by Amber Kelly
It’s an odd request. He has never asked for permission to kiss me.
“You’re scaring me. What happened?” I ask.
“Just let me kiss you, and I’ll tell you everything.”
“Why?”
“Because it might be the last time you let me kiss you.”
Confused and petrified, I grab the back of his head and bring his lips to mine. I kiss him with everything I have. I kiss him to reassure him that whatever is going on, we will handle it together. I kiss him like it could be the last kiss we ever share.
He lifts me off my feet, kicks the door shut behind him and walks us up the steps to my apartment without breaking the kiss. When we make it to my couch, he disengages, lets me go and takes a step back.
“Sit down, baby.”
I do as he said, and I wait as he takes the puppies and puts them in the bathroom, closing the door.
“I’m guessing we aren’t going to Elle’s?”
He shakes his head.
Then, he opens his mouth and shatters my world.
I sit on the couch, holding George to my chest.
A baby.
The phone rings for the third time in the last ten minutes.
I know it’s Elle without looking. I texted her earlier that we weren’t coming. I gave her no explanation. No follow-up. I knew that wouldn’t fly, but I just don’t have the strength to tell my friends that I’m here once again. After I promised myself I’d never let my heart get ground to dust like before.
George keeps raising her head and licking away my tears. She never lets me hold her like this anymore. When she first came home with me, we cuddled all the time. Now, she’s too curious and independent to be held, but tonight, she knows somehow that her soft fur and her sweet puppy breath are all that is holding me together.
Foster is going to be a father in February. His ex-wife—correction: his wife—is pregnant with their child.
I run my hand over George’s head.
“I should have listened to that voice that told me the only relationship I needed was a baby dog.”
She brings her big brown eyes to mine, and she tilts her head like she understands me.
“I’m sorry you lost your brother. I bet you’re going to wonder where he went. That’s my fault. I shouldn’t have let you get so attached.”
I start to cry again.
“It’s going to be hard, I know, but we’re tough girls. We can do hard things. And we are not the kind of girls that would be responsible for keeping a family apart. No, we are not. We’re just fine by ourselves. Aren’t we?”
She stands in my lap and starts wagging her tail and barking her agreement.
“Damn straight we are.”
No more. I’m truly done with love.
Foster
“I’m going to be an uncle?” Truett asks.
“Yep.”
He removes his ball cap and scratches his head. “I’m going to be an uncle. Shit. I’m going to have to get way cooler really fast.”
“I think you have a little time,” I assure him.
He whistles. “Got to tell you, brother, this was not the news I thought I’d hear this morning. When you said you had something to tell me, I honestly thought you had bought Sonia a ring or something like that.”
I throw the shovel in the back of the truck and slam the tailgate shut. “That’s not going to happen.”
“Why not?” he asks.
“She got spooked.”
“Ah, man, about the baby?” he asks.
“Yep,” I say.
We climb into the truck and head back to the ranch.
“Give her time. She’ll sort herself out,” he says.
I scoff, “I don’t think so. She made that clear when she told me to leave last night.”
“So, you’re just going to give up? I thought you loved her,” he presses.
“It’s complicated now,” I tell him.
Shit, I haven’t even had time to process the past twenty-four hours, and the last thing I need is my little brother trying to give me advice.
“I get that. It isn’t very easy. Put yourself in her shoes. What would you have done if she had told you that she was five months pregnant with her ex-husband’s kid? I bet you wouldn’t have jumped up and down in glee either. That’s a lot to chew on. But Sonia is a good woman, and if she loves you, then once she has time to think things through, she’ll come around, and you two can figure it out together.”
I start mulling what he said over in my mind. How would I react if she were pregnant? That would be different, right? She’d be carrying a baby in her body. That would be a completely different scenario.
No, it wouldn’t.
Fuck, Truett is right. It is the same thing.
“You look like shit, by the way,” he adds. And he’s back.
“It’s not like I got any sleep last night, Truett.”
“Why not? I don’t see how being an irritable ass is going to help the situation. You might as well get some rest, and then maybe you’ll be in a proper state of mind to know what to do,” he snaps.
He turns to the window, and I know he’s pouting.
I elbow his side, and he scowls at me.
“An irritable ass, huh?”
“Well, you’re not exactly a ray of sunshine at the moment.”
That makes me laugh.
“Stop being a rational voice of reason. It’s freaking me out,” I tell him.
“To be honest, it’s freaking me out too,” he admits.
Myer and I spend the afternoon removing a couple of dead trees that were in danger of falling and taking out the ranch’s loafing shed.
I take all my frustrations out with a chain saw and ax.
“You want to talk about it?” Myer asks as he throws more branches into the wood chipper.
“Talk about what?” I ask.
“Whatever has you going all Leatherface on those trees.”
“Not really.”
“Okay, I can respect that. Just try not to take out any of your limbs—or mine—with that thing,” he says before pulling his goggles back down and heading for the second tree.
“Wendy’s pregnant,” I blurt out.
