“Better,” I say to myself with relief. My mother loves big hair. The bigger the better, she says. I’d have to disagree with that. But on the other hand, I could make it big for the party and then the men wouldn’t talk to me.
“There’s that,” I mumble to myself with a small grin. They will think I’m a madwoman with hair like that. It will run them all off.
Oh, yes. That’s exactly what I’m going to do. I know for a fact that I do not want any of those men. It makes me wonder what the Aland woman that chose the Karsten man thought of all the nobility chasing her. She must not have loved it since she broke all traditions.
Secretly, I love the idea of a man fighting for me, but I’m too proud to admit that out loud. I want a man that wants me for me, not my status or wealth. I want none of this life. Everyone thinks I have everything, but no one realizes how cold and alone this way of life truly is. I’d trade it all to be with a simple, hardworking man. Have a cabin out in the middle of the woods or a beautiful field. No neighbors or anyone close by because we would only need each other. I’d rather live with a good man and his love than a greedy man and his hatred. I can’t imagine living with someone that didn’t love me. Loneliness would consume me.
I must stop thinking like that. Loneliness is going to be my new way of life. The dreaming must stop. There is no room for it in my future.
“Lady Sylvie?” comes a soft, high-pitched voice with the tiniest rap on the door. “It is time for your fitting.”
I groan. The stupid dress fitting. I’ve tried this dress on a hundred times. It fits fine. “It fits fine, Esmerelda. Please, I need time alone.”
“What do you wish for me to tell your mother, Lady Sylvie?”
“Tell her it fits.”
“Of course, Lady Sylvie,” Esmerelda agrees, leaving.
I have nearly a week before the party; there is no way I am trying on that dress yet again. Deciding I can’t stay in this room another minute without losing my mind; I decide to do what I always do when I’m stressed out. Maybe that will make me feel better.
I climb out my window, slide down the roof, and climb the rest of the way down. When my feet land on the grass, the familiar sound of armor clanking causes me to duck down, sidle to the other side of the wall, and press my back against it. I hold my breath, waiting for the guards to walk by and hope they don’t see me.
“It’s a shame Lady Sylvie isn’t allowed to date warriors. I’d fight for her hand,” comes a familiar voice. Julius, I believe.
I nearly gasp but clamp my hands over my mouth to stop any sounds from coming out. That’s interesting. I had no idea any of the men here were interested in me. My eyes widen when they finally walk by me, but I stay absolutely still. They are so close I can hear their breathing.
Don’t move, Sylvie. Don’t breathe.
“I wouldn’t. Can you imagine how high maintenance she probably is? She wouldn’t be happy off a warrior’s salary.”
I want to throw a rock at the other warrior. I don’t recognize his voice. Oh, how wrong he is about me! And rude. Is that what they truly think of me?
“I suppose you’re right,” Julius agrees.
No, no he is not right! Be better than him, Julius.
I wait until they pass, then peek my head above the wall. I watch as they walk side by side, taking a right at the end of the wall. The two men disappear, but my fury starts to build. I shouldn’t let what he said bother me, but it does. So much. I grab the sides of my nightie and run through the tall grass, trying to put what the warriors think behind me. No one knows me. Not really. Only Aya, and it seems she is going to be taken away from me soon, too.
Tears sting my eyes as I run. The hot sun bears down on me, warming my face, but unsuccessfully drying my tears. Sand cushions every step I take. Running becomes harder and harder, the deeper the sand gets. My feet sink into the soft grains, and the scent of the ocean grows stronger as I get closer. The waves crash against the shore, and white foam fizzes for a second behind, receding back into the depths of the sea.
I look left and right, checking to make sure I’m alone. I’m always alone. No one enjoys the wondrous, magical simplicity the ocean brings. I stand at the natural barrier, the one where the water stops, and the sand becomes wet. I let the saltwater tickle my feet as I stare out over the massive, dangerous, exquisite sight before me.
It’s impressive how the ocean appears to never end. It goes on and on, and beneath the frenzy of the waves are mysterious creatures that roam its cold, dark depths.
