The Aosawa Murders

by Riku Onda

  Then setting off with his death load.

  Big Brother always ate like a bird. Barely touched food, so he can’t have had much fuel in him that day. But according to reports, when he delivered the beer and juice he was brisk and snappy – nothing unusual about him. So what was driving him? He must have been running on something.

  Yeah, what the hell was he thinking when he rode through that weather to deliver a load of poison drink?

  VIII

  The uproar in the city over the murders was huge.

  Big Brother was laid up all through it, but nobody noticed. He was completely forgotten.

  I was caught up in all the fuss too. It was a weird time. Cops everywhere.

  Uh, the investigation was still going when summer ended. And all that time Big Brother quietly wasted away.

  I didn’t drop by to see him any more.

  He wasn’t up to hanging out with me, so I drifted away and got interested in baseball instead.

  School started again at the end of summer, but it took a while before I thought of going to see how he was doing.

  Yeah, I remember the strange feeling when I stood outside his door.

  You know, I’d been inside heaps of times before, but at that moment I really didn’t feel like it.

  It was like I wanted to go in but thought I shouldn’t, so I just stood there because I couldn’t make up my mind.

  Then this guy with a buzz cut came stomping up the corridor and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

  Asked if I needed to see the person in this apartment. He sounded kind of rough.

  When I said yes, he told me I should leave. Said the man inside was really sick and I’d be better off avoiding him because it might be bad enough to call a monk. Apparently he hadn’t gotten out of bed in a long time. He was a scary guy, but I see now he was only trying to help me. It would have been bad for me if Big Brother had TB.

  So I turned tail and ran. But you know, the strange feeling I had when I stood outside that door stayed with me. It was like the Big Brother I knew wasn’t in there any more.

  IX

  Last time I saw Big Brother it was autumn.

  It was fine weather that morning and I was heading for the park where I met up with the other kids to walk to school. Suddenly this white shadow-like thing brushed past me. Gave me a real start. I turned and saw Big Brother.

  He was skin and bones. No wonder I took him for a shadow. He’d aged, and his hair was like straw. His clothes were so baggy I could tell his bones were sticking out.

  “Hey,” I called out to him. After a beat he turned and looked at me.

  He was smiling, and I knew it was him all right, but he hadn’t half wasted away. His skin was rough, like bark, and he had black rings under his eyes.

  I was lost for words. He’d changed so much.

  “I’m on my way to listen to the voice,” he said.

  Yeah, that’s what he said, though I didn’t ask. Then he turned round and went off. His legs were shaky, like it was hard to walk. And he looked like he might collapse any moment.

  I watched for a bit then ran to catch up with the others.

  The landlord found him less than a week later, I think.

  It was fine weather the whole time, so I guess temperatures were high.

  Apparently people in the apartments either side of Big Brother complained about the smell.

  The neighbourhood had a field day gossiping. People said the landlord wouldn’t have done anything if it had been winter. They said he only called the cops because tenants in the other apartments knew about it. If not he could have gotten rid of the body and advertised for a new tenant as if nothing had happened. At least that’s what they said. Big Brother paid rent six months in advance, so the landlord wouldn’t have lost anything.

  Uh, and they said it was a miracle he didn’t get rid of the suicide note too. It was only because other tenants were with him that he couldn’t dispose of it.

  You know, Big Brother didn’t have any close relations. So if his death had been put down to suicide because of illness, and the note and everything else in the room were disposed of, then the case might never have been solved.

  But they found the note. And the cops realized its significance.

  That was the start of the next stage in the whole sickening business.

  X

  The impact of the murders?

  Hmm, I don’t know. Big Brother had an impact on me. I became an engineer, didn’t I?

  Uh, and I still don’t think he did it.

  It was a set-up. Somebody took advantage of him being so vulnerable, and that person got away scot free. They planned it nicely, you know. Big Brother cops all the blame, while they make their escape.

  A book? Nah, don’t know anything about it. A book about the murders?