He stops and turns back to me.
“Come again?”
“It’s mine.”
“Oh shit. How did you take that news?” he asks.
I shrug.
“You’re going to be a father. Surely, you have some thoughts on that,” he says.
“I don’t hate the idea. I’ve always wanted kids. It just wasn’t a part of the plan yet.”
“I bet. For what it’s worth, I’m of the babies are always a blessing school of thought myself,” he offers.
“Yeah, well, it’s not an ideal situation to be dragging a kid into.”
“Kids are resilient. They don’t need perfection. They just need to be loved,” he assures me.
“I can do that.”
“And Sonia?” he asks.
“Not so sure she can do it,” I tell him.
“That’s a tough one. She’s had a lot of her own shit to deal with the past couple of years. I’m sure, in her eyes, it seemed like it was just another thing coming at her.”
“I know. It broke my heart to tell her. The look on her face—it was something I never imagined me causing. Raw pain,” I confess.
“Give her time. Sonia’s a smart and compassionate woman. She’ll come around. Do you need a couple of days off to deal with all that shit?” he asks.
He’s a fucking good boss.
“Nah, man. It’s better for me to be out here, busting up trees, than sitting around, stuck in my own head.”
“If that changes, you just say the word.”
“Thanks, man.”
Sonia
I make my rounds and go through the motions out of sheer will. I hate it. I like being present for the people I give care to. I never want to treat them like they are just another thing I’m checking off my to-do list
for the day.
When I make it home, Elle’s car is in front of my door.
I’d get upset, but if the situation were reversed, I’d have chased her down on her job this morning.
I park beside her and roll my window down.
Both she and Bells are in the car.
“Go change out of your scrubs,” Elle orders.
“Why?”
“Because your besties are taking you on an adventure,” she informs me.
I sigh. I know putting up a fight is futile. I get out of the car and walk to my door.
“I’ll be right back,” I call over my shoulder.
“Where are we going?” I ask from the backseat after we dropped George off at the shop with Momma.
These two nutbags practically kidnapped me, and I have no idea what they have up their sleeves.
Neither has mentioned Foster or last night. I know they are just waiting me out to see how long it will take me to open up.
I’m being stubborn and petty by not talking to them.
“We are meeting Sophie, Charlotte, and Dallas at a vineyard, where Sophie and Charlotte are having a photo shoot for a magazine ad,” Bells says.
Sophie and Charlotte used to own a jewelry design company. Charlotte ran the office, and Sophie was the creative mind. They sold a majority stake to a large conglomerate earlier this year, but they are still the face of the brand.
“Wonderful,” I snap. The last thing I want is to be social at the moment.
When we arrive at the vineyard, they already have a table inside, and the staff has set up tasting flights at each seat.
Charlotte waves us over.
“You guys have some catching up to do. We’re already on our third flight,” she says before picking up one of the small tasting glasses from the oak holder and sipping the white wine. “Mmm, I like this one. Which one is it?”
Sophie leans over and points to a selection on her wine tasting sheet.
“That’s a big fat yes!” Charlotte says as she places a check mark beside the name.
I take a seat between Bells and Elle, and the server comes by and hands us each a tasting sheet and explains which flight we are starting with. As she turns to walk away, I reach out and grab her elbow.
“Can I get a glass of your favorite cabernet?” I ask.
“Of course. I’ll be right back with that.”
I turn back to the table, and they are all looking at me.
“What?” I ask and then promptly burst into sobs.
“That didn’t take as long as I’d thought,” Dallas says.
“Do you guys know everything?” I ask as I take the tissue from Bells’s hand.
“Yep. Foster told Myer, Myer told me at lunch, and I called Bells. Now, we’re all drinking overpriced wine on some company that bought their company’s dime,” Dallas says as she tilts her head to Sophie and Charlotte.
“So, you dumped him, huh?” Charlotte asks.
“I know it sounds shallow and a bit selfish, but when I get pregnant and am experiencing all those things for the first time, I want my partner to be experiencing them with me. Hearing the heartbeat for the first time, seeing the ultrasound, holding my hand when I’m in labor,” I tell them.
“It doesn’t sound shallow. I think that’s what every girl hopes for, and in a perfect world, that’s how it would work, but I won’t be the first woman Brandt stands in front of an altar with. I’ll be making those vows for the first time and hopefully the last, but he has made those promises before. Does that mean his love for me is somehow less than? Will it make our wedding less special?” Bells asks, before picking up her glass of wine and pointing it toward me.
“No it does not,” she answers herself.
“Yeah, if we all gave up, if our happiness didn’t come in the ideal box, then I’d never have given Myer a chance. And he might not have been in the room when Beau was born, but that didn’t make the moment we watched Faith come into this world any less magical for either of us, nor does it mean Myer loves Beau any less,” Dallas adds.
“I won’t be the first woman to come to Walker with a positive pregnancy test,” Elle chimes in.
“I’ll never come to Payne with one,” Charlotte utters.
