Shattered (Guardian Series Book 1)

by Shawna K. Rockey

  He always tells me that I bring the beast out in him, but he ignites a fire that started long before he came into my life, he just keeps it burning.

  His beast awakens. Did I hear that before? Why does that sound so familiar?

  “Sir, if you don’t mind stepping out for a moment? We need to change her bandages and replace her linens,” I hear a woman pleasantly say to my dad, I guess…

  I’m so sleepy. My mind is slipping in and out of consciousness.

  I find myself standing inside a dark, large, empty room. I look around; I’m confused, I don’t know why I’m here. I notice an open doorway, to my right; it’s bright, almost a blinding white. I enter the doorway with my eyes closed; it’s too bright. Once I step inside, I open my eyes. It’s not a room; rather, it’s an entrance that connects to two rooms. I can turn to my right or to my left.

  As I stand in the entryway, I compare the two rooms and realize they are identical. The rooms are both bright white with a podium that stands roughly four foot tall. A large book sits on top of each of the podiums. I’m drawn to the room on the right so I turn and make my way inside. I walk over to the book and read the cover, The Book of Life with an illustration of a bronze gate with double doors that opens in the center. There are two cherubs sitting on top of the gate. Why am I here? Why is the book of life in front of me? I open the book and the first thing I read is Entry to Heaven. I scan through the list of names, searching for mine. I notice my name and some of my family and friends within a few pages. I step back away from the book and feel relieved to know that I’m going to Heaven; but why am I here?

  I walk out of this room and cross the entryway and proceed into the other room. It’s also the Book of Life with the same cover. I open the book and read Entry to Hell. I can feel my heart quicken. I flip through the pages, worried that I’ll recognize some of the names. Luckily, I don’t. Why would God share this book with me? Isn’t the Book Of Life supposed to be one book? This room scares me. I leave and walk back into the large dark room.

  “Don’t look down. Look up, you’ll miss it,” a deep monotone voice says.

  I look up and see a large lake is now in the center of the room. There are hundreds of people if not thousands standing around the lake. Where did they come from?

  “Jump, my people,” this voice instructs.

  A ring of fire starts at the edge of the lake and within seconds the entire lake is engulfed in flames. People abide by the command to jump and mechanically leap into the lake of fire.

  What are they doing? Can’t they see it’s on fire?

  I take off running towards the people and the lake. “No, stop. Don’t jump in there! It’s a trick! Get out! Please, get out!!”

  I violently shake my hands in the air trying to get their attention.

  “Stop, don’t jump!”

  People are screaming, vibrating the air around me. Sounds of agony and pain echo into the darkness. My heart hurts because I’m powerless, I can’t break them free from his spell.

  “You’ll be here one day,” the voice says to me.

  His deep, raspy voice sounds closer to me. I look over and make eye contact with what looks like a man. Actually, he’s not a man—he’s a beast in sheep’s clothing. I’m frozen in place. The beast stands 6 feet tall, dressed in black, his skin is ashen, almost charcoaled. His eyes are a deep amber color and there are two small horns on each side of his head. I know exactly who I’m looking at. The devil, Satan himself.

  I remember my name is in the Book of Life--Entry to Heaven and find my inner strength. “I will never jump into your lake of fire. You do not frighten me.”

  “I keep coming for you in your dreams and you say the same thing. Just know, one day soon, I will come for you. You will be so weak and broken you will gladly come to me.” He promises.

  “Never!” I yell.

  Jaxon

  Present

  I look out into the darkness from the windows of the helicopter, as we make our way to an American base in Turkey. Why would the Commander put us in a compromised military post? The mere thought of him willingly placing us in arms danger infuriates me. Not only did he threaten our lives, but also the lives of our loved ones at home.

  I close my eyes and rest my head on the headrest. My chest tightens and the fear filters in. Did I witness her last moments? I stood in front of the TV monitors vulnerable, paralyzed in my movements. There was nothing I could physically do to help her. I watched those men chase her like a rabid dog chases and taunts his next meal. I watched them shoot at a defenseless woman for no reason other than to show loyalty to a deranged terrorist. I would give anything to have just one minute with that bastard. I grip the armrest and squeeze as hard as I can. I need an outlet for this rage, otherwise, it’s going to consume me. I’m a hardened killer. I don’t express my emotions or share my feelings with anyone. I show my emotions. I wear my emotions. My reactions are a by-product of the turmoil freely flowing inside of me. Watching a piece of me run for their life stirs the beast inside of me. There is only one person who can tame that beast and I don’t even know if she’s alive.

  I clear my mind and try to summon her to me. I long to feel her touch, to feel her kiss, to feel her arms wrapped in mine while we sleep. Making love to Jaycee is the most exquisite act in the world. To share the most private moment of yourself with another, knowing that your heart is safe is indescribable. Her touch sends an electrical pathway racing through my body, waking every dead cell inside of me. When she enters a room, I want nothing more than to take her where she stands. I want her all the time. I don’t understand the obsession I feel for her or why our connection is so strong. I want nothing more than to keep her, to love her, to protect her. I will always defend her, even if she’s wrong. She’s the light that shines through my darkness. I know that if I’m ever lost, all I need to look for is her light, and only then, will I know that I am home, safe. Her faith is untouchable. She’s a gentle soul, naïve and innocent. She always gives everyone the benefit of the doubt and believes stories told to her, even after I call their bullshit.

