I want to scream it from the rooftops how much she means to me. I want to drop to one knee and beg her to be mine for eternity. I stop, waiting for the panic to set in over my internal confession, but the panic never comes. That’s because Gabby is right for me. We’re right together.
“Here we go,” I say as if I’m just coming into the room.
“Oh, boy,” Gabby says excitedly to Milo. “It’s time to eat.”
“Want me to do it?” I point to Milo.
“Nah, I’ve got it.” She takes the bottle from me and offers it to him. He greedily begins to suck it down.
“You were hungry, huh, bud?” she asks. “That means you’re going to be mad at me when I have to take this away from you to burp you. Slow down,” she whispers. Not that her instruction does any good. He drinks as if it’s been days since his last meal, not a couple of hours. Three to be exact. We’ve got him on a schedule thanks to Gabby’s instruction. And we have Harrison and Gwen to thank for that. Since they’ve been through this all with Sophia, they’ve been a huge wealth of knowledge as we navigate this new-parents thing. Yes, I include Gabby in that. She’s more of a mother to him than the woman who left him on my doorstep. Although, I must applaud her for bringing him to me. She could have dropped him anywhere and I never would have known that he existed.
Not knowing him would have been tragic.
Taking a seat next to them on the couch, I settle in and watch him eat. My hand is on Gabby’s leg, and Milo’s little hand has my finger in a fist. I’m not complaining. I need to feel connected to both of them. Not that I didn’t understand it before, but I realize the absolute need that Harrison has to be home with Gwen and Sophia at a decent time each night. I always understood he loved his wife and daughter and wanted to spend time with them. However, now I see it for what it truly is. It’s more than just love. It’s need. One that only a man who gets to see the woman he loves with his child can truly comprehend.
“He’s out,” I say, watching as his little mouth opens and the bottle falls from his lips.
“I think he was out the first time I burped him.” Gabby laughs softly. “Getting this last one out of him is going to be a bear.”
“I’ll take him. You go get ready for… dessert.” I almost said bed, but the last thing I want to do is sleep.
“Okay.” Carefully, she hands him off to me and leans in close. I assume she’s going to kiss him, but this time, her lips land on mine. Just a soft press of her lips before she climbs from the couch and heads to our room.
I watch her go. “I love her, buddy. I know you do too. She’s going to be the mother of your siblings. No, not yet,” I say, carrying on a one-sided conversation with my son. “When you’re a little older. Right now, we’re content to give you our love and attention.” I rub his back like Gabby taught me, starting at the bottom and pushing up. He belches, a loud belch that would make a grown man proud. “Good job, bud,” I praise my sleeping son. Standing, I take him to our room and place him in the bassinet. He doesn’t even stir when I settle him down. I just hope he sleeps longer tonight. Or at least long enough for me to make love to my girl.
Hearing the shower turn on, I climb into bed and wait for her. Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I pull up my email app and answer a few emails that I didn’t get to today. I am busier now than I’ve ever been with work and home life, but I’m also happier than I can ever remember.
Scrolling through my messages, I stop when I see one from earlier today. Looking at the time it was sent, it says 6:00 p.m. Taking a deep breath, I click on the message, my heart in my throat in anticipation of the results of the paternity test. Quickly, I scan the message telling me I have new results, and to view them, I have to log in. I stare down at my phone, then look over at the baby sleeping next to me.
Maybe I don’t need these results. Maybe knowing he’s my son in my heart is enough. He looks like me. The timeline fits, so he has to be mine. My heart thuds in my chest like a heavy bass drum as my finger hovers over the big red button telling me to click here to log in now. I don’t know if I want to. What if he’s not mine? What happens to him then? He goes into the system? I swallow back the lump in my throat. No, that can’t happen.
“Chase.” Gabby’s hand lands on my arm, and I turn to look at her. She’s in one of my T-shirts and is on her knees beside me on the bed. Her hair is wet and loose, hanging around her shoulders. “Hey,” she says softly. “Are you all right? You’re white as a ghost.”
