by Tom Hoobyar
mental movies and, 62–63, 168, 169, 385, 389
procrastination and, 74
reviewing undesirable experience, 389
Discovery Activities:
Accessing Personal Resources, 5–8
Adding Elements to Your Self-Concept, 145–148
Amping Up Your Confidence, 107–110
Applying the “Conflict Integration” Process to One of Your Opportunities, 333–335
Applying the Disney Strategy to One of Your Opportunities, 318–319
Applying Your Discoveries About Someone Else’s World, 300
Creating a Personal Anchor, 28–31
Creating a Well-Formed Outcome, 53–56
Decreasing Resistance or Trauma, 96–99
Discovering Your Inner World, 19–22
Examining Ways You Get Stuck or Make Things Harder, 338
Exploring a Personal Belief, 240–242
Exploring Roots of Procrastination, 69–70
Exploring Someone’s Inner World, 254–256
Exploring Your Expectations, 91–92
Identifying Nonverbals from an Uncomfortable Situation, 213–215
Identifying One of Your Conflicts, 327–328
Identifying Something You Like About Yourself, 140–145
Identifying Ways Other People Are Good Company, 174–175
Identifying Ways That You’re Good Company, 162–165
Identifying Your Beliefs, 236
Recalling Nonverbals of a Positive Experience, 211–213
Recognizing Incongruence, 58–59
Reducing Internal Resistance, 74–75
Removing Negative Auditory Cues, 76–78
Strengthening Your Anchor, 119–120
Tinkering with Visual Distinctions, 61–65
Understanding Your Motivation, 101–103
Using Predicates of Preferred Channels, 274–275
Disney, Walt, 312–315, 351
Disney Creativity Strategy:Dilts on, 312–313
with groups, 315–317, 351
roles of, 313–315, 316, 317, 318–319, 351
Disney Institute, 315
distortion:
autopilot and, 14–15, 38
defined, 407
distraction, 70
domains:
defined, 407
as meta-program content domains, 247–248, 249, 254
Dotz, Tom, 34, 282–283
Dreads into Dreams Transformation Worksheet, 369
Dreamer role, in Disney Creativity Strategy, 313–314, 317
Durante, Jimmy, 56
ecology:
defined, 407
of goals, 49–50, 54
well-formed outcomes and, 371
educational level, first impressions, 173, 198
Einstein, Albert, 319, 324
Eliot, George, 126
Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 3, 206
emotional states:
changing, 78–82, 86
curiosity as preferred state, 79–82
inner barometer, 100
interactions of, 174
sub-modalities and, 65–67, 83–84, 261
triggers for, 79, 81, 86, 100
See also inner state
emotions:
behavior triggered by, 11, 160
beliefs and, 236
conflict and, 345–350, 351, 353
creating feelings, 10–12
emotional limits, 8–9
facial expressions and, 210
first impressions and, 173, 198
interactions and, 164, 188–191, 194, 380
maps of reality and, 39
memories and, 22
personal model of reality and, 25
versatility in difficult situations and, 188–191, 199
See also feelings
empathy, 167–169, 272, 297
energy:
confidence and, 110
as driver, 100–110, 122
generating, 104–105
increasing, 116–121
inner state and, 265–266
living in “the zone” and, 90, 93–96
physiology and, 93–96, 116, 122
positive inner dialogue and, 103
enhancing your self-concept, 140–148
enthusiasm:
as driver, 100–110, 122
generating energy and, 105
positive inner dialogue and, 103
rehearsing positive mental states, 117
environment, persuasive communication, 293–296
evidence:
absence of, 233–234
self-concept and, 141–142
well-formed outcomes and, 48–49, 54, 371
evolutional intervention, defined, 408
excellence:
amplifying excellence, 387
Circle of Excellence process, 5–8, 28
expectations:
autopilot and, 306–308, 320, 351
conflict and, 320
experience shaped by, 90, 122, 187
exploring, 91–92
impact on performance, 90–91, 93, 101, 116, 118, 121, 122
inner voices and, 116
in interactions, 187
self-concept and, 142–143
experience:
expectations shaping, 90, 122, 187
questions as tools for guiding, 271
structure of, 11, 38, 73, 85, 160–161, 160
See also associated experiences; disassociated experiences
external meta-program. See internal/external meta-program
external stimuli:
generalization and, 12–13
meaning of, 10, 11–12, 37, 38, 160
eye accessing cues, defined, 407
eye contact:
breaking rapport and, 219–220
interactions and, 180–182, 199, 261, 267
matching, 216
nonverbal behaviors and, 209, 212, 214
eye movement, 209–210, 214
Eye Movement Integration, 96–99, 122
facial expressions:
curiosity and, 226–227
inner conflict and, 228
matching, 216
nonverbal behaviors and, 210, 212, 214
failure, as feedback, 40, 106
