Forever Burn

by Trinity Lemm

  “Tate, are you okay? You haven’t really been talking much,” Gianna asked, worry glimmering in her eyes as she sat in her desk chair. I rested against Claire’s bed frame, biting the inside of my lip. My mind couldn’t form words, unable to fathom a single sentence from the clusterfuck that was going on in my head.

  “I’m just…” I shrugged, “you know.”

  “Talk to us,” Claire insisted.

  I messed with my hair, attempting to fill the gap of silence with meaningless actions. “I’m scared,” I admitted. “And I feel guilty as hell.”

  “It’s not your fault that Lucas and Jason are both scumbags. Sorry Claire, but you dated a fuck.”

  “Yeah, I know that by now,” Claire stubbornly said.

  “Sorry. Just stating facts,” Gianna shrugged.

  My back pocket buzzed, and I immediately grabbed my phone out of it, recognizing the number as Uncle Jesse’s. My blood rippled around, sending my heart into a frenzy.

  “Hello?”

  “Tatum,” Uncle Jesse said, “we’ve got him.”

  I smiled, nodding. “What happens next?”

  “Well, it only took twenty minutes to convince Lucas to drop his charges against Axe. The only condition being that you drop your charges against him, which was originally the plan anyways.”

  “Done,” I agreed. “So, Axe will be getting out soon?” I gripped the hem of my shirt, trying to prepare myself for whatever answer he had for me.

  “Here’s the thing. Just because he dropped the charges, doesn’t mean that the prosecutor has yet. Or that the prosecutor will.”

  I stood up straight, my glimmer of hope fading. “What does that mean?”

  “When you press charges against someone, you’re reporting the crime, but you’re not the one that decides if or when the investigation ends. The prosecutor decides that. Usually in cases like this, especially when the victim drops charges, the prosecutor will also drop the charges and not follow through with a trial or anything, but at this point, it’s up to them.”

  My throat felt like it was closing, speechless by the reality that it was no longer in our hands. We did everything that we could, and now, the odds might not be in our favor. Gianna and Claire stared at me, curious to know what Uncle Jesse was saying. They traded glances a few times, sending mind messages to each other. Similarly to the way that Axe and I did. Except Axe wasn’t here.

  “So, now what? We just wait?” my voice cracked, glossy eyes running into another wall of frustration.

  He sighed on the other end. “Pretty much. And there’s one more thing.”

  “What is it?”

  “Axe requested to get a restraining order for you against both Lucas and Jason, which I will happily do for you. But he wants it to be put in place before Lucas gets out. And Axe isn’t going to get out until Lucas does. So, it might take a little longer now.”

  My jaw dropped. Axe was okay with staying in jail longer just for the sake of Lucas staying away from me? My stomach twisted, disrupted by how much Axe was doing for me and giving to me when I didn’t have enough to give back to him, let alone having the power to get him out of jail.

  “How long?” I asked in a whisper, a tear falling.

  “Hopefully within the next two or three weeks. I’ve already started all the paperwork for the restraining orders, but you need to sign some things and they have to be approved by a judge as well.”

  I rubbed my forehead, reality smacking me in the face. Axe was not getting out anytime soon.

  I cleaned every square inch of the apartment, doing everything I could to keep myself occupied. I had been staying there for the past couple of days. Everything had been going fine with Penelope and we hadn’t had any arguments, but if I couldn’t see Axe, then being surrounded by all of his things was the next best thing.

  Axe had been in jail for two weeks now and Uncle Jesse was calling me every few days, keeping me updated on everything. But at this point, there was hardly anything to keep me updated on. Nothing had changed over the last week. The prosecutor hadn’t dropped the charges yet and the restraining orders still hadn’t been put into place.

  With each day that passed, I fell deeper and deeper into a hole of guilt. I couldn’t help but think about Axe sitting in a cold and uncomfortable jail cell, all alone. I felt helpless. Powerless. Unable to take his pain away.

