by E Cleveland
Am I? I touch my forehead and sure enough it’s covered in tiny beads. I wipe them away and look back at the screen. Unable to imagine what happened to the man who once led me. But then again, if he could look back through this screen at me, he’d probably be wondering the same damned thing.
“Do you know that guy or something?” Dave gives a half-laugh that seems to dry up in the air and fall to the floor.
“Yeah, actually.” I keep staring. Searching for signs of the man I once served with. He’s not there. He looks deranged. And how did I look when I killed Blythe’s rapist? If Captain fucking Forrester just tried to jack a van in the middle of a construction zone, there’s gotta be a reason for it.
I just can’t imagine what it would be.
“Looks like he’s having a bad day,” Dave watches with me.
“Good men can be driven to do bad things,” I answer.
“I know,” he nods at me and I know the look on his face has nothing to do with Captain Forrester. “Listen, you’re heading to Alaska, right?” His eyes drift down to the GPS in my hand, but I know there’s no way he read anything off it from over there.
Alaska is the obvious place to disappear. It’s remote wilderness and harsh winters make it hard to track anyone who doesn’t want to be found.
“Yeah.”
“Okay, we’ll get you kitted out and then I’ll take you and your lady up to Snag Junction. There’s a spot not too far from there, you can cross the border through the woods. There’s no border patrol up that way. After that, you guys can hike or hitch the rest of the way.”
“You don’t have to do that. You’ve already done so much,” I answer.
“Do me a favor, huh? Use that and see how much time it saves ya,” he points at the GPS.
I punch in the new information and watch as it shaves about eighty-five hours off our trek. There’s no way I can turn down that offer. Dave going out of his way for one day will shave at least two weeks off this journey. I have no words for my gratitude. Nothing but, “Thank you,” I nod.
“You got it,” he swallows hard and stares back up at the screen behind me. I turn and watch my old Captain, his twisted and red face pressed up against the window in the back of the patrol car. “Just promise me you won’t end up like that guy,” Dave points.
“I’m gonna do my best. I promise.”
38
Abbie
“Are you alright?” Cole looks back at me.
“Yeah, why?”
“You’re just so quiet? We’re literally less than an hour away. This is gonna be the ultimate freedom for us. Aren’t you happy?”
I try to straighten up a bit, to look excited, but I’m tired. We’ve been tromping around woods, rocky riversides and up small mountains. I am so ready for this to be over. My body is begging me for a full tummy and a proper night’s sleep. I don’t know how many more times I could choke down noodles in broth only to sleep on the cold ground in a makeshift shelter. I want to live in the wilderness, I love nature, but I can’t live like this. After five weeks, it’s starting to feel like this has been going on forever.
“My feet are sore,” I answer, shrugging. Just like every other part of me. I don’t tell him how I’m worried. Worried that this might not really be our “ultimate freedom” afterall.
I know that Sawyer and Cole go way back. They share a bond formed in the military that I can’t begin to understand. I trust Cole’s judgement, it’s not that. It’s just, his friend had a shitty moment of his life go viral and instead of just dealing with it, he took off to Alaska and went off the grid.
Poof. He disappeared from society and never looked back. I mean, who does that? Obviously I get why we’re doing it, but Cole killed a man. As far as I know, Sawyer committed no crimes. He must see the world in pretty black and white terms if he had such an extreme reaction.
Does a guy who thinks that way want to welcome Cole? His sister’s rapist deserved that bullet, I believe that with my entire moral fabric. But will Sawyer see it that way?
“I don’t know what I’m looking forward to more, eating or sleeping? If I could somehow fill my gut and sleep at the same time, I’d be set,” Cole laughs but I don’t join in. My mind is barely registering this moment. I’m lost in thought.
“What about you?” His smile fades and I see concern flash over his eyes. Still, he tries to keep the conversation going, “What’s the thing you’re looking forward to the most?”
I look down at our mud-caked clothes and grimace when I run my hand through my stringy hair, “Getting clean,” I answer.
