by Katy Kaylee
I stood across the street and waited until Torryn exited the building after work. My heart clutched in my chest at the sight of her. She was so goddamn beautiful, and she’d completely broken me. She hailed a cab and drove off. Once she was out of view, I crossed the street and entered the building.
Thankfully all was quiet. I gathered a few items from my office and then headed down to see Oliver.
“Lucas.” Oliver motioned for me to sit on the couch in his office. I didn’t want to stay that long, but I did as he wanted. “How’s your mom doing?”
“She’s sick but we’re hopeful about this procedure on Friday.”
“Medical science is a great thing. Imagine one person being able to donate a part of themselves to save another.”
I nodded. “I wish it was me, but I’m happy there was someone.”
“So, you don’t know who the donor is?”
I shook my head. There was something in Oliver’s expression that confused me. Like he knew something I didn’t. But that was crazy.
“I don’t want to pry, but what’s going on with Torryn?”
I looked up at him, wondering what she’s said. I shrugged like it was nothing. “I can’t deal with that right now.”
“But you do plan to deal with it, right?”
My plan so far was to stay away from her. My instinct was to figure out how to get her transferred somewhere else. Timbuktu maybe. But I held my tongue. That was the difference between me and her. I might think awful thoughts, but I don’t follow through. “My focus is on my mother right now.”
“As it should be.” Oliver stood from behind his desk and came to sit in a chair near the couch. “But I need you and Torryn to be your best, and right now, I’m not seeing that. Sure, you’re both getting the work done, but it’s not the stellar work I hired and pay you both well for.”
I raised my hands in surrender. “I promise that when this is resolved with my mother, I’ll do better.”
“I need this thing with you and Torryn resolved too. Whether you live happily ever after or go your own ways, it needs to not affect your work or the work of the people around you.”
“Who else is affected?”
“Me for one. Your assistants seem particularly surly. Torryn hasn’t said anything, but I suspect she’s taking the brunt of their surliness.”
For a second, I felt anger at my assistants and a need to protect Torryn. But then I remembered what she did. Maybe she did something to my assistants as well. “I’ll take care of it.”
“See that you do. We’re friends Lucas, but I do have a business to run.”
“I get it. I’m sorry that I’ve let you down.”
“I wouldn’t go that far. I just like a happy, efficient staff.” Oliver stood and I was glad he was signaling the end of this meeting.
I left the office and went straight to the hospital to visit my mother. Each day she looked a little worse and I hoped to hell that this procedure wasn’t going to be too little too late.
“There’s my boy.” She smiled as I walked in. At least I could give her that.
“Hey, mom. How are you holding up?”
“Only two days now. I’m told everything on my end is okay to proceed and the donor is doing well too.”
“That’s great.” I kissed her forehead.
“I do need to talk to you, though, Lucas.”
Uh-oh. I was afraid this a was going to be the dreaded if-I-die talk. “Okay.”
“As you know, everyone is expecting this to work, but there are always risks and it’s possible the transfusion won’t take.”
Yep, it was the talk. “We have to stay positive mom.”
“Yes, yes, of course. My plan is to be around a long time. To see you get married. Spoil your grandkids.”
That wasn’t going to happen, at least the married and grandkids part. No Torryn made sure of that. Not only did I not have a future with Torryn, but she ensured I wouldn’t have a future with anyone. How could I trust any woman now?
Not that I’d tell my mother that. “Sounds like a good plan.”
“But I need you to do something for me, Lucas.” She took my hand, and despite her frail body, she had a fairly strong grip.
“Whatever you need.”
“I need to you fix things with Torryn. Or at least talk to her and get closure.”
I jerked back and would have taken my hand away, but my mother held tight.
“I know you don’t want to, but you have to.”
“There’s nothing she can say that fixes what she did.”
My mother’s eyes turned hard. “I’m sure she thought the same thing after you disappeared. And yet she forgave you.”
“No, she didn’t. It was an act. A part of her plan.”
My mother pursed her lips. “Do you really believe that, Lucas. Deep down, do you believe she’s a good enough liar to pull off duping you?”
I nodded. “I didn’t see it because I didn’t want to. There were moments of doubt, and I brushed them off because I wanted her so desperately.”
She let out an exasperated breath.
“She hurt me. Why do you want me to endure more of it?”
Her eyes softened. “I don’t want you to be hurt more. I’m just not convinced that Torryn really duped you. Maybe it started that way, but Lucas, I watched you two. You’re not the only one who had love in their eyes. And scheme or no scheme, no one you would love would be cruel enough to volunteer to be a life-saving donor just to get back at someone.”
I hated that she had a point.
“Look, I’m not saying you have to get back together with her. You don’t even need to forgive her if that’s your final decision. But you have to talk to her. Let her explain.”
“Has she been to visit you?”
His mother turned away.
“She has. What has she said? She can’t be trusted, mom.”
My mother gave me a stern look. “Do you trust me, Lucas?”
“Yes. But—”
“Then do this for me.”
“So, she appealed to you to get to me?”
