Alas, rewinding time wasn’t possible, and I was stuck here, sitting in my own warm bathwater, wondering just why I had to be the one to get this unlucky life. Seriously. I couldn’t have been given any other life but this one, eh? How shitty of you, God. Thanks for nothing.
I sunk in the water, holding my breath as I submerged my entire face beneath it. I tried blanking, spacing out so my mind wouldn’t be caught in the trap that was Ray Ruiz, but no matter what I did, I just couldn’t get him off my mind.
I was caught in his trap, a helpless insect in his web. It was only a matter of time before he crawled to me, wound me up and sucked me dry, making me his for all eternity. No one ever really got away from Ray Ruiz.
When the water got cold, I drained some of it and refilled the tub. I wanted to be a prune when I got out. I’d already missed the morning classes, so Monday was fucked anyway. Why not spend the rest of it in the bath? It wasn’t like I was doing anything else. No rich boys to get back at, no sexual tension between two cute brothers to deal with. It was just me and my own problems right now.
Too bad my own issues were what would deal me in.
I must’ve drifted off, because the next thing I know, an unfamiliar ring tone broke me out of my inner turmoil, jerking me awake. Some of the water from the tub splashed out, and I leaned over, reaching for the phone nestled in the clothes on the floor. My brand-spanking new phone, all shiny and new…oh, and look—now it had water all over it.
I saw who was calling, knowing I couldn’t not answer. It’d been too long since I’d talked to her, plus she’d texted me all weekend and I never responded, being in the hospital and all. It was long overdue to speak to my best friend, Kelsey.
Kelsey, who I really owed my life to.
I sank back in the tub, lifting my feet on the opposite wall, watching as the water dripped off them. Those toes were my toes, but they looked so…foreign. Like a part of me wasn’t sure whether or not they belonged on my body.
“Hey,” I said. One hand held the phone to my ear, the other skimmed the surface of the water over my stomach. I was a bit hungry, but food could wait. I sort of felt like throwing up anything I tried to eat, anyway. Even at the hospital, their bland, boring food choices made me want to puke.
“Hey?” Kelsey echoed, sounding a bit freaked out. I had no clue why. It wasn’t like she knew what my weekend had consisted of, beyond some payback for Sawyer. “What do you mean, hey? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for two days now. Last I knew, you were going to Sawyer’s to teach him a lesson, and then—radio silence.”
Her words faded in the background of my mind as I wondered if Travis ever went back to Sawyer’s house and let him out. That little scheme of mine hadn’t gone as planned, thanks to Ray. Nothing in my life would ever go as planned again, I had the suspicion.
“Are you okay? Did it work?” Kelsey went on, pausing before she added, “You make me worry, you know. With everything—”
That got me to say, “I’m fine, Kelsey. Really, I’m okay. It worked. Sawyer has flaming pink hair now, and I bet he’s too stupid to Google how to get it out without dying over it.”
Kelsey waited a moment, and I could tell by the weight of the silence she was thinking. Ever since that day, since she’d picked me up in the middle of nowhere and saved my life, she’d acted like a second mom to me. Whereas before, she was the wild one, always dragging me places, getting me into shit. The tables had turned…that, or we grew up and life got serious.
“I think it’s time,” Kelsey finally spoke after her silence.
My brows came together. “Time for what?”
“Time for me to come visit you. I mean, it’s been way too long, right? I can’t go months without seeing my best friend. Fuck Thanksgiving break. I need to see you sooner than that. You got any hot plans for this weekend?”
I was too surprised at what she was saying. All I could say was: “Uh, no.” No specific plans, besides wallowing, maybe tearing up a bit, being mean to Declan to push him away. Nothing concrete, though.
“Then I’m coming to you. The rust bucket can make the drive…I think. Besides, Halloween is next Monday, so I’m sure the party scene is going to be kicking. You and I need to live it up while we can, right?” Kelsey didn’t wait for me to answer, plowing on, “I need to get away from here.”
