by Trinity Lemm
“Hey,” I opened my eyes wide as I walked in.
“What’s up?” Claire asked at her desk.
“Just had to tell Lucas he couldn’t come to my birthday party this weekend and now he’s not very happy,” I whispered, trying to make sure they couldn’t hear us in the next room over.
Gianna made a pained expression. “Well at least he won’t be showing up.”
“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” I said, sitting down on the futon. “Now he’s in my room with Penelope and I do not want to go in there.”
Gianna thought to herself for a moment and then her face lit up. “Why don’t we just go shopping for your birthday outfit today instead of tomorrow? And then I’m sure Lucas will be gone by the time we get back.”
Axel had given me money to go buy myself a new outfit for my birthday, stating that if I didn’t spend every penny on myself, he would go out and spend it on me himself. He was really trying to lighten the situation, and I appreciated his effort, but this was a situation that couldn’t be lightened easily. We hadn’t heard any updates from Brooke in nearly two weeks and I was becoming too impatient to bear. The suspense was killing me. Every day, my mind raced between possibilities of how getting those results could go, and of course I hoped for the best, but I expected the worst.
“Yeah, we can do that,” I responded to Gi, yawning with exhaustion.
She stood up from her desk and grabbed her wallet and keys. “Are you gonna come, Claire?”
Claire kept her focus on her textbook. “Um, I actually have a lot to do,” she turned around in her seat, glancing at me and then Gi. “You know what? Yeah, I’ll come.”
“Aye!” Gianna and I both shouted in unison.
I was happy that Claire agreed to come with us. The three of us had been spending more time together recently like we used to, and I wanted to keep it that way. But the more time we spent together, the more I noticed that Claire was acting slightly strange. I couldn’t pinpoint why, and with my current anxiety about Brooke’s pregnancy, I hadn’t gotten around to asking.
We walked around the mall for what seemed like forever, searching for something nice and new for me to wear to my party. I was fairly picky, so we hadn’t had any luck finding anything. We entered a new store, on the hunt for the perfect outfit.
The three of us split up, trying to cover as much ground as possible. I rummaged through the racks of hangers, disappointment dawning over me with every piece of clothing that I saw.
“Tate! Come over here!” Claire yelled from the back of the store. I walked over to where Claire was, her eyes scanning the fabric she held between her fingers. She lifted it up as I approached, and immediately, my eyebrows shot up, intrigued by the sight. “Try it on. Now!” she shoved it at me. I gladly accepted it, making my way over to the dressing rooms.
I slipped on the black two-piece and glanced in the mirror. The cami top rested directly at the bottom of my breasts, my strapless bra evidently pushing them up out of the top. My entire stomach was basically exposed between the pieces of fabric. The skirt was skin tight, revealing every detail of my curved hips and backside. My favorite part, the black faux fur that lined the top hem of the top piece, and the bottom hem of the skirt.
I bit my lip as I studied myself, pleased with how the two-piece looked on me. I stepped out of the dressing room, hoping that Claire and Gi would like the two-piece just as much as I did.
“Holy shit!” Claire called out, her jaw dropping.
“That’s amazing,” Gianna covered her open mouth with her hand.
“You guys like it?” I asked, turning around so they could see the back.
“Like it? We love it! Axel is going to piss himself when he sees you!” Claire shouted.
I ran my fingers smoothly over the skirt, a smile forming on my lips.
“And what the hell? Your stomach is so flat,” Gi said, irritated. I rolled my eyes.
“And it’s black, so I can wear my red lipstick with it,” I happily said. “You guys don’t think it’s too much, do you?”
Gianna laughed, shaking her head. “Definitely not. It’s your birthday. You’re allowed to be extra.”
I giggled, giddy that we finally found an outfit worth looking at twice.
“If you wore black heels with it, your legs would look stellar,” Claire added.
Gi nodded, “Seriously, you need to buy that. Like, now.”
“I agree with Gi,” Claire said. “It’s hot.”
