by Vella, Wendy
“Stop thinking.”
“I can’t help it. So much could go wrong with what we are doing, Fin.”
“Or right.” His chin rested on the top of her head. “Maybe we should play it out and see where it takes us.”
“As soon as the town sees us being anything but polite, there will be no way back.”
“I think they’ve already guessed. Miss Marla asked me if I was sweet on you earlier.”
Maggie moaned.
“So we may as well just explore whatever the hell this is and run with it.”
Could she?
“My mother wasn’t very stable,” he said quietly. “I remember some evenings we’d have the most elaborate meals she’d spent all day preparing. Five dishes of vegetables in sauces, meats and desserts. My sister and I thought it was cool. Our father didn’t. They’d argue, and I’d hear him say that they couldn’t afford to eat that way.”
He took her wineglass and a large swallow before handing it back.
“We just thought it normal. She’d be up one day, and down the next. The downs were bad. She’d go to bed and sleep.”
“Did she have medication?”
“Yes, but sometimes she refused to take it, saying she felt better. The problem with that was when she’d start to spiral down again.”
“What was your dad like growing up?”
“He worked.”
“All the time?” His tone told her he didn’t want to discuss his father, but Maggs wasn’t giving up.
“If he wasn’t working, he was tired.”
“He never read or played with you?”
Fin took a deep breath; she felt his chest move behind her.
“Yes, he did those things. I didn’t hate him then.”
“Why do you?”
He was silent for so long, she wasn’t sure he would tell her.
“My mother was paranoid sometimes. One day she followed him, and he met a woman. She saw him kiss her. The next day, I came home from high school and my mother had overdosed.”
“No. Oh, Fin, that’s terrible.” Maggs turned to face him. “You found her?”
He nodded, and she saw the pain of that day still haunted him. Straddling him, Maggs sat on his thighs, wrapping her arms around his body. He stiffened briefly, then held her in a fierce hug, burying his face in her neck.
“You blamed him?”
“It was his fault. If he hadn’t been having an affair and Mom hadn’t seen, she wouldn’t have taken that overdose or left the note detailing exactly that.”
Maggie thought of the man who had lived with a woman who was clearly tormented. A man who wanted to look after his children. How he must have suffered too, losing his son and his wife.
“Did he say he was definitely having an affair?”
“I never spoke to him again.”
“What? Never?” She eased back to look at him, her hands still around his shoulders.
“No. Then I went a bit crazy. Stealing, not coming home. Disruptive in school. He came to my room one day and sat on the end of my bed. Told me he knew I was taking drugs, which I was, but I’d only dabbled at that stage, and that he was sending me away to a ranch. That he had to do it or I’d end up dead or in prison.”
“The same ranch Joe went to?” The memories had taken him back to those days. She saw the sadness in his eyes.
“Yes.”
“Do you think he suffered too from your mother’s behavior, Fin? He lost his wife and son.”
“He was having an affair, Maggie. She killed herself because of that.” The words were raw, filled with pain he held deep inside him.
“But do you know that he was? I mean, have you asked him?”
“Mom took a picture of the woman, and it was Mallory’s mother. She left it with the note.”
“How come your sister has forgiven him?”
Fin shrugged. “She said she couldn’t hold on to all that hate and anger anymore, and that she talked to him and he explained a few things.”
“But you don’t want to listen or forgive him?”
He looked at her. “You say that like you think I’m in the wrong here.” He was defensive.
“I didn’t mean it to sound that way, Fin, and I’m not judging you.” Maggie stroked the hair at the nape of his neck. “I have no idea what it was like to lose a parent… two parents, actually. No idea what it was like to live without the support of the people I love.”
“It hurts, but after a while you live with it.”
She ached for the boy who had “lived with it.” He had become a wonderful human who had scars so deep and angry inside him that one day surely they would consume him.
“I think you should speak with your father, if only for closure. You don’t have to forgive him but maybe it will make you feel better?”
“No.” His jaw clenched. “I won’t do that.”
“You can’t carry this anger around with you forever, Fin. It’s not healthy.”
“I’ve done all right so far.”
Don’t push any more tonight, Maggie. For now it was enough that he’d opened up to her. In time she’d work on the rest. In time? What did that mean? Friends, lovers, in a relationship?
She felt the strength in the thighs beneath her and heat from the warm skin of his body. A body she’d yet to explore fully.
“Thank you for telling me, Fin. I’m sorry if it hurt you.” Leaning closer, she kissed him softly. The breath caught in his throat as she moved to his ear. Biting down gently on his lobe, she felt his shudder.
“Welcome,” he wheezed as she moved to his chin.
Easing her hands under his shirt, she pulled it up and over his head, exposing all that lovely flesh.
“We could—”
“My turn to play.” Maggie pressed her lips to his briefly. “You just sit there looking hot.”
His laugh was more a grunt.
She kissed his shoulders, moved to his chest, and kissed every inch of that too. By the time she reached the waistband of his sweatpants, his breathing was choppy. Maggs looked at him as she ran a finger down his stomach. Watching his eyes darken as she slipped it beneath, stroking the smooth head of his arousal.