“What if she did? If she was out to hurt you, why would she reach out to me to get you back? She’s already succeeded.”
Damn it, she was right about that too.
“However, she knows the score, Lucas. She knows that the chances of you forgiving her are about nil.”
Less than that. “So why was she here?”
“She still wants to help me.”
“How can she do that? How can you even trust her?”
“Because when she said she loved you, I believed her.”
My heart stopped in my chest, but I ignored it. I couldn’t be swayed by the thought that Torryn loved me.
“Because she was here for me today, not you.”
A piece of my heart softened, that Torryn would still want to be a support to my mother. And yet, my brain couldn’t help but wonder if it was part of some sick twisted plot.
“Again, just talk to her. Whatever comes of it, at least you’ll know her side and you can share yours.”
She wasn’t going to let this go, so I nodded.
“Promise me, Lucas.”
“I promise.”
I don’t lie and I always try to keep my promises, which meant at some point I’d have to talk to Torryn. But I didn’t have to forgive her or take her back. And I didn’t have to do it now. First thing was my mother’s treatment and recovery. Then I had to get my job back on track. After that, I could deal with Torryn.
Exhausted, I headed home and went straight to bed. I wanted to give my brain, my emotions, a rest. Unfortunately, my dreams had other ideas. All of a sudden, I was back in the thick of war. I was in the convoy, watching as the truck in front of me hit a landmine and explode, killing everyone in it, including the woman who’d taught me to waltz, tango and rumba so I could dance with Torryn.
In the desert, debris was everywhere, and out of the smoke walked Torryn. What the hell? She wore the re
d dress I bought for her. Her arms were extended, and her face was a mixture of sorrow and guilt. I wanted to run away, but the more I tried to move, the closer I moved to her.
“Let me explain.” Her arms wrapped around my body, and heaven help me, I held her back. Her soft voice whispered, “I love you.”
I shot up to sit as the images scattered from my brain. A sweaty sheen covered my chest and I breathed heavily. I love you. I was having a déjà vu because I felt like I’d heard her say that recently.
I pressed the heels of my palms to my eye sockets, trying to clear the fog. I collapsed back in bed, wondering if I was going crazy. Closing my eyes, I willed sleep to come, but the image of me holding Torryn in my arms in the hotel room the day before my life ended flashed in my mind. I love you. Had that been real? I hated her that I couldn’t know for sure what was true. I love you.
Chapter 35
Torryn
Friday morning, I was nervous even though the doctors assured me that the procedure offered minimal risk to me. I focused on the good I was doing. Maybe I wouldn’t have the life I’d hoped for with Lucas, but I could be a part of ensuring he had more time with his mother.
I arrived at the hospital early as they said the procedure would take much of the day, up to eight hours. They asked if I’d be available again another day if they needed another round, to which I, of course, said yes. Then they advised me to take the following week off from work for recovery. I hated to ask Oliver that, but I did tell him that it was possible I might not recover over the weekend and asked if I could work at home. He told me not to worry about it and take the time I needed. I supposed that was more for Lucas and his mom’s sake, but I appreciated I wouldn’t lose my job over it.
I was a little intimidated by the huge machine they hooked me up to, to take my blood, and then in my other arm, to put back my blood after it had been filtered of the stem cells.
When it was done, Oliver came to make sure I got home alright. It made me realize how few friends I had in New York, and with Lucas out of my life at the moment, I’d need to work on that.
Over the weekend, I felt tired and occasionally lightheaded, but otherwise okay, and decided to go back to work on Monday. It had now been over a week since losing Lucas, but the pain and guilt were as pronounced as the day he walked out.
I made my way past the Stoogettes who gave me sideways glances.
“Lucas is back,” one of them said with a tone that sounded like the mean girls in high school.
“Wonderful.” I smiled, even though inside I was breaking. What would I do when I saw him?
I went to my office, shut the door and got to work. A few hours later, Oliver called me and asked me to his office. I made my way through the halls, both terrified and hopeful that I’d see Lucas, but he was nowhere to be seen.
“I wasn’t sure you heard, but Lucas’ mother seems to be doing well. I guess they still have a wait to make sure, but overall, Lucas says things look good.”
The fact that Oliver was delivering the news was proof that Lucas was going to avoid me.
“I’m so glad to hear that.”
“I try not to get into my staff’s business, but I gave Lucas this talk and it’s only fair I give it to you.”
I nodded, like a good soldier.
“Whatever it is between you two, it needs to be resolved. I don’t care how, but it can’t affect your work.”
“I understand.” I wondered if that meant Lucas was going to talk to me, after all, to “resolve” the issue between us.
“I value you both, need you both. I don’t have a problem with office romance as long as it doesn’t affect the work.”
“Yes. I’ll do better.”
He stood then and came around to sit on the edge of his desk. “I also think you should tell him the truth about his mom. I know why you haven’t and it’s a good reason. But I also think he should know. I don’t like keeping secrets from him.”
More guilt piled on to the guilt I already had. I’d put Oliver in the middle of us. “Yes. Of course.”
