by Blake Pierce
Flynn hesitated. A strange look passed over his face, then he shook his head. “There will be a logical explanation. I’m sure she just got access to the records somehow. Williams’s and Stout’s names would have given them away, and Richards wasn’t hiding it. It was probably just months of research that gave her Sewall. We know she was stalking them to plan everything out before she struck.”
“That makes sense.” Zoe nodded. It didn’t need much thinking about. Now that they had handed the case over to the police for the most part, they would be able to go home—but their involvement wasn’t done. They would have to come back for court appearances, to give testimony if it went to trial. Even if, as seemed likely, Hegtesse pleaded guilty, they would be able to read the full report then. Nothing in the case would stay a mystery for long. “We should get going.”
“Hey, um.” Flynn paused awkwardly, looking down the corridor even though it was empty. “Before we do. I just wanted you to know. I won’t… tell anyone. You know. About your thing. I know you don’t like talking about it, and I’ll respect that. I’ll cover for you if I need to.”
Zoe considered this, turning it over in her mind. A couple of days ago, it would have been the only thing she wanted from him. Silence. She would have done anything to protect her secret.
But she’d realized something during this case. Something she’d been working toward for a long time, until Shelley died. It was that the numbers weren’t a horrible thing. They weren’t a good thing, either—just a thing—but so long as she used them to help her to solve cases, they were something to be proud of. Anyone who couldn’t handle that, well, they were welcome to stay out of her way—most people already did.
But hiding the thing that made her good at her job? It no longer seemed to make any sense.
“You know, Agent Flynn,” she said, “I don’t think it needs to be kept secret anymore.”
Flynn blinked at her when he met her eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I am tired of hiding it. It is part of me. It won’t ever go away. Maybe it is time I embraced that, like my last partner wanted me to.”
“If it helps, this partner would be pleased about it as well,” Flynn said. A gentle smile curved his mouth. He looked younger than usual, his slick act washed away. He wasn’t so bad, like this. She found she no longer wanted to punch him, not even slightly.
“And as for your past, I will keep it secret, too,” Zoe said. “It is yours to tell, if you decide in the future that you want to.”
“I appreciate that.” Flynn hung his head for a moment, then looked up with more energy. “I think I’d like to tell you more about my sister someday. If that’s okay.”
Zoe inclined her head. “I will listen.”
There was just one more pause between them, the silence of acknowledgment. They were partners now, actually partners, not just two random agents forced to work together by their superior. Zoe knew from experience how much easier it was to actually work on cases when you had someone who truly wanted to collaborate. Whatever they had to face next, they would do it with a united front, and with all the added skill that entailed.
“Come on,” Flynn said, standing up and offering Zoe his hand. “Let’s go home.”
CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE
Zoe held her breath, watching SAIC Maitland’s expression closely. It was times like these when she most wished she could understand the subtle nuances that most others seemed to be able to read instinctively. The presence of Agent Flynn at her side gave her a little more courage, but it still made her nerves run cold to see Maitland standing there silently, digesting what she had told him.
“If I have this right,” Maitland said slowly, “you’re telling me that you have some kind of supernatural ability to… see the world in numbers?”
Zoe bit back a chuckle at his choice of words. There was not going to be anything funny about it if he decided she was unfit for duty. “Not supernatural, sir. It is just math.”
Maitland sighed, shaking his head as he rubbed a hand over his forehead. He got up from his chair heavily and walked around to the front of his desk. His six-foot-three frame made him the same height as Flynn, and yet somehow he always seemed taller than everyone. “Then let me say it this way. You have a special ability to use numbers which allows you to solve cases quicker, and helps you to understand things like ciphers and patterns faster than the average agent.”
“That is more accurate, sir.”
Maitland stared at her. For a long moment, Zoe thought that he was going to yell in her face. Then he said, through gritted teeth: “So, all this time, I could have been assigning you to cases that suit your skill set, and you didn’t think I’d want to know this?”
Zoe swallowed hard. That wasn’t quite the reaction she had been hoping for the most. She had not wanted screaming, but she had really held out hope for praise instead. He seemed angry, even if he wasn’t calling her a freak and chasing her out of the office.
“Sir, if I may,” Flynn said, clearing his throat. “From what I understand, Agent Prime has faced a lot of problems in her life as a result of this ability. She was unsure as to what your reaction might be.”
Something flickered in Maitland’s face. “Is this true?”
“I have met with a certain amount of hostility from other agents regarding my manner and way of working,” Zoe said, with a forced smile. “Even though none of them knew about the ability behind it, they were not welcoming of my approach.”
“That’s why you haven’t been able to hold down a partner.” Maitland paused and looked at her sharply. “Except, of course, for Agent Rose, who came to me directly on several occasions to request that you two be assigned to cases which involved coded clues.”
Zoe ducked her head, a mixture of a smile and the urge to cry confusing her expression. “Agent Rose was the first one I had confided in for a long time. She was very accepting.”
Maitland was a perceptive man; from the way his gaze slid between them, Zoe knew he understood all of the rest. Zoe lost Shelley. Then she met Flynn, who had also lost someone. Through this they were able to build trust. It was an easy story to read.
