by Steena Marie
Not anytime soon anyway.
She glanced at the clock for the dozenth time. Parker had called to say he was going out for burgers with Melissa and Abby, so clearly they’d talked about whatever they’d needed to talk about. She hated to admit it, but it stung a little more than it should have to be left out of that conversation. Logically, she knew it had nothing to do with her. But if she was going to be part of Parker’s life for the longer term, then she would be family, too. And whether Melissa liked it or not, she’d have to be part of those conversations, too.
She pulled the tray of brownies out of the refrigerator where she’d put them to cool. Becky had given her the recipe and in her quest to have at least one home baked item that she could actually prepare successfully, she’d attempted the recipe. Becky had assured her that they would turn out. As she looked at them, Nikki had to admit that Becky might have been right. Of course, nobody had tasted them yet.
Baking had simply been a distraction. An effort to clear her mind of the doubts about Parker and their relationship that kept creeping in and niggled at the back of her mind. Thoughts that she didn’t want to think about, and questions she wasn’t sure she could answer. But she’d need to face things soon. Parker promised he’d be by for coffee and dessert before Ryan went to bed. Which meant he should knock on the door any minute now.
“Ryan? Are you in your pajamas?”
Nikki could hear him sigh from the living room. “Can I just wait till after? I mean—”
“Forget it.” She left the kitchen and stood in front of him on the couch. “It’s a school night and I’m already letting you stay up later than I should.”
“Dad would—”
She held up a finger to silence him. “Forget it. Don’t think for a minute you can play that card with me.”
He pushed her a little bit more every day, which she assumed was a normal developmental thing as he got older, but still, she didn’t have to like it.
Ryan flipped the cover over on his tablet and tossed it on the couch next to him before he stood up.
He was getting so tall. Not her baby anymore, and soon he’d even be a big brother. Would she ever have another child? It was a thought she’d had more than once when things started to get serious with Parker. But they’d never spoken about the future in such specific details and she realized that she had no idea whether he wanted children of his own. It was just another question to put on her growing list.
“Besides,” she focused her attention back on Ryan, “you know your dad and Becky wouldn’t let you stay up really late either. And I’m letting you have chocolate before bedtime, for goodness’ sake.” She tried to make a joke. Ryan just rolled his eyes, but she could see the glimmer of a smile he was trying to hide.
“I’m not a kid anymore, Mom.”
“Don’t I know it.” She pulled him into a bear hug, and when he didn’t immediately protest, she squeezed tighter.
“Okay, okay.” He finally wriggled free. “I give. I’ll go change.”
Nikki released him and smiled triumphantly. “That sounds like a great idea.”
The knock on the door distracted both of them. “Go quick,” she said to him. “And double-check that your homework is totally done.”
He sighed again, but did as he was told. If sighing was the worst of it, she could handle that. It would be a small miracle if that was where his rebellion ended, though. But for the moment, she would take what she could get and she certainly didn’t need any more conflict in her life at the moment. Not even of the eleven-year-old boy variety.
“Hey there,” she said to Parker as she pulled the door open and let him in. He looked tired, his eyes rimmed with red and his hair all mussed. “Everything okay?”
Parker nodded and kissed her on the cheek before he forced a smile to his face. “Yeah. It’s all good. It was a long night, but the three of us talked and now everybody knows everything. I thought Melissa would be more upset when she found out—”
“What?” Nikki knew she probably shouldn’t interrupt, but something about what Parker said didn’t make any sense at all. “I don’t understand. What did Melissa find out? And why would she be upset about it?”
Parker squeezed his eyes shut for a second, as if he was trying to gather his thoughts. “It’s kind of a long story, but basically all three of us were able to sit down and hash things out. So now Melissa knows everything.”
“Wait.” A chill crawled down her spine and her stomach rolled. “Didn’t she already know everything?” Parker glanced away and the feeling grew in intensity. “It was her story, right, Parker? So what didn’t she know?”
Nikki wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to know the answer, but she also knew she couldn’t handle any more secrets. The niggling doubts she’d been trying to push away crashed full force into the foreground again. If he was hiding something else from her, she wasn’t sure if—
“It’s complicated, Nikki.” Parker ran his hands through his hair again and mussed it further.
“I’m listening.” She didn’t even bother leading him into the living room. She stood frozen to the spot, needing him to talk. “I’m sure I can follow along.”
He looked as if he was going to object to her sarcasm, but instead he said, “Abby’s known the truth about her dad for the last year or so. She’s been secretly writing him letters and they’ve been—”
“She what?” Nikki shook her head, letting the information process.
“I know it sounds bad.”
“It does. How did that happen? I thought the whole point of Melissa’s elaborate lie was to protect her daughter.”
He nodded. “It was. But about a year ago, Abby stopped by my house to pick up some cans and bottles for a fundraiser and I didn’t even think…I mean, I wasn’t expecting her so I wasn’t ready. Right before she got there, I’d picked up the mail and dropped it on the table. There was a letter from Wade on top of the pile. She saw it and of course there were questions.”
