by Trinity Lemm
I knew how I felt about Axel. My feelings were no secret, but I didn’t know what was best for me. Did I really want to risk putting myself back in a relationship where my significant other still hadn’t broken his worst habits? Was I actually ready enough to risk another possible heartbreak?
“No, I don’t think so,” I said, even though I vaguely did remember.
Axe sighed. “I assumed you wouldn’t remember.” His eyes dropped down to his plate and then back up at me. “Tate, please take me back. All I need is one more chance,” Axe said, grabbing my hand from across the table. There was a longing in his eyes, a specific type of pain that no one could fake. I didn’t say anything, my tired eyes stuck on him. “Because all I know is that I’m absolutely fucking dreading the moment that you leave and go back to your dorm, the moment we go back to being strangers, as if we don’t know each other and never have. At the end of the day, I’ll do whatever you need me to do, even if that means being miserable. I’ll leave you alone forever, as long as that’s what makes you happy. Because the one thing I care about the most is your happiness. But is being apart really what makes you happy?” His eyes studied mine nervously, waiting for my reply.
I thought about everything that Axe and I had been through. He had always done everything for me, treating me like royalty. He put me first, made me feel wanted, and loved me more than anything.
What I hated the most about my relationship with Connor was that because it was my first relationship, my “first love,” I was put under the impression that that’s what love was. That it was being treated as an option rather than a person. That it was putting someone first even after they repeatedly put you last. But after meeting Axe, after falling in love with him, it was clear what love was. Love was putting someone else’s needs before your own. Love was not caring about the amount of time or money you spent on them. Love was not blaming someone for your issues or guilting and manipulating them into doing what you wanted them to do. Love was wanting the best for someone, no matter what the outcome was going to be for you. Love was forgiving someone for their mistakes.
My eyes slightly glossed over as I shook my head. “No,” I quietly said. “Being apart sucks.” My head throbbed as a few tears fell. As I closed my eyes, I felt Axe’s arms around me.
“I hate myself for hurting you. And I never wanna be the reason for your tears ever again,” he said. I stood as I buried my head into his chest and cried into him for a moment. “I’m so sorry,” he added.
His hand rubbed my back, comforting me. I finally managed to stop my tears, my hungover eyes looking up at him. All I did was nod.
His eyes slightly brightened with hope. “You’ll take me back?”
“Yes.”
His mouth turned upwards, revealing those dimples that I loved so much. He picked my feet up off the ground, hugging me to him. When he set me back down, he kissed my face repeatedly, covering every square inch of it.
“I love you. I love you. I love you,” he said in between kisses. And somehow, all my worry and sadness faded away.
We drove to the dorms, preparing to deal with Gianna. I took a deep breath as we stood outside of Gianna and Claire’s room, nervous as to how Gianna would react to our drop-in.
“I’m scared,” I whispered to Axe. “What if she unleashes her wrath on us?”
Axe covered his mouth as he laughed, trying to keep quiet. I playfully hit him, smiling as I brought my hand up to the door and knocked a few times.
“Hey,” Gianna said when she saw me. Her eyes drifted to Axe. “Oh, you’re here too.”
Axe rolled his eyes as we walked in. Gi didn’t seem like she had been crying. Her anger was still the main emotion that she was feeling.
“Gi, what happened?”
She opened her mouth to speak, then snapped it shut when Axe rested an arm around my waist. “Well it seems like you two made up.”
“Yeah… we did,” I said, swallowing my nerves to hear her reaction.
The room was silent. She didn’t seem too pleased, but then the sides of her mouth slowly turned upwards. “I’m glad,” she nodded at me, her eyes shifting to Axe. “But I’m still mad at you.”
He dropped his chin. “Gi,” I intervened, “I know you think Axe took me from ATA for his own sake and that he slept with me after, but neither of those things happened.” She eyed me, trying to determine if I was telling the truth, or if I was just trying to cover for Axe. “I’m serious. You know I wouldn’t lie to you, especially about something like this.” She crossed her arms as she thought.