So many thoughts raced in my head after she said that. The first: Halloween was so close? It was funny, ever since coming to Hillcrest, time itself had ceased to matter. It could’ve been Christmas tomorrow and I wouldn’t have realized it.
The second thought involved Kelsey coming here. Now was so not the time for my best friend to make her appearance here, not while I was bruised and aching, and not while I was trying to be a bitch to Declan and the others. It was too difficult to put up a facade in front of Kelsey; she saw right through it.
And the last thought revolved around what she’d said last. She needed to get away from her college? Why?
“What’s going on?” I asked, more than happy to focus on my friend’s drama instead of mine. After all, there was no possible way her drama could be as deadly as mine.
Kelsey sighed into the phone. “I’ll…I’ll just explain it when I get there. It’s stupid. But, anyway, I’m glad to finally hear back from you. You don’t know how worried I was, Ash. You better text your mom back, too. She texted me asking if I’d heard from you. I lied and said yeah, but…I don’t feel good about it.”
Yeah, because unlike me, Kelsey wasn’t a liar. Kelsey was a good person. She balanced me out, and I needed her in my life. I did not, however, need her to come to Hillcrest this weekend, Halloween next week or not.
“Kelsey,” I started, sitting up in the water, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come here right now. Things are complicated—” I supposed I could tell her the truth, but if she was like me and too busy with her life to pay attention to the news, she didn’t know Ray was out in the world, either. Then again, I’d never outright confessed that Ray was my psycho ex, so there was that.
“Things are always complicated with you,” she cut in, not having any of it. “Shut your hole, Ash. I’m coming to your rich campus and I’m going to torch the place.” Kelsey giggled. “I’m kidding, just in case any FBI are listening. Totally kidding. But seriously, I just need to get away from here, meet some rich boys, see if they can sweep me off my feet.”
In spite of myself, I laughed softly at her antics. Whatever was going on with her must be bad, and it made me wonder if I was a terrible friend for not pushing it further, for not asking about it. She’d mentioned having a hard time before, but I was too lost in my own problems with Sawyer and Travis to pay much attention.
“Can we do it next month?” I begged, not wanting her to come here, not while Ray was stalking me like this. If Ray hit me with a car, it was clear he’d go to any lengths to make me realize I was his and his alone.
Travis had sworn to me that he would never hurt me, but Ray? Ray was under no such obligation. Ray would hurt me, although I did find it odd, because his hurt usually went hand-in-hand with more mental anguish. Ray got inside your head and made you question your own sanity.
“Next month is Thanksgiving break, which would then mean I haven’t seen you in three months. Can’t do it, Ash. I need you now, okay? So shut the hell up and tell me what dorm you’re in again. I know you told me before, and I could scroll through our messages, but you know me. Lazy as fuck.”
I must’ve been the queen of bad decisions. I had to be, because why else would I have told Kelsey where I lived? Why else was I allowing her to come here, knowing all the shit that was happening to me? I was inviting her into my playpen of doom and death, but I was too numb inside to stop myself.
In the end, it wouldn’t be the only mistake I’d make.
Chapter Ten – Ash
I was out of the tub and in a fresh set of clothes, laying on my bed when Declan came home. He must’ve been at the hospital, for he had no backpack sl
ung across his taut shoulders. My new phone was on my lap, and I stared at it, as if it would suddenly light up and give me the answers to it all.
I should really call Kelsey back, tell her this weekend was a no-go, that I had plans I couldn’t cancel…
Having her here while Ray was nearby was asking for a shit-ton of trouble I wasn’t certain I could handle. I mean, I was barely handling all of this. How much more weight could my scrawny shoulders handle?
Declan moved to sit on his bed, his dark eyes staring holes in me even though he sat a good eight feet away. “How’s the new phone?” he asked, though I could tell by his tone of voice he didn’t really care. This was the small talk portion, the part before we got into what he really wanted to talk about.
“Fine,” I answered, biting the inside of my cheek.
“I was with Will,” he said.
Ah, there it was. “Yeah?” I asked, breaking eye contact. How the hell could I look Declan in the eyes when I knew for a fact I was the reason Will was in the hospital? Ray had stabbed him, knew I’d go straight to the hospital when I found out, and he waited for the right moment to strike.