I’m lying. Not entirely, of course. I hate feeling this filthy all the time. I feel like I could soak in water for a week and still have some grime staining my skin. Getting clean is a close second to what I really want the most. I want to find out if my suspicions are true.
I need to know if I’m really pregnant.
The last five weeks, the thing I’ve been dreading most is trying to deal with cramps and bleeding while living like a fugitive on the run. The thing is, it never happened. At first I figured it was from the stress. All this exercise, scarce meals and roughing it can mess up a girl’s system. I’m sure there’s science to back that up.
Then I started thinking about when I had my last period. It’s… been a while. My hand rests on my belly and I’m careful not to snag my feet on any branches or tree roots. I can’t explain it, I have no way of knowing for sure, but I just feel like I’m trying to protect more than myself.
I stifle a yawn and force myself to keep going. Even though I’m running on empty. There is a purpose bigger than my discomfort that keeps me going. I’m sure of it.
“Abbie, this is it!” Cole hisses, bursting my baby thought bubble.
“Really?” I blink and squint, straining my eyes to see what he sees. Where’s the cabin? Or signs of life? All I see is a creek and a steep bank running down to it.
Cole grins down at the GPS that big Dave gave him. “We fucking did it,” his eyes meet mine and he lifts me up. My feet swing out behind me as he twirls me in a circle, holding me tight. He puts me back on the ground and smothers my lips in a kiss of celebration. “We made it,” he looks down at me, his eyes glinting with tears. “I love you so much,” his voice warbles and it’s enough to almost make me cry.
“I love you too,” I answer, my emotions welling up. He kisses me again, slower this time. Softer. Sweeter.
“I don’t see his place,” I frown when he pulls away. I scan around the edge of the brush.
“I’m sure it’s around.” His confidence doesn’t waver. Cole studies the open space and then stands taller. “Look, he’s at the river. I see him in the water,” he points.
He’s not wrong. There’s definitely someone hunched over and washing up in there. Sawyer looks leaner than I expected, I don’t know why. I guess I was expecting him to be more like Cole.
“Can you hang back for a second? He’s probably been alone for a long time now. I don’t want us sneaking up and freaking him out.”
“I understand. I’ll wait here.”
Cole drops his bag and puts his forehead on mine, his lips are less than an inch and my mind gets lost in kisses my body is begging for.
“I’ll be right back,” he promises.
I watch him walk out, sliding down the embankment to the edge of the water. I expect to hear some talking or laughing or maybe even shouting, not the shrieking. I wasn’t prepared for that.
That is most definitely a woman. The naked person who isn’t Sawyer leaps from the river, grabbing her clothes, and retreats from Cole like he’s a murderer. Of course, he is one -- but she doesn’t know that. He runs back to me.
“Fuck,” he hisses. “That’s not Sawyer.”
“
No shit,” I answer.
“Let’s move back, I’ve gotta check our coordinates again. Come on,” he grabs his backpack and my hand, taking us further from the edge of the forest, behind a patch of shady pines.
“What are we gonna d
o?” I sob. I can’t stop the tears. Not when I thought this was finally over. Not when I thought this was the end of our problems. Turns out, it’s the beginning of more.
“No clue. Maybe she lives with him?”
“You think he met someone? Out here?” I hold up my hands and we both look around.
“Well, look, it’s the right coordinates,” he holds up the GPS unit for proof.
“Go!” We both hear a man’s voice boom like a clap of thunder. He sounds angry.
Fear grips me cold. What if Cole was wrong about this guy? What if he’s gone off the grid and lost his grip? He could be dangerous for all we know.
He moves to the edge of the river and I gasp when I see the huge axe in his hand. He’s moving aggressively and searches the area for us.
“Shh!” Cole holds up a finger. “I know this looks bad, but don’t panic. He won’t hurt me, I promise,” Cole whispers. “I’m gonna go talk to him.”