“I love her,” Axe said. “I would never, ever, ever do anything like that to her. And it sort of hurts that you’d think I would,” he scratched his head.
Gi let out a long exhale, her arms still crossed as she tilted her head at Axe. “Okay, I believe you.”
“Good. Now tell us what happened with Ash,” I insisted.
“We argued last night when he kept asking you about Axel and then we argued again when we couldn’t find you. Then we argued again at the apartment. He kept defending Axel for everything and it was pissing me off.”
“Well, all of that has been cleared up now, so you guys can go back to normal, right?”
“No, because one thing led to another and we each said things that we can’t take back,” she said, looking down.
I wanted to ask for specifics, for more details about what was said, but I didn’t want to push her too hard. If she really wanted to tell me, she’d do it on her own without me having to ask.
“You guys can fix it, you know,” I said.
“I don’t know,” she shook her head.
“If Axe and I can fix what happened between us, then you and Ash can too.”
“But—"
“Do you want to be with him?” I interrupted.
Her eyes trailed upwards, reaching me. Her bottom lip quivered, finally releasing the tears that she was trying to hold in. I didn’t know if she had been keeping them in to try to be strong, or if it was because she simply didn’t want to cry in front of Axe.
“Of course, I do,” she cried.
My sympathy for Gianna was growing. I knew what she was feeling. She felt torn. She felt like she had just lost her other half. The pain that I felt when Axe and I ended was excruciating and by the look in her eyes, she was feeling it too.
I looked up at Axe, compassion for Gianna resting on my face. He read my mind and sighed, letting go of the tension that he had been holding against Gianna.
“Help,” I whispered.
His green eyes glowed into me as he nodded once. “Have you talked to him since you left the apartment?” he asked Gi.
She shook her head. “No. I tried calling him, but he didn’t answer.”
Axe scratched his head, taking out his phone. He dialed Ash’s number and held the phone up to his ear, but after it rang multiple times, it went to voicemail. “No answer. So, you don’t know where he is?”
“No.”
“I think I know where he might be,” Axe said, putting his hands in his pockets.
Axe held my hand as he drove. Gianna sat in the back, staring out the window, lost in thought. She was definitely in her head, replaying the fight between her and Ash, probably regretting some of the things that had been said.
I immediately recognized the house as we pulled up to it. The big, beautiful home that belonged to Amberly and Drew.
“Where are we?” Gianna asked from the backseat.
“My sister’s,” Axe replied, unbuckling his seatbelt.
Gianna had been wanting to meet Amberly for the longest time and now, she finally would. These definitely weren’t the best circumstances for her to meet Amberly, but we currently didn’t have a choice. We needed to find Ash. There was the possibility that he wouldn’t be here, but Axe seemed pretty confident that he knew his brother well enough to know where his escape place was.
I clung onto Axe’s arm as he rang the doorbell with his free hand. Gianna stood behind us, shifting b
ack and forth nervously. She was iffy about being here, but it was clear that her desire to fix things with Ash was giving her motivation.
A smiling Amberly opened the door.
“Oh my God, Tate! Hi!” she yelped, enveloping me for a hug.
“Wow. You hug Tate before your own brother,” Axe said.
She looked up at him and laughed. “Well, she’s my favorite.”
I giggled, happy to know that I was still on Amberly’s good side. She gave Axe a quick hug, going up on her tippy toes to reach him. When they pulled away, her eyes rested on Gi. “I’m gonna assume you’re Gianna.”
“Yeah,” Gi shyly said, stepping forward. She didn’t know if she was supposed to hug Amberly or not. Her nerves were evident, but Amberly looked past them. She wrapped her arms around Gi and squeezed her. Amberly was such a motherly figure, always smiling, and always making sure everyone was okay and comfortable. Gianna’s eyes widened as we walked in, just as amazed as I was when I first strode in on Thanksgiving.