I look around at my friends. All of them are blissfully happy. All of them have overcome their own obstacles to get there.
“See, every story is different. No one’s happily ever after comes wrapped up with a pretty little bow on top. Those stories happen in books and movies. Real life is messy, and it throws you curveball after curveball. But if you find love—real love—you can get through anything together, and the thing that you think is insurmountable might end up being the thing that brings you the most joy,” Bells states.
“Every happily ever after starts messy, but it’s that ever after part that makes it all worth it,” Elle agrees.
Foster
“I’m done, guys. Hopefully, it won’t take long, and I’ll be back by three,” I tell Myer and Truett.
I’m getting divorced today. Wendy decided to stop holding up the process and called me last night to ask me to meet her at the lawyer’s office this afternoon to hash out the last of the details.
“I can’t believe it’s finally happening. We should throw you one of those divorce parties,” Truett suggests.
“What the hell is a divorce party?” Myer asks.
“I saw it on TV. Girls get together and have a party, where they get drunk and burn the wedding dress. There’s cake and shit,” he explains.
“That’s a real thing?”
“Yep.”
“I’m not having any party,” I tell my brother.
“You’re no fun. I’m going to the bakery to get cupcakes for lunch.”
“Good. I need you to take Faith’s car seat to Dallas,” Myer says.
“Then, I’m having free cupcakes for lunch.”
Wendy and I meet at the lawyer’s office to end our marriage, and I sign the house over to her.
It’s strange how a decade of back-and-forth and fighting and making up, just to fight again, can all be resolved in a fifteen-minute meeting.
“I have a doctor’s appointment this week. They’re doing an ultrasound, and Gator is going with me. I’ll have the doctor print the photos and get them to you,” Wendy informs me as we walk out to the parking lot.
“Thanks, and just have the doctor send all your billing statements to me. I’ll take care of those.”
“I appreciate it. And thank you for keeping me on your insurance until after the birth. Hopefully, I’ll be on my feet and able to get my own by then,” she says.
“Sounds good.”
She clutches my elbow. “I’ve decided to sell the house. I had a realtor come over to look at it, and he thinks that after paying the mortgage off, I’ll bank about fifty thousand dollars. I’m going to move in with Gator for a while and go to cosmetology school. Janelle thinks I have potential, and she said if I stay in town after I finish school, she would even add a booth for me at the salon,” she tells me of her plans.
“That’s a great idea,” I encourage.
“I’m still not sure if I’ll stay forever or if I’ll go,” she says.
“You don’t have to know today. Just put one foot in front of the other and take it day by day,” I assure her.
She nods. “You do the same.”
“I’m trying,” I mutter.
“What’s wrong? I thought all of this would make you happy. Instead, you look like someone kicked your puppy. It’s annoying,” she snaps.
There’s the Wendy I know.
“I have a lot on my mind, Wendy. My relationship is over. I’m about to be a father. It’s heavy.”
“She dumped you? Why? I signed the papers.”
“It probably has to do with the about to be a father part.”
“That’s stupid. I’d think the married part was more important, but what do I know? I’m a homeless, knocked-up, single bar waitress … not exactly an exp
ert at life.”
That makes me burst out laughing. I like this version of Wendy.
Sonia
I took the day off work today.
Does being heartsick count as a sick day? It should.
I slept in with George, which I haven’t done in ages. I let her out of her crate and into my bed for the first time. I figured it had been a rough couple of days for us both, so we deserved it.
Momma had called last night, and I gave her the abbreviated version of events. She wanted to come right over, but she sounded so tired, and I’d had a lot to think about after my discussion with the girls last night.
Am I being unfair?
My mind and heart are such a jumbled mess right now that I don’t know up from down at the moment.
George is lying on the pillow beside me. Her big brown eyes staring at me like there is nothing she’d rather do than be with me.
Why did I wait so long to adopt a puppy?
“I think a little Maw-Maw love is just what we need. Do you want to take her lunch?” I ask George.
She lets out a long, lazy yawn as she stretches her front paws. Then, she settles on my shoulder.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
I get up and get dressed and feed George. Then, I call in a to-go order of sandwiches and cupcakes to Dallas.
“Good afternoon, Dallas,” I greet as we come through the bakery’s door.
“Hi. I’ll have your order up in a minute. The sandwiches are still in the oven. You want a drink or something?” she asks.
“I’ll take a cup of coffee.”
She pours us each a mug, and we both sit at the counter.
“You look better than you did yesterday,” she observes.
“I feel a bit better. I got some sleep, and I took the day off to spend with George and Momma.”
“I hope you’ve thought about what we said last night. I know you were blindsided. Foster was too.”
I set the cup down and turn to her. “It’s just a lot, you know? I wasn’t even sure I was ready to start a new relationship. Then, Foster came along, and it was like he erased all that bad stuff. I was happy, but when he came in and told me about the baby, it all came flooding back, not just that one thing. All of it. It was like a dam broke, and now, I’m drowning.”