Still, a car didn’t really seem like Ray’s style, but at this point, I thought better than to assume I knew everything about him. Lying, manipulative, sociopathic. Ray was the textbook definition of a fucking sociopath, and I’d fallen for him like the idiot I was.
“He asked about you, which I think gave our dad the wrong idea, but…” Declan shrugged. He ran a hand through his brown hair, messing it up as he went. “He wished you were there. I told him I’d bring you tomorrow.”
At that, I had to turn my back to him. As I lay my head down on my pillow, clutching my phone to my chest, I muttered, “You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.” Going to the hospital to visit Will would be his death sentence.
I would not be the reason that man died. Will was a good person. He wasn’t like Sawyer or Travis. He and Declan were both good guys; why couldn’t they see that they should have someone so much better than me? They deserved better. They deserved life, not a premature death at the hands of my ex.
Declan made not a sound after I said that, and I closed my eyes, hoping that he got the hint that I didn’t want to talk. I especially didn’t want to talk about Will. Going to the hospital to see him? Hell no. I wouldn’t—
“Why are you acting like this?” Declan’s voice was suddenly above me, and I opened my eyes to see him leaning over my bed, his hands on the sheets around me. His face was just a foot above my own, and he stared intently down at me, his lips slightly parted. I hate that I noticed. An expression of concern lingered on his face, and it made my heart ache.
I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want to hurt any of them—except maybe Sawyer. And the jury was still out when it came to Travis—but Declan? He might’ve blown up at that party, but he had never done anything to hurt me. He was kind, understanding, and…
And so very close to me, hovering almost.
If I closed my eyes again, I could focus on his musky scent. I could almost forget about the shit going on…
Almost, but not quite.
“I’m not acting like anything,” I whispered, refusing to roll over, fearing what Declan would do if I did. Grab me and kiss me again? Just like he’d done at the hospital, what he did after Will left? Kissing him was a dangerous thing to think about, especially when I needed to push him away. I feared things would only escalate from there. What if he kissed me, and I couldn’t stop myself from doing more?
“You are,” Declan said, slowly crawling onto my bed with me. He didn’t touch me, and yet with each passing moment, he got closer and closer. “You’re not acting like yourself. Is it because of what happened? Ash, the police will find whoever hit you and—”
A stupid decision, but I rolled away from the wall, facing him. Declan sat on the edge of my bed, leaning over me, his dark brows lightly creased in worry. “It’s not about that,” I said, feeling tired. So tired. Would I ever not be tired, or would this be my perpetual state until death took me? What a shitty way to live a life.
“Then what is it about?” Declan begged. “I’m not going to let you pull away from me, Ash. Not now.” He sounded so sure of himself, so confident. A switch from the hesitant and shy Declan he was when I first met him.
I sat up, and our faces were now less than six inches apart. I could feel his warm breath on my face, and I hated that I wanted to close that distance and kiss him again. “You don’t get to decide what I do,” I told him, my voice trembling. “You’re not my boyfriend. You’re not family. You are just my roommate.”
A muscle in his jaw clenched. He’d been neglecting his shaving routine since Will and I found ourselves in the hospital. The stubble made him look rougher, wilder. I liked it. “You aren’t just a roommate to me, and I know I’m not just a roommate to you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to me.”
“I’m not—” I was going to say I wasn’t lying, but Declan must’ve had other ideas. He leaned in closer, pressing his lips against mine harder than I thought he was capable of. I lost myself for a moment, drowning in the heat rising in my gut, in my need to feel him more. Every inch of his skin along each inch of mine, have those lips traveling lower until they reached the one part of me that had been so neglected since coming to Hillcrest.
Oh, God. Yes. That was what I wanted, but it was something I could never have.
