by Karen Foley
He made a sound that said he didn’t believe her, but thankfully didn’t pursue the topic. But Rachel couldn’t help recalling the awful things Deke had said to her, in front everyone who had been there that day. By the time Deke had finished disparaging her in every way possible, whatever had been left of Rachel’s self-esteem had been completely destroyed.
But with Jamie, she felt her former confidence returning. He made her feel good about herself. He made her feel excited about her future. He made her laugh the way she hadn’t in years. He made her feel young and vibrant again.
Beside her, Jamie’s breathing had deepened, and she knew he was nearly asleep. Despite all the positive feelings he engendered in her, she couldn’t help feeling panicky.
Things were out of control. Their relationship had gotten way too serious, way too intense, way too quickly. She’d lost her perspective. She no longer had the ability to think rationally where Jamie was concerned.
Was he too young? She wanted a family, but maybe he wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. She didn’t even know if she was ready for that kind of commitment. A week ago, she’d just about sworn off men altogether.
How would their families feel if they announced they were a couple? Jamie was her younger brother’s best friend, and she already knew Dylan disapproved. She’d endured the blatant disapproval of Deke’s parents; she wasn’t sure she could handle that from Jamie’s parents.
He’d told her he wanted to rejoin his unit, but what did that mean? Would he deploy overseas again? Would they be separated by time and distance, the way she and Deke had been? What kind of relationship could work under those conditions?
The troubling thoughts tumbled through her head as she lay awake, staring at the ceiling and listening to Jamie’s breathing. She didn’t have the answers, but she knew she had to make some decisions soon, before she fell completely and hopelessly in love with the man.
She was afraid it might already be too late.
Chapter Fifteen
Rachel rose early and crept out to the kitchen, leaving Jamie to sleep.
In the kitchen, she went through the motions of making coffee, like an automaton. She felt wrung out, both physically and emotionally. She didn’t think she’d slept more than a few hours all night, going back and forth in her head about all the reasons she and Jamie were wrong for each other.
And all the reasons they were right.
As the coffee dripped, she pictured him in the bedroom, sprawled on his back in bed, his gorgeous mouth slack in sleep, naked beneath the sheets. A wave of doubt washed over her. If she ended things, was she prepared never to see him like that again? Never hear his breath catch as she touched him intimately? Never watch his face tighten in pleasure, or hear the deep, appreciative sounds he made as she took him into her body?
Pouring herself a steaming mug of coffee, Rachel opened the sliding doors to the patio and stepped outside, breathing in the cool morning air. The yard was in shadow except for the patio table and chair, and Rachel sat down for a moment, enjoying the warmth of the sun on her face. The ring of the phone in her pocket startled her and she fished it out, knowing it would be Jamie. Did she dare answer?
Only it wasn’t Jamie, it was her mother.
Drawing a deep breath, Rachel answered.
“Hi Mom, you’re up early.” She picked up her coffee mug and curled her fingers around its warmth.
“So are you,” Diane replied. “I just wanted to check that you made it home safely.”
“Yes, thanks. It was a long drive, but uneventful. How are you guys doing?”
“We’re fine. We found a cute little B&B just outside the city, so we’re trying to think of this as an extension of our original vacation.”
“Hmm.” Rachel sipped her coffee. “A bit different than a Hawaiian cruise.”
“It certainly is, but I can’t imagine being anywhere but right here, with your brother.” She paused. “How is Jamie doing?”
“He’s fine,” she answered cautiously. “Why?”
“So he’s not there with you?”
The question was so unexpected that Rachel blurted out a denial before she had time to really consider her words.
“No! Jamie is not here with me,” she said, indignant. “It’s barely seven o’clock. Why would you even ask that?”
“I don’t know,” her mother mused thoughtfully. “I got the sense there might be something between the two of you. Dylan certainly seemed to think so.”