“You’re a wicked woman.”
Her smile was pure seduction. “I try.”
She made him forget, made him moan long and loud, and then when he demanded more, she straddled him again, taking him deep inside her.
“So good,” he said just before he took her mouth in a savage kiss.
And it was so good, Maggie thought. Too good, almost too much. Arching back, she felt his hands on her breasts and then she sailed over the precipice with him.
Chapter 31
Fin woke early with Maggie wrapped around him like a blanket. He had to admit, it was something he could get used to, but as he’d promised Chief Blake he would head up the trails early and take another look for clues where they’d found Simon Linbar’s body, he would have to leave her, if only briefly.
If luck was on his side, he could slip out of bed, hike for a few hours, and be back before she woke. It was Sunday. The gallery was opened by Joan. They could spend the day here, only leaving for sustenance.
Damn, they were playing basketball today. Maybe he could get someone to sub in for him. Running the hand he had on her waist down her body, he stroked the smooth flesh. She didn’t move. Clearly his girl was a solid sleeper.
It was still dark, so he couldn’t see much of her, but he could feel her. Maggie Winter had the body of a pinup model. He wouldn’t be telling her that, however; she’d probably turn him into a eunuch.
Lifting her hair, he studied the face beneath now his eyes had adjusted. She slept deep, not even moving as he touched her check.
He wanted this woman bad. Before he continued his exploration and forgot his promise to the Ryker Falls chief of police, Fin eased out from beneath her, much to his regret.
She murmured, flipped onto her back, then began snoring softly. Muffling a laugh, he pulled th
e covers to her chin. Grabbing clothes, he then left the room.
It was colder than a blizzard, so he stoked the fire and put on coffee. Not for him, but on the off chance Maggs woke, she might like some. Dressed, he wrote her a note explaining where he’d gone, then laced his feet into his boots. Tugging his thermal cap lower, Fin let himself out the back door with a smile still on his face.
She did that to him. Maggie Winter with her humor, smarts, and sexy as hell body. He’d opened up to her about his mom, and she’d not judged him; instead she’d taken him on a sensual journey that left him reeling. He could still feel her lips on him. Her hands stroking, tormenting.
“Lucky it’s cold,” he muttered as his body twitched.
Whistling softly as he walked over the icy ground, he knew he was the only person around. Snow hadn’t fallen again last night, but there was ice on the ground and the temperatures would freeze any idiot not dressed for them.
“Lucky I’m not an idiot then.”
“Hello, Fin.”
“Christ!” Fin’s heart leapt inside his chest. “You scared the crap out of me.”
“Not my intention. I just want to talk to you, and this seemed the only way.”
His father wore a thick jacket and cords. On his feet were hiking boots.
“What do you want?”
“To talk to you. You’ve not given me a chance to do that, so I thought out here you’d have little option.”
He hated that just looking at this man made him hurt. Hated that little charge of emotion inside that he’d not quite been able to crush.
“You have nothing to say I want to hear.”
“Well now, that’s fine, but I’ll still be saying it.”
“How did you know I’d be out here?”
“Maggie told me you hiked in the mornings.”
Betrayal was the only word he could put to what he felt in that moment. She’d betrayed him by sharing information about him with the man she knew he loathed. It left a bitter taste in his mouth and anger swirling in his gut.
“I asked her how to get you to talk to me, and she said that had to be your decision.”
“And then told you I hiked in the mornings.” His words sounded cold.
“No, it wasn’t like that, Fin. I asked her—”
“Whatever. Just say what needs to be said, then go. I have to cover some ground, and it will be too quick for you.” He’d never thought of himself as mean by nature, but he could be, Fin realized.
“I’ll come with you.”
“No, you won’t keep up.”
He watched his father close his eyes briefly.
“I was not having an affair when your mother took that picture.”
“So you say.”
“So I know. Yes, it looked bad, but I never, not once in our married life, betrayed my marriage vows.”
He looked into the face that would one day be his. He’d age just like this man, but he’d be a better person.
“We done?”
“No, we are not!” The words exploded from his father, surprising Fin. His father never raised his voice at his children. “I never pushed this with you because I knew you needed to hate me. Needed someone to blame for what you found that day, but I’m done with that now.”
“I needed my father!” The words shocked them both.
“You didn’t want me. You blamed me, and there was nothing anyone could say to you to change that. I was the villain, end of story. I thought if I gave you time, you’d want to talk to me when you’d calmed down. Want to hear my side of the story, let me love you again.”
“You never tried.”
“Not true.” His father shook his head. “I tried many times. Came to your room, took you driving. I came to your ball games. I did everything I could to show you I cared.”
Fin thought back to that time. Slowly he remembered. He’d turn and find his father in the stands at a game, but he’d ignore him and go home with someone else. Sometimes he’d try and talk to Fin about his games, or school, he’d ignored him. He’d blocked those things out of his head; strange how they were all coming back to him now.