  I didn’t know.

  It sold well? You must be joking.

  The woman who wrote it must be one hell of a busybody.

  So who did it? According to the book, I mean.

  Not spelled out? Well, of course it wasn’t Big Brother who did it.

  But you know, all this talking has made me hungry. Okay if I order some cod roe spaghetti?

  Uh, I never make it myself because it’s a nightmare peeling off the skin.

  My ex-wife hated anything with fish eggs. She was afraid of getting gout. It’s almost always men who get gout, but she had some weird fears.

  She was afraid of manholes too. Never, ever stepped on one. Cause when she was young she knew a kid who fell down one and drowned. Apparently the lid had lifted off in floods.

  “You never fall down manholes, even though you always step on them.”

  She actually said that to me once.

  Said it always scared her to bits to watch me and worry about when I’d fall in. Today? Tomorrow? She was on edge all the time just thinking about it. But she accused me of not noticing. Not having any feelings.

  Can you beat that?

  Ha ha… maybe it’s why everyone around me dies. They get stuck with my share of stress as well as their own.

  Uh, but you know, people like Big Brother who carry everyone else’s stress for them end up dying.

  He was a victim.

  The temple where he used to go and look at Buddha statues took in his bones. The monk there is an interesting guy. Bit of an oddball. Of course, there wasn’t a proper funeral. I wanted to say goodbye properly, but never had the chance. Rumour was the two detectives went to his funeral in secret. I don’t think they believed he did it either.

  XI

  When I was in high school I had a flashback to a memory of Big Brother once.

  Right in the middle of summer.

  I was going home from a baseball match. Walking by myself on a road I never usually went on.

  There was no wind. The heat was real bad and everyone was sick of it.

  Uh, I was in a foul mood. It was hot, we’d lost the baseball, and I was tired. In those days coaches believed having the right spirit was everything. Didn’t think about the importance of rehydrating in the heat. I was so tired I didn’t even have the energy to drink.

  I suppose I might have been a bit delirious.

  Anyway, I remember feeling like death. Like I might collapse any time.

  Then out of the blue I heard a voice say, “In that case, go and die.”

  Clear as a bell. Gave me a real shock.

  So I stopped and looked around.

  Everything was blurry in the heat because of the haze coming off the asphalt. But I couldn’t see anyone.

  Thought I must be crazy. The voice was far too clear to be just my imagination. But no one else was in sight.

  Suddenly the words bell-like voice flashed through my brain. Because it was a bright, clear voice. Very soothing. A young woman’s voice.

  Then I looked up and saw a whole bunch of white flowers.

  On a crepe myrtle tree.

  The tree was so loaded with flowers I wondered how one tree could produce
so many. They were pure, brilliant white. A glaring whiteness.

  Gave me the creeps, actually. My head went light. Uh, I think my body temperature must have actually dropped because I still remember the chill I felt.

  But I remember thinking, Aha, so this is the voice Big Brother heard.

  Weird, isn’t it? I’d forgotten all about him up to then. You know, the murders and the fact he’d died never entered my head from one day to the next. Uh, but in that moment I thought of him.

  Anyway, I stood there half-dazed and realized at last I wasn’t hearing things. The voice was real.

  I remember my mind going in all directions. I was scared on the one hand and wondered what to do. But on the other, I realized that now I knew what had happened.

  There must have been a window open in the house on the other side of the tree. And through it I heard several women’s voices laughing and talking.

  Yeah, the voices coming from a window on the other side of the tree made it sound like the flowers were talking. I felt better once I’d worked that out. Nothing strange about it at all.

  The house was old, and posh-looking. But it looked run-down and neglected. It was Western-style, with three round windows.

  Seems it used to be a clinic originally. There was a sign that had been painted over.

  I felt more myself, so I went on. Told myself it was only coincidence I overheard somebody say “In that case, go and die” in conversation, just when I was feeling so bad in the heat. Telling myself that made me feel normal again.