“Well, Dylan is an idiot, and he’s on some serious painkillers, so I wouldn’t take anything he says as truth,” she retorted. She didn’t know why she couldn’t tell her mother the truth. If there had ever been a time to come clean about her relationship with Jamie, this was it, but Rachel found she couldn’t do it. She wasn’t ready. Not yet.
“So you’re not…dating?” her mother pressed.
“No! Jeez, Mom!” Rachel exclaimed. “Jamie Colter and I are definitely not dating!” She squeezed her eyes shut, hating the lies coming out of her mouth. “First of all, he’s way too young for me, and secondly, he’s probably no better than my ex, too impressed with himself to make a good partner.”
A sound behind her startled her, and she turned in her chair to see Jamie standing in the open door to the house. Now he stared at her with an expression of stunned disbelief.
Rachel’s mouth went dry, and her heart plummeted to her stomach.
“Mom, I have to go,” she said, and disconnected the call.
She stood up, but Jamie was already turning away. “Jamie, wait! Let me explain!”
Jamie spun around on his crutches, and Rachel’s throat constricted. His face was pale, and twin patches of color rode high on his cheekbones. His blue eyes blazed with anger, and something else. Disappointment? Regret?
“Don’t bother explaining,” he bit out. “I get it.”
“Jamie, please let me explain—”
“Don’t bother. You already said it all, and when you begin comparing me to Deke Narducci, then there’s nothing left to say.” He started to turn away, and then spun back, his face tight with suppressed emotion. “But you know what? You’re right about one thing—the age difference is never going to work for us. You keep harping on how you’re too old for me, but you’re the one who’s acting like a teenager.
“I need a woman, Rachel. I want a partner, equal in every way, not someone who can’t make up her mind, who’s more worried about what people will think, who doesn’t know a good thing when it’s staring her right in the face, and who doesn’t appreciate something like this only comes around once in a lifetime—if you’re lucky. So call me when you grow up.”
Rachel reached for his arm, intent on stopping him, but he threw her off with one angry motion and kept going. She listened as the front door slammed shut, knowing she’d just made a terrible mistake.
*
Jamie couldn’t remain in his parents’ house, not with Rachel living across the street. He went hour to hour, alternately despising her and then despising himself.
He didn’t want to see her.
He didn’t know if he could go one more minute without seeing her.
He kept replaying the conversation he’d overheard, over and over again in his head. She couldn’t have said anything more insulting if she’d tried, especially considering what they’d shared just the night before. He’d actually convinced himself that she was falling in love with him; that they had a chance of making a go of a real relationship. He was such an idiot.
He could maybe have forgiven her for lying to her mother about the fact they were sleeping together, and even the comment about him being too young for her. But he didn’t think he could forgive her for comparing him with Deke Narducci.
He felt all torn up inside, and for the first time in his life, he didn’t have a plan. All he could think was that he’d blown it. He’d had two weeks to prove he was perfect for her, and he’d blown it. He couldn’t stay. If he did see her, or if she decided to
come over, he’d lose it. He’d tell her he loved her, and beg her to stay, and that’s not what she needed.
No, he’d meant what he’d said when he’d told her he wanted a partner, a woman who would see him as an equal and be proud to be seen with him. Until that happened, they could never have anything.
He didn’t want to leave, but for his own sanity, he had to.
He quickly made a phone call to Dylan at the hospital in Bozeman. Then he packed a duffel bag. He needed to leave before Rachel decided to check in on him as part of her concierge services. Her conscience wouldn’t allow her to just turn her back on him, but no way did he want her pity. He could take care of himself.
Twenty minutes later, he was stretched out on the back seat of Cole’s SUV. Thankfully, the other man didn’t ask any questions, and kept the conversation carefully neutral. They made a couple of stops, at Frank’s supermarket and the liquor store, before they arrived at their destination. Jamie eased himself out of the truck, and swung his duffel bag over his shoulder, while Cole hefted the groceries and beer.