feedback:
defined, 407
failure as, 40, 106
interactions and, 163–165, 193, 197, 215
setbacks as, 45–46
zooming out and, 225, 226
feelings:
beliefs and, 285, 289
conflict and, 328
creating, 10–12
inner conflict and, 329
memories and, 22, 32
motivation and, 68
persuasive communication and, 381
procrastination and, 69–70
showing you care how others feel, 184–185, 189–191, 192, 194–195, 197, 262, 282–283
well-formed outcomes and, 372
See also emotions
fight-or-flight instinct, 17, 127, 166, 197, 347, 351
first impressions:
assumptions and, 161
GGNEE and, 173–174, 198
helping others feel safe and, 184
personal filters and, 161, 173–174, 197
first position (“self”):
defined, 407
interactions and, 168, 172, 176, 198, 228, 297
five senses:
language of, 140
scanning of, 66
thinking and, 3, 4
See also representational modalities; sub-modalities
flexibility:
choices and, 40, 53, 186–193, 196, 350
in communication, 186, 276
curiosity and, 80
defined, 407
influence and, 165, 186
focus:
living in “the zone” and, 90, 116
questions for beginning of day, 86
short-term goal setting, 111–112
taking breaks and, 95
Ford, Henry, 134, 310, 385
Franklin, Benjamin, 268
future-oriented time orientation, 252
future pace, defined, 407
“the gaze,” 180–182, 209, 216
gender:
first impressions and, 173, 198
perceptual positions and, 172
generalization:
autopilot and, 12–13, 37, 288
beliefs and, 13, 37, 132, 134, 152, 288, 289
defined, 407
distortion and, 15
first impressions and, 173
self-concept as, 153
general/specific meta-program, 137, 153, 246, 247, 276
generation/age, first impressions, 173, 198
generative intervention, defined, 408
gestures:
breaking rapport and, 219
matching, 216, 217, 261, 380
nonverbal behaviors and, 208–209, 212, 214
Gladwell, Malcolm, 393
goals:
appreciation and, 375
chunk size and, 47, 53, 55, 374
creating inevitable success, 374
current coordinates and, 363–366
dreads into dreams, 368–369
goal-behind-the-goal, 242, 243, 257, 326, 351, 352
irresistible goals, 373
listening skills and, 382
meta-outcomes and, 242, 243, 257
motivation and, 367
outcome frames and, 45, 59
questions for beginning of day, 65–67, 86
short-term goal setting, 111–112
sub-modalities and, 66
values and, 382
well-formed outcomes and, 46, 47–56, 85, 242, 370–372, 376–377
Godiva Chocolate Process, 74–75
Goulston, Mark, 262
groups:
Disney creativity strategy and, 315–317, 351
matching in, 218–219
well-formed outcomes and, 310
gustatory mode, defined, 408
habits:
changing, 33
Navy SEALs training and, 111–114, 122, 127
nonverbal behaviors and, 207
positive intentions and, 286
hallucination, defined, 408
Hoobyar, Tom, legacy of, 399–403
hostage negotiations, 190, 262
hydration, 94, 122
hypnosis, 60
imitation, matching distinguished from, 176, 198, 216
immune system, 130
incongruence:
body language and, 206, 228
defined, 408
inner conflict and, 56, 57, 59, 85, 126, 227, 228, 229
interactions and, 174, 175
maps of reality and, 227–229, 257
personal signals of, 57, 58–59
resistance and, 95
self-concept and, 143, 144
Influence (Cialdini), 282
information:
as a meta-progam content domain, 247, 248, 249
recovering missing information with Meta Model, 229, 256, 261, 281
inner conflict:
Conflict Integration Process and, 328–336, 351
generalization and, 302
incongruence and, 56, 57, 59, 85, 126, 227, 228, 229
See also conflict
inner enemies, 39, 286
inner state:
management of, 37, 195, 206, 265–268
nonverbal behaviors and, 206, 207, 217
See also emotional states
inner voices:
auditory cues and, 75–78
confidence and, 105, 114, 127
counter-examples and, 147
curiosity and, 80
depression and, 83
emotional states and, 79
positive inner dialogue, 103
silencing critical inner voices, 115–116, 117, 122
insecurity, in interactions, 174, 175, 267
“Inside the Mind of Worry” (Ropeik), 166
installation, defined, 408
intention:
conscious breathing and, 93
defined, 408
interactions and, 192–193, 266–267
motivation and, 68
nonverbal behaviors and, 218, 220
perceptual positions and, 170–172, 297
procrastination and, 69, 72
See also positive intention
interactions:
applying discoveries, 300
being good company, 161, 162–165, 213, 215
brain and, 165–167, 197
choices in, 36, 186–193
conflict and, 320–328
creativity and, 350
disengagement signals, 185–186
empathy and, 167–169, 172
encouraging discussion, 268–270