“They’re back.”
“Who’s back?” she asks gently as if I’ve lost my ever-loving mind.
Maybe I have.
He can’t go into the system.
I hold up my phone. “The screen’s black,” she says, nodding to the now darkened screen.
I place my thumb on the button, and the brightness of the email and that big red button greets me once again. “The results.” I swallow again, not able to dislodge this lump of anxiety in my throat. “They’re back.”
“Okay. What are you thinking?” She runs her hand along the stubble across my cheek.
“So many things, Gabby. I’m thinking so many different things. I have so many emotions racing through me, I don’t know which one to try and decipher first.”
“One by one,” she says softly. “Tell me what you were thinking about.”
“What if he’s not mine? Then what happens to him? Do I even need to see these results? He’s mine, right? I mean, in my heart, it feels like he’s mine. Like he’s ours.” I amend to include her because she’s a part of this family we’re creating. Or is that just an illusion?
“It’s not an illusion.”
I must have said that out loud. “What happens if he’s not mine, Gabs? We can’t let him go into the system. They won’t know how he likes to snuggle or that he needs to be nestled against your chest with a soft blanket to fall asleep. They won’t know about Peegate, and they might get angry at him. I can’t handle that, Gabby.”
“Hey,” she says soothingly. Before I know what’s happening, she’s straddling my lap, and my face is cradled in her hands. “We take it one day at a time. He looks like you, Chase. That has to mean something.”
“Okay, but what if it doesn’t? What if him having my nose is a coincidence and that he’s not mine? I love him, Gabs.” I wrap my arms around her and pull her tight against my chest. All thoughts of dessert leave my mind as I worry about the future of the tiny little man sleeping peacefully beside our bed.
“What do you want to happen, Chase? Say the results say he’s not yours. Tell me what you’re thinking?”
“I want him to be mine.”
“Chase Callahan.” Tears shimmer in her eyes. “I love you. You are the most loving, caring, and compassionate man.” She pauses, giving me a sweet smile. “No matter what those results say, I love you, and I stand behind you in whatever you want to do next.”
My heart hammers in my chest. “I want him to be ours,” I say again, this time including her, hoping that if I say it enough, it will be true. My breathing is erratic as I think about the results and how badly I want them to say I’m his father.
“Let’s take it one step at a time. How about we log in and look at the results?”
“I can’t. You do it.”
“Are you sure?”
I nod and hand her my phone. “My login info is saved in my contacts under the lab.”
“Okay.” She taps on the screen, still straddling my lap. My hands grip her hips, holding her to me. Needing her this close as I prepare to learn my fate. To learn Milo’s fate.
I keep my eyes locked on her as she logs into the system. I watch her face for any emotion whatsoever, but she gives nothing away. Her eyes scan the small screen of my phone. I watch as her fingers fly across the keys, typing something.
“Gabby?” I ask.
“Give me just a second.”
She reads whatever it is she searched and closes out the screen, locking the phone and placing it beside us on the
bed. “You have to give me something.”
Her eyes well with tears once more. “The results the—they show that you share 25 percent DNA with Milo.”
“Okay. What does that mean?”
“That means you have a 25 percent DNA match. You’re not his father, Chase.”
“But I’m a match. Maybe they messed up and they should re-run it.”
“Chase.” She holds my face in her hands so I’ll give her my full attention. A lone tear slides across her cheek. “Baby, he’s not your son. He’s your nephew.”
Nephew? “What?”
“The results say you’re a 25 percent match. I googled that and, Chase, you’re his uncle. You woke up alone that next morning because you were alone. Colton, he’s Milo’s father.”
“Motherfucker,” I say under my breath.
“I know this isn’t the outcome that you wanted, but Milo will stay with us, right?”
“What do we do here, Gabs? I mean, Colton’s overseas. He won’t go into the system.
