by Jordan Ford
“I just don’t want to leave you,” she manages to rasp.
I run my hand down her back, kissing the top of her head and knowing what I have to do.
“What if I went with you?”
She goes still.
I hold my breath and don’t release it until her head pops up and she’s looking at me with those wide, beautiful eyes of hers. “You’d do that? You’d come to New York with me?”
Brushing my knuckle down her cheek, I give her the best smile I can. “BFG, I’d do anything for you. I haven’t looked into it or told my grandparents. I don’t even know if this can work, but I’ll pursue this.”
“What about your plans?”
I hold her shoulders, squeezing them gently. “You’re my plans. Seriously. I want to be with you more than anything else, and if that means taking my plans to a different city, then I’m cool with that. I just have to figure out the money thing, and where I’m gonna live and where I could maybe study, but if we can work all that out, then, Butterfly, I am there. I’m NYC all the way, baby.”
She tips her head back. Her body is still shaking with tears, but when she looks at me, I can see they’re now fueled by joy.
Letting out a happy squeal, she jumps up, wrapping her arms around me. I quickly catch her, holding her tight as she lets me kiss away her tears. I cover every inch of her face, finally finishing with her luscious lips.
Uncertainty is knocking on my back door, asking me how the hell I’m supposed to make this work, but determination sweeps through with a battering ram. I will make this work. My girl wants me, and I want her. I don’t care what it takes, but we’re gonna be together in NYC.
22
AIDAN
NYC.
Mom told me just before she left the house. Aunt Marlo called to let her know about the rat thing. I’m so pissed about that. If I find out who did it, they’re getting a serious pounding. I swear, if it’s Jonah, he’s in for it.
Mom made me promise not to do anything and let the police handle it, but they better hurry the hell up. She then distracted me by dropping the Skylar’s moving to New York bomb.
It took me a minute to absorb the news, but as it slowly sank in, I started to understand why. Skylar wants out. Away. I’ve been sensing her restlessness for months.
I wonder how poor Jed’s taking the news.
I should call him.
But then we might get talking about Harley, and I don’t know if I can handle that.
Three days. Three days without talking to her and it’s freaking killing me.
I need to act, but I just don’t know what to say. How do I approach her without pushing her away?
Slumping onto my bed, I stare up at the ceiling, lamenting the suckiness of my spring break, when the doorbell rings. I’m tempted to ignore it. It’s probably one of Grayson’s punk friends wanting to take over our PS4.
It rings again and I close my eyes with a sigh, muttering curses under my breath as I get off the bed and amble down the stairs.
“I’m coming!” I shout when the bell rings for the third time.
Flinging back the door, I go still. Except for my heart. That takes off like it’s running a race for its life.
“Hi.” Harley gives me an awkward smile before shoving a bouquet of gummy snakes at me.
I look at the colorful array of candy, wrapped in a paper towel and secured with a red bow. The snakes droop over one another like a wilting bouquet, and I can’t help a small grin.
“I know they’re your favorite,” she murmurs as I take them off her and step aside so she can come in.
Biting the head off the blue one, I watch her pace toward the kitchen, then spin before she reaches the stairs. She looks kind of lost, which is weird because she comes here all the time. I gaze at her tormented expression and have to choke down my mouthful of candy.
Staring down at the creative bouquet, I swallow and somehow manage to ask, “You didn’t get me these just to soften a breakup speech, did you?”
“No!” She flicks her hands in the air and looks about ready to cry. “I don’t want to break up with you. At all. Like ever. And I’m sorry for being such a bitch over the surfboard and the roses thing. They were both great. I just…” She winces, rubbing at the frown lines in her forehead. “We need to talk. Somewhere private.” Glancing over her shoulder, she’s obviously looking out and listening for my family.
“We’re the only ones home,” I tell her. “But let’s go up to my room anyway, just in case someone busts in.”
She bobs her head and brushes past me, leading the way up the stairs.
I close the door behind us, laying the candy bouquet on my desk and shoving my hands into my jean pockets. Harley’s jittery and pacing. It’s making me nervous. What the hell does she have to say to me?
“Do you want to sit down?” I point to the end of my bed.
She stops and glances at it, then shakes her head and keeps walking until she reaches my dresser and is forced to spin. She’s like a freaking caged tiger, and it’s driving me nuts.
“Harley, come on, babe. You’re killing me here. What is it?”
“I need to tell you why I said no to going to prom.” She starts wringing her hands.
I swallow and nod, trying to play it cool. “Okay, so the proms are stupid thing was BS?”
“Well…” She tips her head to the side. “Any event where you have to wear makeup and a dress and then dance in front of other people is pretty lame, but…that isn’t the real reason I said no.” Her face crumples, and I’m filled with this overwhelming affection for her.
Standing this far away from her isn’t working anymore, so I make a move to reach for her, but she steps back, shaking her head like she’s almost afraid.
I stop, kind of shocked by her weird behavior. Does she not want me touching her anymore? What is going on?
“You don’t, um…” Covering her mouth, she struggles to compose herself, which only adds to my increasing worry.
