“There’s that smile.” He pointed his finger at me. “You’d better keep this girl around. Happiness looks good on you.”
I stood, smelling the coffee brewing in the kitchen. “I need coffee. You want me to get you a cup of tea while I’m in there?”
Dad reached out and took my hand. “You have made me so proud, Tanner. Do you know that?”
I swallowed hard. “Have I?”
“You have worked your ass off in that shop every single day. I wished you could’ve gone to college. I know how badly you wanted to go away. But you put your family before yourself, and we wouldn’t have survived without you.”
“I didn’t do anything. I just—”
He squeezed my hand as hard as his weakened body would allow. “You deserve all the love and happiness in the world. I appreciate everything you’ve done for this family. You are a good man, Tanner. You’ve made me so proud.”
Tears flooded my vision. “I love you, Dad. It means the world to me to hear you say you’re proud of me.”
“Ah, don’t start blubbering on me.” He wiped his eyes as he chuckled.
“I’ll be right back with your tea.” I walked into the dining room feeling stunned.
“How is he?” Mom asked.
“He just told me he’s proud of me. I think he’s delirious.”
She smiled. “He just wants you to know how much he loves you.”
“I told him I’d bring Charlotte over again today,” I called from the kitchen. I filled my mug with coffee and Dad’s mug with hot water. “I really want her to meet him.”
“That would be great. Invite her over for dinner.”
I walked back into the living room and set Dad’s mug in his cup holder. His head was slumped forward, and his mouth was open. He’d fallen completely asleep in the few minutes I’d been gone.
I took my phone out just as Khloe came bouncing into the room. She babbled on and on about her Christmas gifts from Santa while I typed out a text to Charlotte. I was only half listening. Then, I heard three words like a siren blaring in my ears:
“Daddy’s breathing weird.”
I looked up from my phone before clicking Send. “What do you mean?”
“Come listen.”
I set my coffee down on the side table, and leaned over to listen for what Khloe had heard. Dad’s breaths sounded like he was gasping for air.
“Hey, Dad? Are you okay?” I asked. Normally, he would pick his head up when he heard someone talking to him. He didn’t respond.
“Khlo, go get Mommy. Tell her I need her to come in here.” I pressed two fingers against his neck. His pulse was so faint, I could barely feel anything at all.
“What’s wrong?” Mom asked, looking concerned.
“His breathing doesn’t sound good, and his pulse is … not good either.”
Mom sat beside him on the couch. “Tim, honey. Wake up. I need to know if you’re okay.”
The three of us sat in silence, waiting for him to respond. When he didn’t open his eyes, I knew something was very wrong. I immediately stood. “Get Dad’s coat. I’ll warm up my car.”
“What’s going on?” Chase asked as he came downstairs.
“I’m taking Dad to the hospital. Something’s wrong.” I flew out the door and started my car.
When I got back inside, Chase was helping Mom get Dad’s jacket on. No one was talking. Khloe sat on the couch, watching.
I lifted Dad into my arms and carried him out to my car. “I’m going to get you to the hospital, Dad. Everything’s going to be okay,” I whispered. Dad looked like he did the night he collapsed. I tried to remain calm. The doctors had helped him before; maybe he would be okay again.
It was like déjà-vu when I arrived at the ER. The nurses took Dad from me and rolled him through those same double doors. Within minutes, Mom walked into the waiting room, followed by Chase holding Khloe. We waited and waited, still silent. Even Khloe was quiet. I think we were all holding our breaths, hoping for a miracle. But Christmas was over, and the time for miracles had run out.
A doctor emerged from the double doors only five minutes later—much sooner than I’d expected. That was when I knew. His face was a dead giveaway. So was the breath he inhaled when he sat beside my mother. Mom covered her mouth before the doctor said a word. She knew, too.
I heard the doctor say, “We lost him.” His mouth kept moving, but the sound of blood pounding in my ears was all I could hear. I pulled my hood over my head and slumped into the chair. Mom cried, rocking Khloe who was crying now, too. Chase covered his face with his hands. I couldn’t look at them. It was too painful to watch. My own pain was slicing through my chest.
