by C. S. Moore
“Maybe I should go out in an hour or so. I can collect some supplies. We are way unprepared,” she said, gazing at the crack.
He looked at her in puzzlement. “I’m not sending you out there. I’ll go. You can stay here and tend to Madgie. She needs someone with her at all times.” Had he already forgotten that she could take care of herself? That she could take care of all of them? “No, I think I have to go. I don’t think the cave will open for you,” she said matter-of-factly.
“What do you mean, open? I got in here fine the first go around,” he said, obviously annoyed.
“Well we didn’t see the opening at first, and I think it was because she was making sure I wanted you to come in too.” She wasn’t sure if it made any sense to him, but she was fairly certain that was the reason they didn’t see the opening at first. Shiphra put this place here for her, and it would open for her. She knew that even if the Guard were right outside of the walls, they would never see an opening or even think about this as a hiding place.
“Who?” he asked, interrupting her thoughts.
“Who, what?” she asked.
“Who was making sure you wanted me to come in?” he asked.
“Oh, sorry. I forgot you didn’t know what was going on. Shiphra led us here. She guided me through the fight and showed me this safe haven, and having seen the inside, I’m guessing she did more than lead us to a hideout. I think she created one,” she said, looking around the room.
“Well, if you don’t think it will open without you, we’ll go together,” he said simply.
“Ah, but you said someone needs to stay with Madgie, and
I agree with you. So it looks like you’ll stay here, and I’ll go find some food and water.” She returned her gaze to him and almost laughed when she saw how red his face was.
“Do you know how impossible you are?” he shouted, throwing his arms in the air and walking across the room. “Do you even care how hard it is for me to…?” Cole seemed to be searching for the right words but just plunked down on one of the chairs, giving up. Seeing him with his head in his hands as if his world were about to crumble was too much. She felt a tug on her heart and followed it across the room.
“Cole?” she whispered, putting a hand on his head. His body moved reflexively closer to her, but he didn’t look up. “Listen, I’m not trying to hurt you. I would never do anything to hurt you.” slowly lifted his head up to her, and she could see the exhaustion in his eyes.
“It’s just that you can’t take care of me all the time. You aren’t going to be around every minute of my life to protect me. I mean, you will have to go to the bathroom sometime, right?” She sat down beside him and guided his head into her lap, thinking he would resist, but he didn’t. Lifting his legs, he stretched out across the stone couch. “You need to get some rest unless you plan on learning how to protect me while sleep walking.”
“I’m fine. I don’t need to sleep,” he said through a yawn, reminding her of a child who didn’t want to take a nap.
Suppressing her laughter, she ran her fingers soothingly through his dark curls. His hair was softer than feathers. After a few minutes of combing through it, her eyelids were heavy with sleep. She kept herself awake by creating a list of things she needed to collect when she went out, which would be in a few minutes. She thought the best time to venture out was when Cole was fast asleep and therefore not going to worry.
She couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. He looked more peaceful than she’d ever seen him. His beautiful face, smoothed of all lines of worry, made him look like he didn’t have a problem in the world. With him so close to her, it was easy to forget that they had problems. Thinking back to what they’d just miraculously made it out of, she realized how many problems they had.
After what happened with Carter, she’d told herself it was an isolated incident. She thought that Frey and Carter were uniquely cruel and hateful people. She didn’t believe every Guard member could be like them, even after learning about how a Guard member is made. But she’d been wrong. The thirty or so people who had just tried to murder them had made it clear.
All of them are like Frey and Carter. Evil.
Remembering Cole had once trained with the Guard, she paused, but he’d done something about it. He’d left the Guard and was now haunted by terrifying memories that he could never talk about. Why hadn’t the Ancients just taken the memories away from him? Would that have been too kind a thing to do? Did they just enjoy the fear and pain it brought him?
Amanda shook her head, trying to rid herself of the angry thoughts rolling through her mind. She needed to go find food and water. It had been too long since they’d had anything to eat or drink. The back of her throat was itching with the need of fluids. It was a feeling she hadn’t had since returning to the Hovel, but a sensation her body was still used to. It was hard for her to get up even after she was positive Cole was asleep. His head felt so comfortable in her lap, and she didn’t know when it would rest there again. She stayed, allowing herself just a few selfish moments, before gently getting up and making her way out of their safe haven.
AMANDA WAS SURPRISED TO FIND it was still daylight, which was both good because it would be easier to find what she was looking for, and bad because not as much time had passed as she’d thought. She tried to ignore the bad because she didn’t have the choice to turn back as her burning throat was a constant reminder of how badly they needed supplies. If she felt this terrible, how was Madgie feeling after losing all of that blood? A calming blanket of energy encompassed her, and she spun around.
Her wolf stood a few paces behind her, wagging his tail slowly. She smiled at how much he looked like a puppy in a pet store window, the pleading take-me-with-you in his eyes.
“Sorry, buddy,” she said, scratching behind his ears. “You know you need to stay with them. I’ll be fine.”
His ears dropped and his tail stopped wagging, but he headed back. It broke her heart to see him sad, but Cole and
Madgie needed watching over… even if they couldn’t actually see the being watching over them.