Axe turned to Amberly. “Where is he?” he asked, without giving any context whatsoever.
Amberly knew exactly who and what he was referring to. “He’s in the living room,” she whispered.
Axe turned back to us. “I’m gonna go in there first before Gi does so that he’s not too overwhelmed.”
We both nodded, my heart slightly yearning as Axe walked away. I had just gotten him back and I wanted to be with him every second to make up for the time we had lost.
Gi nervously played with her hair as she looked around, taking in every detail of the house.
“Stop being so nervous,” I whispered.
“What if he won’t take me back?”
“I’m pretty sure he will.”
“Well what if I don’t want him back?”
I made a face, confused as to what she was saying and concerned as to why we were here if she didn’t want him back.
“The fuck do you mean?” I yelled in a whisper.
She brought her arms up and dropped them down to her sides. “Ugh, I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m saying. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.”
“Just breathe,” I said, placing a hand on her shoulder. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. “You love him, right?” Her eyes stayed closed as she nodded. “Then stop doubting yourself and just be with him. The longer you try to stay away, the worse you’re gonna feel. Trust me.”
Gi’s blue eyes flickered open. “Okay, yeah. You’re right.”
Axe reappeared. He cocked his head towards the living room. “Gianna, you can go in there.”
She gave a subtle smile. “Okay, thanks.” I watched as her feet slowly and nervously walked towards the living room. Whatever conversation was about to occur between her and Ash, I hoped it would end well.
“You wanna go talk upstairs?” Axe asked.
I felt a turning in my stomach, anxiety rushing through me as I wondered why he wanted to talk. Usually, when someone asked if you could talk, it was never good. Especially when that person was your significant other.
“Okay.”
He led me by the hand upstairs, into the same room that we stayed in over Thanksgiving. The same room that we had shared a bed in for the first time.
Axe shut the door behind us. I anxiously shuffled over to the bed and sat, preparing to hear whatever Axe was about to throw at me. The second we made eye-contact, his lips were on mine. He kissed me passionately, revealing just how much he had missed me as he grabbed me and brought me closer.
“God, I missed you,” he said, pulling away.
“Is that what you wanted to talk about?”
“Pretty much,” he said, reaching for my hand. I let out a relieved sigh, my nerves washing away.
“When you asked if I wanted to talk, I thought you were gonna break up with me or something.”
He drew his eyebrows together. “Absolutely not. I just got you back. I’m never letting you go again.”
I grinned, resting my head on his shoulder. I clenched my eyes shut when my headache returned. I was still hungover.
Axe brought his lips down to my forehead, planting a gentle kiss, sending butterflies throughout me. I missed his simple acts of affection. It was one of my favorite things that he did.
“I’m glad that nightmare is over. I didn’t know how much longer I could go without you,” he said. His thumb softly stroked my cheek, emerald eyes studying me. “Again, Tate, I’m so sorry. I put you through so much unnecessary bullshit.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I let you down. You deserve the entire world and that’s what I plan on giving to you.”
His words made my heart happy, a feeling that it hadn’t fully felt in weeks. I grinned, then gave him a quick kiss. He wrapped his arms around me, then fell back onto the bed, pulling me with him so that we were laying instead of sitting.
Axe gripped my hand, examining it. “God, I missed these tiny hands. And arms,” he said, brushing my arm with his fingers. “And your cute, little nose,” he added, placing a kiss on the bridge of my nose. “And your perfect lips and your pretty eyes.”
“I missed you too, Axe,” I giggled.
His emerald eyes studied mine. “Too bad we can’t go to the arcade today. It’d cure your hangover instantly.”
I grinned. “You wouldn’t wanna go, anyways. I’d beat your ass in skee-ball again.”
“I let you win last time.”
“No, you didn’t,” I laughed. “You genuinely sucked.”
He chuckled and kissed my cheek.
There was a knock on the door. Axe and I both sat up. “Come in!” Axe shouted.
