Forever Burn

by Trinity Lemm

  What the hell was I? Just some prey that Axel had been waiting to capture? He probably would’ve done it for one dollar if it meant that he had motivation to pursue me.

  “And bragging rights,” he added hesitantly, raising his shoulders, hoping that adding something else would help.

  I broke eye contact with him, unable to look at him with how disgusted I felt with him at the moment. “Wow. So, when you asked me on our first date to ‘make it up to me for being a dick,’” I quoted, “you were really just trying to get laid, weren’t you?”

  Axe tilted his head, hating every second of the conversation. “Tate, that was a long time ago and I had no idea that I would fall this hard for you.”

  I didn’t respond, still staring elsewhere. Ash was still standing awkwardly in the kitchen, wishing he never said anything in the first place.

  Axe’s voice softened even more. “Tate, please say something. Anything. Please don’t be mad.”

  I whipped my head back towards him. “Oh, I’m not mad. I’m furious.”

  “This is exactly why I was afraid of telling you.”

  I angrily stomped into Axel’s room and grabbed all my stuff, returning back into the living room to see Axe and Ash eyeing each other carefully, wondering what my next move was going to be. I threw my jacket over my shoulders, slipping it on. Once Axe realized that I was about to leave, he stepped towards me, reaching for me.

  I put my hands up in front of me. “Don’t right now,” I warned him.

  His nervous eyes fell to the floor. “Are you breaking up with me right now?” he sadly asked.

  “No, just give me a day or two to process this.”

  “Okay,” he said quietly, his vulnerable side showing.

  “And that means don’t bombard my phone with texts or calls. And don’t bother showing up to my room, because that’ll only piss me off more.”

  He gave a small nod. I was waiting for him to beg me to stay, but I think he knew better than to test me right now. I was even angrier than when I had walked in on him with Brooke, and that’s saying a lot. I gripped all my things in one hand, my other hand on the doorknob, ready to walk out the door and go back to my room so that I could rip my hair out.

  “Tate?” his voice made me stop, still facing the door. “Just remember that I love you, okay? And I know that that bet was shitty and I’m sorry, but I don’t regret it because it led me to you.”

  I felt a twinge in my chest, wondering if I should just stay and sizzle down here instead of on my own. But I felt like remaining in his presence right now, unable to sort through my own thoughts, would only cause my anger to continue to build.

  I took a deep breath and without saying anything else, walked out.

  Claire was still having a terrible hangover when I got back to the dorms, and Gianna was taking care of her, so I didn’t bother going into their room. Penelope knew something was wrong when I walked through the door, but I wasn’t prepared to talk about the situation yet. I wanted to think on my own first.

  I took a warm shower, trying to allow my anger to wash down the drain. I couldn’t believe that Axel would place a bet on me, especially a bet that classified me as a one-night stand. But at the same time, I could believe it, because it was before we were even together, and Axe was a different person now than he was back then. Unless he was still that person that he was then, and I was just too oblivious to see it.

  I knew Axe loved me now, but at what point did he stop pretending? At what point did it become real to him? At what point was I no longer just a bet? Was it before or after he took me to Amberly’s for Thanksgiving? Was it before or after we had sex for the first time? Was everything leading up to New Year’s Eve just a part of his plan to fulfill the bet and get me to sleep with him?

  I felt used, as if all of this was just something that Axel was doing for fun, something that he was doing to prove his point that he could get any girl he wanted. Feeling this way was exactly what I had always been trying to avoid. I trusted that this whole time, Axe’s intentions were real and pure, but now, that delusion of him was shattered. I didn’t know which parts of our relationship were real and which parts were simply for the sake of winning his bet.

  What the hell was I going to do?

  I fell asleep that night with no texts or calls from Axel, no random drop-ins either. I had expected him to say something after I left the apartment, but his silence told me that he had at least carefully listened to my words earlier.

