by S. M. Shade
From everything I’ve read and heard, I expect some pain. I mean, it’s a cock in a place one has never been before. Pain kind of goes along with the territory, but I’m not as nervous as I was. If fingers felt that good, maybe this will too.
I’m shocked at how huge his cock feels when it presses against me, rubbing up and down. Ever so gently, he pushes it forward.
Oh god, I was wrong. It hurts. Hurts, hurts, really fucking hurts. My gasp and the way my body tightens up makes him stop. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just…give me a second.” I don’t want to stop him. I want to experience this with him, something neither of us has done before. People fuck like this all the time. It must get better. Taking a deep breath, I force my muscles to relax.
“Are you all the way in?”
His chuckle is accompanied by his hand tenderly stroking my thigh. “That’s just the head.”
“Oh god.”
“Do you want to stop?”
“No, I’m good. You can keep going.”
He pulls my hips back a little where I’m bent over more, but still on my side. My fists tighten on the pillow when he pushes in a little more. How can anyone like this? There’s nothing good about the next minute or so. He’s gentle and goes slow, his short strokes taking him a tiny bit further each time until finally something seems to loosen. The sharp pain fades to a milder burning sensation, and he slides all the way inside me.
The groan he lets out is something I’ll remember for the rest of my life.
“You okay?” His struggle is clear in his voice.
“Yeah.”
His hand strokes my hip, and his breath is hot in my ear. “My cock is buried in your ass, Remee.”
His dirty words light me up. “Then fuck me.”
Spoiler alert. It still hurts. I’m doing my best not to show it. He grabs my hair and tugs my head back a little. “Does it feel good?”
My words croak out. “Oh yeah…so..um, good…real…pleasurable.”
He stops and presses his face against my back, his body shaking with laughter. “You can say you don’t like it.”
“Don’t stop. Just…I wouldn’t be mad if you came soon.”
He chuckles again and resumes. His strokes are quicker but not hard. Within a minute, he shoves in deeper than ever, and my groan matches his as his body shudders.
So, I’ve done anal.
One star. Do not recommend.
The last week has been relaxing and fun—minus the first day of a sore ass. We only have a few weeks until school starts again and we won’t have as much time to spend together, but I’m determined to make it work.
As I’m leaving for my appointment with my advisor to register for this semester’s classes, Owen pulls up beside my car and hops out.
“Hey, I thought you were going to the river with Graham.”
“I am. Marty insists on coming too.”
“How’s that going to work?” He’s getting around a little better on the crutches, but I can’t imagine him on the muddy bank of White River.
Owen waves a hand at me. “We’ll put him in a wheelbarrow or something. I wanted to ask you about something.”
The slight nervousness in his voice is a bit concerning, and I hold my breath until he continues. “Do you want to go with me to visit my family for a couple of days?”
“I’d love to go.” Okay, I’m thrilled he asked me and also nervous as hell so love to go might be a bit of an overstatement, but worth the smile that bursts across his face.
“Yeah?”
“Of course. When?”
“Day after tomorrow. We’ll stay two nights. My other brothers are coming home too. The whole family is getting together.”
“Are you sure it’s okay to bring a girlfriend?”
“Ha!” He puts his hands on my shoulders, grinning down at me. “Mom has called twice today and then texted me to remind me to invite you. And Mom never texts.” I’m left with a quick kiss before he walks back toward his truck. “If you back out, she might show up here.”
“So that’s where you get your stalker tendencies. Does she think she’s funny too?” I tease.
“No, that’s Dad. Be ready for all the Dad jokes.”
Once he leaves to spend the day with the guys, I make the short drive to the college. It feels great to be back on campus. With all the time I’ve spent here, it’s like a second home. The place is pretty empty except for the student services building that houses the advisor’s offices and financial aid department. It’s buzzing with students registering, making their tuition payments, and getting their schedules.
My attention is drawn to some of the younger ones who are obviously coming in as freshman. The expression of excitement and trepidation on their faces makes me smile because I remember being in their shoes. After pointing one girl in the right direction to find the financial aid department, I step into the office and scrawl my name on the sign-up sheet for my advisor.
My name is called quicker than I anticipated, but it isn’t to see the advisor. The clerk, an older lady with a kind voice, pulls me aside. “You’ll need to reschedule your appointment once you get everything worked out with financial aid.”
Her words confuse me for a moment. “Financial aid? For what? My tuition’s been paid. I buy my own textbooks.”
Her lips press together in reluctance. “By our records, your tuition hasn’t been paid.”
“That’s…there must be some mistake. It’s set up on auto payments from my education account.”
“The payment was returned due to insufficient funds. You’ll have to visit the financial aid office and they can give you further options to explore to fund this semester. I’m sorry.”
My mind is racing, but I’m not in a panic because this must be a mistake. “I understand. It’s probably a bank error or something. I’ll get it straightened out. Thank you.”
Exiting the building, I wander over to a picnic table and pull out my phone. Dad and I talk so rarely—by his choice—that I hate having to call him, but there’s no other option. He handles the education account and payments. My calls to him usually go to voicemail. That’s what I expect this time too, but instead he picks up.