“Well, I wish you’d been able to come to me sooner,” Maitland said. He steepled his hands together in front of himself. “At least now, we can make some changes. I can start to make sure your assignments are more fitting. You can be a great asset to our office, Agent Prime.”
Zoe lifted her head. “You will not give me a special title?” she asked, anxious that nothing would change, at least not superficially. She didn’t want to be singled out, or made some kind of poster child for the press to focus on. She just wanted to do her job to the best of her ability.
Maitland smiled, a twinkle in his eye. “Getting a bit ahead of yourself, aren’t you?” He chuckled, then shook his head. “No, I don’t think we need to make any particular changes. You seem to work well with Agent Flynn, and I don’t want the paperwork of creating some kind of special numerology department. You continue as you are. I’ll just make sure that you get the assignments that suit you, and you keep solving them.”
Zoe bowed her head. “Thank you.”
“All right, now get out of my office,” Maitland said, waving a hand at them. “You’ve got paperwork due on the Salem hangings, and I don’t want it coming in late.”
Zoe smiled as she left, feeling a weight coming away from her shoulders. It stayed in the room behind her. She was out in the open now. She didn’t have to keep falsifying her findings, pretending she’d had some other way to work things out. She could just work, like everyone else.
“Well, that’s a good result,” Flynn said, unbuttoning his suit jacket and loosening his tie a little as they walked down the hall. “Went about as well as it could, don’t you think?”
Zoe nodded. “I have to agree. Thank you for being there with me.”
“Don’t mention it,” Flynn said. They walked to the elevator and stepped inside, and Flynn fixed her with a dev
ilish grin as he pushed the button for their floor. “But, you know, since I was such a great help—maybe you feel like doing my share of the paperwork for me?”
“Don’t push it,” Zoe laughed, shaking her head.
“Oh, well. I tried.” Flynn shrugged, leaning back against the wall with his arms folded over his chest and a devil-may-care smile.
He was still annoying, Zoe thought. But he was her partner. And for the first time in a long time, she felt like she might just be okay with that.
***
“I am sorry again,” Zoe said, for the third time. “I really didn’t mean to miss the appointment. I just got caught up with the new case.”
Dr. Lauren Monk, sitting across from her in a comfortable chair, nodded. Her black bobbed hair, cut sharply at a precise angle sometime in the last three days, swayed with the motion. “I’m glad that you have been able to sort some things out,” she said. “Let’s chalk it up to a needed intervention on your own behalf and leave it at that. You’re finding things easier now?”
“Yes. Now that the people I work with are aware, they’ve begun to make provisions. Agent Flynn actually gave me a gift today.”
“What was it?” Dr. Monk asked, leaning forward curiously.
Zoe dug the small box out of her pocket and showed it to her. “Noise-cancelling earphones for when we’re working on paperwork, so that I will not be too distracted by other noises.”
“That’s very thoughtful.” Dr. Monk’s smile wrinkled the corners of her eyes. “I can see that you’re doing much better. You’re getting back to the place where you were before everything happened.”
Zoe nodded, looking down at the box as she turned it over in her hands, end to end, corner to corner. “I really think this is what Shelley would have wanted for me,” she said. “Not to be held down by guilt, but to move on and thrive.”
“I’m really glad you used that word,” Dr. Monk said, gesturing at Zoe with her pen. “Thrive. That’s exactly what we’re aiming for. How do you feel now, when you think about Shelley?”
“I still feel regret,” Zoe said, with a small sigh. “But I also remember the hope. How she helped me be more open. And I’m thankful that I knew her. She made this possible. I will always be grateful to her for that.”
Dr. Monk nodded, making small notes on the pad in front of her. For once, Zoe didn’t feel the need to follow her movements, to count pen strokes and try to interpret the patterns into letters and words.
“Have you had any thoughts about your next steps?” Dr. Monk asked.
“Yes, I have,” Zoe said, and took a breath. “One day soon, I will reach out to Harry. Shelley’s husband. She left him and her daughter behind, and I haven’t even been able to face them. I want to talk to him, to offer my support in any way I can.”
“That’s a good idea,” Dr. Monk said. “But I want you to be sure you’re ready. We can only control our own actions—not how other people react to them.”
“I know,” Zoe said, and then smiled. “But he was a good man. That was why Shelley loved him. I do not know why I was so afraid of meeting him before. I think I was worried that he would forgive me. I had not been able to forgive myself.”
“And now?”
Zoe took a moment, finding an unexpected well of tears behind her eyes, an unexpected lump in her throat.
“Now I know it wasn’t my fault,” she said, at last. “And I can move on, and try to stop as many murderers as I can, in Shelley’s name.”
Dr. Monk closed her notebook with a snap. “I’m very proud of your progress, Zoe. Our session’s up for today.”
Zoe glanced up at the clock with a start. It had gone so quickly. “Thank you,” she said, getting up from her chair in a rush. “I had better go. I’ve got somewhere to be.”
“Meeting someone?” Dr. Monk asked with a raised eyebrow, glancing up and down at the blue dress Zoe was wearing, something different from her typical attire for these sessions.