  But you know, that’s what made me think Big Brother must have heard a similar voice.

  Go and die.

  That’s what he was told that morning.

  Bright and clear. Just like that.

  Anyone might feel they had to follow instructions given by that voice.

  That’s why he said yes, went back to his room and put a rope round his neck.

  9

  SCENES FROM A LIFE

  I

  “Gosh, everything’s gone quiet, hasn’t it? The world’s simply disappeared.”

  “Yes. Strange how that happens. All of a sudden the sound of the sea just vanishes.”

  “Oh, it’s so lovely and quiet here. It really does seem like the world has disappeared. Ah, there it goes again.”

  “Yes.”

  “It’s as if we’re the only two people left in the world.”

  “It certainly is.”

  “Look, everything’s gone all hushed again. It’s unusual to last this long.”

  “In Spain they say ‘an angel passed by’.”

  “Really? What a lovely expression. Does it mean a quiet moment like this?”

  “Yes. It’s what they say when people are talking and the conversation suddenly stops because everyone goes quiet at the same time. The Spanish are much more talkative than the Japanese so moments like that would be rare, I guess.”

  “I guess so.”

  “It’s the kind of saying you might expect from a Christian country.”

  “My home is so noisy, though.”

  “I suppose it is. You’re from a big family.”

  “It really is loud. Somebody is always there, and the TV or radio are left on at all hours. There’s never a moment when an angel could pass by.”

  “But isn’t it nice to always be surrounded by family?”

  “No, it isn’t. No angels could pass by in our house. That’s why it’s so —”

  “So what?”

  “Nothing. Just that at home there’s never a moment when angels could pass by.”

  “It’s better than being alone. Being with other people is much better.”

  “I wish I could be alone.”

  “You do?”

  “Yes. I want to be alone.”

  “Why?”

  “Or if I can’t be alone, I want to be with people I choose. Not someone who might get in trouble if they’re not with me, or a person who thinks I need company.”

  “Everybody cares about you a lot, you know.”

  “Am I asking too much? Wanting to be alone. I wish I could go to a country all of my own. Where there’s only me. Or two people at most.”

  “Oh – it happened again.”

  “Lots of angels have passed by, haven’t they? I’m sure they’re all listening to us – just like Mama does.”

  II

  Human beings are deeply sinful, my dear. We are born steeped in sin from the moment we enter this world. So we must spend all our life in repentance. Do you understand? Listen to your Mama.

  Look at all the suffering, violence and bloodshed in the world. If that is not proof of being born into sin, then what is? Happiness is fleeting. Nothing more than a faint ray of light in a sea of suffering.

  That’s why you must repent. Because from the moment we are born alone into the world we are in a state of sin. And it’s very important to always be conscious of your sins. You must say your prayers, because somebody is always watching you, so someone will always see the sins you commit. Make no mistake about it.

  Somebody always sees your wicked thoughts. Somebody always sees when you go astray.

  III

  “Have you ever heard of utopia?”

  “Yes.”

  “I heard it’s an ideal country, like Shangri-La in China. A place everybody wants to go to, a kind of paradise.”

  “Ah, like the Utopia of Thomas More’s novel.”

  “Thomas More? Who’s that?”

  “An English philosopher and politician in the sixteenth century, who was executed for treason after opposing Henry the Eighth’s divorce. The Renaissance had a big impact on his ideas, and he was the one who gave the name Utopia to an ideal society. He imagined it as one where religious or royal power had no sway over equality.”

  “Gosh.”

  “People thought it was a fantasy at the time, like science fiction now.”

  “It’s different to what I imagined. I thought it meant something more beautiful, like heaven.”

  “I’m not surprised. But religious issues are big in Western culture.”

  “I had this idea it was a place I’d like to go, but I’ve changed my mind. I’ll choose another country.”

  “Another country?”

  “Yes, and I’ve already thought of a name for it. Our country. Just for us. Oh – someone’s coming.”

  “It’s just kids.”