“My nephew.” I say the words, trying to get my heart to remember them.
Not my son.
My nephew.
Colton’s a father.
I’m an uncle.
Could this situation be anymore fucked up? And what’s worse is that I don’t know where my brother is. He’s somewhere overseas risking his life for his country. I can’t just call him and have him come over for a beer and drop the news on him.
“Nothing. We wait to hear from Colton. In the meantime, we’re his family, Chase. We care for him. We love him until his daddy comes home to meet him.”
Daddy.
“I—” I stop, not really knowing what else there is to say.
“I love you, Chase Callahan. We’re going to get through this. We’re going to be here for that little boy and show him love and support. Not just now, but always. He’s your family.”
“I wanted it to be our family.”
“We’ll get there,” she assures me.
I wrap my arms around her and hold her tight. She’s my lifeline in a world that’s once again spinning out of control.
Chapter 15
Gabby
There was no sleeping last night, and it had nothing to do with Milo’s sleeping pattern or the dessert Chase promised me.
I’m trying to hold it together as best I can, but I’m barely hanging on. I’m emotional, yet fighting my own tears to stand tall beside Chase. He’s devastated, even though he’s trying not to show it. There was no lovemaking last night, but we did hold each other, both either pretending to sleep, or dozing off fitfully in small increments. When Milo did wake for his bottles and diaper changes, Chase held him extra-long, kissing the fuzzy crown of his head gently as if it might be the last time.
Who knows how long we’ll have him? With Colton out of the country, it could be weeks or even months.
Or worse, days.
Gwen is here, and I’m loading Milo up in her SUV. Chase went to work today, which isn’t entirely unusual for a Saturday, but I think it’s more about the fact he’s trying to distance himself from the little boy who’s completely stolen his heart. I think it’s his way of protecting himself from anymore pain. In his eyes, he was his dad. He was coming to terms with what happened in St. Louis and was preparing to spend the rest of his life as a father.
But now, it’s all messed up.
“You’re quiet,” Gwen says as I slide into the front seat and secure my belt.
Exhaling dramatically, I turn back to my niece and smile. Her little legs are kicking up a storm in her carrier, while her cousin is sound asleep in his. No, not cousin. They’re not related. Not anymore.
“So much happened last night, Gwenny. I don’t know where to start,” I whisper, the familiar burn of tears prickling my eyes.
“How about at the beginning?” she says, slowly backing out of the driveway and heading to the studio.
“We got the results.”
God, it hurts to even say this.
I feel her eyes on me, but I keep my gaze locked firmly ahead.
“And…” she encourages, though I can tell she already knows something’s wrong.
“He’s not his.” The first tear falls down my cheek, followed quickly by more.
“Oh my God,” Gwen whispers, reaching over and taking my hand in hers. “I’m so sorry.”
“Here’s the kicker,” I start, finding comfort in her touch. “Chase’s brother, Colton, is his dad.”
“Shut up,” Gwen blurts. My eyes finally meet her equally shocked ones. “You’re serious?”
“As a heart attack.”
“How’d Chase take it?” she asks as she pulls into the parking lot behind the photography studio.
“As well as can be expected, I guess. He’s trying to act all tough, but I know this is killing him. He went to work this morning earlier than normal. I heard him call Harrison and ask him for a workout.”
“I think that’s how they work stuff out in their heads. Harrison once told me, after we separated, he went in every morning and worked out with Chase. I’m not sure if there was much talking, but I believe kicking each other’s asses at the gym is their way of getting out of their own heads for a little bit and directing their focus on something else.”
Makes complete sense, I guess. Lately, I’m not sure how much workout time Chase has been getting in. We took a couple days off when Milo arrived, and then have only been working necessary hours. He hasn’t stayed late or even gone in early since the baby arrived on our front porch.
“What’s he going to do about Colton? Isn’t he still away?”