  It wasn’t fair. He was getting punished for protecting me. And the worst part was that I knew that if he had to, he would do it all over again in a heartbeat if it meant protecting me.

  Axel’s birthday was in two days and instead of spending it together, we would be forced to spend it apart. And even worse, instead of him being able to have fun, he would be stuck in a cell, left with nothing to do but stare at a wall.

  I planned on skipping classes that day to go see him, but even then, it wouldn’t be the same as being able to sit next to him. Touch him. Hug him. Kiss him.

  Ash’s bedroom door opened, footsteps making their way down the hall. He peeked his head at me from around the corner, catching me in the middle of finishing up the dishes.

  “Hey,” he said.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Gianna and I were going to have a movie night if you wanted to join.”

  I gave a subtle smile, grateful that they were at least trying to keep me included. “That’s okay. I’ll probably just finish up some homework or something,” I softly responded, hating the idea of third-wheeling for the night.

  Ash sighed, making his way into the kitchen. I kept my eyes on the dishes, afraid that making eye contact with him would cause my water works to come rushing down.

  “Tate, stop beating yourself up so much.”

  “I can’t help it,” I sniffled, struggling to keep the tears back.

  “He’ll be out before you know it,” he said, but by the tone in his voice, I could tell he didn’t believe it either. We both knew that Axe was going to be stuck in there for at least a few more weeks. “And hey, didn’t he ask you to make sure not to block everyone out? C’mon, just hang out with us tonight.”

  I thought back to the last time I had gotten the opportunity to speak with Axe. He wanted me to make sure I was taking care of myself, doing my school work, and not blocking anyone out. The last thing I wanted was to hang out with Gi and Ash tonight. All I truly wanted to do was to lay in Axe’s bed and cry, but that wasn’t what Axe wanted. And when you truly loved someone, you would do anything they needed. Axe had shown me that, and now it was my turn to reciprocate it.

  “Okay,” I agreed. “But I get to pick the movie.”

  Ash laughed. “Fine, loser.”

  I awoke in Axe’s bed, disappointed once again because the love of my life was not lying sound asleep next to me. I barely had any motivation to get up, but I forced myself to, reminding myself that the faster today went by, the closer I was to visiting Axe tomorrow.

  I walked into the kitchen and rummaged through all the cabinets to find something to eat for breakfast. I spotted the pancake mix sitting in its usual place. It had remained untouched for weeks. There were a few mornings that Ash had offered to make chocolate chip pancakes for me, but each time, I turned him down. If they weren’t made by Axe, and if he wasn’t going to be the one eating across from me at the table, then I didn’t want them.

  I fixed myself a bowl of cereal before throwing on some makeup and tossing my hair into a ponytail. I only had two classes today, but I knew they were going to drag. I packed up my bag and headed off for class, dreading it.

  I sat in business, zoning out as my professor rambled on about finance. I covered my yawn with my small hand, my eyes shutting for just a second before springing back open at the sound of my phone. I glanced down in my lap, reading the text from Ash very carefully.

  Come back asap. Gotta talk about Axe.

  I immediately started shaking, anxiety rippling through me. A million possibilities flew through my head, but none of them were good ones. His text sounded urgent, de
sperate.

  I tossed my books back into my bag, trying not to be loud or draw attention to myself as I made my way out of class. I felt bad to be leaving in the middle of it, but I couldn’t wait another forty-five minutes to find out what Ash already knew.

  Uncle Jesse had mentioned that it was left to the prosecutor to decide if the charges would be followed through or entirely dropped. In that case, Axe would be tried for battery. And we all knew that he would be convicted. Easily convicted. And sent to prison for God knows how long.

  I parked in my usual spot in the apartment parking lot, grabbing my bag and running in. I took the stairs two at a time, torn between needing to speak with Ash and being absolutely unprepared to at the same time.

  I didn’t want to lose Axe entirely, didn’t want to be ripped apart if he got a long sentence, but no matter how long that sentence would be, I would be there. Waiting. Every day. For days. Or months. Or years. I was absolutely in love with him, and that wasn’t going to go away whether he was in prison or not. I would wait for him until the day he got out.