Pushing aside the vegetation, she stepped back into the Asian forest and strained her ears, hoping to hear running water. She could just make out the babble of a brook. Water was the most important thing for Madgie now. Amanda gathered food as she walked, scooping up different sized mushrooms, which were easy to find. She didn’t need to worry about what was and wasn’t poisonous, and not because she memorized any nature study guides. Much like how she could see the light or darkness in people, she just knew what she could and couldn’t eat.
On the rather long journey to the water source, she found quite a few goodies. There were some more of the wild rose bushes Cole had so expertly recreated, and she picked a few of the flowers to make a tea for Madgie. Bamboo groves shot up everywhere, so she pulled up some of the younger shoots. Trees with grey bark held loads of pods resembling green beans, and a few berry bushes were ready for picking. By the time she reached the stream, all of her pockets and her make-shift satchel were full of food.
The stream was rather small, but it was fast moving and fairly clean of contaminants. She’d have to pull a few minerals and bacteria out of the water before drinking it, but it was better than she’d hoped for. She knelt down on the moist bank, enjoying the refreshing cool air that seemed to linger around fresh water. Her left hand fumbled at her side, searching for Madgie’s leather canteen. Her hand moved around more urgently, checking her right side and then searching her back.
It was gone. She must have dropped it. That was the only thing they had to carry water in. How could she lose it? Her mind raced, trying to place when she’d dropped it, but she couldn’t remember something that she’d never noticed. She looked around and saw a plant with long skinny leaves and thought of Cole.
Maybe she could weave them into a basket. She moved toward the bush.
Leaving the poor plant almost naked, she sat on the bank, attempting to weave the leaves into
something useful. Her fingers wouldn’t move like his had with a sort of skilled delicateness, and after five minutes, half of the leaves were crumbled beyond use, and her cramping hands had red slices all over them. And people whine about paper cuts! She cursed, rubbing her hands and glaring at the uncooperative leaves.
A quiet laughter reached her ears, and she spun around quickly. Standing behind her was a tall boy with golden blond hair and an impish smile. He didn’t look like he meant her any harm, and he wasn’t wearing the uniform of the Guard, but it didn’t matter. She could sense the dark absence in him. He was a member of the Guard. She jumped quickly to her feet.
“Here, this might be of use to you. I don’t think that’s working out,” he said, offering her the missing canteen.
Her feet told her to flee, but she didn’t know where to run to. She couldn’t go back to the cave. She would lead them right to Cole and Madgie.
“You’re not too good at making decisions, are you?” the blond boy asked rather sarcastically. He wore a bright charming smile that she wanted to slap off his face. “I can see the wheels in your head turning. Run or talk? Let me help you come to a decision. I’ll catch you if you run.” She was about to object when he lifted his hand. “And I think we need to talk.”
“You’re a member of the Guard. You and your buddies almost murdered my friend a few hours ago! What could I possibly want to discuss with you?” she shouted, surprising herself.
Amanda had always had a temper, but he ruffled her feathers quicker than anyone she’d ever met. Even after she yelled at him, he still looked annoyingly cocky.
“Well, we could discuss the person who sent me here…” He paused letting a dazzling smile dance on his handsome face. “She was under the impression you were seeking her, but perhaps she was wrong.” He shrugged and let the corners of his mouth turn down. “She isn’t usually wrong.”
Amanda’s head was spinning. What was he talking about? Shiphra? The name was almost past her lips when she stopped herself. He was trying to get her to talk about Shiphra. Did the Ancients want to know if Amanda could find her?
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said quickly.
The boy shook his head, sending his golden locks into a tizzy, and held up his hands. “Listen, I know that you are scared and confused right now, but I’m not going to hurt you. You think I’m a member of the Guard, and two days ago you would have been right, but I’m not a Guard member anymore,” he said in a sweet voice.
She wished she could ignore his sincerity, but she couldn’t. She believed him.
“I haven’t been a true Guard member for three years now,” he said.
“What do you mean a ‘true guard member’?” she asked in puzzlement.
He took a step forward, gesturing toward a rock. She nodded, and he took a seat. The muscles in her body loosened as he sat. Sitting wasn’t a tactical position if he meant to attack her, and she felt less threatened.
“I’ll get to your question in a second, but can you answer me something?” he asked.
“Umm, depends on the question,” she said curtly.
Amanda didn’t know why she was so short with him. He hadn’t been anything but nice to her. However, something about his good looks and darkness reminded her of Frey.
“Fair enough,” he said with a smile. “Cole is traveling with you, isn’t he?” he asked, tensing her muscles again.
She thought about lying, but didn’t see a point. Everyone had to know he was. “Yes,” she replied.
“Sorry to get you on edge again. Don’t worry. I like Cole. I looked to him almost like a brother at one time,” he said wistfully. “Anyway, I can tell you’re close to him.”
Her mouth fell open.
“Well, your hand did turn into a fist at the mention of his name,” he said with a smile. “Either he’s in trouble, or you were planning on hitting me in the face, and since Cole never gets into trouble—”
“Get on with it!” she yelled. This guy was exasperating!
