Chapter 15
It had been three-weeks, five days and nineteen hours since she’d last seen Michael when he’d left her with the doctor at the Pembrook’s estate. Nearly four weeks of absolute misery.
Not a day had passed that Holly hadn’t gone over their last conversation in her head, over and over again, until she didn’t know if she’d imagined the part where he’d confessed his love. She was starting to think she probably had. After all, Michael was a rake of the first order, incapable of love, or so she’d thought.
How dare the man tell her he loved her after confessing that it was his actions that had gotten Edward killed? Why had he done such a thing?
“So, you’re still moping about in here?” Violet’s voice rang out from the doorway to Holly’s study as she swept into the room. “Isn’t it time to either get over it or go and tell him you love him too?”
Holly spun around to face her. “How can I love him; after what he did to Edward?” There was anger but also desperation in her voice.
Violet’s expression softened as she came to stand in front of Holly and placed her hands on Holly’s shoulders. “You’re normally the smartest of us all, Holly, but in this situation you are being stupid.”
Holly’s jaw dropped open. “Excuse me?”
Her sister gave her a quick squeeze before her arms dropped down and she spun around to the window. She pulled open the drapes and Holly squinted as the blinding afternoon sun streamed into the previously darker room. “I said you are being stupid,” Violet happily repeated.
“Do you not also blame him?” Holly asked her. “Edward was your brother too.”
An expression of sorrow flickered over Violet’s eyes. “It wasn’t his fault, Holly, and I think you know that. Yes, if Michael had listened to Edward and not left with that woman, then Edward would probably not have died that night. But the fact is, that didn’t happen. He chose to step in front of Michael and save his life that day, the foolish, brave brother that he was. Don’t let his sacrifice in saving Michael, be for nothing. Don’t ruin your chance of happiness by blaming Michael for the actions of another.”
“But he should have said something sooner!” Holly declared. “He let us go on believing Edward’s death was because of a tavern fight. He should have told us the full truth.”
“But isn’t that exactly what you’re guilty of too?” Violet asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you were pretending to be a widow and fooling everyone in Society for months.”
“Yes, but I was only doing that to protect us.” Holly slowly said. “I never actually said I was a widow. Michael simply believed what he’d heard from others.”
“But you didn’t tell him the truth about it, did you?” Her sister pointed out. “You simply said nothing and let him believe what he’d heard. Exactly as we did with Edward’s death. We simply accepted what others told us, never actually asking Michael for the truth, did we?”
“No, we didn’t.” Oh God, she hadn’t.
“And what was it you told me you said to him?” Violet tapped a finger against her chin and pursed her lips, looking rather smug. “Oh yes, that’s right, you said ‘A lie by omission is still a lie’. That is what you said to him, isn’t it?”
Holly felt like the biggest hypocrite imaginable. “I did say that…but he didn’t correct us about how Edward actually died. By not saying anything he was protecting only himself. I at least was masquerading to protect you and Daphne.”
“That may be true,” Violet agreed. “But what was he protecting himself from?”
She thought back to that moment when he’d told her why, and it still made her heart beat fast. “He said he didn’t say anything as he couldn’t stand all of us hating him. Me especially.”
“Exactly,” Violet enthused, a smile lighting up her face. “He didn’t tell you because he loved you, Holly. He was only trying to protect his heart, which is something I think we can all relate to. It’s what you’re doing now, after all.”
“What do you mean?” Holly rounded on her sister.
Violet quirked her head to the side as she regarded her sister with somewhat disbelieving eyes. “I mean that the only reason you’re so furious about his apparent deceit by omission is because you are afraid.”
“Afraid?” Holly scoffed. “Afraid of what?”
“Of having your heart broken, sister.” Violet sighed. “That is why you’re doing all you can to keep telling yourself how mad you are with him.”
“How can I love him, when Edward might have still been alive if it wasn’t for him?” Holly felt her chest tighten painfully. “How can I be happy with him, knowing that Edward never had that same chance?”
Violet walked over to her and took her hands in her own. “Because Edward would want you to be happy. He would be thrilled to know that his best-friend and his sister were happy together. He would hate to know that he was the reason you were giving yourself, to lock your heart away and be miserable.”
Slowly the truth of what Violet was saying, was starting to penetrate. Her sister was right. Edward had always been filled with happiness and laughter. He would hate to think he was the cause of why Holly was refusing to allow herself to be happy.
“I am a hypocrite, aren’t I? Hiding behind my dead brother as an excuse to protect my heart.”
“We all make mistakes,” Violet conceded. “It is just lucky you have me here to see you don’t continue to make them.”
“I said some horrible things to him.” Holly felt ill just thinking about it. “He’ll never forgive me.”
“Do you love him?”
Holly could only nod.
“Then you must tell him,” Violet said. “You’ll forever regret it, if you don’t.”
The thought of telling him, terrified her. “What if he doesn’t love me anymore? What if he doesn’t forgive me for the things I said?”