  I wiggled my key in the lock and slowly opened the door, taking a deep breath as I stepped inside. A familiar head of curly brown hair stood in the kitchen, tossing a handful of chocolate chips into a bowl of pancake mix.

  My backpack slid off my shoulders, making a plopping sound as it came into contact with the ground. The curly haired head turned, pearly whites and dimples coming into view at the sight of me. My mind froze, dumbfounded as I attempted to decide if I was dreaming or not. There was only one way to find out.

  I took a few strides towards him, my feet speeding up with each step. I jumped into him, wrapping my arms and legs around him. His cologne radiated off of him, a scent that I hadn’t smelled in weeks, letting me know that I definitely wasn’t dreaming. I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck, tears helplessly falling down.

  “You’re here,” I cried.

  His hand gently stroked my hair, holding me close. “I’m here,” he repeated.

  “I’m so sorry,” I wept into him, the guilt I had been carrying for weeks spilling out.

  “Hey, look at me,” he whispered. I brought my head up, meeting his green eyes with my tearful ones. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  “But you just spent the past two and a half weeks in jail because of me.”

  He slowly shook his head. “No, I went to jail because of that douchebag, not because of you.”

  I gazed at him, mesmerized. “So, Uncle Jesse put the restraining orders into action?” I asked.

  “Yep. Neither of those dicks are allowed to come near you.”

  I placed my lips onto his, the puzzle piece that I had been missing for weeks finally falling into place. Axe was still holding me, not putting me down. I wondered if his arms were tired, but even if they were, he wasn’t showing it.

  “I love you,” I said.

  He grinned. “I love you more.”

  “Thank you for everything.”

  Axe stared deeply into my eyes, examining every speck of them as he shook his head again, his eyebrows slightly pulling in. “No. Thank you for being everything.”

  I smiled as I swung my legs down, finally allowing his poor arms to be relieved from holding me up. I wondered how he had managed to get released, but it didn’t even matter. What mattered was that he was here.

  I held onto Axe’s left arm, leaning into him as he flipped our pancakes with his right.

  “Awe, you got my text,” Ash said, making his way into the kitchen.

  “Yes, I did,” I smiled.

  I squeezed Axe’s bicep, clinging onto him as if my life depended on it. The smile on my face hadn’t faded for a single second. Axe leaned down, connecting his lips to my forehead.

  Being able to touch him, feel his body warmth against me was comforting. And even more so, knowing that I would wake up tomorrow morning to the sight of him next to me gave me something to look forward to.

  “I love you,” I exclaimed, looking up at him.

  Green eyes peered down at me, a charming smirk accompanying it. “I love you so much.”

  “Too much PDA,” Ash said, grabbing his keys off the counter.

  Axe chuckled, lifting his eyebrows. “You wanna see more?” he said sarcastically.

  “Absolutely not,” Ash replied, shaking his head as he walked out the door.

  I laughed, the situation making me feel lighthearted rather than embarrassed like it normally would. At this point, I was too comfortable with both Axe and Ash to feel any sort of awkwardness.

  The pan sizzled as Axe moved the last pancake off, tossing it onto a separate plate. He turned the stove off and immediately faced me, barely waiting a second to smash his lips onto mine. His hands placed themselves on my hips, applying just enough force to gently back me up against the counter.

  They slid up to my waist. Axe lifted me, carefully placing me on the counter, his lips never leaving mine. I rested my hands on the back of his neck, my mouth smiling against his by how euphoric he made me feel.

  “What do you want to do tomorrow for your birthday?” I asked, running my fingers through his curls.

  He shrugged. “I don’t care, as long as it’s with you.”

  I grinned, admiring every inch of his face. He set his hands on both sides of my hips, leaning against the counter. My heart felt so full, overwhelmed by the amount of love that settled in the room.