It’s quite beautiful.
I unbutton my gown and let it fall around my feet. I’m in my undergarments, the thin material barely covering all my curves. The wind blows, pinning the sheer material to my body. I step forward, letting the water surround my ankles. Goosebumps travel over my body from the cold water, but it feels good against the sweat beading on my skin. The late afternoon sun is blazing hot, hanging high in the cloudless sky, beaming down on the top of my head.
I take a deep breath and dive under, letting the sea soak into my core. There is nothing like putting your head completely under the water when it’s warm. It’s relieving. My body cools right away, and I breach the surface, taking a much-needed breath. I flop to my back, spread my arms out, shut my eyes, and let my body float along the waves. I wish I was a fish or a mermaid so I could sleep out here forever. I want to swim in the waves and explore the bottomless abyss. I want it to take me somewhere other than here.
“I knew I’d find you out here,” Aya says, floating next to me. This is why she is my best friend. She is the only girl in the kingdom that willingly has no issue ruining her undergarments and hair.
“Always am. I love the ocean. It’s freeing. It has no bounds.” I smile, bouncing from the buoyancy of the waves.
“What’s wrong? You’re only ever floating when something is wrong.”
Tears spring from my eyes, adding to the salt in the ocean. So much is wrong. Everything feels wrong. I’m living someone else’s life. “I don’t know where to start,” I sigh. My whole life feels so… doomed.
“Start from the beginning.”
But that’s the problem. Where is the beginning?
Chapter Six
Trident
I sip my ale, watching the flames roar to the sky. The couples are dancing around the fire to celebrate life. The hog is roasting, and my stomach growls, waiting for the meat to be done. Wulf and Lady Lilith laugh, Warlord Einarr and Lady Thyra kiss, and Lord Grimkael and Lady Sassa left a few minutes ago to do… well, it doesn’t take much to figure out what they are doing. It hits me harder that everyone is paired up and loving someone except me. I want someone to love. So fucking much that it hurts my stomach when I think about it.
And since my parents want me to focus on continuing one of the only warrior bloodlines left, it only makes the loneliness hit harder. They want to throw a party and invite all of the eligible women around. Except the Alands, of course. For some foolish reason, that rivalry is still going on, but I care for none of it.
I sigh, downing my ale and tossing the cup on the ground. With a low grunt, I stand and take one last look at the sight before me. Wulf is tossing is head back in laughter, and Lady Lilith is looking at him as if he makes her world spin.
I turn around and walk away. There’s no destination in mind. I’m just walking.
The night is beautiful and pitch black with stars twinkling by the millions. There’s no moon tonight, which is why the night seems darker than usual. The glowing light that usually illuminates everything is gone. It’s eerie yet beautiful.
The chill of night wraps around me as I stroll by the castle to the stables and approach Snow again. I’m in a trance as I get her ready. I’m not sure where I want to go or what I want to do, but I know I don’t want to say here.
“Let’s go, girl. This time, don’t throw me off. My arse is still bruised from that little stunt you pulled the other day.”
She flicks her tail, clearly annoye
d with me. “I know you don’t feel like doing this, but we are going to go on a little trip and get to know each other.”
Snow turns her neck to look at me and licks her black lips.
“Stop with the dramatics. I’m not that bad,” I cajole her. The saddle dips down with my foot when I place my boot in the stirrup and lift myself up and onto her back. “Come on, girl. Let’s go.”
She doesn’t move. I kick her sides again and click my tongue.
“Come on,” I urge.
Nothing.
I sigh, knowing I’m going to have to bribe a damn horse to move. “How about we stop at the apple tree, and I’ll pack some apples for the ride? I promise.” I lift my brows to my hairline and wait to see what she will do. She digs her hoof in the ground before she starts walking out of the stable. Well, I finally figured her out. She isn’t a horse I can tell what to do. “You’re a typical woman, aye?”
Snow flicks her ears back and stops moving.
