Whisper Always

by Rebecca Hagan Lee

"He thinks I'm a liar and a thief."

  Leah eyed Cristina suspiciously. "What gave 'im that idea?"

  Cristina buried her face in Leah's lap and refused to answer.

  "Come on, missy, out with it, and I want the truth."

  Cristina hesitated for a moment longer, then spoke in a rush. "I tried to break into his desk."

  "You did what?" Leah was outraged.

  "He had the necklace and I wanted it back. I thought he might have put it in his study for safekeeping, so I went looking for it."

  "And then what 'appened?" Leah prompted when Cristina finished speaking.

  "He caught me going through his desk drawers." Cristina met Leah's gaze.

  "And?"

  "That's it. That's all that happened." Cristina turned away from Leah as she got to her feet and walked to the bedroom window.

  "Missy, this is Leah you're talking to. Now look me in the eye and tell me what 'appened." Leah followed her young mistress to the window and placed her hand on Cristina's shoulder, urging her to turn around.

  "All right," Cristina let out a deep sigh as she turned her back to the window and faced Leah. "He kissed me."

  "Only once?" Leah asked.

  "More than once," Cristina answered.

  "And tore your nightgown in the process?"

  "He didn't mean to," Cristina defended Blake. "The gown was old and fragile--one of the ones Mackie loaned me--one of the gowns that belonged to Blake's mother. He just reached out for me and the nightgown seemed to come apart in his hands." She stopped and studied the expression on Leah's face. "How did you know about that?"

  Leah chuckled at the question. "Mrs. MacKenzie told me."

  "How did she know?"

  "She's the 'ousekeeper."

  "So?"

  "So if you're tryin' to keep secrets from servants you can't stuff the remains of a torn nightgown between your mattress. One of the maids is bound to find it."

  Cristina stared at Leah for a moment, registering the fact that she'd been baring her soul when the whole household probably knew. She sucked in a breath, her anger gathering steam like a boiling kettle as she headed out the door. "Oooooh!"

  Leah knew where she was going and what would happen when she got there, but it was too late to stop her.

  "They know!" Cristina slammed the door to Blake's bedroom so hard it shook in its frame. Blake bolted upright in the huge four-poster, the noise and the movement causing him such agony that he could barely reply and when he did, it was a mere whisper. "Who are they and what do they know?" He forced open eyelids that weighed a ton to fix his blurred vision on the magnificent spectacle standing in front of the door she had just tried to slam off its hinges. He focused on the vision and a smile that came close to being a leer transformed his frown of annoyance.

  She stood there in complete disarray, clearly interrupting her toilette to barge in on him, for she was wearing a lacy corset, a thin lawn chemise, and little else. Her magnificent coppery-colored hair curled like a living thing around the curve of her rounded hips. She looked more beautiful and desirable than he had ever seen her look before, especially flushed with anger that seemed to be emanating from her satiny smooth body.

  Blake raised himself up on the pillows. He leaned nonchalantly against the headboard, ignoring the insistent pounding in his temples in order to indulge his senses with a better view of the heady vision filling his room.

  "Stop that grinning, damn you, they know!" She stamped her foot on the shiny oak floor, giving vent to some of the rage she felt for the smiling fool lying so unconcerned in his bed.

  "Don't stamp your foot and shout at me," Blake shouted back. "This is my house and my hearing happens to be very acute!" More acute than usual.

  "Well, Lord Lawrence, what are you going to do about it?"

  "Do about what? Good God, Cris, I don't even know what you're talking about!" The shouting was killing him, and after being rudely awakened by Mackie, puking his guts out then bathing and managing to choke down a glass of juice and a cup of coffee before finally returning to bed, Blake was in danger of losing the small amount of control he had managed to regain. "Why don't you explain yourself?"

  Cristina rolled her emerald green eyes upward to stare at the mural on the ceiling. Oh, the stupidity of the man! "Your staff, your housekeeper, Leah, and probably the whole neighborhood know about us!"

  He arched one finely drawn black eyebrow, his grin deepening at the sight of her frustrated anger. "What exactly do they know? It must be fairly obvious to any of the household staff that you're a guest here and since it is my home, it would be fairly obvious for them to assume you're are my guest. What else can they know?"