“Yes,” Zoe said, pausing at the door with a smile. “Someone very important.”
CHAPTER THIRTY SIX
Zoe looked up with a nervous jerk of her head and almost jumped out of her seat at who was walking across the restaurant toward her. He really was here. Somehow, she hadn’t quite believed it would happen until it did.
“You look surprised to see me,” John said, sitting down opposite her. He was wearing a dark blue shirt today, a contrast that brought out his tanned skin. He looked good. Great, actually.
“I wasn’t sure you would actually turn up,” Zoe said, giving him a self-deprecating smile. “I messed up pretty badly.”
John chuckled at her words, at the symmetry of it all, as he sat down opposite her. “You messed up,” he said. “But I don’t think it was that bad. Not bad enough that I wouldn’t turn up, anyway.”
“I left you here,” Zoe said. Even though it pained her to point it out, to risk him realizing he was making a mistake and leaving, she had to get it out. “I didn’t even think. I was so selfish. And before that…”
“Before that, and that time as well, you’ve been dealing with the loss of a friend,” John said, reaching forward over the table to touch her hand. “More than a friend. I know how law enforcement partners can get when they work together. I can’t be mad at you for something you did in grief.”
“It is not just that,” Zoe said, taking a breath. He was already more of a saint than she could ever imagine being, to forgive her like that. Now she was going to pile more on the top. Despite the fact that Maitland and Flynn had taken it well, she still couldn’t help but feel the fear circling in her stomach. John had been so kind, so patient, so forgiving. What if this was the final straw that he just couldn’t take? “There’s more, something I haven’t told you.”
John frowned just slightly, a line deepening between his brows before he relaxed his expression again. “You’re nervous,” he said. He laid his hand more firmly over hers, gripping it. A waiter began to approach the table, but John deftly signaled to him to give them more time. “You don’t have to be nervous with me, Zoe. You can trust me. I mean it.”
Zoe nodded. “I know I can. That’s why… that is why I am telling you.”
“Telling me what?”
Right. There was no more beating around the bush, no way to keep this going any longer. She was going to have to actually do it. She was going to have to come out and say it.
“I have this ability…” she began, and she told him everything, starting from the very beginning. From how her mother had tried to beat or pray it out of her. How she’d been called the devil child, made to feel like she was dirty and wrong just for existing, from so early in her life. How she’d emancipated herself as a teen, found a motherly figure in Dr. Applewhite, under whose encouragement she had joined the FBI.
Finally, how the numbers had led her to solving cases, to making a good reputation matched only by the stain left by her constant inability to keep a partner. And then Shelley, and everything that had happened, and therapy, and coming out at work—and now to him.
“Wow,” John said, when she was done. “Zoe…”
“What?” Zoe asked. He had remained mostly quiet as she spoke, letting her lay out the story before him. She had hoped that was a good sign, but now the fear flared up again. Was he about to tell her that he was sorry, but he couldn’t see her again? That it was too much for him to deal with?
“Zoe, you’re incredible,” John said, and his eyes were shining as he squeezed her fingers. “I knew there was something special about you, but… this? I never imagined it would be something like this. You’re… wow.”
“Special?” Zoe repeated in a half-whisper, hardly able to believe what she was hearing.
“Not just special, but…” John broke off and shook his head. “What you can do is unbelievable enough. But to know that you had to come through so much adversity—that you had so many problems with your mother, with the way people treated you—Zoe, I’m in awe. You’re… so brave.”
Zoe shook her head wordlessly. Brave wasn’t a word she had ever considered would apply to herself. “I did nothing. Just existed. How is that brave?”
“Because you didn’t break.” John squeezed her hand again, his fingers stroking over her wrist. “You stayed strong and kept going. Not everyone could have done that.”
“Wait,” Zoe said. “You mean I could have given up? I didn’t know that.”
John laughed and gave her a wry look. “Well, just don’t take that option now, all right? I was kind of hoping to have you around a little more.”
“Really?” Zoe asked, then considered it. “How much more?”
“We could start today,” John said. “And if you’d like, we can meet up next weekend as well. How’s that?”
Zoe shook her head, frowning. “Next weekend I could get called to another out of state case. I might not be here at all.”
“Okay, then. You want to play it by ear instead of planning something?”
“That is not what I mean,” Zoe said. She took a deep breath. “I mean, I want to be sure that we can spend time together. What about tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow?” John half-laughed, his face lighting up with surprise.
“I have a court appearance here for one of my past cases in three days,” Zoe said. “That means they can’t send me out on assignment until then, because they need me here. I won’t have to cancel. How about it?”
John nodded, grinning. “Tomorrow, then. And we can go somewhere a bit quieter, so you don’t have so much distraction. But, shouldn’t we finish this date first?”
“I suppose that is the conventional approach.” Zoe smiled, pulling one of her hands free from his and picking up the menu. “And this place is fine. I can deal with the distractions now. I’m getting better all the time.”
“I hope I can help with that,” John said. He hesitated, as if shy. “I know you don’t want to plan ahead too much, but—I hope I can help with that for a long time to come.”