Pressing my lips together, I force myself to stay quiet. As much as I’d love to hold her shoulders and shake the truth free, that’s not gonna work. You can’t really force Harley to do anything. Not without a huge fight.
So, I shut up. I stand there in agonized silence until finally she lets out a sharp huff and blurts, “I’ve only ever been to one prom, and it didn’t end well for me.”
I give her a confused frown. “What do you mean?”
“Well…” Her expression is pained as she starts pacing again. “I was fourteen and dating this senior guy. And he invited me, and we went with his friends. I thought it was going to be awesome.”
A sick kind of foreboding stirs in my stomach, my brain throwing together theories in rapid succession. It makes it hard to speak, my throat only barely able to squeeze out the question, “What happened?”
She goes still, her eyes rounding like dinner plates.
No. My insides curdle.
“He, um…” Her lips purse to the side. “He raped me,” she murmurs softly, looking to the floor and clenching her hands so tight her entire arm is shaking. “He took me back to his place afterward and he raped me.”
A blinding rage passes across my vision while I step back, my knees hitting the edge of the bed. Plunking onto the mattress, I try to absorb the news and figure out what the hell I’m supposed to say. Spewing vile things about this guy—whoever the hell he is, I’m gonna kill him—may not be the best move right now.
“I mean, it wasn’t violent or anything.” Harley closes her eyes and I almost tell her to stop. I don’t want to hear it, but she keeps talking before I can. “I just… He started, and I told him I didn’t want to, that it was hurting. I asked him to stop, but he kept going anyway, and then the next day he told me that boyfriends can’t rape girlfriends, so…it wasn’t rape, it was just his right or something?” Her voice is trembling, and I wish she’d open her eyes and look at me.
I’ve never seen her this vulnerable. She’s always so toug
h and fearless, but right now she looks ready to crumble. It’s crushing, and I want to cross the room and hold her, tell her I’d never do something like that to her. Tell her how much I love her.
But does she want me to?
Resting my elbows on my knees, I hold my head in my hands as another wave of blinding rage courses through me. How could a guy do that to her? She said no. She said stop! He was hurting her!
What the hell is wrong with people?
“See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you, because I knew you wouldn’t be able to look at me afterward.”
My head shoots up, but she doesn’t notice my surprised expression because she turns away to pace to my dresser again.
“I thought we could keep cruising along and you’d never have to know, but the prom thing is obviously some kind of trigger and I just can’t do it. And I didn’t think I’d be able to tell you the truth, because…” Her shoulders slump forward. “I don’t know. I didn’t want you looking at me differently.”
I shoot off the bed, unable to handle the distance any longer. Carefully touching her shoulder, I expect her to flinch away, but she stays still, letting me glide a hand down to her elbow. “Babe, this isn’t going to change anything between us. I was just looking down at the floor because I’m so hating that asshole who took you to prom. I want to kill that guy, and I didn’t feel like you should have to see that.”
She swallows and glances over her shoulder at me. “It’s his board that was stolen.”
“What?” I spin her around to face me.
“He taught me how to surf, and before he left, he gave me his board. I thought about burning it, but then it became my I’m not going to let you beat me symbol. I was gonna surf on that board, and I was going to be the best damn surfer in Ryder Bay on that board, because I wouldn’t be broken.”
My lips twitch with a smile. Damn, I love her so much.
“But he did break me.” Her voice wobbles, tears suddenly lining her lashes. “He broke me for you.”
“Hey, no. Harley, that’s not true.” I crouch down so we can be eye to eye.
“It is! I mean, it’s so frustrating, because I love being with you and sometimes, I—” She sucks in a breath. “I mean, you’re so hot and your hair and your eyes and then your body! It’s so great. You set me on fire when we’re kissing, and I’d love to go all the way with you, but I’m scared.” She presses the back of her hand against her mouth, like if she sets those tears free, she might never stop. “I’m so scared it’ll hurt again, and I don’t want anything to mess us up. I love us.” Her face is beautiful, even with that agonized expression. “That’s why I always pull back when things get too heavy. I don’t want to lose you, but you can’t spend the rest of your life with someone who’s too afraid to have sex. You’ve got needs.”
“Harley,” I whisper, reaching for her and capturing her wrist. She resists me at first, but I gently coax her into my arms, cocooning her against me. Kissing the top of her head, I rest my chin there and tell her the truth. “I love you. And yes, one day, I’d love to have sex with you.” I feel her stiffen against me, so I pull back so she can see my face. “There’s no point in lying about that. You turn me on, and I want to be with you in every way I can, but only because I love you.”
She swallows, her eyes bright with unshed tears.
“There’s no hurry,” I whisper, brushing my fingers from her cheekbone to her chin. “We can take our time until you feel comfortable. I’d never want to hurt you. And I don’t think sex is supposed to be that way. I think you’re both supposed to really love it.”
She snickers, obviously comforted by my words. “You’ve never had sex?”
I shake my head, feeling the warm blush on my cheeks. “I’m not with you for your body. That’s not why we’re together.”
The look on her face is pure magic right now.
Thank God I’m getting this right.