“Okay, well since you’re close, you probably know he used to be a member of the Guard. He got out, had a nice binding spell put on him and all that. Well, I tried to get out too, only I wasn’t about to ask permission from The Ancients. I wasn’t going to kneel before them and ask to be reassigned. So, I ran. I left the Hovel when I was thirteen.” He paused. “I know, I know. You and I are almost kindred spirits.” He smiled.
“But, you said… two days ago. You stopped being a member two days ago,” she stuttered.
“Yeah well, three years ago I found Shiphra. She asked me to remain at the Hovel. Remain a Guard member.” His voice had become sharp, and she saw the darkness within him come out. He shook his head and replaced his smile. “It was a hard thing for her to ask of me, I could tell, but they wanted people on the inside to watch and help those that needed helping.”
“What do you mean? How would posing as a Guard member help anyone?” she asked skeptically.
“I gave Shiphra information I learned by being close to the Guard members and The Ancients. I helped Healers who didn’t want to be there get out, Healers like you and me. I helped them find their new home.”
“Wait a minute, other Healers left? I wasn’t the only one?” she asked, breathlessly feeling a weight lift off her chest.
He stared at her with understanding eyes. “Yep, you and me were the only ones stupid enough to go back, that’s all,” he said with a grin. “People leave that place pretty regularly. It tears The Ancients up that they can’t stop the steady leak. The thing that makes them crazy is that they know only one thing could put the Healers beyond their reach. Shiphra has them under her wing.”
“Shiphra is hiding Healers from them?” She was baffled. How was it possible she knew nothing about this person a week ago?
“Why wouldn’t she? Unlike us, she never ran from responsibility. She just stood up to oppression. When the other Ancients started to look at the Healers as their possessions, she said no. Anyway, she was forced to run and has been trying to save as many Healers as she could from a distance, leading them to her,” he said. The tone of his voice showed his admiration and devotion to his leader.
“That’s how I found New Hovel. After I ran away, I just went where my feet took me, and a few weeks later, I was standing next to her.” He shrugged.
“So, why are you here?” she asked.
“Oh! I’m sorry, I thought I made it clear earlier. Shiphra sent me to fetch you,” he said.
She looked him up and down ignoring his devilish good looks. He was tall and seemed confident in his abilities, but she didn’t think this baby-faced boy was special enough to be a one- man task force.
“Why did she send you? Just you?” she asked in bewilderment.
His smile faded, and he puffed up his chest.
“If we run into another thirty Guard members, I don’t think one guy is going to be much help,” she said.
“She had her reasons,” he said in a light voice. “You’re more trouble than any refugee I’ve ever helped, do you know that? Nell told me you two were practically sisters… I thought maybe you would be more like her. You know, helpful. But you couldn’t be more different,” he said, shaking his head.
“Nell? How do you know Nell?” she asked in a high voice that made her cringe.
“She was in the last group I took out of the Hovel. Actually, she’s kind of the reason I couldn’t go back to being a Guard member. I beat a guy down, and apparently, word spread that I couldn’t be trusted. I’ll forever be grateful to her,” he said dreamily.
“She’s safe in this New Hovel, right?” Amanda asked.
“Yes, she’s safe. Much safer than she was at the old one anyhow. I wish I could have gotten more out. You don’t know how bad things have gotten back there. It was like The Ancients were being wound tighter and tighter every decade, and this thing with you finally made them snap.” His blue eyes bore into her. “They aren’t pretending anymore. They openly killed a Healer
in front of everyone. Guard members line the hallways, preventing escape. It’s crazy. I never thought I’d see it, but then again, Shiphra is never wrong.”
“What do you mean? She knew this would happen?” she asked.
He closed one eye and scratched his head. “Well, I don’t know if she knew exactly how it would go down, but she knew The Ancients would snap. She worried that every Healer they lost was just another straw on the camel’s back, and she was right. I suppose she knows them a lot better than any of us.”
“Yeah, I can see that. Baal told me he might as well be God, which isn’t all that shocking. I saw the way he looked at the Healers, and he thinks of them as power, not people,” she said.
“Wait, he actually said that to you?” he asked in astonishment.
“Well, he told me in my mind so no one else would hear, but yeah he did. He was thinking I’d be dead though. I think he likes showing his true colors to people that aren’t going to be around anymore.”
“You have no idea,” he said, standing up. “The things I saw when I was on the Guard. Baal loved the sight of blood…” He stopped and looked at her apologetically.
“Don’t worry. I know you can’t talk about it. Neither can Cole,” she said.
He shook his head and moved to the stream, dipping the canteen in the cool water. “No, I can talk about it. I just don’t want to. The things I witnessed aren’t topics of civilized conversation.”
“But, Cole can’t talk about it,” she said furrowing her brow.
“Funny thing about the Ancient’s magic, if an Ancient has done it, an Ancient can undo it. Shiphra told me it was like Newton’s law of physics. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction and all that. It takes the same amount of energy to do something as it does to undo it. So she just took the binding spell off of me.”
So she could take it off Cole too? Would he want to talk about those things, even if he could? she wondered, spending a moment in thought before realizing the blond boy was still talking. In fact, she wasn’t sure he was able to stop.