“Oh, come on. I’m sorry. Right, go to the tree. I won’t say anything like that again. Will you please go?”
She waits a minute, pondering if listening to me is worth it.
But then she finally steps forward. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Of course, I’m the one stuck with the finnicky horse. Snow takes me right to the tree and stops, flicking her tail again when I don’t start immediately picking them. The sounds of drums and singing drift from the fire on the other side of the castle, but I don’t look back. I can’t look back. I need space.
Bending forward, I give her one, and she snatches the fruit right out of my hand. “For the ride. When we get to wherever we are going, I’ll give you more.”
Before I can go settle back on the saddle, the damn crazy beast bolts again. I grip the horn and hold on for dear life, trying to get seated as she takes me… somewhere.
Snow rides full speed for a long time before she slows and stops at the edge of a cliff. I don’t recognize this place. The sea is in the distance, almost bleeding into the sky.
I know where I want to go now.
“Do you know where the border is?” I can’t believe I’m talking to a horse.
Snow backs away from the edge of the cliff, and I’m stunned when she turns right in the direction of the border. “You’re impressive,” I murmur, smoothing my hand down her neck, her hide is soft and a bit sweaty from running for so long.
The pace she sets in slow, relaxing, and I can almost fall asleep, but I know I can’t. A million thoughts are running through my mind. It’s exhausting, but I don’t know another way to figure it out.
We ride like that for a long while as the sun sets. I lose track of time, and before I know it, the sun is coming up, sprinkling pinks and oranges along the horizon. It’s gorgeous.
It’s the kind of view a man needs to see before he dies. It’s one of a kind. A beauty that can’t be described, just seen.
We keep going until the sun is high in the sky, boiling us with heat, and until it sets again. When it’s finally dark, a sliver of the moon is out, and the border is ahead.
“This is a good stopping point,” I say to Snow, not bothering to pull on the reins. She stops on her own. Hopping off, I give her two apples and start getting our site ready. I’m not sure how long I’m going to be out here, so I want to be comfortable.
After making sure Snow is all set and the saddle is off, I build the tent and start looking for firewood. This is exactly what I need. Time to myself. It’s important for a man to keep his sanity. I just need to rest, and everything will be fine again. At least, that is what I’ll keep telling myself until I believe it.
I make my way into the woods and grab a few pieces of timber. It’s creepy in here, quiet; the only sounds are the slight crunch of leaves beneath my feet and the ever so often hoot of an owl in the distance. If I was a regular person, the hair on the back of my neck would stand up. I may not be trained for what lurks in the darkness, but I am trained, and I know there is nothing in these woods. I can feel it.
I bend down to grab a good-sized log but pause when I hear what sounds like laughter and splashing. That can’t be right. It’s too late for anyone to be out here. The sea, while gorgeous, is a tempting mistress. It will lure you in and take you away if you aren’t careful. I bend my knees, crouching, so I’m in more control of every step I take. The last thing I want is noise to alert whoever is in the ocean of my presence.
It’s dark and nearly impossible to see, but I push the branches away, sometimes walking right through them and gaining a scratch or two. It doesn’t matter. The closer I get to the lyrical sound of laughter, the more my heart soars. I’ve never heard anything like it. I close my eyes and let the splashes of the water mix with her voice. I’m so entranced that I don’t see where I’m going, and my foot slips on the edge of a cliff.
“Shite,” I whisper before tumbling down the rocky terrain. I must scrape against every rock and twig in the ground as I fall because my back is screaming by the time I slam into a boulder. Pain slices through my shoulder, but I hold my scream in. My face is hot from holding my breath. If I let it out, I’m afraid I’ll scream. Holy goddess, that fucking hurt. I flop to my stomach and let the cold dirt lay against my heated face. It feels so good.
“Hello? Is somebody there?” the woman asks, her beautiful voice full of concern. Her footsteps come closer, the rustle of sand giving her away.