“I doubt that will be the case,” Violet replied. “But you won’t know until you muster the courage to find out. And if anyone can muster the courage, it’s you, Holly. You are the most courageous woman I know.”
Holly leaned over and hugged her sister tight. “Thank you, Violet. You’re right, I shall have to go and face him.” The prospect was daunting, but then the idea of not at least trying meant she would be allowing her fear to rule her. It was time to stop hiding from the possibility of being hurt.
She hadn’t been able to control her father and brother dying and leaving them; a part of the reason why she’d been so afraid to give her heart to another man. But she wasn’t going to lose Michael, without at least letting him know how she felt.
It was time to face Michael and tell him what was in her heart. And without further debate, she strode from her study and out into the entrance way. She swung her cloak onto her shoulders, before marching across to the front door and yanking it open.
She froze when she saw Michael standing on the front door stoop, his hand halted in midair.
Chapter 16
They both stood there, staring at each other, for what felt like the longest time. Michael had never been more nervous, but he drunk in the sight of Holly, unable to look anywhere else but at her. He longed to sweep her up into his arms, but knew she’d probably start yelling at him to leave any moment.
“Before you say anything,” he began, clearing his throat slightly in an effort to get rid of the sudden tightness. “I know you probably never want to see me again, but I couldn’t not see you.”
Holly remained standing there, the pulse at her neck beating rapidly, but thankfully there didn’t seem to be anger in her gaze, nor had she demanded he leave, which was possibly a good sign. Though he didn’t want to get his hopes up too much.
Michael took in a deep breath. “I know I should have told you from the start what had happened with Edward, and I know I was a coward for not doing so. But I love you, Holly.” He exhaled harshly, rushing on before she could stop him, “And if there’s even the smallest of gl
immers that you might be able to one day forgive me…then I will never give up hope, that perhaps one day you might also agree to marry me, even if you don’t love me…that doesn’t matter to me. I love you and I want to spend a lifetime with you, looking after you and caring for you and your sisters, too. Please, Holly,” he begged. “Please tell me if you think you could ever forgive me, even in the slightest? I know I don’t deserve it, but I—”
She raised a finger up to his mouth, silencing him.
The very touch of her skin against his lips was a delicious torture. He’d missed her desperately and his body was craving hers. But he didn’t dare touch her.
“I would never marry anyone that I didn’t love with my whole heart,” she said, and though the very sound of her voice sent a thrill through him, her words sent a shaft of agonizing despair straight to his heart.
Of course, she couldn’t love him. He’d been a fool to think otherwise. “I’m sorry to have bothered you,” he muttered taking a heavy step backward and away from her. The loss of her finger against her lips sent a pang of anguish through him. “I won’t do so again.” He turned on his heel, but she grabbed his elbow and spun him around.
“Don’t you dare go anywhere, Michael Drake!”
Confusion filled him. “I don’t understand…”
“I said I won’t marry anyone I do not love, didn’t I?” She placed her hands on her hips and looked like she was impatiently awaiting an answer from him.
“Um, yes. You did say that.” He scratched his head briefly. “But I’m not certain I understand?”
“It means that yes I will marry you.”
“You will?” Michael felt his mouth hang open.
“Yes, I will.” She smiled tremendously up at him. “I love you, you blockhead, so of course I will marry you.”
“You do?” Slowly the confusion was giving way to joy as a big grin spread over his mouth.
She nodded. “I do.”
He whooped and scooped her into his arms, swinging her around and around. She laughed aloud, and it was the sweetest sound Michael had heard.
Placing her back on her feet, he tilted her chin up toward him. “Are you sure? Even after what happened with Edward?”
Gently, she cupped his cheek with her palm. “His death wasn’t your fault. Unfortunately, sometimes terrible things happen that we have no control over, and it can be easier blaming others. I’m sorry I blamed you. I know if the situation had been reversed, you wouldn’t have hesitated to step in front of Edward, would you?”
“Of course not,” Michael agreed. “If I could, I’d go back and give my life for his.”
Holly brushed her fingers across his cheek. “I know you would. And I love you for it.”
“You really love me?” A part of him couldn’t quite believe she did. “You’re too good to love me.”
“I love you, Michael Drake,” she assured him, leaning up and brushing her mouth against his. “I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone.”
He bent his head down until his forehead touched her own and he stood there for a moment, just breathing in her smell. “God, I’ve missed you,” he confessed. “And I love you, Holly Jenkins. I will love you for the rest of my life.”
“As will I, you,” Holly whispered.
Reluctantly, he pulled away from her and looked her steadily in the eyes. “Will you marry me, my mistletoe mistress? Will you make me the most ecstatic of blockheads in the world?”
A great burst of laughter flew out of her mouth. “Oh, my darling blockhead, yes I will marry you.”
To know that Holly was going to be his wife, filled him with a sense of deep contentment and joy. For the first time in his life, he was truly happy.
Softly, his lips descended down onto her own and he kissed her with all of the love he felt. A kiss that was breathtaking in its sweet intensity. A kiss that heralded the start of their life together.
And with Holly in his arms, he was finally home.
