The previous time Robin hacked a cash machine, things had been complicated by a citywide riot and cops parked outside. This felt way less stressful, sat calmly on the floor, sipping the rest of his drink as the software installed and Flash watched with hands in his pockets.
‘Do you guys want anything?’ Agnes asked as she stepped up next to Flash. ‘Another drink, or a chocolate bar?’
‘I’m good,’ Robin said cheerfully.
A few seconds later the cash machine’s amber screen flickered back with a screen that read:
FREE MONEY!
<<< Yes No>>>
‘Gotta love that!’ Flash yelped, slapping Agnes on the back and jumping so high he almost headbutted ceiling tiles. ‘Money, money, money!’
‘You’re a little genius,’ Agnes told Robin. ‘How can you get it to do that?’
Robin shrugged humbly. ‘The genius is the guy who discovered the vulnerability and cracked the operating system. I just downloaded two apps and a copied a bunch of instructions from a hacking forum.’
‘Pity there’s so few of these old machines left,’ Flash said. ‘We could have a crime spree!’
Robin reached up to the screen and pressed the button next to the Yes option. There was a mechanical thunk as the armoured door of the cash box unlocked.
All three of them leaned in for a closer look. Inside the heavy door were four grey plastic trays. They were like the paper trays that slot into a printer or photocopier, except they fitted banknotes. Robin could without having to take it out see that the bottom tray was empty, but when he tugged the next one up it felt reassuringly heavy.
Robin saw fifteen centimetres of tightly packed twenties as the drawer slid out. But after that there was a shiny plastic bag with neon-pink liquid inside, like a giant laundry pod. The horrific realisation of what he was looking at took Robin a tenth of a second, but he’d barely turned away and was spitting the D in a shout of dye pack as it exploded.
The pouch of sticky liquid had a fast-acting sodium azide explosive in the base, like the airbag in a car. As a deafening alarm erupted inside the machine, Robin was thrown forward and slapped in the back and cheek by a blast of pink liquid.
Agnes and Flash were close enough to get a thinner, full-frontal mist as Robin sprawled out over the grubby floor. One eye burned with dye and he was deaf in his left ear. The explosive had also been hot enough to trigger a sprinkler head in the ceiling.
‘What was that?’ a new voice shouted. ‘What happened?’
Half deaf and half blind, Robin rolled onto his back to see what was going on. Two women dressed in camouflage and holding guns had sprung from behind the Mario’s Melts counter. At the same time, Agnes had pulled a small stun gun taped to her leg beneath her skirt and used it to zap Flash with 10,000 volts.
‘There was explosive dye in the cash machine,’ Agnes explained to the two armed women, as Flash yelped and hit the deck. ‘One of you check outside. It might be Forest Rangers. Some kind of ambush!’
As one woman sprinted towards the battered side door, Agnes kicked Flash hard in the stomach.
‘Keep still, Peppa Pig!’ she taunted. ‘Unless you want another 10,000 volts.’
The woman who closed in on Robin looked strong and wore full army gear.
‘The cash is ruined,’ she shouted over the alarm. ‘But Gisborne will still give us a hundred thousand for the brat.’
‘We could ask for more,’ Agnes suggested. ‘That old fart’s loaded and he wants Robin bad.’
Robin was still deaf in one ear, but the water from the overhead sprinkler had mostly flushed his blurry eye. His mind had cleared after the shock from the dye blast and he tried to control his panicked breathing and assess the situation:
Agnes only had a stun gun and was dealing with Flash.
One of the armed women was checking outside.
So only one gun posed an immediate threat.
‘We need to tie these boys and throw ’em on the back of the pickup,’ Agnes shouted. ‘Where’s the bag with the cuffs?’
Robin’s bow and backpack were a few metres out of reach, but as his gun-toting opponent closed in, Robin slipped a hand into his trouser pocket and opened the blade of his pocket knife.
18. AIN’T THAT A KICK IN THE HEAD
The woman whose boot splattered into sprinkler water and sticky pink dye a few centimetres from Robin’s face was a beefy thirty-something called Juno.