“When you started on the crime and drug taking, I knew there was no way I could reach you, so I sent you away before you killed yourself or ended up in prison. I thought after that you’d come home, and you did, but you were a stranger. We lived in a house together, but you weren’t there, not emotionally. Then one day I came home and you’d gone. The note said to Ryker Falls. And this is where you stayed.”
“I missed her,” Fin said softly.
“I know. I missed her too. I loved her so much. I was numb and cold inside when she died. I blamed myself too, and when I saw that blame echoed in your eyes it was doubly hard.”
Fin looked at the man he’d once worshipped. The man who had seemed so big and strong. The man who had played ball with him and read stories in crazy voices each night before bed.
He loved me.
He’d blocked all the good out and filled in those empty places inside with the bad and angry.
Was he wrong to have held on to this for so long? His father had lost his wife, the woman he loved, and Fin had pushed him aside without giving him a chance to explain.
“How do I know you’re telling the truth?”
“You don’t, but I’m not sure why I’d hold on to a lie for so long when it would gain me little now. You hate me; that’s not about to change anytime soon.”
“I don’t hate you.”
His father snorted. “Bullshit.”
They looked at each other, and Fin felt something ease inside him.
“I should have tried harder to get through to you, I see that now. But I hurt too, and then by the time I could think with any clarity, you were on a path to destruction.”
“I need to go,” Fin said. “I-I’ll come to the lodge later.”
“Mallory would like that.”
“She’s a good kid.”
“Who worships her big brother.”
“Not sure why she would when we barely know each other.”
“We told her about you.”
“And you told her only the good parts?” Fin raised a brow.
“Of course.”
He snorted. It was the longest conversation he’d had with his father since his mother had died. Longest, and maybe the most comfortable. He needed to think.
“I have to go.”
“Fin?”
He turned back.
“I never stopped loving you.”
The lump in his throat was the size of a large hailstone. Nodding, he turned and made for the trails.
Chapter 32
Maggie woke when the front door closed. Throwing back the covers, she grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her naked body. Last night with Fin had been a revelation. They’d talked, and he’d opened up about his family. They’d also made love, and Maggie had to say she was reeling with the feelings running through her. Feelings that she thought were deep and true. She found Fin in the kitchen pouring coffee into a mug.
“Hey, you.”
The look on his face when he faced her was empty of emotion.
“What’s happened?”
“My father ambushed me on the trails this morning.”
“I’m sorry—”
“He told me you said I hiked in the mornings. Told him where he could get some alone time with me.”
“Fin, listen. I didn’t—”
“Do you know what it felt like to walk through the mist and be confronted with him, Maggie?”
She swallowed.
“I felt blindsided, and that you had done it to me made it worse.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think. He was so sad and—”
“We talked.”
“That’s good, then?” It didn’t look good. In fact, his face looked like it had been carved in stone. Her stomach clenched. “I mean, maybe it could be a place to start?”
“But that’s not the point, is it? My friend, you, w
ho knew how things were between my father and me, told him where to find me.”
“He already knew where to find you, Fin. It’s not like we’re in the North Pole or anything.” She went for a little humor in the hopes he’d smile. He didn’t; if anything, his scowl grew darker. “Is it so wrong that I wanted you to speak to him? Wanted you to heal that anger inside you?”
“This is the real world, Maggie. You don’t meddle in that kind of shit. It’s up to me if I speak to him. The outcome may have been good, but it could just as well have ended badly. My morning walks are mine, damn you! I don’t share them.”
“Okay, so let me get this straight. It turned out that the talk with your father went okay, but you’re still pissed with me because I sent him to the trails when you were doing your morning man ritual?” Her anger started to simmer. What the hell was his problem?
“You had no right!” He jabbed a finger at her.
“So what? I’ve violated some code of friend loyalty because I wanted to stop you hurting?”
“I’m not hurting,” he gritted out.
“Don’t bullshit me, Findlay Hudson. You hide it well behind that easygoing manner, but you hurt. Something like that leaves scars.”
“You don’t know shit!” She’d never seen him angry, not mean angry, and had it directed at her. But Maggie had never been the type to back away; that wasn’t starting now.
“I know that you were all righteous when you realized I’d kept the shooting to myself. Pissed off because you care and thought I needed you. Someone to hold me, talk me through what was going on inside me.”
“It’s different and not small. How would you feel if I told the gunman where to find you?”
“I-I…” her words fell away as suddenly she realized just what she’d done to him. How in his eyes, she’d betrayed him.
“You gave him an all-access pass to me and there was nothing I could do about it, damn you!”
“I’m sorry,” Maggie whispered.
“I don’t want to speak to you right now.” His hands were braced on the counter, eyes on the wall.
Turning, she went back to the bedroom. Dressing, she stuffed her clothes into her bag. She could feel the tears, feel the pain settling on her chest. Hated that the emotional side of her was about to let loose and she’d be crying like a baby in minutes. She needed to get out of here now. Leaving the bedroom, she made for the front door.