  I rest my eyes, hoping sleep will catch up with me but my mind keeps circling back to her.

  “Jaycee, wake up. You’re having a nightmare,” I gently shake her.

  It takes her a few minutes to open her eyes and return to reality. She rolls from her stomach to her back.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” I ask her.

  “No, I don’t,” She sighs. “You’ll think I’m crazy. Hell, I think I’m crazy.”

  “I would never think that about you. It could be very therapeutic to talk about it.”

  I take my finger and trace the outline of her arm. I start from her wrist and slowly work my way up to her shoulder and back down again.

  “Promise you won’t think I’m crazy,” she decrees. “I keep dreaming of the devil and I don’t know why. It always ends with him telling me he’s coming to get me. The dreams started right after the man chased me. The dreams were infrequent for many years, but I’ve noticed, since I met you, that they happen more frequently. Sometimes he talks to me and other times, I wake up to roll over and when I open my eyes he’s there, staring back at me. He’s an asshat because he likes to jump out of the closet; sometimes he peeks his head through the window next to the dresser, to scare me. I feel like it’s all connected somehow, I just don’t know why or how. One of my theories is that I’m doing something or will do something for the greater good and he keeps trying to prevent me.”

  She laughs and continues.

  “I know it’s a foolish notion. I’m a small town, country girl with no high aspirations. I will never accomplish great things in life or be well-known entrepreneur, so why could he possibly be after me?”

  I grab her chin and turn her head towards mine.

  “Don’t ever doubt yourself. You will accomplish great things. You don’t have to be famous, wealthy, or rich in knowledge with wasted degrees. You will be a devoted wife, a great mother and will be
successful in everything you put your mind to. You walk into a room and your presence alone gravitates others to you. You pulled me to you—I was your first unsuspecting victim.”

  She leans in and places a simple kiss to my lips.

  “Thank you for your confidence in me, but we both know this is crazy. To have one or two dreams in the course of a lifetime may be normal, but to have a dozen a year, sometimes more, represents something deeper. It frightens me because I know I’m not crazy. I don’t have voices in my head telling me to do things … I’m just being haunted by the devil.”

  She lets out a sigh and turns over.

  “I love you honey, but I’m tired,” she breathes before she drifts asleep moments later.

  The irony is not lost on me. I met her in the most unconventional way, drawn to her in a way I can’t explain. My actions resembled a predator which I am far from. My soul was calling to hers in my time of need and there she was walking down the street. Our souls connected that day and her dreams started shortly after meeting me then intensified when we became a couple. I agree with her; I feel it’s related as well, but I don’t understand it either.

  After a few hours in the air, we land at the military base in Turkey. We were greeted by dozens of American soldiers there to assist with Kenan. They placed him in a coffin and covered the box with the American flag. We all surrounded his casket and raised our hands to silently salute him before he makes his final trek home. He died protecting my team and our mission, which angers me. His death should have never happened. We were placed in a compromised post. We never stood a chance.

  I make my way into our bunk room and set my bag down on my bed. I pull my phone out of my uniform and scroll through my contact list until I reach Director Topher.

  There was no formal greeting between us.

  “Sanchez, do you want to explain to me what the hell happened out there,” Topher demanded.

  “Actually, I want to know the same damn thing,” I barked back. “You placed me and my team at risk. You blatantly ignored the fact that the underground shelter has been operational for thirty years. You put our lives at risk and I hold you personally accountable for Kenan’s death. You tell me what the hell happened.”

  “I wasn’t informed how old that structure was or that it was known by the Iranian rebels. I relied on the information provided by our CIA agents,” he countered.

  “I suggest you find new agents. When I write my report for the Commander in Chief, I will be laying out all the facts, starting with the incompetence of his assigned Director of Defense. I expect more from you, especially a man with your stature. You requested the best of the best and we were there to serve. We put our lives on hold, our lives on the line for your incompetence. Not again. I will never work another mission under your command,” I thundered, in a loud, assertive voice.

  “You aren’t done with this mission. Arman is not dead yet. You collect your team and get back out there,“ he yelled, frantically.

  “No, we are done.” I said, calmly, but with anger-laced words. “My team will not go anywhere under your command. We don’t work for you anymore. We are self-employed agents who provide secret operative missions for the government and get paid handsomely to do your dirty work. We completed our military obligation. We have a choice whether to take this assignment or not. You are not in a position to demand anything from us. Until we gather more intel on Arman and his whereabouts, this mission is over. We will never walk in blindly again.”

  “I’ll have your ass, Sanchez,” Topher threatens.

