right thing.

  We parked across the street from my uncle’s house. Tamir had acquired a second rental car, this one a silver sedan. I was sandwiched between Uri and Asaf on the way over, and we stayed in that formation after we exited the car. Tamir and Alon took the lead, sauntering across the street with the lethal calm of a lion prowling his savannah. I’d been instructed to keep my mouth shut and let Tamir do all the talking, which was just fine with me. I had nothing to say to my bastard uncle.

  Adrián must have had men watching for us. We had hardly stepped from the car when he ambled from the house, along with two of his men. I had no doubt there were more stationed where they couldn’t be seen. Uncle Adrián was close to sixty years old, but his age only made him seem more intimidating. There was no mistaking him for young and misguided. Uncle Adrián was stone-cold evil.

  He was still fit for his age, slim and far from frail. He wore his black hair pulled back in a short ponytail, and his black leather cut was always on—a show of his undying loyalty to Los Zares. Not to his family or his morals. His loyalty was fixed to a criminal organization that fed off the weaknesses of others. My father had his faults, but he loved his family in his own way.

  My uncle was pure corruption.

  As much as I wanted to confront him with confidence and unwavering bravery—to show that asshole he couldn’t scare me—I found myself lurking in Uri’s shadow, sticking close to the wall of a man. Not even my stubborn streak could override my survival instincts.

  “Look what we have here,” my uncle said, eyes boring down on me. “You never were very bright. It looks like now, you’re even too stupid to run.” He shook his head. “It’s in the blood. I told your father from the beginning he should have put you in the ground with your worthless whore of a mother while you were still inside her. But no, he was soft. Too young and stupid. He waited until you were born before he put a bullet between her eyes. And now, look at him, locked away in prison because he let you live.”

  His words filtered through my brain, one at a time, and I struggled to weave them together. When the full picture finally formed, my world tilted on its axis.

  “Ahh, now she gets it. Seeing your face right now was worth all this bullshit. I’m glad I got to be the one to tell you. Your mother was a dirty puta, just like you. We put that bitch in the ground, just like we’re going to do to you.” His eyes were maniacal as if his lust for blood fueled his existence.

  I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing my heart break, but a person could take only so much pain without it bleeding onto the surface. There was absolute truth to what he’d confessed. I knew it in my gut. My father had killed my mother. Her death hadn’t been the byproduct of my birth. That was why I’d been born at home. That was why he would never tell me anything about her.

  I’d always wondered how Tita could hate her sons so much, but now, it made perfect sense. I’d desperately wanted to see my father as something better than his brother, but he wasn’t. They
were both equally monstrous, and I hated them with the vastness of all the oceans.

  He’d betrayed me in the most elemental, malicious way a person can be betrayed—he stole a mother from an innocent child. Ripped apart a sacred bond and stole that relationship from me, then lied to me all those years. Knowing it had come from him, from my own flesh and blood, made it that much worse.

  That was the saddest thing about betrayal.

  It never came from your enemies. It was the people you cared about the most who could cut you the deepest, and I felt that knife, jagged and sharp, pierce straight into my heart.

  Off to the side, Tamir stepped forward and put an end to the show. “Let’s wrap this shit up. We brought her in. Where’s the money?”

  Chapter 25

  Tamir

  Emily’s face crumpled with agony, and I was glad. It was raw and pure and spurred on her anger. Like a living, breathing phoenix, she rose from the ashes. Her transformation from scared to broken to rebuilt lasted only a handful of seconds, but they were glorious to behold.

  Her ferocity was breathtaking.

  When she turned toward me and focused that majestic rage in my direction, pride thrummed in my chest. It took all my self-discipline to squash it down and remind myself that she wasn’t mine. Remind myself of what had to be done.

  “You were supposed to help me!” she screamed, her righteous ire palpable in the air around us. “You were supposed to kill him for me—to set me free. You’re nothing but a greedy bastard. That’s all I was to you—a fucking paycheck?” Tears filled her eyes, but she wasn’t about to go down without a fight.

  With lightning speed I hadn’t known she was capable, she snatched the gun Uri had tucked in the back of his pants.