The door creaked open, revealing a smiling Ash. Gianna stood next to him, seeming content. “You guys wanna come hang out downstairs with us?” Ash asked.
“Sure,” I responded, standing up. Axe placed his hands on my hips, still seated on the bed.
“We’ll be down in a few,” Axe said.
Ash nodded, then shut the door. It seemed like everything had gone well between Gianna and Ash, which made me satisfied. I had gone through hell for weeks, and the last thing I wanted was for Gianna to go through that too. Her and Ash had never really had issues before now. But then again, they were not as dysfunctional as Axe and I, who each had complicated pasts and bad habits.
Axe pulled me onto his lap. His arms hugged my middle as he buried his face into the crook of my neck. I snickered at the feeling, reminded of how much I had fucking missed him. I never wanted to be without him again.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, his hot breath hitting my neck.
“Still a little icky, but it’s manageable.”
He had asked me numerous times throughout the day, and although it was repetitive, it was nice knowing that he cared so much.
“You should drink some more water. C’mon, let’s go get you some.”
I was still sitting in his lap when he put one hand under my legs and one behind my back as he stood, carrying me bridal style.
“Axe, I have my own legs. You don’t have to carry me,” I laughed.
“I’m just practicing for a few years from now,” he winked with a smirk.
“Well, you’re gonna be waiting a while.”
“I’ll wait however long you need me to,” he said.
I smiled as I rested my head near his collarbone, content as he carried me in his strong arms, the arms that I missed so much. When we got into the living room, Gianna gave a small smile as she watched Axe lower me down to my feet.
“I’m gonna get you some water. I’ll be right back.” He kissed my cheek and headed towards the kitchen.
“Well, you two seem to be in a much better mood than earlier,” I said.
Gi couldn’t contain her smile as she sat by Ash on the brown couch, her feet resting upon his lap.
“Yeah,” she said, glancing over at Ash. “Everything’s good.”
“Good!”
Axe returned with a tall
glass of water, handing it to me.
“Thank you,” I said.
He nodded once. “Make sure you drink it all. It’ll help.”
I smiled, taking a gulp. I liked how caring Axe was. Not only was it refreshing, but it was a feeling that I knew I wanted to have for a very long time.
Amberly trudged in, her smile never dulling. “Okay, okay, okay! I have the best idea.”
Axe rubbed his eyes and then dropped his head back. “What is it?”
“Why don’t you guys stay here tonight, and we can have a wine night!”
Axe and Ash traded glances with each other. “Sis, you know we’re not really into wine.”
Amberly rolled her eyes. “Not you two! Me and the girls.”
“You want just them to stay here tonight? Not us too?” Axe raised his eyebrows.
“Yes. It’s girl time.”
I didn’t think Amberly had a lot of girlfriends, especially ones her age. Most of her time in her late teens and early twenties was dedicated to raising the boys. And she had Drew, who was not only her fiancé now, but her best friend too.
Axe looked at me for a second before returning his attention towards his sister. A pained expression stretched across his face. “But I just got her back. I wanna be with her.”
“Boo-hoo. You can see her tomorrow,” Amberly said, waving it off. Axe rolled his eyes at her remark. Amberly’s everlasting grin turned to a straight line, a serious look taking over her face. “Don’t you roll your eyes at me, young man!”
“Sorry,” Axe said, looking down.
Amberly was still a motherly figure to the boys and she had been for six years, ever since their mom passed. Since she took part in raising them, she knew them better than anyone did. And it was clear that the boys respected her for it.
“I wasn’t born with any sisters, just you two idiots!” Amberly expressed, dropping her hands to her sides. “So, don’t ruin my fun!”
“I’d love to stay,” Gianna chimed in.
“Baby…” Ash started.
“I want to,” Gi said.
I wanted to stay and hang out with Amberly, but I still felt like shit from the night prior and on top of that, I wanted to stay with Axe. But if Gianna and Amberly were going to be hanging out all night, I didn’t want to be left out.