She’d read about Robin Hood. How he’d shot an arrow into gangster Guy Gisborne’s dangly bits, robbed £100,000 from cash machines, flipped a cop car with a single arrow and become a figurehead for the growing resistance against police corruption and Sheriff Marjorie.
But in stressful situations our brains revert to stereo-types, and in this moment all Juno saw was a boy on the small side for his age, shivering pitifully from clothes soaked in cold water and pink gunge. She swung the rifle around to her back and gave Robin no consideration as she stared into the ATM.
‘Looks like exploded bubble gum,’ she shouted back to Agnes over the alarm.
‘Just grab Robin,’ Agnes shouted. ‘Can’t see Rangers or any ambush outside, but better not stick around to find out.’
Juno turned back and looked at Robin. ‘On your feet, snot sack!’
Robin made a low groan and acted like he was too weak. Juno was getting drenched by the sprinkler, so she reached down hastily, grabbing a handful of Robin’s shirt to drag him. As her first tug rolled Robin to one side, he whipped the knife out of his pocket and thrust it through the back of her right hand.
Juno stumbled back, almost slipping as she crashed into the side of the photo booth. Robin hoped Flash would join the fightback, but Agnes zapped him again the instant he moved.
‘I’ll wring your neck!’ Juno roared.
At close range and with a knife sticking out of one hand, Juno went for Robin rather than the gun. Dye and water made the floor slippery, but Robin kept low and went under her arms. Without breaking stride, he snatched his bow and backpack, lobbed them over the Mario’s Melts sandwich counter and made a gymnastic head-first dive after them.
He hadn’t anticipated the fridge being so close behind the counter, and his head whacked it with a hollow thud before his elbow painfully bashed the floor. The tight counter space was a tangle, with his bow and backpack, plus bags and gear belonging to the two women who’d been waiting in ambush.
With his head throbbing, Robin shoved things out of the way to make space, then grabbed his bow. He rapidly slotted an arrow and hooked three more between the fingers of his left hand.
As Robin bobbed up, Juno was closing on the counter. She had the gun, but couldn’t clench the fingers of her injured hand to hold it steady. From less than two metres Robin could hit anywhere he liked. But he was keen to injure rather than kill, so he shot an arrow through her left wrist to disable her other hand.
In the same instant, Flash figured that Agnes’s stun gun took several seconds to recharge and made a grab while he was safe. Agnes caught him in the face with a powerful knee, but he managed to wrestle her down and snatch the zapper.
The third woman had returned from checking outside the building. She aimed her rifle when she saw Flash and Agnes battling, but Robin shot his bow first. She moved faster than Robin anticipated, so his arrow glanced her shoulder and became harmlessly trapped in the hood of her thick camouflage jacket.
But the near hit was enough of a distraction for Flash to grab the dangerous end of her gun. She squeezed off two shots. The bangs gave everyone a jolt, but the bullets went harmlessly over Flash’s shoulder, trashing displays of AA batteries and vape juice.
Flash was strong, but a determined Agnes had locked one arm around his chunky legs and made a grab for the stun gun. After two rounds the rifle muzzle was hot, blistering the skin on Flash’s palm as he tore the weapon away from its owner.
Robin realised Flash couldn’t fight the two women simultaneously. He glanced around, satisfying himself that Juno was
n’t in a fit state to shoot, then leaned over the counter and aimed at the woman in the doorway. As Flash kicked back at Agnes, knocking her away, Robin’s arrow speared the other woman in the thigh.
Flash couldn’t hold the hot metal, so the rifle clattered to the ground and he found the trigger on the stun gun and got Agnes back for zapping him.
Robin slotted another arrow, but his target backed out of the doorway and began a limping run outside, towards the battered Subaru.
‘Dirty liar!’ Flash roared, as he grabbed Agnes by the scruff of her blouse. His nose was badly broken where she’d kneed him and blood dribbled as he spoke. ‘I ought to kill you. You told me you were done with SWU.’
‘That’s your weakness,’ Agnes snarled back. ‘You assume every girl loves you, but we really think you’re an arse.’
Robin slid out from behind the sandwich counter. He kicked the rifle away from Juno as the deafening alarm coming out of the cash machine mercifully gave up. She was close to fainting from shock and it was uncomfortable looking at her bloody right hand and the arrow speared between the radius and ulna in her lower arm.
