Who am I kidding? I’ll never be a man good enough for Lilith. She’s suffered enough. She’s seen too much to be saddled with someone like me. Sighing, I slide down the tree, the bark scratching my back. My arse hits the ground, and I lean my head against the trunk, watching the river flow by.
I think of Grim and Sassa, Einarr and Thyra, and I slam my head against the tree. An emotion I’m not used to washes over me. I’m envious. I’m so fucking envious. I want what they have, but I only want it with Lilith. How can I have it if I’m nothing to her? What If I stay by her side like I promised, and I grow to love her more, but she falls in love with someone else? What then?
Life was so much easier before she came back. I don’t mean it in the sense that I don’t appreciate that she isn’t here, I do. Before, when I thought she was dead, I knew my purpose here. I knew my path. It was easy. Get up, train, fight, repeat. Go on missions. Go to other towns. Protect the kingdom. Kill if needed. My job was simple. If I wanted sex, I had it. I knew life would never give me another chance of having a woman like Lilith again.
And now… and now I’m just a distant memory to her, while she has always been at the forefront of mine.
A woman’s giggle and a man’s low growl filter through the trees, and when I stand up, I’m face to face with a shirtless Lord Grimkael and a flushed Sassa.
“Lord Grimkael,” I fall to my knee, feeling a bit ashamed that I am intruding on their special spot.
“What are you doing here, Wulf?” his voice is low and threatening.
I lift my eyes to see him push Sassa behind him, protecting her. Just like a good man should. “I’m sorry, my Lord. I needed some air, and I took a walk. I found myself here. I’ll leave immediately.” I can only leave once he says I can. Rules are rules.
His sword lifts my chin, and I grit my teeth when I see pity in his eyes. I do not want to be pitied. It’s an insult. “You are hurt because she does not know who you are. Stand, Wulf.”
I do as he says and lift my head to meet his. Sassa is beside him now, looking at me with empathy.
“Aye, my Lord.” I don’t tell him I was thinking of making a trip to see my brother to see what he would say about all this. He would remember Lilith, and then he would probably smack me over the head for second-guessing it. It can only be fate that brought her back to me, and even though fate can be very cruel, she can be very kind too.
“Go back to her, Wulf. You’ll find everything you need to know there,” Lord Grimkael orders, sheathing his sword.
He’s wrong, but I don’t dare say that. That would get me killed. The only thing waiting for me back in the medical corridor is earth shattering disappointment and a lifetime of heartaches.
“Wulf,” Lady Sassa’s voice stops me in my tracks when I go to leave.
“Aye, Lady Sassa?”
“You get a second chance to make her fall in love with you again. Do not waste it, thinking about what ifs. What ifs are no way to live life.”
Lord Grimkael smiles, pride shining through his eyes as he throws his arm around his wife. “Aye, what my Lady said.” He nods, turning her into his arms. I notice the look on his face, for I have felt it many times before.
That’s my cue to leave.
“You’re so sexy when you speak,” he growls louder than he thinks, and it makes her giggle.
I high tail it out of there, leaving the happy couple behind, and head back to the castle. The whole time, Lady Sassa’s words repeat in my head. I never thought of it as a second chance. I thought if Lilith ever came back, I convinced myself we would start where we left off, but how foolish is that?
Lady Sassa is right. It’s a second chance to try and have Lilith fall in love with me. We can make memories again, and if she remembers something, anything, wonderful. If she doesn’t, I’ll remember for the both of us. As long as I have her love, I’ll be okay.
How can I have a woman with no memory of anything fall in love with me?
Chapter Five
Lilith
Blurriness greets my vision when I open my eyes. I slowly blink away the sleep, trying to focus on something other than the sunlight coming through the windows. I lift a hand and hiss. I hate mornings. I don’t remember if I hate mornings, but right now, I know that the new me is very much against them.
“You’re up.”