Without a hello of any sort he says, “I wondered when I’d be hearing from you.”
That familiar angry tone drops a rock into my stomach. “I was just calling because there’s some mix-up at school with the tuition payment.”
“There’s no mix-up. I denied the payment.”
Ice crawls down my spine, and my next word comes out in a whisper. “Why?”
“What did you do this summer, Remee?”
“I-I was in Florida.”
“Your mother told me you’re seeing some boy and you lost a lucrative grant because of him. Do you think you can just throw away a grant worth thousands of dollars because I’ll pay anyway?”
“No, it wasn’t like that.”
“I don’t want to hear it. You want to be like your sister, you can pay your own way like her.” The derision in his voice makes me ache for Rachel more than for myself when he spits out the words. “Find some waitress job.” You’d think she was prostituting on a corner. The thought pops in my head of what he’d think about her selling nudes if he sees waitressing as demeaning, and a giggle slips out of my mouth, despite the circumstances.
“I’m glad you’re so amused. I’ve closed down your education account. You won’t see another penny from me.”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” he sneers. “Is that all you have to say?”
He wants me to grovel and beg him to reconsider. Maybe promise never to talk to “that boy” again, but that’s not going to happen. It wouldn’t make a difference anyway. One chance, that’s all you get with him. Part of me has always known this day would come. I’ve never been under any illusion he loved me or Rachel. Even conditional love seems to be a stretch for him and Mom. For the first time I can remember, instead of that making me want to try harder for their
approval, it makes me angry. Just like Rachel, he won’t bother communicating with me again after this, so this is my only chance.
“No, that’s not all. Someday when you’re old and alone, remember me and Rachel. Think about all the times we tried to love you. And when you think about picking up the phone in the hopes of reconnecting, do me one favor. Don’t.”
The only response is a click in my ear.
The realization of what just happened pours over me, but I don’t let myself melt down until after I’ve talked to the financial aid office. It isn’t until then that my options become clear. Go over my head in debt with student loans, or take a year off to work and save money to go back next year. I’m glad I have enough in savings to cover my rent and necessities for about six months, but all those extra classes, all that hard work to get ahead. All for nothing.
It’s my worst fear come true.
Chapter Twenty-One
Owen
It’s a nice day, cooler than usual without the normal humidity late summer likes to smack us with. We have a spot where we typically go to fish. It’s also a popular spot for some of the high schoolers to swim, and I’m glad to see it’s empty today. You’d have to be young or dumb to jump in that water. Or unafraid of a skin infection.
Graham and I drag a cooler of beer down the embankment, then the lawn chairs and fishing equipment, before going back for Marty. He’s been doing a lot better, but there’s no way he’s making it down with crutches. Instead, Graham and I get on either side of him and haul him down to the waiting lawn chair.
“I could get used to this. Who wants to rub my feet?” he taunts.
“You know how fast you’d sink with that cast, right?” Graham threatens.
I grab a few beers out of the cooler and toss one to Graham. “Faster if we tied him to the chair and threw the whole thing in.”
“Keep your kinky bondage games in the bedroom,” Marty says, shaking his head when I offer him a beer.
Graham frowns. “Are you still taking those pain pills?”
“Relax Dad, I only have a few left.” Marty accepts the fishing rod I hand him, and we all focus on getting the lines in the water.
Sitting on the bank, we’re all quiet for a while, listening to the rushing water and watching for a sign of a bite. It’s nice, and it makes me miss home a little. I didn’t grow up in the middle of the woods or anything, but in a rural area with no close neighbors, and fields on all sides. A small stream cuts through, separating our property from the next, and I spent countless hours out there wading and catching tadpoles.
Maybe it’s just on my mind because I’m looking forward to going home and taking Remee to meet my family. I know they’re going to love her.
“Why are you grinning at your reel like an idiot?” Marty asks, interrupting my thoughts.
“Fuck off. I was thinking about seeing my brothers in a couple of days. Everyone’s coming home. Remee agreed to go with me too.”
“Brave girl. I’ve met your brothers,” Graham says with a chuckle.
Marty yanks on his line and sits up, reeling like crazy. We all laugh when a tiny fish breaks the surface of the water. “I had bigger goldfish as a kid,” I tell him, when he throws it back.
The size really doesn’t matter. We’re just catching and releasing anyway. Fishing is more of an excuse to get away and have some beers outside while it’s still summer.
“I had a rainbow fish as a kid,” Marty remarks.
Graham looks at him. “It was different colors?”
“Nah, not striped like a rainbow. It just changed colors every few months.”
“You’re full of shit.” I reel my line in to see my worm has been stolen and rebait it.
Marty casts his line again. “Seriously. Coolest fish ever. We didn’t know it was a rainbow fish when I first got it. It was just a yellow fish. But a few months later, I came home from school and it had turned orange.”
Graham glances at me before asking Marty, “Did it change color again?”