  Was he being deliberately obtuse? Or was he simply enjoying her difficult situation? The very thought that he might be gaining amusement from her anger made her blood boil. "W-w-what can they know? They know my reputation is in shreds! They know you tore off my nightdress! And I don't doubt that they know about the night we spent at Marlborough House in the same bed. They know that I've become your m-m-mistress!"

  "That's news to me," Blake muttered.

  "What did you say?" Cristina demanded.

  "I said, are you? I wasn't aware."

  Those softly sarcastic words sent Cristina flying into action. She launched herself at him. "Do you deny it? Do you deny that we spent the night together? Let go of my arms, I want to scratch out your eyes. Let go and stop laughing! Stop laughing at me!"

  Blake couldn't help laughing, because despite his throbbing head, Cristina's wriggling was having an effect on him that was sure to make her angrier once she stopped wiggling long enough to notice. And being a man, he couldn't help but enjoy the marvelous effect she had on his senses or that special surge of adrenaline that made him forget everything but the exquisite thrill of battle with her. He had to fight to keep his wits about him as he struggled to hold her hands away from his face, and keep her teeth away from his vulnerable arms.

  Far from angry, Blake was enjoying the duel of wit and strength.

  But if he was enjoying it, Cristina was not. And seeing the glint of desire in his eyes was like rubbing salt into a wound. She turned her head from side to side to evade his lips.

  Blake took no notice. He let go of her hands and framed her face with his palms on either cheek, holding her still while he fastened his lips on hers.

  She bit down on his soft lower lip and he tasted the metallic taste of blood. His blood.

  Blake's black eyes glowed with pain and for one long moment Cristina was afraid he might retaliate in kind. Instead, his eyes crinkled at the corners as he began to chuckle. "I knew you could be bloodthirsty. I just didn't know how bloodthirsty. Don't they feed you? Do you have to try to take pieces out of me each time we meet? Not that I mind that you find me so appetizing, but there are better ways to satisfy that hunger...."

  "Oooooh!" She took the bait. "You are without a doubt the... the--"

  "Handsomest? Cleverest? Best?" He interrupted her with an offer of suitable adjectives.

  "--most arrogant, conceited, vilest... man it has ever been my misfortune to meet. I wish--"

  "That I would take you in my arms and kiss you again." He followed his words with action. His kiss was demanding at first, but gradually became softer and more giving, until she responded by wrapping her arms around his neck.

  He kissed her to his satisfaction, then finally drew away from her upturned mouth and stared down at the desire etched on her face until she became aware of his studied gaze and jerked out of his grasp.

  "You had no right. I--"

  "I had every right. You gave it to me by marching into my bedroom half-dressed and throwing yourself in my arms. You were begging for my attention. You demanded it. And my kisses as well."

  "I didn't."

  "Didn't you? You had every intention of making me wa
nt you or you wouldn't be here now. You can call me a villain if it makes you feel better, but the fact remains that you sought me out and not the other way around. I took only what you wanted to give to me, what you flaunted before me."

  "You are the most arrogant, conceited, most vile--"

  Blake interrupted her flow of abuse, "You've said all that before and it's beginning to bore me to tears. Can't you come up with anything else?"

  "Bastard!"

  "There now," he grinned at her. "Don't you feel better? It's not exactly correct or original, but I knew you could come up with something else. Not very ladylike, either, but then we both know you were born to the position and that it's strictly honorary."

  "If I'm no longer a lady in fact, it's because of you. You've ruined my chances of making a good marriage."

  "Indeed?" His expression was full of scathing disbelief. "Tell me how I managed that."

  "By abducting me from a public carriage in broad daylight, by taking me to your home and by keeping me here against my will, thereby forcing me to become your mistress."

  "I can be persuasive and even demanding on occasion, but I never use force," he told her. "I'm too much of a gentleman. And I don't remember you objecting to my methods."