It took everything in me, but I pushed him away. I pushed him away and glared at him, my lips warmed from his, even after the separation. “No,” I said. “I can’t be with you.” I couldn’t be with anyone until Ray was gone. Maybe then…
Then what? Then I could sit down and really lose myself in introspection? Declan wasn’t the only guy I had feelings for. I also felt something toward his brother, who’d been attacked because of me. Travis had a place in my heart too, despite what he tried doing to me and in spite of the fact I’d taken Sabrina’s journal from his desk. And fucking Sawyer? Somehow, that drunk prick had a tiny spot there as well.
The truth was, if Ray was ever taken care of—and I had no idea how something like that could ever happen—I’d be fucked, immobilized by the choice I’d have to make. I might’ve cared for them all, but there was no way I’d get to keep them like a litter of kittens.
A litter of sexy, broken kittens, but still.
“Ash,” Declan whispered, pleading with the use of my name. The way my name sounded on his lips…God, I loved it, and I knew I shouldn’t.
“No,” I said again. “Now get off my bed so I can go to sleep.”
Declan gave me a strange look. “It’s not even nine o’clock yet.” As if time mattered when my whole world was crumbling around me. Silly boy.
“I don’t care,” I said. “My body hurts. I was hit by a car, remember?” Bringing that up would do it, I knew.
He flew off my bed faster than a horsefly buzzed around a horse in summertime, his back rod straight as he sent me an apologetic look. “Right. I’m sorry. I—I don’t know what came over me. I forgot.”
I gave him a frown before laying back down and turning over, once more giving him my back. I yanked the sheets over me, piling them high over my head so I was completely covered. It was only because I knew he couldn’t see me that I ran a finger over my lips, his sudden kiss replaying in my head.
I wasn’t strictly tired, but my body was exhausted. Sleep took me sooner than I thought it would, but if I said I had a restful night’s sleep before my return to classes, I’d be more of a liar than I already was. It wasn’t a good sleep. It was awful.
It was a nightmare that so closely resembled my life.
I stood in Sawyer’s house, standing in the living room. The furniture had been pushed aside, trash and empty red solo cups everywhere, as if a party had just been had. It was strange, because I couldn’t remember the party, nor could I recall exactly how I got here. I wasn’t alone, though.
No, I wasn’t alone, because I was hardly ev
er alone.
The chairs from the kitchen had been dragged out onto the carpet, each one holding up a man. Four rich boys, all lined up, their arms tied behind their backs and thick, wiry rope around their necks, strung to the ceiling. Their feet stood on the edge of the chairs. All it would take was one slip, one misstep, and they’d tumble off and hang themselves.
Will was on the left, looking healthy, in spite of the rope around his neck. His shoulders were squared, as if he was ready for whatever was going to happen. His brown hair was coiffed to the side, his hazel eyes heavy on me, wordlessly asking me to help him, to undo the rope that would strangle him if he stepped off the chair.
Beside Will, Declan stood. His expression was much sadder, his dark gaze on the floor. Declan, apparently, couldn’t even look at me. It was as if he’d already decided that I wasn’t going to help him, so he would just give up. Why bother fighting when things were so hopeless?
Next was Travis. He stood with the straightest back, a look that said don’t fuck with me written on his handsome face. His tattooed arms were pulled behind him, and I’d never seen him appear so helpless. Travis, the psycho of Hillcrest, helpless before me. It wasn’t a sight I ever thought I’d see.
Lastly, of course, was Sawyer. His hair was blonde, his green eyes dull as he stared at me. His muscled body looked a bit awkward in the position, and his usual half-smile was nowhere to be seen. “Fuck you,” he whispered. “You’re nothing. No one. You’ll die a no one, and when you do, no one will be there to visit your grave, you bitch.”
His words made me flinch and look away, and as I did, I spotted someone walking out of the nearby hallway, a glimmering knife in his hands. One hand held the grip, the other lightly touched the tip of the short blade.
Ray Ruiz.
Ray was a handsome man, with dark tan skin, a bit of gruff on his chin. His eyes were a light green, vibrant against his skin. Dark hair lined his head, its lengths cut short. He was thirty-five now, but he was just as attractive as he was years ago, when I’d first met him.
Skank: A Dark College Bully Romance (Hillcrest University Book 3) Page 8