But Robin’s sympathy was limited by the fact she’d come here with a plan to let him rob the cash machine, then take the proceeds and claim the bounty on his head.
‘What now?’ Flash asked Robin as he picked up the rifle. ‘After I kill this one, obviously.’
‘You’re a joke,’ Agnes snarled. ‘You don’t have the balls.’
‘We’re not killing anyone,’ Robin told Flash firmly. ‘They brought handcuffs for us. So, I guess we use ’em on these two and leave ’em to the Rangers. Then we get on the bikes, ride a few clicks and disappear into the trees.’
But out front the last woman standing had other ideas. It was painful driving with one leg numbed from the arrow sticking out of her thigh, but she managed. After accelerating towards the road, she turned back beneath the fuel-station canopy, driving a slow oval until the two dirt bikes were lined up between her headlamps.
She floored the gas, smashing the bikes with a front bull-bar. They spun and scraped. Chunks of plastic clattered into the Subaru’s windscreen and caught under the front wheels. After backing up from the wreckage, she floored the accelerator again, heading north onto Old Road.
19. BOYS BASHED UP
‘This ear’s throbbing,’ Robin complained, as Flash put a cuff on Agnes’s wrist and locked the other end to the post on a shelving unit. ‘Can’t hear and my balance is off.’
‘Too tight,’ Agnes yelped.
‘Good,’ Flash told Agnes bitterly. ‘I hope you enjoy prison.’
She gave Flash the finger with her free hand as he set off to cuff Juno. Since Juno’s arms were both bloody, he cuffed her ankle to the stool in the photo booth.
Robin found a rotating sunglasses stand and studied his face in its little mirror. His hair was all gluey pink spikes, but what worried him was that his left ear was completely clogged with the stuff. He couldn’t do much about his trousers, but he quickly swapped his soggy shirt for a souvenir hoodie with a picture of a waterfall and Sensational Sherwood Forest written on the back.
Flash’s busted nose made his voice nasal. Strips of skin dangled from the palm he’d burned on the gun, but adrenaline rushing through his system overrode the pain.
‘Get your stuff quickly,’ Flash urged. ‘Gonna be a long walk home.’
The sprinkler had stopped. Luckily Robin’s bow and backpack had been out of range and he wasn’t bothered about the cables and tools, but he was gutted to see his laptop in a puddle. Water drained from the ports when he picked it up, and there was liquid trapped under the screen that made rainbows when he touched it.
‘Everything’s on here,’ Robin said, sounding wrecked. ‘Passwords, hacking tools, pictures of my mum . . .’
‘Back-ups?’ Flash asked.
Robin shrugged. ‘Some of it. I can probably get the data off if the hard drive is OK.’
‘It’s not our biggest problem right now,’ Flash said. ‘Rangers will be heading this way.’
Robin put the laptop in his backpack, picked up his bow and arrows and grabbed chocolate bars and bottles of water as they headed to the door.
‘Rot in hell!’ Agnes shouted, yanking her cuffs as Flash led the way out.
It felt colder. Mostly because Robin’s trousers were soaked and his boots squelched with every step. Flash kept the assault rifle handy, but there were no women, no bandits attracted by the sound of shots and no Forest Rangers either.
There was a loud buzzing, and as they stepped out from the garage canopy a chunky orange drone with a camera under its belly swooped down, hovering three metres above their heads.
Flash swung around with the gun and took a couple of wild shots.
‘It’s just a camera,’ Robin said. ‘It can’t follow us once we’re in the trees.’
‘You’d be surprised,’ Flash said. ‘Some of the little suckers have night vision and heat sensors.’
He led the way around the back of the service station. After jogging up a path signposted Scenic View, they reached a low fence and began scrambling down a steep embankment.
‘Watch out for snakes,’ Flash warned, as loose rocks broke under their boots.
It was too dark to see the drone, but even with his one good ear, Robin could hear that it was somewhere overhead as they sploshed through a stream at the bottom of the embankment and scrambled on through heavy undergrowth.