“Dylan said the key would be under the mat,” Cole said, juggling the case of beer as he bent down and retrieved the key. “Laurel—she’s the neighbor who’s been feeding Boomer—said to call her if you have any questions about anything.”
Jamie waited as Cole unlocked the door and stepped inside. He set the bags onto an island, and Jamie dropped his duffel bag inside the door. An enormous, gray and black cat with long hair and a bushy tail, wandered lazily into the kitchen and sat down by the island, where he blinked at the two men.
“You must be Boomer,” Jamie said, and leaned down to scratch the cat behind the ears. “Looks like we’re going to be housemates.”
This was the first time he’d seen Dylan’s house. Straightening, he moved over to the sliding doors on the far side of the kitchen. The log home had been built on the side of a mountain, and from the wide deck he could see Flathead Lake below, and the distant Mission Mountains.
“What a sweet view,” he admired. He could even see part of downtown Glacier Creek, including the spire of the church, and the dock that extended out over the water.
“Want a beer?” Cole asked, and without waiting for a response, cracked two bottles and joined Jamie on the deck. “I helped Dylan build this house.”
“Is this one of your house plans?” Jamie asked in surprise.
Cole grinned. “Yep. Dylan wanted something small to start, but the floor plan allows for expansion, should he ever decide to settle down and have a family.”
Jamie laughed. “Somehow, I don’t see that happening anytime soon. Dylan likes his bachelor lifestyle.”
“That’s only because he hasn’t met the right woman.”
Jamie took a long swallow of beer and angled his head to look at the other man. “Yeah, it’s pretty powerful stuff, when it does happen.”
“Damn right.”
“So when’s the wedding?”
“A couple of months,” Cole said. “Joy wanted to wait for the foliage to turn. We’re getting married out by the lake, at the Snapdragon Inn. I’ll make sure you get an invite.”
“Yeah, I’d like that,” Jamie said, and he meant it. Too many years had passed since he’d reconnected with his friends in Glacier Creek. It would be good to see everyone.
They sat in companionable silence, enjoying the cold beers and the majestic views, until Cole finally stood up.
“Well, I should probably get going.”
Setting his beer aside, Jamie stood up and shook Cole’s hand. “Thanks, man,” he said. “I really appreciate the help.”
“Anytime.” Cole rubbed a hand over the back of his head and squinted at Jamie. “You can tell me to butt out, but does your moving out here have anything to do with Rachel McCafferty?”
Jamie gave a snort. “How’d you guess?”
“Your hangdog attitude was my first clue,” Cole joked. “But seriously, I didn’t realize you two were together when I saw you in Bozeman. I mean, I know you were together, but I thought it was only to visit Dylan. But Joy said the two of you are an item. Is she right?”
Jamie blew out a hard breath. “We were, yeah. Was it that obvious?”
Cole laughed. “Not to me, but I can be pretty obtuse. But Joy said she could tell just from the way Rachel looked at you.”
“And how’s that?”
“Joy said she had the look of a woman in love.”
Jamie sharpened his gaze on Cole. “She said that?”
“Yup.”
“Well, I wish that was true, but she’s having second thoughts.” He sighed deeply. “Maybe I’m the fool for thinking I could actually make her love me. Maybe I’m chasing a fantasy—something that never existed except in my own imagination.”
Cole’s expression was sympathetic. “If she’s as smart as I think she is, she’ll come around.”
Jamie nodded. “I hope you’re right.”
Cole reached out and gave him a friendly slap on the shoulder. “Good luck. I’ll come back the day after tomorrow and give you a lift to the doctor’s office.”
“Thanks. I appreciate that.”
Cole pulled his phone out of his back pocket and scrolled through his list of contacts. “I’m going to leave you Laurel Cavanaugh’s number, just in case. She lives just down the road. She’s a writer and she works from home, so she’s usually around. If you get stuck, give her a call, okay?”