“Of course.” Nikki could hardly believe what she was hearing, but she forced herself just to listen.
“She asked me all kinds of things and I did my best to answer them without giving too much away, but she’s a bright kid and when she dropped it, so did I. She never said anything more about it, so I thought it was all good.”
“Wait.” Nikki’s brain raced as she tried to process what he told her. “Abby found out her father, the one she thought had left her and her mother, actually didn’t, because she found a letter? And you’re telling me that you smoothed this all over by answering a few questions?”
Parker nodded, but still Nikki couldn’t make sense of things.
“She didn’t freak out? Cry? React in any way to finding out her dad was actually in prison instead of off living another life somewhere?”
“Well…yeah.” Parker shrugged. “Of course she did. But I dealt with it. We talked. I explained things to her, and she was fine.”
“And you didn’t think it was important that Melissa know that her daughter knew the truth about the huge secret she’d been trying to keep for most of her daughter’s life?”
Parker tugged on his hair again. “Nikki, it wasn’t like that.”
“It sure sounds like it.” She could hardly believe it herself, but Nikki actually felt a whole lot of sympathy towards the woman she had been full of animosity for only a few minutes earlier. “This is all crazy.” Nikki turned away, not sure what she needed to do or say. Every doubt and concern she had about moving forward with Parker flashed in her head as if they were lights on the Vegas Strip. “This was just another secret you were keeping from me.” She looked at him, trying in vain to find some sort of understanding in everything.
“Nikki.” He reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. “It wasn’t like I was keeping it from you. It was…”
“But you were. You told me everything about Melissa and Abby last week and…well, I thought you told me everything. But still, there’s secrets. I can’t…”
“Come on. Don’t do this.”
She took a step back. “No. I just need to think.”
Parker looked so tired, so defeated, and she hated herself for having anything to do with that, but she had to think about Ryan, too. She couldn’t bring any more drama into his life. Not with everything she’d just put him through. “I don’t think I can do this right now.”
Just speaking the words caused a physical pain to bloom in her chest.
She wanted him to say something. She needed him to say something. Anything. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he opened his mouth to speak again, but before he could say anything, Nikki noticed his gaze travel over her shoulder and his face morphed.
Ryan.
She forced a smile on her face and turned to see Ryan. He watched them from the doorway with a wary expression on his face. “Are we going to have brownies?” he asked after a second.
“I would—”
“I don’t—”
Nikki and Parker spoke at the same time. She dropped her head, and without looking at Parker, Nikki tried again. “Parker can’t stay, buddy. But you go ahead and have one, okay?”
Ryan glanced between them one more time, but the lure of a chocolate brownie was too much and soon he turned and disappeared again.
“Don’t do this, Nikki.” Parker grabbed her arm and spun her around so she faced him.
Tears pooled in her eyes and she blinked them back. She couldn’t cry. She needed to think straight and think about the bigger picture. Ryan deserved more than secrets, lies, and drama. She shook her head slightly.
“No.” Parker’s voice shook. “This isn’t a deal breaker. This stuff with Melissa and Wade, it’s not my load.”
“But it is.” She forced her voice to stay even. “They’re family and that’s important, but I just don’t think I can do this right now. Not with the secrets and the…” She drifted off and looked at her feet.
“Nikki, I love you.”
The pain in her chest intensified, and she could no longer keep her tears at bay. They spilled hot and silent over her cheeks. Every fiber in her body yearned to look up and pull him into her arms so she could tell him that she loved him too.
But she had to remember Ryan.
“Parker.” Her voice cracked. “I…”
“Okay. I get it.” He glanced down at his feet briefly before he nodded once. In a move that shattered her heart, he turned and walked out the door.
13
Melissa
Wade was coming home.
Melissa’s heart continued to skip beats every time she thought of her husband returning home.
What would he think of the house? Of the changes she’d made? Would he approve of the updated look to their bedroom, even though it was more feminine than anything else?
Would he care that she’d put on a few extra pounds since the last time he’d seen her?
Nine years was a long time. She swallowed past the lump in her throat. Way too long.
She alternated between feeling happy—ecstatic, really—that they would finally be together again to thoughts of dread and fear.
Would their marriage survive? Had it survived? Sure, in name they were still legally bound, but what if he’d found someone else to love? What if he realized he’d fallen out of love with her?
This time her heart didn’t just skip a beat; it stopped altogether.
He was going to leave her. She knew it. He’d be crazy not to. She’d lied and told everyone he’d left her. What had she been thinking? How could he ever forgive her?
She hated how insecure she was right now. Hated it.
Melissa held the phone in her hand and checked the clock for the umpteenth time. Abby told her that Wade would call some night this week, between nine and ten o’clock, to talk to her. She could only imagine the conversation.
Did he realize he was coming home the weekend of the Pumpkin Festival? He always loved this one, more than any of the other seasonal festivals the town put on.