How could Dad be gone? He talked to me as if everything was fine this morning. He’d told me he was proud of me. Now, I would never hear him say those words again. He’d said he wanted to meet Charlotte.
Now, he never would.
I lifted my eyes to watch my mother stand and follow the doctor. She was going to say goodbye to her husband. Tears spilled over my eyelids. What would she feel when she saw him lying there? She was now alone. A widow. Her life partner was gone.
That’s when it hit me. Reality was a freight train—a ton of bricks. Everyone dies. Life ends. All of our lives will end. We’re going to have to bury our father. Eventually, we will have to bury our mother. There was a chance I would even have to bury Chase or Khloe.
Charlotte. One day, Charlotte is going to die. I suddenly couldn’t imagine a world—my life—without her in it. I made her my everything, and one day, she’s going to take it all with her when she goes. I will be left here with nothing. Alone.
As if sensing my downward spiral, Khloe crawled out of Chase’s arms and into my lap. She placed her tiny hands on either side of my face and kissed my forehead. I couldn’t offer her any words. There was nothing I could say to help her make sense of this. I just wrapped her in my embrace and held her as we cried.
After several minutes, Mom came back into the waiting room, her puffy eyes red. She kneeled and brushed Khloe’s tears away. “Do you want to say goodbye to Daddy?”
Khloe nodded and took Mom’s hand as she stood. Chase stood, too. I remained in my seat.
“Are you going to come in?” Chase asked. The usual self-righteous tone was absent from his voice.
I shook my head.
Mom placed her hand on Chase’s shoulder as they walked away. “He doesn’t have to come with us. He can have his time alone with Dad after.”
I couldn’t be in there while they cried over his body. That wasn’t Dad. Not anymore. He was gone. Nothing would ever be the same again.
I could feel my demons closing in. They’d broken free from their cages. All this time, I’d only suppressed them, unable to defeat them. I’d tried so hard to fight. Charlotte made me want to try. But now … I was just tired of everything in my life being so fucking hard. I could feel myself slipping into the darkness as the demons dragged me away. It felt oddly comforting—familiar.
The automatic doors to the waiting room opened as Merritt ran inside. One look at me, and she knew. She knelt on the floor in front of my chair.
“I’m so sorry, Tanner. I’m so sorry.” She wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
I buried my face in her sweatshirt. She’d lost her mother when she was thirteen, and then she lost her father. She knew what this felt like. She understood what I was about to endure. So much death surrounded us. Death was everywhere. It was coming for everyone. Not one of us stood a chance against it. What was the point in falling in love and building families when we would only be torn apart by death in the end?
My phone vibrated in the pocket of my hoodie. I pulled away from Merritt and looked at the screen. It was Mom.
“Yeah,” I answered, clearing my throat.
“Can you call Merritt for me? I want to get Khloe out of this place. Maybe she can take her for a while.”
“She’s already here.”
“Okay. We’re coming o
ut.”
I shoved the phone back into my pocket and wiped my tears quickly. “Mom is coming down with Khloe.”
Mom was carrying Khloe in her arms when she came through the doors. There was no sign of Chase. I didn’t wonder why he wasn’t coming out to see his girlfriend. He’d figured out what I just had.
“Thank you for coming,” Mom said as she approached.
Khloe turned her head to see us, her big eyes red. More searing pain cut through my chest. Khloe was too young to lose her father. The same age as Charlotte was when she lost her mother. Charlotte’s mother died from cancer. Charlotte could get cancer one day. I could, too. It was in our genes.
“Merry,” she whispered as she was transferred from Mom to Merritt. “My daddy went to heaven, like yours did.”
“I am so sorry, angel girl.”
“Do you think he will see your dad? Do you think he knows what he looks like?”
Merritt smiled as the tears spilled down her cheeks. “I think he will see my dad up there. I think they’ll be good friends.”
“I do, too.”