  I went straight back to my room after class, avoiding any places that I knew Axe might be at. I still hadn’t had the chance to talk to Claire and Gianna, and I needed to do so before I talked to Axe again.

  I laid in bed as I waited for them to return from class, which felt like forever. It was already almost eight at night, and Penelope still wasn’t back, so she would probably be mad that she wasn’t going to be involved in our chat, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I needed to talk to someone about what I had learned the day before.

  I had shut my phone off and left it on my desk once Axel started calling. I needed my best friend’s opinions before I talked to him again, and I was afraid that if I kept hearing his ringtone and seeing his face pop up on the screen, that I would give in and answer.

  “Okay, what’s up?” Gi asked as her and Claire walked in. I climbed out of bed as Claire sat on the futon, Gianna in Penelope’s desk chair.

  “I was a bet,” I said with a straight face. The small circles under my eyes told everyone just how much sleep I had gotten the night before.

  “Huh?” Claire said.

  “Apparently, when Axe and I had met, and I turned him down, remember?” They each nodded, listening carefully. “Well after that, he was pissed and his little ego was hurt that for once, someone had refused to sleep with him, so Axe made a bet with Ash that he could get me to sleep with him.”

  Gianna’s eyebrows shot up. “What the fuck?”

  “I’m not surprised,” Claire said from the futon, seeming confused as to why Gianna and I were. “It’s Axel Burne. That’s the type of shit he’s infamous for. The type of shit he would’ve continued to do if he hadn’t met you, Tate.”

  I furrowed my eyebrows at her, wondering what she was trying to say. She dropped her chin towards me, her brows shooting up.

  “Well… what do you mean by that?” I asked, waiting for her to explain.

  “Tate,” she started, “he’s fucking crazy about you. Didn’t you hear him the other night at dinner? He wants to marry you,” she whispered the last part, as if it was meant to be kept secret.

  “Well to me, it feels like our relationship is based off of a lie. Like, how am I supposed to know what was real and what wasn’t?”

  Gianna played with her hair, trying to come up with something to say. I waited for her to speak, watching as she scratched her head.

  “Tate, you know what was real and what wasn’t. In your heart, you know. And honestly, to me, I think everything was real.” I opened my mouth to respond, but she continued before I could. “Because he wouldn’t have even made that bet if there wasn’t something about you that intrigued him. If he hadn’t felt a spark from the very first time you two met, then he wouldn’t have even bothered chasing after you. He would’ve just moved right on to someone else.”

  “Facts,” Claire added, pointing over to Gianna.

  I thought about it for a minute. What Gianna was saying did make sense, but for some reason, I still felt unsettled about it all. I couldn’t tell if it was just because I hated thinking about the fact that I was originally a bet and nothing more, or if it was the fact that the whole nature of the bet sounded like something that Connor would’ve done.

  I held my tired face in my hands, wondering what I was supposed to do next. “So, you guys think I’m overreacting?”

  Claire shrugged. “I mean, kinda, yeah. It was a long time ago. And if that bet hadn’t happened, then you and Axe wouldn’t have even gotten together.”

  “So, what a
m I supposed to do now, then?”

  “Well, have you talked to him since you found out?” Gi asked.

  I shook my head, almost mad at myself as I came to the realization that maybe I had blown all of this out of proportion. “Not since I left the apartment yesterday morning, no.”

  “Just sleep on it tonight and then go talk to him tomorrow after class,” Gi suggested. “I can tell you’re stressing out over it. And obviously, you should talk to him in person about something like this and not over text or a call.”

  “Yeah, you’re right,” I agreed.

  “You’ve been through too much together to throw it away now,” Claire said.

  I nodded. “Yeah, we really have. Thanks for helping, guys.”

  “Text us tomorrow,” Gi said as they each gave me a shy smile and walked out.

  I finished the small amount of homework I had, happy that I had something to take my mind off of overthinking for a while. I didn’t even bother turning my phone back on as I crawled into bed, falling asleep almost immediately from my utter exhaustion.