Epilogue
One year later
“You wouldn’t believe it,” Holly declared, waltzing into his study and emphatically waving a letter about in her hand. “The Devil Duke has finally returned to England and is looking for a wife!”
Michael glanced up from his ledger and raised a brow. “You are correct. I don’t believe it.” He leaned back in his chair, delighting in watching his wife’s animated face as she strode over toward him. They’d been married for just over six months and he was more in love with her than he’d ever been.
“Well it is true,” Holly said, reaching his side and bending down to press her lips against his in a leisurely kiss. Slowly she pulled back from him and grinned. “I have it on the best of authorities. Devlin Markham, the Duke of Huntington is looking for a wife.”
“Who is your source? Lady Winthrup?”
Holly nodded as she perched her delightful derriere on the edge of his desk. “Mable Winthrup is the best source of information in all of London.”
“The best gossip, don’t you mean?” Michael teased her.
“That too.” Holly grinned. “But she’s always been correct. She knew all about your wager, didn’t she now?”
He reached out and encircled her waist, before pulling her fully onto his lap. “She did. Though I highly doubt she’s correct about Devlin looking for a wife. The man has far more misgivings about the institution of love and marriage, then I ever did. And that is saying something.”
“But just look how happy you are now,” Holly pertly reminded him. “I think marriage would be wonderful for him. He’s very lonely.”
Michael laughed. “Please! The man is never in want of female company.”
Holly raised her chin. “That does not mean he’s not lonely.”
“True,” Michael conceded, resting his head against her cheek and breathing in the delicious scent of rosewater on his wife’s neck. “Goodness, you smell delicious. I don’t think I can ever get enough of you.” He gently started to rein kisses across the column of her throat.
She sighed in pleasure and pressed herself even closer to him. “You’ll also be interested to know,” she said, her voice getting rather breathless as it always did when she was starting to become aroused. “Lord and Lady Pembrook have fled to the continent.”
“Have they?” He continued feathering kisses along her jawline. “That’s nice to know.”
“You don’t sound very interested or surprised.” She pulled back from him, suspicion in her emerald eyes.
“I’m a bit more preoccupied with my gorgeous wife, to be honest.” Michael tried to edge his lips closer to her, but she pressed her hand up against his chest.
“You didn’t happen to have anything to do with them fleeing, did you?”
“Not really.” Michael began to trail his fingers up along the sides of her waist, until he was softly cupping her breasts. Satisfaction filled him when her gaze deepened with passion. “The whispers of Lady Pembrook blackmailing others had well and truly caught momentum long before now. I’m only surprised they didn’t flee sooner.”
“I suppose so.”
“Now, where was I?” His lips caught hers, softly teasing them apart and kissing her until she was moaning, his hands continuing to gently squeeze her breasts.
“Wait,” she panted, pulling back from him. “I have one more bit of news.”
“Can’t it wait?” he asked. “There are other things I’d rather focus my complete attention upon.”
She laughed but refused to allow his lips to capture hers again. “I think you’ll be particularly interested in this bit of news.”
“Let me guess,” his whispered against her ear. “It has to do with Violet and St. Giles, and the fact they seem to be spending a great deal of time together at balls and the like.”
“What?” Holly screeched. “Violet and St. Giles, spending time together? But they can’t stand one another.”
Michael sighed and pulled his lips back from the delectable ski
n of his wife’s neck. “I thought you knew?”
“Knew what?” Her eyes were dark, but unfortunately not with passion any longer. “If that bounder is daring to seduce my sister, why that is… well it’s not acceptable. You must put a stop to it, Michael! It’s bad enough that Daphne is already considered a diamond of the first water and we must put up with all her callers, but Violet and St. Giles? No. My sister surely isn’t interested in that rake. You must talk to him and warn him away.”
“Me?” The very thought of interfering in his sister-in-law and friend’s business was not a pleasant one. “Violet can handle herself with St. Giles. In fact, I think he’s rather smitten with her, not that he’d ever admit it.”
“Please!” Holly scoffed, sarcasm dripping from her voice. “That man is smitten with half the women in London. He’s a rake through and through, who gets hives when someone simply mentions the word marriage in his presence.”
Michael chuckled, for her description was apt. “But rakes can be reformed, my love.” He slowly reached his hands around his wife’s waist and rubbed her back. “Am I not the perfect example of that?”
“Yes, you are,” she relented, relaxing her back into his hands. “Though I hate the thought of Violet getting her heart broken.”
“Your sister will run rings around St. Giles, my love. Trust me.” Michael nuzzled the pulse at her throat with his lips. “Now what else did you want to tell me before I become entirely distracted?”
“Oh, yes.” Holly’s whole demeanor shifted in an instant, almost as if she was bracing herself. “I went and saw Doctor McGuiness today, who was recommended to me by Lady Winthrup—”
“Doctor McGuiness?” Michael’s hand stilled and he pulled back to stare at Holly. “Isn’t he that Scottish doctor that all the ladies swoon over?”
Once Upon a Christmas Wedding Page 54