“Thanks.” Jamie watched as he wrote the number on a slip of paper and left it on the island.
They returned to the front porch, and Jamie watched Cole drive away. He turned and went back into the house, where Boomer stretched and yawned hugely, before rubbing his head against Jamie’s cast.
He snagged another beer and made his way back out to the deck, where he lowered himself into a wooden Adirondack chair. Dylan’s house was great, the view was fantastic, and he would soon be getting the cast on his leg removed, which would enable him to be independent once more. He could start making plans to return to his unit in California, which was what he wanted, right? So why did life look so freaking bleak?
Chapter Sixteen
Three days had passed since Jamie had left the house on Pinewood Avenue. Rachel had no idea where he’d gone, only that he was gone. It had only taken her a few hours after their ugly confrontation to realize the magnitude of the mistake she’d made. She’d run across the street, ready to tell Jamie what an idiot she’d been, but the house had been locked up tight. She’d gone around to the back and peered through the French doors into the kitchen, but her heart already knew the house was empty.
He had left without so much as a good-bye. Without allowing her an opportunity to make amends. The expression in his eyes just before he’d left still haunted her. She’d hurt him, and deeply. She’d expected him to be angry, but she hadn’t expected him to leave. She hadn’t seen or heard anyone pull up to the house, and had no idea where he might have gone. For all she knew, he could be on a flight back to Oceanside, California, where he had a condo.
With Dylan and her parents still in Bozeman, she’d never been lonelier. Only pride kept her from calling her brother at the hospital to see if he had any idea where Jamie might have gone. She’d called Jamie’s cell phone numerous times, but each time it had gone to voicemail. Rachel didn’t know if he had his phone turned off, or if he just didn’t want to talk to her.
Finally, tired of feeling sorry for herself, she’d gone into town to listlessly poke through the shops, and had even walked out onto the pier, crowded with tourists and young families. But that only reminded her of when she’d visited the pier with Jamie, and how he’d brashly declared to anyone and everyone that she was the most beautiful girl in Glacier Creek.
For the first time since she’d headed off to college and New York City, she regretted that she hadn’t maintained any of her friendships in Glacier Creek. Life had moved too fast, sweeping her along with it until one day she looked up and realized fifteen years had passed. I
n all those years, she’d only contacted her high-school friends once or twice, when she’d been home for a holiday or other family event. She hadn’t attended any of her class reunions, or tried to maintain her old friendships, mostly because Deke had never wanted to spend any time with her family or her friends.
Instead, she’d had a few superficial friendships with the socialites who hung out on Deke’s yacht, or temporarily lived at one of his many residences. When Rachel had questioned Deke about it, he’d always brushed her concerns aside, saying those same people would be more than willing to open their doors to him and Rachel in return.
Only they never had, at least when she’d accompanied Deke.
In retrospect, they had not been true friends. They had only wanted to hang out with Deke because he provided anything and everything they needed, at no charge, including booze and drugs.
She thought of her mother and Mrs. Colter, who had been friends since before Rachel was born. They’d weathered good times and bad times, yet their friendship had never wavered. Similarly, Jamie had managed to stay connected with Dylan and Cole and most of the other guys he’d hung out with as a kid. He hadn’t ditched them just because he’d joined the Marines and had deployed halfway around the world.
That’s what she wanted.
Something real.
Something permanent.
Now she sat on the town pier and looked out over the lake, where the windblown white caps ruffled the water, and gulls floated lazily on the air currents. Nearby, a little boy cried out in delight as he and his father caught a small fish, and reeled it in. Rachel watched as the father showed the boy how to carefully remove the hook, and then return the fish to the water where it could grow bigger.
Rachel closed her eyes and tipped her face up to the sun, listening to the sounds of people laughing, the water lapping at the pilings beneath her, and the gulls crying overhead. Suddenly, the thought of relocating to another large city held no appeal.
She realized she had no desire to go to California to start her own business.