‘You said Agnes was SWU,’ Robin asked as they jogged. ‘That’s Sherwood Women’s Union, right?’
‘Right,’ Flash agreed.
‘They’re the ones who got burned out by Castle Guards,’ Robin said.
Flash nodded. ‘Agnes has the scars to prove it.’
‘But Will gave me the impression the SWU were OK.’
‘They started up as a direct-action feminist group,’ Flash explained. ‘The name makes a lot of people think they’re harmless. But over the years they dropped politics and turned into straight-up gangstas. Robbing, drug distribution, taking hostages.’
‘How could you trust Agnes if you knew she was part of that?’
Flash sounded angry and defensive. ‘Everyone thought SWU was finished after their camp got incinerated. They always bought fuel and ammunition from the Brigands, so I’ve known Agnes since we were kids. She messaged while she was in hospital recovering from her burns. Told me she’d got a legit job and moved back with her parents.’
‘Well, now we’re screwed,’ Robin said bitterly. ‘Even if we get back to the mall, I am in so much trouble.’
‘Look on the bright side,’ Flash said, as they reached open ground around some abandoned farm buildings. ‘Indio and Will are much nicer than the people I’m in trouble with.’
‘I can still hear the drone,’ Robin said, after they’d walked a little further. ‘Guess you were right about heat sensors.’
‘Makes a change for me to be right about something,’ Flash sulked.
Robin stopped walking and reached for his bow.
‘You walk out in the open,’ Robin said. ‘Not fast, but not so slow it looks suspicious.’
‘It’s dark – you’ll never hit it.’
‘I’m all ears if you’ve got a better idea,’ Robin said, as he took a shooting position braced against a log.
Flash walked into the open, using a fake limp as an excuse to take it slow. Annoyingly the drone stayed back above the treeline. So, while Flash walked towards the barn, Robin darted through a copse of trees at the side to get a shooting angle.
When the drone’s legs caught a scrap of moonlight it was almost directly over Robin’s head. There were branches in the way and his balance was off with his blocked ear, but he fired three quick arrows.
The first hit leaves, the second clipped the drone, but not before Robin had released a third arrow that bounced off God knows what and almost speared him as it came back down. He deflected the arrow with his bow, while at the same time the drone crashe
d through branches and thudded onto soft ground less than ten metres away.
‘Nice shooting!’ Flash said, as he ran back into cover.
The pair scrambled on to where the drone had crashed and Robin took pleasure finding the body planted sideways in a puddle. He reached in, ripping off the camera and hurling it away.
‘One problem solved,’ Flash said, managing half a smile as he thumped Robin on the back with his unburned hand.
‘Only about a million left,’ Robin replied.
SPECIAL REPORT
‘Good morning, this is Channel Fourteen serving the Central Region. I’m Kewpie Uzzle with your 6 a.m. headlines.
‘Our lead story comes from the Seven Stars Service Station, situated on Old Road in the heart of Sherwood Forest. A little under two hours ago, it is believed Robin Hood and several unknown accomplices attempted to break into a cash machine, but the attempt was foiled by a sticky pink surprise! Our satellite van just arrived, and we’re going to take you straight across to Susan at the crime scene.’
The picture cut from the studio to a moody shot of an arrow surrounded by drips of blood. The camera operator panned sideways to show the busted cash machine and the pink mess around it, then stopped on Susan the reporter, who held a microphone with a bright yellow bulb, a Channel Fourteen logo around its handle.
‘Thanks, Kewpie,’ Susan began dramatically. ‘I arrived on the scene ten minutes ago and found Forest Rangers and a forensic team bagging evidence. Nobody is completely clear what happened, but I can tell you that this badly botched raid led to all kinds of chaos.
‘As I look around this gas-station shop, I can see blood, arrows, several bullet holes and lots of this exploded neon dye. Forest Rangers are not issuing any statement at this stage, but with me now is the only known eyewitness, Agnes McIntyre. Agnes, you’ve had quite a night, so we appreciate you talking to us at this difficult time.’
The camera operator zoomed out gently to show Agnes with pink splats on her Seven Stars uniform. The harsh on-camera light caught a sweaty brow and cuffs hanging off one wrist.
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