“Are you fucking crazy? Don’t you dare move,” I plead. Cole starts to move and I try to tug him back. My foot snaps a dry twig and it sounds like a shotgun being fired.
“Show yourself!” Sawyer demands. “NOW!”
Cole steps out, holding his hands up in peace, “Sawyer, thank God I found you,” he keeps walking out to him even though I’m silently praying he’ll come back to me. “We’re in fucking trouble,” he keeps his hands up and his voice calm. “We need your help.”
“We?” Sawyer asks.
I watch Cole turn back toward me and I hesitate before taking a step out from behind my shelter. Sawyer’s eyes grow wide.
“Yeah.” I answer. “We. Please, help us.”
39
Cole
The difference an hour makes! Only sixty minutes ago my best friend was threatening to split my head open with an axe and now we’re in his cabin eating leftovers like we’ve been doing this for years.
“Oh you are just so sweet,” Abbie coos at their daughter. Olive looks up at her with her big, bright eyes and blinks her long lashes slowly. I’m not sure who’s happier, Olive or Abbie.
“When I think of her growing up and meeting someone like him,” Sawyer points to his little girl, “I don’t know, it seems like you gave that guy too good of a death.”
“You think I don’t know?” I clench my jaw. “It’s not like I could go all Dexter on him. I had to get away as quickly as possible. Anyway, I feel like it freed her somehow. Like her soul is free now.”
“I understand that,” Elsie, nods. “I think you did the right thing too,” she gives Sawyer’s hand a squeeze.
“Yeah,” my throat tightens, “I don’t feel bad for doing it. I don’t feel bad that I have to live off-grid for the rest of my life. The only thing that kills me is thinking about my parents. When Blythe died, it broke their hearts. Now that I’m gone, they must have shattered,” my voice cracks and I sniffle as I look down.
Elsie is full-on crying, big tears fall down her cheeks as she watches her baby, “That must be awful for them,” she wipes her eyes.
I feel bad for upsetting her. She’s probably more sensitive with the new baby and all that hormonal stuff. I shouldn’t have brought up losing a child to a brand new mother.
Abbie sobs loudly, drawing everyone’s attention. She cries hard, her shoulders shaking and she gasps at the air as she struggles to get under control. I grab her and pull her into my chest. My hand is smoothing down her hair, “Hey, what’s wrong?” Abbie has known about all this for quite a while now. I’m not sure why it’s hitting her so hard.
“I don’t…” she hiccups, “know why I never thought about that before. They lost you both,” she sobs. “I… I’d never be whole again. What if I never saw my baby again?” She can barely talk, she’s crying so hard.
“Abbie,” I kiss her head, “you’re tired. We both are. I’ll figure things out with my parents, I promise. This isn’t something you need to worry about.”
“I think I’m pregnant,” she blurts.
“What?” I shake my head, like there’s a chance the words got jumbled up in the air and I just need to shake them loose. “Pregnant?” I blink but don’t see anything. The room around me disappears and I’m lost in a world where I’m a dad.
“So, you’re not sure though?” Elsie asks.
“No,” Abbie answers. “I’m late, but we’ve been hiking so long now I’m not sure. I could just be all the stress.”
“Wait, let me check,” Elsie hops off the couch. “I might still have a pregnancy test left over from when…” she trails off and disappears in the bathroom. The drawers roll open and the cabinet doors squeak just a bit when she rifles through them. “Yep. Here it is! Abbie, you can use this if you want to know for sure. I don’t mean you have to do it right this instant or anything, but it might give you peace of mind.”
“No, I want to.” Abbie gets up. “Thank you,” she whispers to Elsie and they give each other a hug. She goes to the bathroom and everyone is quiet. Even the baby seems to understand that something big is going on.
The baby, the one I was barely paying attention to, now it’s all I can see. I look down at little Olive and try to imagine having one of my own. I have no problem taking a man’s life or fighting in Afghanistan, but one of those scares me a bit. I stare up at Sawyer. He doesn’t look scared. He looks… happy. Happier than I ever remember him looking.