  Cristina stuttered with impotent fury, "B-b-but--"

  He continued as if he hadn't heard her. "And my dear, as I've explained to you before, you're laboring under an obvious misconception. I don't consider you my mistress--only a houseguest. Although we spent the night together sharing a bed, we passed the time sleeping. There's a lot more to being a mistress than sharing a pillow. Of course, you could remedy that situation. ..." He finished his speech, his voice husky and filled with suggestion.

  "I-I--"

  "Speechless? That's something new for you. I thought you'd be only too willing to comply with my suggestion as it's all you've talked about since you stormed in here."

  Cristina suddenly found her tongue. "That isn't why I came in here and you know it."

  "Really? Then why did you come?" He arched his brows in feigned innocence.

  "I came to let you know your staff has a mistaken idea about my reason for being here," she informed him haughtily.

  His mouth turned up a tiny bit at the corner, and what began as a smile soon turned into a chuckle and then into hearty laughter. "If they were mistaken, my dear, I'm relieved to know you've set them straight. I'll bet they have the right idea now!"

  Cristina turned on her heel and exited the room with as much dignity as she could muster. She didn't stop until she reached the safety of her own room where she slammed the door with all her might, trying unsuccessfully to drown out the sound of his deep laughter echoing through the house.

  "I guess you told him," Leah commented when Cristina flung herself down on the bed. "And the rest of house, too."

 

  A drowning man will clutch at a straw.

  --PROVERB

 

  *Chapter Twelve*

 

  The war had to end. It couldn't go on. The tension in Lawrence House hung as thick and stifling as smoke caught between the layers of the early-morning fog. The staff tiptoed around the master and his guest and did their best to remain unnoticed. It was the only way to weather the storm.

  Blake entered his home and started up the stairs. He met Cristina coming down them, her arms full of embroidered linens.

  He halted in his tracks and stared at her. He had spent the last couple of weeks purposely avoiding her, throwing himself into his work until he was too tired to think of anything except sleep. He had left Cristina to stew in her own juices since the morning she had stormed into his room demanding he salvage her reputation. Blake had hoped his absence would reduce the unbearable tension between them and improve her disposition, but if anything, it had compounded the problem.

  She was proud and she was angry, but enough was enough and Blake had reached the limit of his endurance.

  Mackie had spent the better part of the morning begging him to do something about Cristina. According to the housekeeper, Miss Cristina was working herself to the bone, burning off excess energy. She had asked to help plan the menus, balance accounts, even polish his mother's silver and monogram the linens. Miss Cristina meant well, Mackie explained, she was trying to help, but she was driving the staff crazy with requests for more tasks to keep her busy and Mackie told him, she'd even cajoled his valet into parting with some of Blake's shirts and handkerchiefs. Then his housekeeper had demanded to know why he hadn't noticed the fancy monogramming on his garments.

  Blake decided to see for himself if what Mackie said was true. So he had set out to find Cristina and the truth.

  "Cristina?"

  She peeked around her armload of what appeared to be his shirts and looked down at him. He was taken aback by her haphazard appearance. She was pale and thin and there were dark smudges under the eyes that calmly returned his stare.

  "What in God's name have you been doing? I almost mistook you for a maid."

  Cristina glanced down at her dress. She did resemble one of the staff in her plain, gray dress and with her hair hidden beneath a cap. She knew she must look terrible. Cristina blinked at him in surprise. "I spent the afternoon polishing a collection of silver salt cellars and I was returning some of the shirts I've--" She stopped. "I was taking these to Hudson for Mrs. MacKenzie."

  "You look as if you've been doing hard labor," he said, uncharacteristically undiplomatic. "How long has it been since you were out in the fresh air?"

  "I don't know. A week or so," she answered him.

  "You don't know? Don't you care how you look? Don't you keep up with those things? I didn't hire you as a maid, Cristina. You're a guest. And where's Aunt Delia?"