  When I turned my phone back on, I had twenty texts and fifteen missed calls from Axel. I didn’t bother texting him or calling back, knowing that I was going to go over to the apartment directly after class.

  My class felt like ten hours as opposed to two, and I immediately hopped in my car afterwards, sending Axe a quick text to let him know that I was coming.

  I used my key to get in, shutting the door behind me. “Axe?” I called out, unsure as to why he wasn’t sitting in the living room watching tv like he normally would be. Maybe he was asleep?

  I trudged towards his bedroom door, stopping as I heard the bed shaking, followed by small moans. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I wanted to walk in there and rip out the hair of whatever whore he had brought here, but I knew that if I did, I would never be able to un-see what was going on in there.

  My hands shook with complete fury as I turned around and sat down on the couch in the living room, impatiently waiting for them to finish. Whoever “them” was.

  Shortly after, the noises stopped, leaving me with pure adrenaline knowing that whoever was in there was about to walk out soon.

  Olivia emerged, fully clothed. Her fiery red hair was in disarray, mascara smeared under her eyes. She stopped in her tracks the split second she noticed me on the couch. I stared at her, waiting for her bitchass to say something. The urge to get up and punch her in the face was growing stronger.

  “Oh, shit,” she muttered.

  Axe walked out of the room, looking down as he buttoned his flannel. He bumped into Olivia, causing his eyes to glance up. He stopped dead in his tracks, a deer in headlights. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he just pissed himself right then and there. I raised an eyebrow at him, sending him the clear message that I knew exactly what just happened.

  Olivia’s eyes darted between the both of us, shifting her weight back and forth nervously. “I’m gonna go,” she said.

  “Yeah, you probably should,” I shot back.

  I watched as she anxiously speed-walked over to the door, letting herself out. I waited until I knew she was gone before turning back to Axel. He was about to feel my fucking wrath.

  “Tate… I can explain.”

  “Explain? You don’t fucking have to! Everything that I just heard, explained itself!” I yelled.

  “You weren’t answering… I thought you blocked my number and wanted nothing to do with me.”

  “You mean when I turned my phone off to stop it from ringing? I didn’t block you! And even so, why wouldn’t you try calling Gianna? Or coming to my room? Instead of inviting some bitch over for you to sleep with!”

  Even though I was screaming, Axel’s tone stayed steady. He wouldn’t dare raise his voice at me. “You told me not to come to your room.”

  “And I also told you not to call or text a million times, but you did that anyways!”

  We had never gotten into an argument that was this heated before. I could tell he was panicking, unsure of what to do or say. The anger that I had been feeling when I found out about the bet was nothing compared to the rage that currently flowed through my bloodstream.

  “I’m sorry,” he blurted out, his chest heavily rising and falling.

  “You’re sorry? That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

  He looked at me with glossy eyes, his mouth opening and closing with words that weren’t coming out. A hand covered his forehead, trying to hide his fearful eyes.

  “Well this really is just fucking déjà vu, isn’t it?” I said, contemplating if I should stay around to yell at him some more, or if I should just leave now.

  “I know I’m disgusting, okay? I never should’ve done that. And I know I don’t deserve you, but I love you and I’m so sorry. I’m beyond sorry. I can’t even tell you how sorry I am.”

  I shook my head, steps away from the door. “All those other girls were right. You haven’t changed.”

  “Tate, I—”

  “Have you been sleeping with other people since we’ve been together?”

  He was taken aback from my accusation, a look of hurt and offense began to spread across his face as if I had just asked if he murdered someone. “Of course not. How could you think that?”

  I searched his eyes for any sign that he was lying, but I couldn’t find one. But maybe he was just a really good fucking liar. “How could I think that? Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I just walked in on you having sex with some other girl!”

  His face saddened more and more with each response I gave. He stepped towards me, reaching for me, but I backed away.

