“This is delicious.” I reach for the buttermilk next and take a big gulp, too big, and it drips down my chin.
“Goodness. Slow down, or you shall make yourself sick,” Leiva scolds, taking the milk from my hand. “Take a breath.”
I wipe my mouth on the back of my hand. “Sorry. It’s so good.”
“It will be there. Take your time.” She waits until I agree to hand me the cup back. This time I take a small sip and place it on the nightstand. I do what she says since she is watching me and eat my soup a bit slower.
I dip my bread into the stew. It soaks up all the savoury goodness, and I nearly shove the entire piece into my mouth. I slide my eyes to Leiva with a bit of guilt, who is standing with her arms crossed. She gives up and rolls her eyes, flapping her hands at me in dismissal, and struts away.
In a few minutes, I’m scraping my bowl. I wish it would magically refill. I chug the buttermilk down and set the empty plates aside. I’m alone. I can’t help but wonder what Beowulf is doing. It isn’t like him to be gone so long.
“Right, are you ready to try walking, dear?” Leiva wipes her hands on her apron while standing next to me.
I’m not. I don’t want to walk out of the castle without wearing the gown Beowulf got me. “I’ll go on one condition.”
“The one condition cannot be to get you stronger?” she asks, yanking the blanket back from my body.
I shake my head with a small laugh and bite my bottom lip. I dart my eyes to the beautiful dress. My skin aches to have the soft material of the velvet against me. “I want to change into this dress,” I lift my arm to point at the sapphire blue dress taking up the seat Beowulf usually occupies.
“I see. How about I braid your hair first? We will make it a genuine outing and get some fresh air.”
“Oh, I’d love that. Please.” I sit up and swing my legs over the bed, ready to get out of this room. I hope Beowulf is out there when I get up, so he can see I’m not all bedridden and useless.
Leiva starts with my hair and grabs a comb. She disappears behind me, and my eyes shut as the wooden bristles softly scrape my scalp. There are tangles, but it doesn’t hurt. It feels good. Section by section, Leiva makes my hair beautiful again. I’m nearly asleep by the time she is done. She places the long braid over my shoulder, and I run my fingers down the ridges of the soft silky strands. It actually looks lovely.
“Thank you,” I choke out through emotion. Everyone here has been so kind. I’ve been nothing but a nightmare. “You have no idea how this makes me feel.”
“Oh, sweetie. If I would have known how much that would have lightened up those spirits of yours, I would have done it days ago. Up now, let’s get this dress on.”
I stand by myself for the first time in days and smile when I don’t fall over. I’m proud of myself. It may seem like a small step for others, but for me, it’s a big step into what my future holds.
“Well, this is just gorgeous. I never thought Wulf had such lovely taste,” Leiva teases, running her palms over the front of the dress.
“He is sweet. There is more to him than just brute strength,” I say a bit defensively. Even though Beowulf’s strength is very… appealing to me, there is more to him than battles and killing. He is kind and thoughtful. I’m starting to wonder if people choose not to see that about him, just so they can keep him in the box labeled ‘warrior.’
“I didn’t mean to make you upset. I only mean he is so big and gruff. He nearly grunts answers whenever he is asked a question.”
“He doesn’t grunt at me,” I mumble as she pulls the dress over my head.
“Well of course he doesn’t. It’s you. He seems to save all of his best qualities for you and you only.” Leiva has a knowing gleam in her eye, the same one I feel in my heart. I just wish my mind would catch up with it already. I want to remember.
No, I must. I must and I shall.
“Wow,” Leiva marvels with a bright smile. “He did wonderfully. You look stunning. Let me show you.” Leiva slides her arm through mine to help me walk to the nearby mirror.
What I see makes me gasp. My hand covers my mouth as I stare at the woman in front of me. I hardly recognize her. She actually looks… pretty. Not run down and defeated. No, she is healing, getting stronger, braver, and more confident. The transition is slow, but I know I can do it. I refuse to let fear sicken me like the poison it is.