“Yeah, at least four times. I remember coming home from baseball camp and it was white. Mom called me when I was staying a weekend at my grandmother’s to tell me it had turned gray.”
By now, I’m fighting not to laugh and if I look at Graham, I’m going to lose it.
“What happened to it?” Graham asks, sliding his hand across his mouth.
“Died. I found it floating when I woke up one Saturday morning and buried it. I was upset, but dad said I could get a puppy, so I got over it.”
Graham’s shoulders start shaking, and he buries his face in his hands.
“What?” Marty asks.
When Graham looks at me, I swallow hard to keep from laughing. “I don’t…I don’t know whether to tell him,” I admit.
“Tell me what?” Marty demands, looking from one of us to the other. “What the hell is so funny?”
Graham can barely get the words out. “His mom…she’s either the sweetest person…or she trolled him and got away with it all this time.” It’s hilarious to see him lose his composure because he’s the last of us to usually do that.
Marty glares at me. “Tell me what he’s talking about.”
It’s probably kinder to let him know now. “Dude, think about it. There are no rainbow fish.”
“There are! I had one for years!”
Graham slides off his chair, gasping. “I can’t. I can’t.”
It’s a struggle to keep a straight face. “There aren’t, man. Your mom didn’t want to tell you that your fish died so they kept replacing it, but couldn’t match the color.”
The expression on Marty’s face is priceless. His jaw falls open. “She…they were different fish!”
Graham sits on the ground, holding his sides and fighting for a breath.
“I did forget to feed it a lot,” Marty mumbles to himself.
Tears pour down Graham’s face. “Stop. I’m going to die.”
I move his beer over before he can knock it down. “We’ll just replace you with another boring white guy. He’ll never know the difference.”
Marty snatches up his phone, taps the screen, and shouts into it a moment later. “Mom! How could you? A rainbow fish?” He pauses as she speaks, then answers. “Yeah, you can barely hear me over the sound of my friends laughing at me! Yes, I still believed it!”
The call goes on for a few minutes with Marty demanding answers from his parents. After he hangs up, Graham finally manages to calm down, but every time we look at each other, one of us starts chuckling again.
When it’s getting late and almost time to go, Graham says, “Um, I need to tell you guys…I found a new job.”
“Yeah?” I reply, slapping at a mosquito dining on my arm.
“It’s in Japan.”
My head jerks around, and Marty sits up. “Japan?” I repeat.
“I applied a while back. A friend of mine lives there, and they’re looking for people to teach English to elementary school kids. It’s a great opportunity.”
“For how long?” Marty asks.
“Two years. I’ll get to learn the language, culture and everything.”
“You’re moving to Japan?” I clarify, unable to believe it. He’s never mentioned it before. “When?”
“In about two months. I’m sorry I can’t give you more notice to find a new roommate, but I just got the job offer last night.”
“And you’re sure?” I look him in the eye, and he nods.
“I want some adventure. Something different.”
It’s understandable, and though I hate to see one of my best friends go, I nod back. “You have to do what makes you happy. But you’d better keep in touch.”
“Ugh,” Marty lays his head back. “You suck. I’m happy for you and all that, but just know you suck, and I absolutely will not miss you.”
It’s not like I thought we’d live together forever. That’s what happens at this point in life and while I was aware of that, it’s really striking me now how much th
ings are probably going to change over the next few years. When school turns to full time careers. When partying and living with my best friends isn’t an option anymore.
It’s on my mind the entire time we gather our things and drive back to our apartment until I get a text from Remee.
Remee: Can you come over? I’ve had a bad day.
Me: Of course. What happened?
Remee: I’ll tell you when you get here. Love you.
Owen: On my way. Love you.
Remee was excited about registering for her classes this semester when I left her this morning. What could’ve gone wrong? Is it just that she didn’t get a class she wanted? It was the end of the world when she couldn’t get summer classes so something like that is what I expect when I walk in her place. Until I see the expression on Serena’s face. Something else is wrong.
“Where’s Remee? Is she okay?”
“In her room,” Serena says.
Remee sits on the loveseat that’s tucked against the wall, staring out the window. A reluctant smile forces itself across her face. “Hey.”
“Hey.” She lays her head on my shoulder, and I wrap my arm around her.
“Thanks for coming.”
“Always, baby. Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“I have to quit school.” Her voice cracks on the words, and she swallows hard. “At least for a year.”
I look down at her, wondering if I heard her wrong. “What?”
She nods and continues with a sigh. “Dad found out I lost the grant from Building Hope. He shut down my education account.”
Anger flares up my spine. “Your Dad cut you off because you lost a grant?”
“Mom told him it was because of a guy. So he thinks I’m no different than Rachel and not worth his money. That I’m a waste.”
Every trace of me wants to tear this guy apart, not because he withdrew his money, but because of the hurt in her voice. Her eyes widen when I cup her face firmly and look her in the eye. “Listen to me, Remee. You aren’t a waste. You’re amazing and talented and smart. Better than all that, you’re loving. That’s something he’ll never understand how to be.”