  Cristina's temper flared. "Of course I care how I look, Lord Lawrence, when there is someplace for me to go or someone to see me. Since I've been at Lawrence House I haven't seen anyone except the staff, your aunt, and Dr. Jameson. Why should I care how I look? Who is there to see me? You left orders that I was to stay inside--or have you forgotten? I didn't suppose I would be allowed to spend time out in the garden without your permission and I haven't had the opportunity to ask you. You haven't been here much. And what else is there for me to do but help out where I can. I've read half your library already and I'm not looking forward to tackling The History of Anglo-Austro-Hungarian Relations and Diplomacy in the Balkans or the rest of your books on diplomacy written in languages I don't speak or read. I was educated in a school whose headmistress thought ladies had to know how to perform the household tasks in order to supervise the staff..."

  Blake grinned. "Sounds like a shrewd and inexpensive means of keeping a household staff for her school."

  Cristina glanced up at him, surprised to find he shared her opinion. Their eyes met and something sparked between them. Suddenly nervous, she glanced down at his shirts. "Nevertheless, the fact remains that I'm not accustomed to being idle. As for your Aunt Delia's whereabouts, unlike me, Lady Wethering appears to have an active social life outside Lawrence House. She's busy making her morning calls. She invited me, of course, but since I'm supposed to be staying in the country, I didn't dare show my face in town."

  "She's supposed to be here taking care of you."

  "I'm not ill anymore. I don't need taking care of. But Lady Wethering spends her mornings with me just the same. We embroider in the parlor, in case you're interested, then she dresses for luncheon and after luncheon, she takes a carriage and makes her morning calls. She just returned and is upstairs changing for dinner. I wanted to finish this task." She nodded toward the stack of linen. "Before I dressed for dinner."

  Blake watched her closely, relieved to find she still had her temper. He was appalled at the change in her and knew he was partly responsible. He'd been so involved in his work, and so determined to stay away from her, that he had almost
forced himself to forget she was still a guest in his home. He could recall seeing her in passing only a few times since she had stormed into his bedroom spewing fire.

  Cristina had underestimated the staff. There had been a few employees who believed she was or had been his mistress, but the household grapevine soon set them straight. Mackie, Leah, Perryman the butler, and Blake's valet, Hudson, had passed the word. The staff of Lawrence House understood that Miss Cristina Fairfax was his houseguest, not his mistress. He hadn't bothered to tell her, to ease her concerns about her reputation.

  He'd allowed the seed of doubt about her reputation to remain planted in her mind, because he hadn't wanted her to risk leaving on her own. He'd meant for her to worry a bit, but he hadn't intended that she become a virtual prisoner in his home. Blake vaguely remembered Leah telling him that Cristina was proud and sensitive. She looked so fragile, so breakable and broken in spirit that his guilty conscience demanded he make amends for the pain he had caused.

  "I'm returning to the city this evening and I thought you might enjoy dining out and maybe seeing a show. Aunt Delia will join us, of course. Would you care to accompany me, Cristina? I was just on my way upstairs to ask you."

  Her head nodded "yes" of its own accord. She knew he was feeling the pangs of a guilty conscience and hadn't really intended to ask her to accompany him until he'd seen her standing on the stairs. She knew that he had asked her to come along simply to assuage his guilt and a part of her hated to accept his invitation. She hoped his conscience bothered him. He hadn't spared a thought for her in weeks while she had labored over his household linen and enjoyed it! Her pride told her she should refuse his invitation, but denying herself an evening out with Blake took more pride than she possessed.

  Sensing her struggle, Blake smiled at her, "Go get ready and we'll make this night a night to remember."

  It was the push Cristina needed. She turned and practically raced up the stairs in her excitement. It seemed like years since she had worn the regulation white gown and feathers for her presentation. She was so much older now than the girl who had danced with all the young men at the ball. So much had changed. She had changed overnight.

  She bathed and dried herself and pulled on her underthings. When she finished she brought an evening dress of hunter green watered silk out of the depths of the armoire and called for Leah.

  Leah buttoned the last of the tiny buttons and patted a stray hair into place before standing aside and allowing Cristina to view her reflection in the mirror.

  Cristina couldn't believe her eyes. Leah had worked a miracle. The woman in the mirror was a stranger. "I don't believe it, Leah. Is that really me?"

  "Well, it certainly ain't me," came Leah's honest reply.

  "Do you think he'll approve?"

  "Only a blind man would fail to notice and appreciate what's standing there."