It’s been a while. Shouldn’t she know the results by now? I get up and walk to the bathroom door. My knuckles tap it lightly, “Abbie?”
I don’t want to feel anything. Not excited for a baby I’m not sure exists. Not worried. Just nothing.
The door swings in, Abbie stands perfectly still. The only thing moving is the tears falling from her eyes.
“What does it say?” I hold my breath.
She holds up the plastic wand. It’s got two blue lines across it. “I’m pregnant,” she smiles.
“You are?” I swoop in and lift her up. I cover her face in kisses. Not romantic, sexy ones, just a million little happy kisses. I can’t believe how right this feels. “Wait,” I place her back on her feet, “how do you feel about this? Are you happy?”
Abbie looks down at the test and sniffles. Her hands tremble and I watch her so closely, waiting, “I am,” she nods. “I really am.”
“Looks like I’m going to have to build us that house a lot faster than I thought,” I pull her into me and wrap my arms around her.
“Oh nonsense. We’ve got a spare bedroom you two can have. It’s just a storage room right now, but we can move things around. In the meantime, Sawyer knows a thing or two about building a house,” Elsie jumps in.
“Yeah, this one shouldn’t take as long, not now that I know what mistakes to avoid and with more hands helping to build it,” Sawyer agrees.
“Congratulations you two,” Elsie grins.
“Thank you,” Abbie looks flush. Hell, she’s already glowing.
“This will be amazing,” Elsie gushes, sitting on Sawyer’s lap. “Just think, our kids will grow up together. They’ll always have a best friend. It’ll be wonderful.”
“It really will be,” I murmur, staring down at Abbie. I don’t care if Sawyer and Elsie and even if baby Olive is watching, I kiss her like they’re gone. I kiss her like this amazing woman is going to be the mother of my child. I kiss her like she’s my forever, my everything.
Because she is.
Continue Reading For Mack’s Story
Fall To Pieces
Authors Note:
This book was previously released as “American Bad Boy.”
1
Lauren
2004
“Hey-yah!”
We cheer in unison to the OutCast song blaring over the loudspeakers. Surrounded by a circle of my closest friends, breaking it down in gowns that are preparing us for future bridesmaid duty. I can’t believe how much fun I’m having. I look over at Becky and she’s shaking her little money maker in wild abandon. She’s in her glory right now. After
months of us trying to derail her visions for our prom night theme, it finally came together. And, I’ve got to admit, it looks spectacular.
When she first started pushing for a “Fairy-tale” theme at the council meetings, I rolled my eyes harder than anyone else. In all fairness though, her first pitch really wasn’t the best. Thankfully, we did manage to evolve her Disney princess idea from one that gave me a horrible flashback of my childhood fear of Mickey Mouse into the stunning setting we are dancing in now. The white, silver and teal blue balloons are tied in clusters and hung from the ceiling to look like magical clouds. At least they do under this low light. And the miles of silky fabric hung around the room transformed the Colorado Golf Club into a dreamlike stage for the class of 2004 to dance the night away in.
It feels like everything came together tonight so perfectly, it might as well be a fairytale. Just a week ago, I was crying in my doctor’s office over an ear infection that had me so dizzy I was convinced I’d never make it to the prom tonight, let alone dance at it. I sobbed like a four-year-old lost in a department store when Dr. Klebes confirmed that I would need a day off from school and a round of antibiotics to get it under control.
“But, but, my prom! My dress! I can’t be sick. I can’t miss it!” I’m not proud to say I cried real tears. He told me that I’d be fine by tonight, if I just got plenty of rest, water and took the pills. Turns out, he knew what he was talking about and my mini-meltdown was for nothing.
I guess all those degrees on his wall meant something after all.
As the song fades out, my girls and I all stand around and stare blankly at each other as we wait for the next song to tell us what to do. Will it be another fast one? Should we stay in our little scrum of ruffles and sequins? Or is the tempo change gonna send us searching for the guys we showed up with?