eye contact and, 180–182, 199, 261, 267
feedback and, 163–165, 193, 197, 215
helping others feel safe, 175–176, 194
identifying ways other people are good company, 174–175
incongruence and, 174, 175
perceptual positions and, 168–172, 176, 185, 192–193, 198, 228, 267, 297
sense of being felt and, 180–186, 197, 198, 262, 267, 271, 350
versatility in difficult situations, 188–191, 199
See also connections with others
interest, in interactions, 187, 261, 266–267
internal/external meta-program, 137, 153, 246, 247, 277
interruptions, 268, 280
It’s a Wonderful Life (film), 396
It’s a Wonderful Life worksheet, 397
Jefferson, Thomas, 268
Johnson, Magic, 393
Johnson, Samuel, 360
Just Listen (Goulston), 262
Kafka, Franz, 117
Kanter, Rosabeth Moss, 306
Keller, Helen, 105
kinesthetic mode:
anchors and, 29–31, 32, 119–120
communication in, 202, 227, 275, 379
defined, 408
language and, 245
thinking and, 23, 24
Kornfield, Jack, 159
language:
absence of criteria or evidence, 233–234
beliefs and, 261, 272
deep structure of, 132–134, 152, 205
effect with no known cause, 234
individual preferences and, 134–139, 221
local language, 272–280, 301
lost performer and, 233–234
maps of reality and, 202, 229–234
matching and, 267
meta-programs and, 135, 136, 244, 245–249, 257, 261, 272
nominalizations and, 231–232
predicates and, 138–139
representational modalities and, 23, 38, 39, 244–253, 257, 261, 272–280
time and, 244, 254, 257, 261, 272
understanding and, 221–223
universals and, 232
unspecified nouns and verbs, 230–231
words of necessity and, 133, 233
See also body language; paralanguage
lead system, defined, 408
learning:
accelerating learning, 388–389
chunk size and, 40
confidence in, 108, 120–121
self-concept and, 144, 145, 153
LeDoux, Joseph, 166
limbic system, 206
Lippmann, Walter, 220
listening skills:
communication and, 262
rapport and, 378–379, 382
stories and, 292
values and, 382
living in “the zone”:
confidence and, 105–110
congruence and, 57
energy, enthusiasm, and optimism as drivers, 100–110
expectations and, 90–92
Eye Movement Integration, 96–99, 122
increasing energy and productivity, 116–121
inner voices and, 115–116
key ideas, 122–123
mental rehearsal and, 92–93
Navy SEALs training tips, 110–114, 122
physiology and energy link, 93–96
roadblock removal and, 96
location, as domain, 247, 248, 249
locomotion, nonverbal behaviors, 210
lost performative (lost performer):
defined, 408
language and, 233–234
Mandela, Nelson, 348
maps of reality:
appearance and, 302
beliefs and, 39, 221, 234–242, 255, 257, 279, 285, 301
defined, 408
exploration of, 254–256
identification of, 39
interaction and, 221–223
language and, 202, 229–234
and representational modalities, 38–39
responses to, 39, 221
second position and, 222–223
slowing down, 227–229, 257
structure of experience and, 160, 197
zooming in, 223–224
zooming out, 225–227
matching:
body language and, 204, 214, 217, 380
breaking rapport and, 219–220
connections with others and, 176–179
defined, 409
in groups, 218–219
imitation distinguished from, 176, 198, 216
nonverbal behaviors and, 215–219, 256, 261, 267, 380
match/mismatch meta-program, 137, 153, 246
McDonald, Robert, 170
meaning:
breakthrough mind and, 391
defined by response to communication, 40, 164
of external stimuli, 10, 11–12, 37, 38, 160
gaps in, 221–223, 261
molecules of, 61, 84
of nonverbal behaviors, 207, 211
questions facilitating understanding, 229–234
reframing and, 281
meditation, 128–130, 145
Mehrabian, Albert, 206, 211
memories:
anchors and, 29–30, 32
creativity and, 312
disassociated experience of, 59–60, 61, 64, 86, 385, 386
feelings and, 22, 32
generalization of, 288
limiting memories, 392
mental coding of, 385–386
personal model of reality and, 24–26, 33, 38
self-concept and, 142, 144, 147
sub-modalities and, 86
mental limits, 8–9, 391–392
mental movies:
associated experiences and, 62–64, 168, 385, 389
disassociated experiences and, 62–63, 168, 169, 385, 389
goals and, 50, 373
as loop, 285
nonverbal behaviors and, 212, 213
slowing down, 72–73, 81, 86, 100
visual mode and, 62
mental rehearsal, 92–93, 116, 117–118, 122, 388
Meta Model:
defined, 409
recovering missing information with, 229, 256, 261, 281
self-concept and, 131, 132–134, 138, 152
meta-outcomes:
beliefs and, 242–244, 261
conflict and, 326, 327, 328, 334, 335, 351
Conflict Integration Process and, 335–336, 342