  “We can just hang out, spend the day together, and get dinner tomorrow night and then go to ATA,” he offered.

  “Sounds perfect,” I said, giving him another kiss.

  Axe smirked as I pulled away. His arms scooped me up off the counter, carrying me out of the kitchen.

  “Axe,” I giggled, realizing that we were heading towards his bedroom, “our pancakes are gonna get cold.”

  He bobbed his head to the side. “You’re right,” he replied, turning around and laying me down on the couch. He jogged back into the kitchen, causing me to instantly miss him.

  “Come back,” I pouted, sitting up to get a glimpse of what he was doing.

  “I’m comin’ baby, hold on.”

  Thirty seconds later, he jogged back to me, a plate of warm chocolate chip pancakes and syrup in hand. He set it down in front of me on the coffee table.

  “Where’s yours?” I asked.

  He kissed my forehead. “I’m gonna go get mine now.”

  I nodded, turning my attention back towards my pancakes. I slapped some syrup on and brought a bite up to my mouth. They tasted like love. Tasted like hope. Tasted perfect.

  Axe reemerged with his plate and sat next to me.

  “These pancakes are the one thing I missed more than you,” I joked.

  “I can’t even argue with that,” he said between bites. “These pancakes are good as hell.”

  I giggled as I took another bite, still in disbelief that Axe was sitting next to me.

  We quickly ate, both anxious to spend the rest of the day together making up for lost time. I had missed him beyond words, beating myself up over everything that happened. And even after it all, Axe still loved me. My sisters had said before that he was everything I had always been looking for and it was clear that they were right. Axe was my match. It might have taken me awhile to realize it, taken me awhile to open up to him after we had first met, but it was the truth. Axe was my person.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  The Birthday Boy

  The sheets were still in disarray when I awoke, my body tangled up in Axe’s. He was still asleep, but his arms were holding me so tight, as if he was afraid to let me go. I slowly and carefully lifted my head up, glancing at his peaceful face. His bare, built chest was exposed out of the sheets, revealing the swallows and the tattoo he had for his mother.

  I lightly traced over the words with my finger. I wished I could have met his mom. She seemed like a wonderful and loving mother. I wondered if she would like me if she had met me.

  Axe didn’t talk about his paren
ts a lot. The topic clearly made him upset usually, which was why I had never asked any questions. But in this moment, all I could do was feel thankful. I knew Axe’s real dad was never around, abandoning Axe and his siblings at a young age. His mom, Anne, had died too young, leaving Axe parentless. But either way, the two had brought Axe into the world, had helped shape him into the incredible man that he was, and for that, I was beyond thankful.

  His sleeping body shifted around, causing me to freeze until he situated himself to become comfortable again. I warily wiggled my way out of his grip, untangling myself from his comfortable grasp. Once I was free, I slipped my red, silk robe on over my thong and tiptoed out of the room. I headed straight to the kitchen, preparing to make Axe a huge birthday breakfast.

  I took out the eggs, bacon, and hash-browns, placing them on the counter as I tied my hair up into a messy ponytail. I quickly washed my hands and got started, quietly playing music on my phone as I cooked. I danced around the kitchen by myself, fueled by the feeling of waking up happily for the first time in weeks.

  For most couples, being apart pushed them farther apart. But for Axe and I, it had brought us closer together. We survived a rough breakup and then survived an entire nightmare of an assault and arrest, but even so, the important part was that we survived. We made it through. Together. And now it seemed like we were as strong as ever.

  Once everything was done, I slowly reentered Axe’s room, smirking at the sight of him still being asleep. He usually always slept in, and even though it was his birthday, today was no exception. I figured Axel would still be sleeping, so I made sure to place his breakfast into the microwave to try to keep it warm for him.

  I climbed back into bed, snuggling up next to Axe. He groaned, wrapping his arms around me. His eyes fluttered open, scanning my face.

  “Happy birthday,” I softly said.

  He squeezed me tighter, pulling me in as close as he could. “Thank you, baby.”