I pushed my lips together, trying to wipe my stupid smirk off of my face. “Okay,” I said, touching my necklace, “I’m sold.”
Claire and Gianna exploded in happiness, hyping me up as I took it off and headed to the checkout counter. After making the purchase, we decided to stop at the food court for a bite to eat.
“But really Tate, how are you doing?” Gi asked as we sat down with our burgers and fries. I could hear the worriedness in her voice, truly concerned with my sanity.
“I’m okay,” I responded. I shoved a fry in my mouth, refusing to make eye contact with her. Gianna and Claire traded glances.
“Tate, you could tell us how you’re actually feeling,” Claire said. “It’s just the three of us.”
I wanted to talk to them about how much stress was intensely building up inside of me, but I didn’t want to have a mini breakdown while we were in public.
“I’m fine,” I said, finally looking up. But the second I made eye contact with them, they could tell I was lying.
“Tate,” Claire warned.
I was known to bottle everything up inside of me, never knowing how to discuss my true thoughts and feelings. When everything had been happening with Connor and Nicole, I rarely ever talked about the situation with anyone, even when it was absolutely and utterly destroying me. Because I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed to admit that I was an option to him and that he treated me like complete trash. I was embarrassed that I felt the way I did about him, regardless of how badly he treated me. And right now, embarrassment was what flooded me again. I was embarrassed that my boyfriend had possibly gotten another woman pregnant. I had been trying to avoid talking about the situation since the day we found out, and now that they were pushing it, I didn’t know how to respond.
“I’m fine,” I said again. I had been wondering and worrying so much about the situation recently that I just wanted to forget about it for a while. My own birthday was this weekend and all I wanted was to go into it with a good attitude. Well, as good of an attitude as possible, at least.
The girls dropped it, sighing heavily, and knowing that I wasn’t in the mood for it. We finished eating and hopped back into the car, jamming out to old Taylor Swift and One Direction songs, which made me feel young again, almost stress-free and careless again.
“Do you guys think you could drop me off at Jason’s?” Claire asked from the back seat.
Gianna was the one driving, so I glanced over at her, waiting for her to give Claire an answer.
“Would I have to pick you up again later?” Gi wondered.
“No, I’ll just have Jason bring me home.”
“Then, yes,” Gi said, relieved that she wouldn’t have to leave the dorms again to drive.
I stared out my window after we dropped off Claire, lost in thought as we drove back to the dorms.
“Look, I know some of the frats are throwing tonight. We could go out to a party or we could stay in and just hang out all night,” Gi said.
I turned towards her, messing with my hair. “I don’t know, Gi. Not really sure I’m in a party mood.”
“Oh, c’mon. It’s a Thursday night. Thirsty Thursday!” she shouted, giggling. “Or we could just invite the guys over and drink in my room tonight.”
I forced a small smile, knowing that Gi was trying her best to cheer me up. As if it was planned, my phone rang, and a picture of me sitting on Axel’s shoulders appeared on the screen.
“Hello?”
“Hey, baby. I was just wondering what you were d
oing tonight?”
“Is it Axe?” Gianna asked. I nodded to her, still holding the phone up to my ear. “Tell them to come over,” she whispered.
I waved her off, ignoring her request. “I’m not really sure,” I said to him.
“Babe, are you okay? I can tell you’re upset.”
I slowly nodded as I closed my eyes, even though he couldn’t see. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
I was really trying my best to push my fear and stress aside, no matter how badly they were eating me away. At the end of the day, I still loved Axel, and sometimes, you had to endure some pain for the people you loved.
“I miss you. I wanna see you tonight,” he said through the phone.
Gi was looking over at me every few seconds, waiting for me to ask them to come over. I shot a glance back at her, annoyed with her silent pressure.
“You and Ash can come over if you want. Gianna and I were just planning on drinking in the dorms.”
“I think Ash was originally gonna go to ATA tonight. Would you guys maybe want to go there?”