  “Don’t touch me. Not after your hands were all over someone else.”

  I was disgusted. I couldn’t help but imagine him kissing her, studying her body, touching her in ways that he only touched me. I walked towards the door, about to leave and not look back.

  “I fucking love you. I can’t lose you.”

  “Well maybe you should’ve thought of that before you slept with someone else.”

  “I know… but last night, thinking that you were done with me was the worst feeling I’ve ever had. Thinking that I lost you made me feel the same way I felt when I lost my mom, and I never want to feel that way again. I know that’s not an excuse for what I did, but can we please just talk this through?”

  I felt a small twinge of pain when he mentioned his mother, but I couldn’t allow that to be the reason why I stayed. “No, there’s nothing to talk about,” I said, opening the door and slamming it shut behind me. I made my way down the stairs and out to the parking lot, not stopping when I heard Axel running towards me from behind.

  “Tate, please!” he yelled out. “Can you please come back inside so we can talk?”

  When Axel realized that my feet weren’t going to stop, the desperation in his voice heightened.

  “You can’t leave Tate, please! I’m sorry!”

  I whipped around to face him right as I was approaching my car. We stood only a few feet apart.

  “You’re exactly like him.”

  His brows pulled together, his heart breaking from my words. That was probably the worst thing I could’ve said to him. “I’m nothing like him,” he barely managed to get out. I shook my head, refusing to believe anything else that came out of his mouth. “You’re breaking my heart into a million pieces right now… but do whatever you want with it, because it’s yours. It’s been yours since the second we met.”

  I shook my head slowly. “It’s over.”

  “What?” he quietly asked, hoping that he had heard me wrong.

  “It’s OVER! We’re done!” I screamed.

  The glossiness that rested in his emerald eyes finally spilled over, tears rolling down his cheeks. It was weird that just a few nights ago, I had seen him absolutely outraged, pinning Jason against a car, and now, he was the complete opposite. Sad and hurt. I’d never seen him cry before and I fucking hated the sight. My eyes immediately swelled up. I cou
ld feel my tears about to trickle down, but I held them back as long as possible.

  His eyes peered into mine. “But I love you.”

  My voice turned from screaming to almost a whisper as my tears finally gave way. “If you really loved me, then you wouldn’t have done what you just did,” I said, pointing up towards the apartment.

  Axe clawed at his own hair and face, expressing absolute panic, because he knew I meant what I was saying. I loved him, but I was done. He bit his lip so hard that it looked like it hurt.

  “I wasn’t thinking straight.”

  “Well, clearly!” I replied.

  “I promise this will never happen again. Just please stay,” he pleaded.

  “I’ve heard that one before.”

  He looked around, tears still falling. “I love you more than anything, okay? I don’t want to be with anyone else ever. Please don’t end this. What we have is too good.”

  “I’ve heard that one too.”

  “Tate, I’m fucking begging you! I’ll do whatever you want me to do. I’ll make it up to you in any and every way possible. I swear I’ll fucking—”

  “I’ve heard this shit before! I’ve fucking heard it all, Axel! I’m done! I’m done,” I repeated, the second time mostly just me trying to convince myself.

  “Please… you can’t be done.”

  My tears were still falling, but my anger was back. “Well I am! Because I don’t fucking trust you anymore! I trusted you… and it backfired.” I wiped away my tears with the sleeve of my jacket.

  Axe grabbed both of my hands, holding them in his warm ones. His voice drowned in desperation and heartache. “Tate, stop. Please listen to me. I mean it. I’m so fucking in love with you. I know I fuck up sometimes and I know I can be a complete asshole, but I also know that you are the one I’ve been waiting for. I’ve never had a real relationship before you, so when you left, I—I didn’t know how to handle it.”

  “Just fell back into old habits, right?” I said, quoting him from the last time we had been in this situation. I pulled my hands out of his.