“Oh, it’s beautiful.” Slowly, I run my hands down my torso and wince. I am still too thin. I’ve lost too much weight, but that will get fixed in time.
Leiva takes my arm and guides me to the doors. The doors that will lead me out of this room and into the sunlight. The portal to a new journey. But I don’t move. For some reason, my feet are glued to the floor, staring at the large wooden doors like they are out to hurt me.
What if I don’t like what I see out there? Worse, what if Beowulf doesn’t like what he sees when he sees me? There are so many questions. I place my hand against my forehead, a bit faint and overwhelmed, but I’m determined to cross the doorway. I must, for my sanity.
“Are you alright?”
“I’m fine. Let’s do this,” I give a tired smile to my caretaker and take a shaky step forward, releasing a breath I wasn’t even aware I’ve been holding. I turn my head and smile at Leiva, proud that I took my first step.
“Good. Yes. This is a good start,” She matches my slow pace and takes a step with me. Soon, she opens the heavy doors, and for the first time, I see something other than the medical corridor.
My eyes widen as I glance around the impressive large foyer. “My goddess,” I whisper, hypnotized by the beauty surrounding me. To the left, a long, wide, spiraling staircase climbs the height of the tower. Under the staircase is an open door, it seems to be the kitchen from what I see laid upon the table. Fruits, breads, and meats. My stomach rumbles from the sight. I don’t care that I just ate. I want more. I’m starving.
Leiva must see my hungry stare because she laughs and pats my arm. “After the walk, we shall get you more food. I’m glad to see your appetite is coming back.”
“Me too,” I whisper, keeping my eyes ahead and chin up. I meet a few stares of certain warriors I’ve never seen before. I want to ask about Beowulf, but I keep my lips shut. When they give me a nod in a greeting, I give them a smile in return.
“Erik,” Leiva greets. “Please open the door for us. It is Lilith’s first day out.” She puffs her chest out with pride, and I don’t miss how Erik’s eyes drift down to her bosom for a moment.
“Of course, Leiva.” Erik gives a flirtatious smile, but Leiva doesn’t seem to notice. The man schools his features and stands straight, looking ahead again, and opens the door. But I see the disappointment in his eye. I wonder how long he has held an interest in Leiva. “Enjoy the day, Leiva and Lilith.”
“Thank you,” Leiva takes a step forward, but then I see it. The little side eye she gives Erik as we make our way down the steps. And of course, he didn’t see it because he wasn’t looking.
I shouldn’t spend energy on match making. I have my own problems to think about. We take another step, and another, the stone rubbing against my bare feet, and then I land in soft green grass. Tears prickle my eyes as I wiggle my toes in the lush landscape. It’s so soft. Leiva grabs a hold of my hand, and I bend down and take my free hand to touch the magnificent blades.
The sun bears down on me, warming my skin, and with my hand to the ground and my face to the sky, tears of pure joy run down my face. Everything feels so good. The sun is bright, and though it is cool outside, the fresh air fills my lungs. The grass smells fresh and earthy. I just want to lay in it forever as the sun basks me in its heat.
“Lilith, how do you feel?” Leiva asks.
“I feel wonderful, Leiva. This is so beautiful. How could anyone ever stay inside?”
“I’m not much for the sun. It makes my eyes hurt.”
“Probably because you are in the dark all the time,” I tease her. “And it doe
sn’t let you see that Sir Erik has an eye for you.”
Her cheeks blush, and she clears her throat, looking around to make sure no one heard me.
“That’s just preposterous.” She shakes her head and tucks a piece of imaginary hair behind her ear. Her hair is up in a tight bun. It must be a habit. She peeks over her shoulder and spins to look back at me.
“He is looking at me. Oh, dear.” She tucks that piece of ‘hair’ again.
I fall over in fits of laughter when I see a hint of her youth shine through, but it’s mixed with this wise quality that makes her absolutely adorable.
“Goddess, I’ve missed seeing the sun on you.”
My laughter slowly diminishes when I recognize the voice that’s been keeping me waiting all morning.