I made an unsatisfied face. “I don’t know if I’m really in a party mood.”
“Okay, well we’ll come over and we can all figure it out.”
“Alright,” I quietly said.
“Tate?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you so much. I’ll see you in a little bit.”
His words caused a true smile to come across my lips, one that has been the most genuine smile I’ve had in days.
“Love you too,” I said, hanging up the phone.
About twenty minutes later, Ash and Axe walked in. Axe’s white button down was rolled up to his elbows, the top few buttons undone just enough to see his swallow tattoos. The sight made me want to rip the shirt off.
Axel spun me around in his arms, planting a meaningful kiss on my lips.
“I’ve fucking missed you all day,” he said, kissing my neck. The feeling caused the insides of my thighs to tingle, wanting more, but I tried to ignore the desire, since Ash and Gi were still in the room. I bit the inside of my lip, keeping myself quiet.
Ash rubbed his hands together. “So, what’s the plan tonight? We goin’ to ATA or what?”
Axe’s green eyes darted to me. “I’ll do whatever you wanna do.”
Everyone looked over at me. I hated when the pressure was on me. I didn’t want to be the one to make all the group decisions.
“I don’t know if I’m in a party mood,” I truthfully said, uncomfortably crossing my arms.
“That’s okay, baby,” Axe reached to me.
“Boo! C’mon, Tate. Let’s go live it up. Don’t be such a grandma,” Ash joked, playfully pushing me.
I jutted my lips out, giving a single, silent laugh as Axe hugged me from behind.
“Don’t talk to her like that, Ash. I’ll knock your teeth out,” Axe said, only half-joking. Ash rolled his eyes, shoving his hands in his pockets.
I really didn’t feel like going out, but I didn’t want to be the one to hold everyone else back. It had been a long few weeks with everything going on, and this weekend was definitely going to be an exhausting one.
“Well, Gi, what do you wanna do?” I asked.
“Kinda wanna go out,” she answered, shrugging one shoulder.
“You guys can go. Tate and I will just stay here and hang out,” Axe spoke, still standing with his arms wrapped around me.
I looked up at him. “You can go too. You don’t have to stay back just because of me.”
His eyebrows pulled together. “Yes, I do. I’m not leaving you.” His lips met my forehead, kissing it gently. Even though I’d known Axel for almost five months, and even though we had been together for a little over two, he still found a way to make butterflies flutter around in my stomach. Axe’s thumb rubbed my wrist, which comforted me. My stress had been overbearing, but he somehow had the ability to calm me down.
Ash checked his watch. “Well it’s already a little past nine, so we’ll pregame here with you guys for a bit and then head out?” he glanced at Gianna for approval. She nodded, grabbing her secret stash of alcohol out of its hiding spot in her closet.
Axe finally let go of me. “Did you find a new outfit for you to wear on Saturday?” he asked as Gianna poured a round of shots.
“Hell yeah, she did,” Gi said.
I eyed Axe as his face lit up with excitement. “Can I see?”
“No!” I said. His face fell. “It’s a surprise.”
He dropped his head back. “That means I have to wait almost forty-eight hours!”
A laugh escaped my mouth. “Yeah, your fine ass is gonna wait forty-eight hours!”
He winked at me, leaning against Gianna’s bedframe. The sight nearly brought me to my knees. And suddenly, I couldn’t wait for Gianna and Ash to leave.
After a couple rounds of shots, Gi and Ash left. Within seconds of them walking out the door, Axe’s lips were on mine. His hands rested on my hips as he backed me up against the wall. He moved my hair out of the way, lightly sucking on my neck as his hands moved to the back pockets of my jeans. His mouth came back up to mine after a few minutes, and when his tongue slipped inside my mouth, I pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, worried.
“I’m not having sex with you in someone else’s room,” I said, dragging him by the hand.
“Fair enough,” he replied.
I opened the door of my own room, thankful that Penelope wasn’t there. She was most likely out somewhere with Lucas. The one and only time I was thankful for Lucas’s existence.