“Yeah. He sent him an email late last night, asking him to call him first chance he got. Who knows when he’ll actually get the message or be able to get ahold of Chase, though. He was going to call his mom and dad later today and go for a visit tomorrow. I think he’s going to tell them too.”
“Wow,” Gwen says, pulling into a spot and turning off the vehicle. “I’m really sorry you are both going through this. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be.”
My eyes fill with tears once more. “I fell in love with him, and now we have to give him up.”
My sister gives me a knowing, sad smile. “But at least he’s not going far. He’s your nephew.”
I nod. “Well, technically, he’s not my nephew.” I sniffle, digging into her glove box for a tissue.
Gwen blows out an exasperated breath. “Oh, puh-lease! You and Chase are living together, you’re all lovey-dovey and couple-y, and you worship his cock with your vajayjay as if it were made of gold and unlimited orgasms.”
My eyes widen, and my jaw drops to my chest as we both burst into laughter. “My God, I can’t believe you just said that! ” I holler through my giggles.
Gwen shrugs. “You’re rubbing off on me.”
Sophia starts to giggle in the back seat, making us both laugh even more. “Come on, let’s get these photos taken before the natives get restless.”
“You’re still going to have them taken?” Gwen asks as we climb out of the car.
I release Milo’s seat and gaze down at his angelic sleeping figure. “Yeah, I am. I want Colton to have them. He’s already missing so many of the little things. Plus, it’ll be good for Chase to keep too.”
Gwen just nods, taking her daughter’s carrier from the base, and heads into the studio. I put on my brave, tough-girl face, vowing to make this moment unforgettable to the men in my life. No, we won’t be able to keep Milo, but we’ll still have these memories to cherish for a lifetime.
“Oh my goodness, they turned out so good,” Gwen says at our booth. “I can’t wait to get the proofs back.”
I glance down at my phone to the small baby boy who has stolen my heart, curled up on the All Fit T-shirt. The photographer let me snap a photo of her camera display of this photo to show Chase, and the link to all the photos will be available sometime early next week.
“You did the right thing,” she says from across
the table.
Glancing up, I give her a small, sad smile. “I hope so.”
“He’s going to love it and will appreciate it more after,” she says softly, referring to the photo on my phone.
When the photographer started bringing out the props, we went with the traditional ones. The sleeping baby snuggled on a billowy cloud, him wrapped tightly in a blanket in a basket, and even one of him sleeping on his belly, his knees tucked under him and his cute little bare butt up in the air. Of course, we had to move quickly on that one so we didn’t have a Peegate incident all over her photo display.
Gwen had brought one of Harrison’s All Fit tees. The photo they took was of Sophia sitting on a wooden crate, her cute little baby rolls on full display. She’s holding the shirt, the name of the gym proudly visible, while eating the sleeve. It was the cutest stinking thing ever, and wasn’t completely staged that way. So when it came time for Milo’s photos, I asked to use the shirt too. For Chase’s version, the photographer laid it out and positioned the baby boy right below the logo. Milo was awake by then, his blue eyes gazing up at me, so bright and trusting. That’s when she snapped the photo.
“I hope so,” I finally reply, looking down one last time at the moment captured on my phone.
“And the other one, you did the right thing there too.”
My eyes burn, and this time, I’m unable to stop them. Silent tears fall as I think about the other photos we took. The ones with Milo sleeping on the U.S. Army jacket. It was another impromptu take, but the moment I saw the old jacket hanging with the other props, I knew it was needed. The photographer explained it was her husband’s jacket, and she’ll occasionally use it as a prop for military families who may not bring in their own memorabilia.
I don’t reply with words, but choose to nod instead. I’m not sure I could get words past the massive lump in my throat. Fortunately, I’m saved from the painful emotions bubbling to the surface when our server arrives, relaying today’s lunch specials. Gwen and I each order a sandwich and water, with a shared order of fried green beans.
Fair Lakes Series Box Set Page 45