I debate if I want to say anything to let her know I’m here, but if she is from here, then I might be considered the enemy. That could start a war. Or worse, if there are guards, I could get arrested. All things I’m not ready for.
“If you’re there, I can help you.”
But I could listen to her forever if fate allowed. I sit up, placing my back against the boulder, hissing when I realize I can’t lift my arm. I’ve popped my shoulder out of place again. Damn it. Damn it!
“Maybe I’m hearing things,” she whispers to herself, causing me to smile through the agonizing burn running down my arm. “Well, if you are hurt and choosing not to say anything, then you are a stupid, stupid man. Or woman, but I bet you’re a man because only men can be that stubborn. Perhaps, I’m talking to myself, which is also fine. I like my own company, but if I’m not talking to a rock, literally, then you are a fool. A big, silly, typical, man-fool.”
Man-fool. I mouth to myself, questioning if the woman with the hypnotizing laugh is mad.
“Well, I must be on my way, then. Good luck to you, or not, if you aren’t real.” The small sounds of steps on the sand get further away, letting me know she left me. My heart surges forward, hitting my chest to try and get free, telling me to follow her, that I’m being a damn fool for letting her get away.
But it’s for the best.
As quiet as I can, I take my belt off, fold the leather, and place it in my mouth. It isn’t the first time I’ve had to set my shoulder, and I know it won’t be the last. Taking a deep breath, I try and concentrate on anything other than the throbbing in my arm. I search for anything to think about and almost give up when I hear her laugh again, splashing in the water just behind this boulder. I lock onto that happiness and magic and let it be my medicine. Taking a deep breath, I put my other hand to my shoulder and don’t wait. I’m not the kind of man to count down. It’s going to hurt no matter what, and I’m never going to be ready, so no need to count to the inevitable.
I use the boulder as leverage and press my palm to where it hurts most and push. Pop. Oh, goddess, that fucking hurts, but I can breathe again.
I sit there a minute, trying to calm my raging heartbeat and gain control of my haggard lungs. My hands fall to the ground and dirt embeds in my nails, gritty and soft at the same time as the soil slides through my fingers. My eyes roll to the back of my head when I try and move. Damn, I don’t remember it hurting this bad.
I peek around the boulder and see a woman dancing in the sea, twirling and jumping and getting water all over her.
“She is mad,” I sa
y to myself. But I can’t get over how free she looks. I can only see the outline of her body, but what I see makes my heart race. Who the hell is this, and why is she unprotected? A man like me, if I wasn’t me, could hurt her. A lady such as this should never be alone.
Goddess, I can’t even remember the last time I was with a woman. I miss the softness of their bodies and the plush pillows of their breasts. Watching her move, swaying her hips when there is no music in the air, just the beating of the waves against the shore, makes my cock harden completely. All I can think about is marching over there, ripping her dress off, and dipping my cock into her wet, welcoming sheath.
I’m sure it wouldn’t be that easy. She isn’t a whore. I can tell by how she moves. She isn’t sexual with her movements. It’s just fun. Hell, I can’t fuck someone who isn’t loose. I don’t deserve to feel anything as good as she would feel. I watch her for a few more minutes, appreciating that I can simply witness her happiness
Reluctantly, I turn around and with one hand, climb up the cliff that got the best of me. I want nothing more than to turn around, get her, and make her mine, but I can’t. She doesn’t deserve someone as crude as me. She’s too free, too beautiful, too…everything, for the likes of someone like me.
Chapter Seven
Trident
I’ve thought about that woman all day, every day. It’s been a week since my little trip to the border, and it has taken all I have not to get on my horse and go whisk her away. She must be a Norwegian noblewoman, which makes my pursuit difficult, but not impossible. I’m not sure where to find her, but the only way to get my hands on her is if I make a trip again.
So, I volunteered to replace Sir Erik to patrol the borders again. We usually travel in pairs, but a few of the warriors are down with sickness, and we can’t afford to miss a day just in case any of the fences are broken. It’s a lot of work, but that one day could be the day something goes wrong, and I’m not going to chance it.
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