I locked the door behind us. Axe wrapped his arms around me again from behind, connecting his lips onto my neck. His hands slowly unbuttoned my jeans and pushed them down. I stepped out of them and turned towards him, undoing the rest of the buttons on his shirt. I admired him in the light, the way his v-line perfectly disappeared into his black jeans. His biceps bulged as he pulled me closer.
I looked away for a second, staying still in my red lace thong. I furrowed my brows.
“What?” Axe said, standing shirtless.
“Shh,” I silenced him, trying to hear the noise coming from Claire and Gianna’s room. It was muffled through the walls, but from what I could make of it, it sounded like sobbing. Either that, or two people trying to silently fuck, but I didn’t think that was it.
I slipped on my pair of grey sweatpants. “I’ll be right back,” I said, kissing Axe on the cheek.
“You want me to come with you?”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll be back in like two minutes.”
I knocked on the door a few times, just in case it really was people hooking up in there. Ash and Gianna hadn’t left long ago, so it was possible that they decided to come back. And last time I saw Claire, we were dropping her off at Jason’s, so maybe they came here to get some alone time. Who knows.
I put my ear up to the door, but the noises had stopped. I pulled by head back as the door cracked open. Claire’s puffy face appeared in the open space.
“Claire? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” I pushed the door open all the way and walked in.
A couple more tears streamed down her red cheeks, and she quickly turned away, wiping them. She took a seat at her desk.
“Jason and I got into another fight.”
“About what?”
Claire covered her face with her hands. “I don’t even know,” she wept. “We started arguing and then he told me to leave and I walked back here by myself.”
I thought about the day I walked home by myself after Connor sat and watched me cry in front of him, saying nothing. Not comforting me in any way. Looking at me disgusted. I shivered at the thought. That was a terrible fucking day.
“He didn’t even drive you?” I asked, anger starting to bubble up inside of me. It was late on a Thursday night in February. Not only was it cold out, but it was dangerous too. No girl should be walking around a college campus by herself at night.
“No,” she shook h
er head, pulling her knees into her chest.
There was a knock on the door, and I assumed it was Axel, wanting to make sure everything was okay. But when I opened the door, a pissed off Jason pushed through. Claire lifted her head out of her knees as he strode over to her.
“I can’t believe you actually left,” he said heatedly.
“You told me to.”
Claire’s voice was so weak. It made my heart hurt.
“Well I didn’t think you actually would.”
He sounded exactly like Connor. I wanted to rip his head off right then and there. It took everything in me not to. Connor always used to turn everything around on me, trying to make me feel like it was my fault. And that was what Jason was doing to Claire right now. He was trying to make Claire feel like shit for things that he said and did.
Another tear fell down Claire’s cheek and Jason’s tense body relaxed. He reached for her, but she turned away. The tenseness that had just drained from his body seconds before, resurfaced.
“Really? You’re gonna back away from me like that?”
Claire didn’t respond, too afraid to meet his gaze.
“Claire?” he said, his voice slightly more raised than before. “Claire! Fucking answer me!” he shouted.
“Hey! Don’t fucking yell at her,” I warned.
Jason whipped around to face me, his jaw working under his skin. “Don’t. Try. To get. Involved,” he breathed.
I narrowed my eyes at him, unfazed. “Well I just did, motherfucker.”
He cocked his head to the side and rubbed the corner of his mouth with his thumb. “You know what, Tate? I used to think you were a hot piece of ass, but now, you’re kind of just a bitch.”
I leaned in. “Fuck you.”
His hands started to shake in anger, and before I knew it, he had grabbed me by my hair.
“Jason, let go of her!” Claire yelled, clawing at his back.
“Axel! AXEL!” I screeched at the top of my lungs.
Within seconds, Axel burst through the door. Jason barely had time to react before Axel gripped him by the back of his neck and slid him across the floor like a ragdoll.