  “Hisako-chan, Hisako-chan.”

  “Hisako-chan, who’s this?”

  “Yeah, who is it?”

  “He’s my yuu-jin.”

  “Yuu-jin?”

  “Is yuu-jin his name, Hisako-chan?”

  “Yeah, Hisako-chan, what’s a yuu-jin?”

  “Yuu-jin is another word for friend.”

  “Yuu-jin, yuu-jin, let’s play together, yuu-jin.”

  “Come on, yuu-jin, let’s play.”

  “Okay, we’ll go and play in the church garden.”

  IV

  There once was a lonely young man.

  For a very long time he lived all alone and he wasn’t very strong, so he was always nodding off. And when he did his sleep was filled with dreams of when he was a child.

  After living alone for many years he used to say how strange it was that he could remember his childhood as if it were yesterday. For example… well, let’s see… do you remember how Mama gave everybody biscuits last year? Didn’t they smell wonderful? They were the shape of a bear and had tea leaves mixed into them. See how easy it is to remember when I remind you of the wonderful smell? And the feeling of excitement you get at Christmas. Those memories seem just like yesterday, don’t they?

  That’s how the man was able to remember his childhood so clearly. In his mind he could picture himself wearing a straw hat and catching fish in the river, or letting off fireworks on the beach. These lovely memories meant far more to him than all the time he was suffering from illness.

  This man adored fireworks. In the summer holidays he had great fun setting the
m off with his uncle and friends from the neighbourhood. He liked going to see firework displays and used to race off to see any firework festivals he heard of, even if they were quite far away. He was always happy to stare up at colourful fireworks exploding in the night sky like flowers. The vibrations from the boom when they exploded gave him a funny tickle in his tummy, and he could feel the rays of light from the flowers scattered way up high in the sky, shining down on his cheeks. You all know what I mean, don’t you? Remember the faces of your friends when they’re looking up at fireworks in the sky? How their faces turn black-and-white?

  But this man was very, very lonely because he didn’t have anyone to play with whenever he wanted, like you all do. All he did every day was doze and dream of the fireworks he’d seen when he was a child. Isn’t that sad? You can play with your friends any time, but he had no one.

  Listen, let’s keep this a secret, shall we? Gosh, I know, why don’t we go and play with him? We can take fireworks and have fun together. What do you think? Isn’t that a lovely idea? Don’t tell the others, though. We’ll sneak over and surprise him. Imagine how happy he’ll be. I can just imagine he’ll be overjoyed.

  10

  AN AFTERNOON IN THE OLD BOOKSHOP DISTRICT

  The editor

  I THE DIARY

  Sat, 2 Aug

  Rain. Sudden humid weather getting to me. Must get a hat. Dropped in on 2, 3 and 5. K caught on fast and things went smoothly. Thank goodness. Spent 1.5 hrs on average with each. Mostly reminiscing. Nothing for further investigation. Everybody remembers the period well. Interesting all were nostalgic about it. No air conditioning in guest house. Too hot. Hope the tapes don’t stretch. Transcribing is sweaty work. Went to M in evening but was shut. Notice on door said Closed for emergency reasons.

  Sun, 3 Aug

  Weather changeable. Humid, can’t sleep. Went to see 1, 7 and 8. 1 passed away and 7 in hospital. Got permission to visit. Will get someone to say I’m coming. 8 finished in under 20 mins. Transcribing time-consuming, will concentrate on that today. Evening storm. Slightly cooler afterwards.

  Mon, 4 Aug

  Weather suddenly fine. Summer full-on now. Walking hard work. Drinking too much Coke. Not good. Saw 7 in K— Citizens General Hospital. Brought back memories. Remembered me. Got introduction to 21, luckily. Offered to make contact for me so I accepted. Dropped by M but still closed. Heard from neighbour that a relative died. Looked in S and T. Discovered several back issues of G. Did transcriptions in evening. Slow progress. 5 mins’ talk takes ages to write down. Wish I knew shorthand.