“Good. Now get to work.” He smiled and while it didn’t lift my mood, I appreciated the effort.
When I got back to my office, I felt extremely tired. I took a gulp of the coffee I’d left on my desk in hopes a caffeine boost would perk me up. Immediately, I gagged. It tasted like sour metal. I sniffed it and my stomach roiled. I wasn’t told about side effects to my sense of taste or smell from the procedure. Immediately my mind went to the Stoogettes. Had they poisoned me?
I grabbed my cup of coffee and stormed into their work area. “What did you do to my coffee?”
Two of them had surprised looks on their faces, while Stoogette number one smirked. “We didn’t touch your coffee.”
“You’re the only ones who could have or would have.”
She scoffed. “You’re crazy.”
“I’ve put up with a lot, but I’m not going to take being poisoned.”
“Who’s being poisoned?”
His voice was like music to my ears. Tears threatened but I worked to keep them in check. Hadn’t Oliver just said he didn’t want my personal life impacting my work?
I turned, and my heart ached at the sight of him. He looked tired and unhappy, which I blamed myself for. But he was also so handsome, and God, did I miss him.
“She’s accusing us of poisoning her.” Stoogette number one pursed her lips at me and twirled her finger by her head in the universal sign for crazy.
I was paralyzed to do anything because all I wanted to do was run to him. I supposed it was fortunate that my stomach took that time to expel whatever was in my coffee.
“Excuse me.” I ran to the bathroom and made it to the stall just in time to be sick.
When I was done, I washed my face and looked at myself in the mirror. I was pale and sad, and right there, I wanted to just give up. I wanted to sink to the floor and hide in pain and guilt.
But I was strong, and I pulled myself together. When I exited the bathroom, I ran smack into Lucas.
“Lucas. Oh…I’m sorry.” He probably thought my apology was for running into him, but of course, it was for everything.
“What did you mean about being poisoned?”
I tried to brush it off. After all, I’d just had a procedure done and while I wasn’t told funny tasting coffee was a side effect, being tired and feeling nauseous was. “It’s probably nothing. Maybe I’m getting the flu.”
He studied me, and I wished he’d tell me he forgave me and then take me in his arms. It was probably my turn to do the talking, to apologize and tell him I’d do anything to make it up to him. But again, I was frozen. Until my stomach lurched again.
“Sorry—” I ran back in the bathroom and was sick again. Good going Torryn. I waited a while before coming out because I just couldn’t face him. But when I opened the door, he was leaning against the wall waiting for me.
“Maybe you should go home if you’re sick.”
I nodded.
“I think she should go to a doctor,” Oliver said from behind me. While he didn’t say anything more, his eyes suggested that perhaps the procedure was to blame, in which case, of course, I should probably have it checked out.
“I’ll take her.”
My head whipped around to Lucas, shocked that he’d volunteer.
“Good.” Oliver nodded at me which I took to mean, tell him about the donation.
But as Lucas and I made our way down to the lobby and then out to the street where he hailed a cab, neither of us said a word.
Once in the cab, Lucas asked what doctor should I see. I gave the cab driver the hospital.
“Is there something wrong?” The worried look in his eyes was the first sign of feeling other than disgust I’d seen in them since he left Louisiana.
“I don’t think so…” I knew I should tell him about the donation, but God I really wanted to make things right on my own, not because he felt like he needed to be nice because of what I’d done for his
mom.
He turned to stare out the window for a moment and then straight forward. “Why?”
The one question hung like a lead weight in the air. “Because I was angry and hurt that you could just walk away from me and into the good life without a backward glance.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t just walk away and I never stopped glancing back.”
I wiped a tear that escaped onto my cheek. “I didn’t know that when I decided to get back at you.” I swallowed hard. “I know that I can’t fix this, but you have to know Lucas, that I abandoned my plan that first night. Even before I knew the truth. I hate myself for what I did.”
He finally looked at me. “I’d have never thought you’d have it in you. Charlie, yes, but not you.”
“I can’t believe it either. When I said we were real, I meant it. I think you’d already fallen asleep, but I told you I loved you. I knew last weekend that I wanted to have everything we’d plan to have together.” I was blathering, but I felt I had only this moment to make my case.
He turned away, and I got the feeling he couldn’t bear to look at me.
“We’re here,” the driver said.
I took one last glance at Lucas and then got out of the car and made my way into the hospital. I started to believe that my ailment was heartbreak and there was no cure for that.
Chapter 36
Lucas
Torryn was out of the car and in the hospital faster than I’d anticipated. Clearly, she didn’t think I was planning to walk her in.
Sitting next to her in the car, I felt ripped in two. The need to hold her, to love her was so strong it was all I could do to not pull her into my arms. That feeling started the minute I saw her arguing with my assistants. And when she was sick, all I wanted to do was help her.
But my rational brain sent off all sorts of warning flares that all pointed to her betrayal. She said what was between us was real, but how could I be sure? How could I know she wasn’t duping me again?