Chapter Ten
Beowulf
I’m entranced.
The last time I saw something so beautiful was twelve years ago when she laid in the field of wildflowers. I’m taken to the past in an instant. She smiles wide from laughter, laying on the ground like she has always loved to do. She is slowly finding herself again. Even if she doesn’t know it, I do. Her blonde hair glows in the sunlight, coming back to life after seeing so much darkness.
When she notices my voice, she gets to her knees, and Leiva helps her up to her feet. Lilith is getting stronger every day. That’s my girl. I knew she would.
“Beowulf,” she says with surprise, brushing off the dirt from her dress. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
Guilt swims in me. I slept so much longer than I intended to. I needed time to regroup, and my body just let the exhaustion take me. Everyone thinks I’m indestructible, but they couldn’t be more wrong. I fall, just like everyone else.
“I’m sorry, Lilith. I’ve been sleeping. I didn’t mean to leave you for so long. You look beautiful. The sun is treating you right.”
She tilts her head and takes a step forward. “Say that again?”
“I’ve been sleeping—”
“—Not that. The other thing.”
“The sun is treating you right.”
She looks away from me, and she is deep in thought. Her eyes are glossed over with confusion. “You’ve said that to me before. When? Why does it sound so familiar?”
“Because I always said to you,” I admit and take a step forward, reaching my hand out for hers. Once our fingers touch, all the stress and worry I’ve felt disappears. Memories of us laughing and lying in the meadow rush through my mind. Her walking by me in the village when we were kids, but I couldn’t pay her any mind, so we would lock gazes until we were too far away from one another.
I never have to worry about her never being in my sight again. I’ll never let it happen. Even if she never loves me again, I know she is safe here.
“I said it to you every day, Lilith. I’d whisper it to you when I’d walk by the fruit stands in the village all those years ago, buying my weight in apples just so I could see you. I’d tell you when I’d see you in the meadow. I’d think it when I saw you in the sun, but you were talking to someone, and I couldn’t speak to you, not without alerting everyone what you meant to me.”
“And what did I mean to you, Beowulf?” she asks, taking another step closer to me. The buzzing energy between us gets stronger.
“I think you know the answer to that, Lilith,” I tell her, instead of telling her how madly in love I’ve always been with her. Instead of telling her how it’s always been her.
She seems like she wants to say something, anything, but Leiva interrupts us. “Lilith, you and Sir Wulf should go for a walk. It’s such a beautiful day. Wulf, just bring her back when she starts to feel weak.”
Lilith huffs when Leiva says she is weak. I run my knuckles down her soft cheek, knowing damn well she is anything but weak. “I’d like that if Lilith is up for a quick stroll?”
“I’d like that very much,” she says, a cherry hue tinting her cheeks as she glances away. Something about how she is so bashful with me makes my chest swell up. I want to pound on it like a caveman and roar to the world that it is me who makes her red in the cheeks. Me. No one else.
I hold out my arm, and her much smaller, skinnier one works its way through the crook of my elbow until her fingers wrap around my forearm. I bring my other hand on top of it, so I have a good hold of her. I want to make sure she will be safe. I don’t want her tripping and falling. Goddess, I’d never forgive myself.
With every step I take, I think of how she must be feeling, so I slow my strides to hers, letting her set the pace. It’s silent between us, but it isn’t awkward. If anything, it’s peaceful. I need to hear her voice, though.
“So, how was the castle this morning?” I ask, since I was not there, something I feel horrible about.
“Oh, it was amazing. Leiva brought me stew, bread, and a big cup of buttermilk. It was delicious. I’m starving now, actually. I’ve never been hungrier.”
“That’s good. You are healing. You need all the food you can get.” I come close to asking her to my cabin tonight. I’d hunt for fresh meat and cook it for her over a large, roaring fire. Perhaps a wild boar or deer. I’d get us some mead and she can fall asleep safe in the pile of furs I have.