“Do you mind taking her for a little while?” Mom asked. “She shouldn’t have to stay here for this part. I don’t know who else to ask.” I watched as a tear escaped Mom’s eye. It only made me angrier. She shouldn’t have to feel pain like this.
“Of course I’ll stay with her. I’ll do anything you need. Just say the word.”
“Thank you. You can take the car seat out of my car. I’m sorry to bother you.”
“Don’t be sorry. I’m glad I can be here to help.”
Merritt left, and Mom sat down next to me. “I need you to come in with me and your brother. I want us to be all together.”
I shook my head.
“Tanner, please. I need you with me. I can’t do this alone.”
I made the mistake of looking into her eyes. My mother’s beautiful eyes, now dull and broken, were imploring me to go with her. This was the worst day of her life—and she needed me. It didn’t matter what I wanted or needed. I had to be there for her. I had to help her through this.
So, I stood, and followed her to say goodbye to my father.
Charlotte
“Hey, Tanner. It’s me again. Just calling to see if everything is okay. Call me as soon as you can, please.”
It was unusual for Tanner to ignore my texts and calls. He always had his phone on him. The more time went by, the more worried I felt. Something was wrong.
I decided to drive to his house. When I arrived, there were no cars in the driveway. Where were they? Even Merritt’s car was gone. There was no way Tim would’ve had enough strength to go out, and they wouldn’t ever leave him home alone. Then, my heart sank.
I drove as fast as I could to the hospital. Looking around the waiting room in the ER, I didn’t see anyone I knew.
“Excuse me. Are you able to tell me if anyone with the last name Brooks has been admitted?”
Her face fell at the mention of his name. “Are you family?”
“I’m his son’s girlfriend. I can’t get a hold of anyone, and they’re not home. I’m worried.”
She looked like she was thinking about what she should say. “You should talk to your boyfriend, miss.”
“He won’t answer me. Please. Can you tell me anything? Is Tim okay?”
The receptionist looked at her coworker sitting next to her, and the woman nodded her head, granting her permission. “Miss, I’m sorry to tell you this … but Mr. Brooks passed away this morning. The family just left a few minutes ago.”
Oh, God. “Thank you.” It came out as a whisper.
I knew it was coming, yet I wasn’t prepared for it. How was that possible?
I made my way back to my car in complete shock. I checked my phone as I drove out of the parking lot. Tanner still hadn’t tried to contact me. My heart ached. I wanted to be there for him, to hold him. I wanted to tell him everything would be okay.
I dialed him again. No answer.
Tanner
My phone buzzed all day, but I couldn’t bring myself to answer it. I didn’t want to tell Charlotte. I didn’t want to say the words. Once I said it, it would all start happening. Funerals. Black suits. A hearse. I wasn’t ready for any of it. I thought I would be, but I wasn’t. Not since we’d returned from the hospital with one less family member.
Chase locked himself in his room. I wanted to do the same, but my father’s last words resonated in my mind: You put your family before yourself, and we wouldn’t have survived without you. Mom needed me. Khloe needed me, too. She needed to see that our family would be okay. So, I buried my own feelings. I was used to it.
Merritt had gone grocery shopping for us and brought pizza for dinner. I couldn’t think about eating anything until I smelled the aroma wafting out of the box. My stomach growled, and I remembered that I hadn’t eaten all day.
The four of us were eating quietly together when Chase stepped into the dining room.
“Thanks for bringing all this,” he muttered as he sat next to Merritt.
“Are you having a slice?” she asked, motioning with an empty plate.
He shook his head. “Not hungry.”
“Chase, you haven’t eaten anything since dinner last night. You need to eat something,” Mom said. I could barely look at her. It killed me to see her so dejected.
“I’ll eat when I feel hungry,” Chase snapped. Without saying another word, he walked out of the room.
“He’s just tired.” Mom always made excuses for him.
“This isn’t something he can just sleep off. Dad’s gone, and the sooner he comes to terms with that, the better off he’ll be.” I left the room with my plate before I said something inappropriate in front of Khloe.