  “You have that wrong, Topher.” I challenged, in response. “We were there to protect your ass and every American citizen. But what you neglected to consider was you just exposed your best team. You exposed our family. James Callhoun’s sister was chased and shot at by Iranian Rebels in the United States. Were you aware of that, sir?”

  “No, I was not made privy to that information,” he sternly stated, trying to exert his position over his failing power in this current situation.

  “Consider yourself aware,” I stated, powerfully. “This mission is over, until we can establish a more secure location and more intel on Arman’s location. Otherwise, it will be a shitshow and more lives will be at stake.”

  I paused and continued.

  “My team and I are flying home in a few hours. We left our cameras and audio devices in place around the village and will continue to monitor those devices remotely. I will be in touch with any information we collect.”

  “Your job’s not done, Sanchez,” Topher commands.

  “It is for now, until we learn more. Talk soon,” I said, with an assertive tone, as I disconnected the call. I miss the days when one could slam the phone against the receiver, when hanging up.

  People in positions of power neglect to remember that they work for us. I am not an active, deployable member in the military. I served my time and have an honorable discharge. His remarks are empty threats to me because I am the one who holds the power here.

  I hear the door to the bunk room open and I see my team filtering in with their bags in hand.

  “Pick a bed. We leave at 0300 to fly home. Our flight lands in JFK at 1600. Each of you will need to book a connecting flight from there to get you home,” I announce.

  “Actually sir, that’s what we came to discuss with you. We are moving the operative mission to Ridge Landing.” Jimmy states.

  “What? Why,” I’m taken aback. “You are free to go home. You are no longer required to complete this mission.”

  “We talked about it as a group and what happened to Jaycee could have been any of our families, Sanchez,” R.J. added.

  “And they aren’t going to be safe unless we capture Arman,” Erica added. “So, I secured an old, empty metal company to convert our operations to. We will connect all the electronics and be the eyes and ears from a distance. In addition, we are going to pair up and visit the rebels in the various locations through the United States and silently remove them. We will single handedly eliminate Arman’s power from our playing field.”

  “Ok, but I will not allow any of you to hunt the rebels on U.S. soil until you’ve properly vetted them,” I respond. “Has any received an update on Jaycee?”

  Jimmy casted his eyes down to his lap, “She’s still in a coma but they do expect her to wake soon. She suffered from a gunshot wound to her lower leg, broken ribs, lacerations to her head and mild brain swelling, but they expect a full recovery.”

  We sat in silence for the remainder of the night. We will get these bastards one way or another, but this time it will be on our time. My first and only priority right now is to get home to Jaycee.

  Jaycee

  Present

  My body feels like a weightless vessel, just spinning through time. I lay in bed completely immobile, unable to respond to commands or to open my eyes at will. I can hear conversations going on around me; I know my dad is talking because he’s the only voice I recognize. One second I feel awake and the next I slip off into a dream state.

  “I will return for you ‘my taube’. And when I do, you will be the one in checkmate. You’ve awakened my beast and my beast will find you no matter where you go. In the meantime, be safe and always watch your surroundings. I don’t want another beast lurking in your shadows,” Jack said.

  ‘My taube’. I know, I heard that term of endearment before. Several times before, actually. ‘My beast’ and ‘watch your surroundings’ are also terms I hear on a regular basis. Jaxon says them to me all the time. He calls me ‘my taube’ when he’s in a loving and affection mood. During sex, he calls out that I unleash his beast before he increases his tempo. When we run together, he’s constantly reminding me that I need to be aware of my surroundings. Could it be? Could Jaxon be … Jack?

  It can’t be. He’s too much of an honorable man to do something so callus to another person. I can feel my heartbeat quicken and hear the machines beep hastily in the background.

  The more I think about it
, the more I know…

  It is Jaxon! Oh my god! This can’t be happening! Why would he do this to me? I want to know what the hell ‘my taube’ means. I unknowingly fell right into the hands of my captor, but I wasn’t captured … I was chased by a predator and let go. I was let go, wasn’t I?

  He’s been nothing but patient, kind, loving, yet stern and demanding all wrapped into one. He’s expressed his affection and love for me practically since day one. He loves me… doesn’t he? Or is that a lie?

  He lied to me in the worst possible way. He manipulated me, tricked me into loving him. I was simply a pawn for him to capture in his quest to win but in the midst of his pursuit, I was the one who suffered. I lay in this hospital bed as a victim of a violent shootout and car accident. I’ve had to live an ensconced life with cameras and underground shelters to protect myself from the enemy when my enemy laid next to me all along. I was 14 years old when I was frantically chased by a stranger. I was scared for my life. I was scared I wasn’t ever going to make it home.

  My heart is shattering into pieces right now, laying her helpless, unable to communicate with anyone but completely aware of myself and my thoughts.

  Butterflies flutter swiftly inside of me. I can feel my heartbeat quicken and the tingling sensation course through me from head to toe. The only time I ever feel this way is in Jaxon’s presence. My body is deceiving me because my heart and mind know he can’t be here. He’s on the other side of the world. I don’t want him here. Not now, not ever. I don’t think I can ever forgive him for his deception.