The deep voice wakes me up a bit more, making the morning a little easier to handle when I hear the rough timbre of Wulf’s voice.
“You’re here,” I say. My voice comes out as a whisper. I can’t seem to make myself any louder. My throat still burns when I raise my voice too much.
“I said I would be, didn’t I?” He reaches his hand toward my face and runs his knuckles down my cheek. “I’m a man of my word.”
My eyes flutter shut, his touch familiar, and my heart ignites, beating quicker, and my skin warming. It all feels familiar like I’ve felt it a thousand times before. All I have is how I feel. All I have are my instincts guiding me, and if I don’t trust them, then I’m doomed.
I’m going to listen to myself when it comes to Wulf. I may not remember him, but I believe my heart does, my soul does, and I’m going to let it guide me.
“You did say that, but I thought you were just trying to make me feel better.”
“A part of me was,” he says with a bit of disdain. I can’t tell if it is toward me or not, so I lean away from his massive hand, missing his touch already.
“And? What changed?”
“I did,” he sighs, placing his hand on his thighs before he gets up. That’s when I notice how massive he really is.
I gape at him with an open mouth as he looks into another direction. He is standing tall and broad, a layer of armor resting over his already thick muscular body. I take my time staring at him. His wild brown hair is pulled back into a braid, and his beard seems a little unkept, matching the rest of the expression on his face. The dark circles around his eyes lets me know he had a late night. Maybe a wild one.
The thought of him with another woman has jealousy rearing its ugly head to the surface. I have no right to be upset if he found company with someone else, but for some reason, a feeling of betrayal sinks into me. He turns those piercing blue eyes at me, and my lip trembles slightly, but I hold my emotions in. He will get alarmed and try to comfort me, and I’m confused enough as it is. If he touches me, my heart will overrule my mind, and clarity is my goal for the day.
So I hold everything in.
“I must leave. I’ll be back later. Do not worry.”
“What?” I raise my voice in shock and try to lift myself out of the bed, but my arms give out, and I flop back on the bed in a useless heap.
“Shh, don’t force yourself like that. You will get up when you’re ready and healed.” He brings the blanket over my breasts and runs his calloused knuckles down my cheek again. I love it when he does that.
“You… you can’t go. You can’t just leave,” I start to panic, and my breaths come quicker. “You said you’d be here.” My body starts to tremble. I have no idea why. I have this need to be close to him. If he isn’t here, who will keep me safe? “You protect me. If you go, th-they could come back,” I stutter. “You said you wouldn’t go. Don’t go.”
“Angel, listen to me,” his voice booms, becoming authoritative as he takes my face in his hands. My eyes start to swim with tears, but I never take my gaze off his. “No one can get in here. No one can hurt you here. You are safe. There are warriors posted outside these doors and every corner of the castle. Nothing shall come to harm you, I promise. I’ve made good on my promises so far, haven’t I?” His thumb grazes over my cheekbone, showing tenderness.
“Yes, but—” I grab his wrist with my hand, and my fingers don’t even touch because his wrist is so big.
“No buts. I’d never let anything hurt you, not again. Aye? I’ll be back soon. Half a day at most.”
“Don’t go. Have someone else go.” I can’t believe I’m begging, but if he goes, I wo
n’t feel safe. I can’t run away if the Jackals come. I’m not physically strong enough.
“I can’t. The reason I’m going has to do with you. No one here knows you like I know you, Angel.”
“Wha—for me? Well, the best thing you can do is stay here. That’s what I want more than anything.” I dig my nails into his skin, but he doesn’t wince. He uses the same arm that I’m latched onto and lifts me up, but before the stretch hurts me, he wraps his other arm around my waist, lifting me until I’m in his arms, and he is carrying me.
“What in the goddess—” Leiva runs through the door with her skirt bunched in her hands, so she doesn’t trip. “Beowulf Denholm, you better put down my patient right now, or I shall sick Trident on you.”