I walked into the living room and sat on the couch. I stared at Dad’s empty recliner, reminding me that he was no longer here. I felt the hot tears return. I couldn’t be here.
I ran upstairs to my room. I had dozens of calls and texts from Charlotte. I stared at her number on my phone, blinking back the tears as scary thoughts filled my mind. She was the love of my life; she was everything I’d been searching for. What would I do if I ever lost her? How would I go on without her?
It was a fear I’d never known before. I couldn’t bear the thought of going through what Mom was going through. It would kill me—literally tear me open and rip me apart.
I needed something to take this pain away. Something to make the aching stop. I left my phone on my nightstand and dug my car keys out of my pocket.
Seventeen
Charlotte
He texted me once. Once, and then nothing after that. The text said very simply that his father had died, and that he needed to spend this time with his family. I was shocked at his reaction, at his coldness toward me. I’d been there for him when his father was sick. He’d needed me, or so I thought. Did I not say the right things? Why did he feel like he couldn’t lean on me now? What changed?
Millions of questions crowded my mind. I didn’t know what to do to make things better for him. I felt helpless. I couldn’t understand why he was pushing me away, but I had to respect what he wanted.
I told myself that he would snap out of it soon. I sent flowers and a tray of food to his house. I texted him every day, reminding him that I wasn’t going anywhere. I tried to be a part of this awful time in any way I could. Even if that meant hiding at the back of his father’s funeral.
I sat in the last row. With my scarf pulled up to my chin, I shivered in my coat. Even with the sun shining in the middle of the clear blue sky, it was no match for the bitter winter air. The funeral had already started as I craned my neck to see Tanner sitting in the front row.
I watched his expressionless face and wondered what he was thinking behind his stone-cold eyes. My heart sank when I saw Merritt sitting with them, holding Chase’s hand. I wished I could do the same for Tanner … but, he didn’t want me there.
The service was beautiful. Everyone was crying. E
veryone except Tanner. When it was over, I watched as the Brooks family piled into Beverly’s car, Khloe clutching her father’s urn in her tiny hands.
Then, I headed home.
Tanner
“Let me have it if you’re not going to drink it.”
TJ covered his glass. “You’ve had enough to drink.”
I waved my hand to summon the bartender. “I’m just getting started.”
I heard TJ’s sigh of disappointment over the music. “I really don’t feel like taking your drunk ass home again. Why don’t you quit while you’re ahead?”
“I never asked for your help.” I was slurring. Even I could hear it, and I was drunk.
“You know I can’t let you drive like this. When is enough going to be enough for you? Drinking isn’t going to bring your dad back, you know.”
I glared at him.
“It’s the truth. You need to hear it.”
I tried to flag down the bartender again, but she continued to ignore me. “I’m sick of the truth. The truth hurts too much. I’m no good for her. I can’t protect her.” I covered my face with my hands. “I can’t lose her.”
“You’re going to lose her if you keep acting like this. You’re a fucking mess. You need to get your shit together.”
The bartender handed a beer to the man standing next to TJ’s stool.
“Hey, what the fuck? I’ve been waiting for another drink for ten minutes!” I shouted angrily.
“She’s cutting you off, bro. Take the hint,” the stranger shouted back at me.
I stood, swaying as I tried to balance myself on my own two feet. “Why don’t you mind your own fucking business?”
TJ put his hand up, signaling for the man to back off. “He’s not worth it. He’s wasted.”
The man shook his head at me before he turned and disappeared into the crowd.
“I’m not breaking up another one of your pointless fights,” TJ said. “I’m also not paying your tab. You should be paying me to sit here and listen to this pathetic bullshit.”
“Fuck you,” I grumbled as I slumped back onto my seat. “What’s the point of it all? We try and we try, but nothing is in our control. Dad died. He died and I couldn’t stop it. I have no control over anything. If the same thing happens to Charlotte, I’m useless. I can’t help her. I can’t save her. The way Mom lost Dad? All those years together, and now what? She’s all alone.” I rambled on and on, spewing my pain and sorrows to TJ.
The Other Brother (The Collision Series) Page 15