Pushing aside the nerves, I let my heart do the talking. “When you’re ready, it’ll just be an extra bonus feature.” I wink and her lips test out a cute smile. “We make each other happy. We bring out the best in each other, and if you can just trust me, I promise I won’t hurt you. And if I start looking at you differently, it’s only because I love you more for letting me in.”
She lets out a watery kind of laugh and bobs her head.
“We can wait on the sex thing. We can wait until we’re married. I just don’t want life without you in it. I’ve been miserable the last few days. I should have called you and made it right, but I was just so worried about pushing you away.”
“You want to marry me?” Her voice is wispy as her eyebrows rise with wonder.
My smile is slow and easy. “One day. I mean… Okay, yeah, I’ve thought about it. I think a lot about us, and when I dream ahead, you’re always there. So, for me, marriage is definitely in the cards. If you want that too.”
A smile takes over her whole face as she rises on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around my neck. I hug her back, then ease my grip when she pulls away to look at me with the most sincere expression I’ve ever seen. “I really love you.”
“I love you,” I whisper, desperately wanting to kiss her.
Biting the edge of her lip, she glances down and then back up. “So, I know the first time is supposed to hurt a little, but it’s not supposed to hurt as much as it did? It’s not like that every time?”
I snicker, my laughter kind of dark for a second. “I’m no expert, but no, I don’t think so. If you’re doing it right, it’s not supposed to hurt. That assbutt did it wrong.”
She lets out a breathy giggle. “Your anger is very cute.”
“It’s not supposed to be cute; it’s supposed to be intimidating, righteous, indignant. I can’t believe he kept going when you told him to stop. I would never do that to you.”
She runs her finger down my face as if she’s trying to calm me.
It’s kind of working. I pull in a breath, then bend down to capture her around the waist and lift her off her feet. She wraps her legs around me, playing with the ends of my hair. “Your anger’s cute, because it shows me how much you care.” She pulls in a shaky breath. “And I do trust you.” With a nervous glance, she peers over my shoulder at the bed, then turns her gaze back on me. Her silent message is abundantly clear, and my body is firing rockets, wanting to carry her to my mattress and find out exactly how awesome sex can be.
But I’m not gonna do that.
Not right now.
With a heartfelt smile, I softly tell her, “If we’ve got forever together, then we can take this slow. I’m happy to spend time exploring this hot body of yours.” I kiss her cheek and whisper into her ear. “Every inch of it. And we don’t even have to go all the way to make that happen.”
She rests her forehead on my shoulder and giggles. “Every inch?”
I kiss her neck. “Every.” And then her jawline. “Inch.” Before hovering a half inch from her mouth. “I want to make your body sing and feel good all over. I want you to feel safe enough to ask me to go all the way.”
Her eyes light with what I swear is a hungry smile. It’s fiery and intoxicating as she squeezes her legs around me and then melts my insides with her lips. They press against mine, soft yet eager. Her tongue swoops into my mouth and I run my hand up her back, burying my fingers in her hair as I tip my head and match her fire with some of my own.
I have no idea when we’ll go all the way together.
And it doesn’t matter.
All I care about is earning Harley’s complete trust and owning her heart like no one ever has before.
23
JACE
LETTIE OWNS MY HEART, but should that dictate my decision of where to live?
I shuffle down the road, the ocean rolling in on my left. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I kind of wish I’d brought my skateboard with me, but I left it in Ryder Bay. In my little corner room with lots of light. I picture myself squished into it, then imagine my bod
y in my Sterling Beach room. It’s been a comfortable and familiar stay. Even the smell makes it feel like home.
But I can’t shake the feeling that maybe it’s not home anymore.
But it is.
Argh! This is so confusing.
How can I want to be in two places at once? I thought coming here would make my decision really clear-cut. I’d either love it and immediately want to stay, or I’d hate it and choose Ryder Bay.
But it hasn’t been that simple.
Hanging out with Mom again has been nice. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed her until I saw her again. My little sister is super cute and not as terrifying as I thought she’d be. And even Tony has grown on me. He’s too busy being a dad to his own kid that he hasn’t been up in my face over anything. It probably helps that he’s not having to protect his wife against her rebellious son.
Seeing my friends again is cool, even though Vic did piss me off with his comments about Lettie.
Last night I flew solo and went to hang with them around a bonfire. It was weird without Hayes. Apparently, he’s really pulled away from everyone. He’s been hanging with a new crowd at school. Obviously being around his old crew with their perfectly functioning legs has been too hard for him.
Guilt tramples me, making me want to sink right into the pavement.
I wish I could see him. Talk like old times. Make things right.
But he looked like he wanted to murder me when we saw each other the other day.
With a heavy sigh, I rub a hand over my head. Making things right with Hayes, that’s a damn good reason to stay. It’d be kind of torturous, but I’ve missed him. Plus, clearing my conscience would be nice.
The bounce of a basketball makes my steps slow. Stopping beside the court where Hayes shot me a couple of death rays, I watch my friend dribble the ball up to the hoop. It’s so weird seeing him in a wheelchair. He was always so tall and physically imposing. I loved the contradiction of him. Tall and broad, yet meek and cruisy.
The ball swishes through the hoop and he wheels forward to gather it before spinning around and spotting me.