“Oh, come on, Leiva. Why can’t she come with me? I’ll hold her the entire way. She shall come back just as she left.”
Beowulf. Beowulf. I know that name. “Beowulf,” I whisper into his chest, loving how the name sounds on my tongue. It’s different. When he turns his head, it’s hard for him to see when he looks down because of how close I am. So I lean back, staring at him like he is another person.
“Beowulf.” My brows pinch together at how recognizable it sounds.
“Lilith, what is it?” he asks.
“I’m never calling you Wulf again,” I smile.
He rolls his eyes and lays me back down on the bed, tucking the covers under my chin like he always does. He searches my eyes for something, anything, and I’m not sure if he finds what he is looking for, but the left side of his mouth tilts up.
“That’s what you said the first time you found out my full name. And you followed through. You never called me Wulf again, no matter how many times I begged.”
“Well, I suppose I don’t change much, do I?” I say with a yawn.
“I suppose not,” he kisses my forehead, and both of us sigh at the same time. “I’ll be back soon. Leiva is right. You are in no condition to travel. It was unwise of me to even think it.” He hangs in his head, ashamed and disappointed in himself. “It would have put you in danger.”
“Yes, it was. And yes, it would have,” Leiva agrees as she makes the bed next to me, giving Beowulf a look of disapproval.
“Beowulf,” I whisper, and he comes closer. I love how big his eyes get when I say his name. It’s true happiness, but he is waiting for me to tell him I remember him, and I can’t. All I can do is tell him how it makes me feel because feelings can’t be wrong.
“Aye, Lilith?” His voice gets deep, and it stays soft when he says my name. I can listen to his voice all day, enjoying the raspy timbre.
“Your name sounds familiar to me.”
“It should. You’ve said it a thousand times in your life,” he teases.
“It makes me feel safe,” I admit, holding my hand over my heart. “Please, don’t go. Can’t whatever you are doing wait?”
“No, Angel. It can’t. I’ll be back before you know it. How about you go back to sleep. I wager I’ll be here by the time you wake up.” His lips fall to my forehead again, giving me a sweet kiss goodbye.
I know I won’t be able to stop him this time. When he pulls his lips away, I hold back a whimper and follow them for a second, a bit dazed from having his mouth on me, even if it is just a peck to the forehead. They are so warm and soft, which is unexpected coming from a man like him.
I like how he is a walking contradiction; to me he is anyway. All big, bad, ready to kill, but with me, he is different. Softer. How can I not believe him when he calls to my heart?
“Be safe, Beowulf.”
“Just Wulf.”
“Just no way am I calling you anything other than Beowulf,” I say through a yawn. Maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t go with him. I’m exhausted.
He tsks and takes a step back. “Always a pain in my ass.”
“Always,” I whisper before my lids are weighted shut, and I drift to darkness.
It’s cold. Everything around me is damp. My feet are tender and raw from being barefoot against the wet floor, covered in mud and grime. My palms bleed from gripping the bars of the cell all day and night, pulling and pushing against them to try and get free. It’s not like I could go anywhere anyway. There are iron cuffs around my ankles.
No one can help me here.
“Blondie,” the man singsongs, his voice echoing down the hall.
I shake my head and walk backwards to try and get away from the front of the cell until my back hits the wall.
He whistles as he gets closer, cackling every few seconds. “Blondie,” he sings again.
Tears fall down my raw, bruised cheeks when a shadow of a man stands in front of the cell with a whip in his hand.
“Hey, blondie. Ready for our night of fun?”
He flicks his wrist. The whip cracks in the air, causing me to jump. I imagine it hitting against my back.
Only one savior comes to mind, and I’m afraid he will never find me. If he does, it’ll be too late. I’ll be someone beyond recognition.
“Beowulf,” I whisper a quiet plea as the man unlocks the door to the dungeon, cracking the whip once again.
“Beowulf!” I scream at the top of my lungs, jolting myself forward from a deep sleep.