She’d been looking forward to the festival this year but now…now she wasn’t all that sure how she felt.
“Do you think he’ll call tonight?” Abby plopped down on the couch and tucked her knees to her chest.
Melissa shrugged.
“Can I talk to him? I wonder what his voice sounds like. I mean, I know in my head, at least I think I do…but what if it’s different than what I remember?” Abby’s lips quirked into a smile.
“Of course you can. You should. He probably…he’s probably really looking forward to seeing you.” That was probably what he was excited about the most. He must be nervous too…jumping back into his old life.
“He misses you too, Mom.”
Tears pricked in Melissa’s eyes. She was really tired of all the crying she’d been doing. Time to grow up, pull on her big-girl panties, and deal with life instead of waiting and crying. She couldn’t handle any more crying.
“I have a question.” Abby sat up straight and curled her legs beneath her. She pulled a blanket across her legs and fiddled with it before she’d look Melissa in the eyes.
“Shoot.” Hopefully it was a question she could handle.
“Can I start telling my friends? I mean…is it okay if I tell them? Or would you rather wait till Dad comes home and people find out on their own? And what do I say? Should I tell them he’s been in prison or just that he disappeared and now he’s come back?”
Well…that was more than one question and she had no idea how to handle it. None.
“What do you want to tell them?”
In all her talks with Becky and Parker, this question had never really been answered. She couldn’t really make a decision until she’d spoken to Wade. She’d made one decision on his behalf and made a mess of things; she didn’t want to do that again.
“I’m not sure I want to tell the truth. Sometimes it’s okay to lie, right?”
And here’s where she failed in Parenting 101. She should have taught by example that it was never okay to lie, and here she’d done the exact opposite.
So much for mother-of-the-year award.
The phone rang right before she attempted to answer Abby, thankfully.
One glance at the number confirmed it was Wade.
With her stomach now in knots, she thrust the phone to her daughter, taking the chicken way out.
“Hello?”
Melissa caught the way her daughter’s hand shook moments before her eyes welled up in tears and she could barely contain the sobs as she struggled to say hi to her father.
Melissa went to sit beside her daughter and held her close. She could hear the gentle murmurings of her husband’s voice on the other line as he tried to comfort their daughter.
“I love you, Dad,” Abby was able to say before she handed Melissa the phone and then buried her face in her mom’s shoulder as her body shook.
“Hi, Wade.”
“Mel. It’s so good to hear your voice. Abby…she’s all grown up, isn’t she?” Wade’s voice broke, which in turn broke her own heart.
“That she is. Wait till you see her. She’s probably as tall as you are.”
“I can’t wait. I’m…are you okay that I’m coming home early?” The way he hesitated, as if worried about how she’d respond, told her the answers to all her other questions. He wanted to come home. Not just home, to Halfway, but to her.
“I’m more than okay with it. I miss you.” Those had to be the most inadequate words she’d ever spoken.
He breathed a sigh of relief into the phone. “I miss you too, Mel.”
Neither one said anything for a few moments, as if worried to break the connection between them but she knew his time would be running out.
“When do you need me to be at the prison?” Suddenly the need to be with him, to see him, touch him and be touched by him, to be held in his arms after such a long time apart was overwhelming.
“Mid-morning if that’s okay.” He cleared his throat.
; “Is there anything you need from me? Anything you want me to bring?”
“So much.” Wade chuckled, a sudden lightness to his voice. “But nothing more than seeing you and Abby.”
She could only imagine the things he would want after being in prison for so long. New clothes and shoes for sure. She would put together a little package for him and give it to him…
“Wade, I’ll bring Abby, but we’ll need to stop at a hotel overnight.” Her hands shook at the idea of spending a night with him, side by side, in bed again.
“I know,” he whispered. “Let’s drive as far as we can and then stay someplace nice. With fluffy blankets and room service maybe? But as far from this place as possible, please?”
Melissa nodded before she realized Wade couldn’t see her.
“Mel, I’ve got to go. I can’t wait…I can’t wait to see you. Whatever happens…I’m just glad you’re still there.”
“See you soon.”
She hung up and thought about the last words he said. Whatever happens. What did he mean by that?
There was a knock at the door and before she could dwell on her thoughts further, she went to answer it.
When she turned on the porch light and saw who was on the other side of the door, she almost wished she’d ignored the knock.
Nyah Henderson.
Melissa was tempted to slam the door shut in the woman’s face. She’d once needed her best friend, and she hadn’t been there for her. So why now?
What was she doing here? Why? Why was she here? Why was she back in town after all these years?
The last time she’d seen this woman—her ex-best friend—had been after everything with Wade.
One minute she was there in her life—best friends, soul sisters till the end of time—and the next minute, Nyah had disappeared and wouldn’t return any of Melissa’s calls or emails.
She’d never felt so abandoned. But it had been years since she’d last thought about her old friend. Too many years.