But I keep the question to myself. Maybe she wouldn’t want to. I am but a stranger to her now. If anything, she may be fearful of me if she and I are alone. I don’t know what she’s been through. It causes pain, unlike anything I’ve ever felt, but in time, I know I will win her trust and love. She will see that she will be happy with me, cared for, and will never have to worry about safety again.
It’s what I hope for more than anything in the world.
“I hear you and your friend Trident are in rough waters,” she comments.
“Who did you hear that from?”
“People don’t think I’m listening when they are near, but they are my only source of entertainment,” she laughs.
“You always were an eavesdropper.”
“I am not!”
I lift a brow, wondering how she can even try to argue that with me.
She rolls her eyes. “Fine. Maybe a little.” Lilith holds her thumb and finger together until there is just the tiniest bit of space between them.
“That’s my Angel. Admitting her wrongs. I love it. I need to note this day, so I remember it forever.”
“Oh, you’re so dramatic.” She slaps my chest with the back of her hand. It reminds me of the good old days.
I stare at the side of her face, taking in her small button nose and long lashes. She stares ahead, but I know she can feel my penetrating gaze on her.
“What are you staring at?”
“Something utterly annoying,” I jab, knowing the words will set her off. I can’t help it. I love getting her riled up. I’ve missed her. I’ve missed how big her eyes get when she is upset. It’s cute. Adorable, actually.
Even after all these years, after everything that’s happened, she is still Lilith. My Lilith.
“I don’t have the energy to think of something witty to say back to you,” she heaves, slowing our pace even more.
I stop us in our tracks and grab her arms. I’m worried that I may have pushed her too far. She’s sweating, and her face is pale and drawn. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice how fatigued you are getting. I’m so sorry, Angel.”
“I’m my own woman, Beowulf. I know when I need to stop. I can keep going.”
“Absolutely not. We are done.” I lift her into my arms, enjoying the weight of her in my protective hold, and walk back to the castle with her head pressed against my chest.
“You’ve always been such a brute,” she mumbles, and the words take me by surprise.
I glance down to ask her what she is talking about, but she is sound asleep. I pull her tighter to my chest and inhale the sun in her hair.
“Goddess, you have no idea how much I love you,” I whisper so low, I doubt she can even hear me in her dreams.
“Wulf.”
I stop in my track
s and close my eyes, taking a deep breath to calm myself. I have Lilith in my arms, and people are around. I don’t want to wake her or start a fight.
“Trident,” I seethe, clutching Lilith tighter. There used to be a time where I would trust him with anything, but now, I’m not so sure.
“I just want to talk, please.”
“No,” I say it with finality and take a step forward, leaving Trident behind. It isn’t uncommon for everyone to run into each other here since everyone lives so close to the castle, or in it. But only the most trusted warriors live inside where the Lord and Lady live. Lord Grimkael’s asked me a hundred times to move in, but I want my space.
I know I’ll talk to Trident soon, but I want him nowhere near Lilith.
Abram comes running up to me.
“Sir Wulf!” he calls. “I got all that firewood! Should we start training now?”
I look down at Lilith, peacefully asleep in my arms, and then look back at him. “I can’t today. Lilith needs my attention. Go down to the wall and gather up bricks. I want you to carry five hundred of the largest boulders and bricks you can find to help with the construction of the wall. Keep count. Then come find me.”
Abram’s expression sours. “You promised you would train me, Wulf.”
“And I shall. I give you my word. Now go, do as I asked.”
“Yes, sir,” he groans, rubbing his certainly sore arms.
I watch him go off and chuckle to myself. The poor boy doesn’t even realize his training has already begun.
“Ah, Wulf. Glad I caught you,” Lord Grimkael strolls beside me, joining me in a brisk walk back to the castle.
Why am I in such demand lately? I miss the times where people left me the fuck alone. Now, I’m almost getting tired of hearing my own damn name, unless it’s off Lilith’s lips. That’s different.
“Lord Grimkael,” I greet, trying to sound enthusiastic, but a wee bit of annoyance comes out. Lilith buries her face deeper in my chest, and my frustration flees. I bury my nose in her hair and kiss the top of her head.
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