“Lilith, I’m here. I’m right here, Angel. Shhh, it’s okay,” Beowulf croons and sits on bed next to me, wrapping his arms around my frail body. “Breathe. You’re safe. You’re safe here. You’re in my arms.”
“Beowulf,” I wail as loud as I can and cry into his chest. That wasn’t a dream. It was too real to be a dream.
“I’m here, Angel. I’m here.”
I clutch onto his shirt and let the fear out. The sobs, the cries that leave my chest are almost not human. I soak his shirt with my tears, and when he moves, I grab onto him harder and shake my head, silently begging him not to go anywhere. I choke and gasp, clawing at his body for safety.
“Beowulf,” I repeat, broken.
“I’m here.”
“You—weren’t—there,” I manage out through stuttered breaths.
He turns and lays me back against the bed, fear and worry etched on his face. “What? Where, Lilith?”
“You weren’t there. I called for you, and you weren’t there. I prayed to the goddess, and you weren’t there.” I cover my face with my hands when the crack of the whip lashes in my mind.
He takes my hands away from my face, and when I look into his eyes, I notice how red-rimmed and glossy they are. “Where? Where did you call for me? I’m here with you. Talk to me, please. You’re killing me, Angel.”
“I had a dream, but I think it was a memory. A man came by every night and whipped me. I’d call out for you. That’s all I know. I only know I called out for you, but I can’t remember you, but in my most frightening time, I wanted you. Where were you?”
A tear leaves his eye. It falls off his face onto mine. He shakes his head, his thick hair fanning over us like a veil. It’s private, and I’m locked into his gaze. It’s only us.
“I searched for you for five years. Five whole years, Angel. I searched everywhere. I thought you were dead. I’ve mourned you every day since the day you left. I wish I could have heard you call for me. I would have given my life to find you. I’m sorry they hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
“Why did I want you?” I ask with a sniffle.
“Because—” he takes my hand and places it against his chest. “I make you feel safe, just like you make me feel.”
“I’m frightened.”
He moves to the side, and I curl into his massive body, breathing in his musky scent. Nothing has ever smelled better, so warm and welcoming. My breath starts to even, and my eyes shut again, listening to his heartbeat. It’s strong and steady, a beautiful song lulling me to sleep, but I’m too afraid to dream again.
“I’m here, Lilith. Call for me again, and I’ll be right here.”
“Promise?”
“I swear on my life,” he says, running his fingers through my hair.
&
nbsp; “I think I loved you in my other life, Beowulf,” I mumble half asleep, wondering if, by any chance, he loved me too, before I fall into a peaceful slumber without dreams of dark memories.
Chapter Six
Beowulf
Calling out for me in real life is one thing, calling out for me in her dreams is another. It has wrecked me on the inside. Once she fell asleep again, I dug my fingers deep in my eye sockets to keep the damn emotions in. I’ve done well stuffing all my feelings in a damn box and shoving them to the side, but now that she is here and back in my arms, the box has exploded, booming fucking shit I don’t know how to deal with right now.
I had just gotten back from going down to the village and buying her something to wear when I heard her calling my name from the castle. I had just hopped off my horse when I heard her scream my name.
I have never run so fast in my life. I got to her just in time before she woke up and sobbed into my chest.
“Wulf?”
Trident’s voice is low, and I know he is trying to whisper, but it causes Lilith to stir.
Sighing, I pinch my lips together. I’m not in the mood for Trident.
“Not here,” I mouth and pull away from Lilith, carefully crawling out of her tight embrace. She grumbles something in her sleep and turns over, her beautiful blonde hair splaying against the pillow. I want to bury my face in it and inhale, drowning myself over and over in the natural scent of sunshine that still radiates off her.
Reluctantly, I turn to the side to get by Trident and give the man my back, giving him the one opportunity to get his revenge. “How’s it going?” he asks when we are out of earshot of Leiva.
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