‘It wasn’t funny at the time,’ I add. ‘Not when we were ankle-deep in black sludge and the electrics failed on Christmas Eve when Charlie was still a baby.’
‘That sounds like a nightmare!’ Kate looks truly horrified.
‘It wasn’t the best Christmas ever,’ I reply, setting the plates down.
‘But at least your place is gorgeous now,’ she says.
‘Small but perfectly formed,’ Matt says. ‘So where are you guys living?’
There’s a short pause before Shaun answers. ‘We’re renting a place just outside town.’
‘Settling in okay?’ I ask.
‘It’s a bit of an adjustment,’ Shaun replies, ‘but we’re getting there.’
‘Can I do anything to help?’ Kate asks me, making a move to get up.
‘No, I’m fine. Stay where you are. I won’t be a minute.’ After a couple more trips to and from the kitchen, everyone has their food and we’re all digging in. I’m next to Kate, opposite Shaun. Matt sits next to Shaun, opposite Kate.
‘This is delicious.’ Kate has already eaten almost half of what was in her bowl.
Shaun touches his fingers to his lips and makes a lip-smacking sound of appreciation. ‘Bloody lovely.’
Matt gives me a subtle wink. I’m glad he’s enjoying himself. This evening would be much harder if he hadn’t clicked with our visitors.
‘So…’ Matt turns to Shaun, ‘are you working down here? Or do you have to commute back to London?’
Shaun has his mouth full so he can’t answer right away. Kate jumps in for him. ‘Shaun’s a builder. He does extensions and renovations, that kind of thing. Now we’re in Dorset, he’ll be starting from scratch, building up his contacts.’
‘I thought London was booming,’ Matt says. ‘You won’t be able to charge the same rates here, you know that, right?’
‘Matt’s an electrician,’ I add.
‘Yeah?’ Shaun suddenly looks interested. ‘Maybe you can hook me up with some other trades? I’m looking for new contacts.’
Matt nods. ‘Happy to, mate.’
They turn to one another and start talking in more depth about the Dorset building industry. I turn to Kate. ‘So, how’s your job hunt going?’ I know from our previous chats that Kate is looking for work, but she hasn’t gone into any detail.
‘Honestly, I have no idea what I’m looking for!’ She flushes. ‘I’ve never really had a proper job before. I was always too busy with the children. How do you balance the café with the kids?’
I tell her about my shifts and how I slot them in around childcare. She seems interested and almost impressed. Which is strange, because it’s just a regular job.
‘I really have no idea who would employ me,’ she says. ‘Could you let me know if you hear of anything going, preferably something that doesn’t require any qualifications or experience?’ She laughs.
‘Don’t sell yourself short.’ I move my food around my bowl, not feeling at all hungry. I take a few large sips of my wine instead. ‘You’ve raised a family – that takes a lot of hard work and dedication. And you’ve got three children. It’s hard enough with two. Not sure how people with three children do it!’ I force myself to say that, because, of course, I would give anything to have my three children.
‘It’s no hardship. I love my kids,’ Kate replies with a dreamy expression. ‘It’s all I’ve ever wanted – to be a mother.’
‘Did you always plan to have three?’
‘I would have had more if I could. But I was really ill when I was pregnant with Kieran. Had to spend the last few months on total bedrest, which wasn’t fun. Especially as I had Bella and Amy to look after. Shaun isn’t exactly the domestic type.’ She rolls her eyes indulgently. ‘So we made the decision to stop at three.’
‘So your first two pregnancies went okay, before Kieran?’ The wine is taking the edge off my earlier nervousness.
‘Bella was a breeze. But I had terrible morning sickness with Amy. And Kieran was fine apart from the last few months, like I said.’
I want Kate to elaborate on her pregnancy with Bella, but my brain is becoming slow and fuzzy. I don’t know how to get her to talk about it without her growing suspicious.
‘How about your pregnancies?’ she asks.
‘Mine were fine,’ I reply, unwilling to elaborate. Because then I would have to exclude Holly’s. ‘No major dramas.’
‘That’s good.’
There’s a bit of a lull in the conversation. Shaun and Matt have fallen quiet too.
‘Thank you again for inviting us,’ Kate says. ‘You’ll definitely have to come over to ours once we’ve unpacked a few more boxes. We’ve still only got five of everything – five dinner plates, five mugs, five knives, five forks. It’s driving me nuts. The rest of the kitchen stuff ended up in the loft by mistake and Shaun promised he’d get it down for me.’ Kate stares pointedly at her husband and smiles. ‘Didn’t you, Shaun?’
He raises his hands. ‘Okay, okay, hint taken. I promise the kitchen boxes will come down tomorrow.’
‘We’ve got witnesses.’ She grins. ‘I’d get the boxes myself, but I don’t do heights.’
I catch Shaun’s eye. ‘Kate’s been telling me about your children. I met Bella the other day. She’s got such distinctive colouring – those green eyes are amazing.’
‘Yeah, lots of people notice those eyes.’
‘Do green eyes run in your family then? Because I noticed the rest of you have blue eyes.’ I know my question is verging on inappropriate, so I qualify it with, ‘I’m really interested in genetics and family traits.’ I catch Matt raising his eyebrows for a second in the corner of my eye, as if to say, News to me.
‘My mum’s got dark hair,’ Shaun says. ‘But we think her eyes are some recessive gene that’s popped up.’
‘Interesting.’ I pretend to think for a moment. ‘So did you ever do any digging into your family history to find out?’
‘No.’ Shaun shakes his head and looks a bit bemused.
‘I’d love to see some baby photos of Bella. I’ll bet she was a cutie.’ I turn to Kate. ‘Do you have any?’
‘What? Baby photos of Bella?’ Kate frowns. ‘Uh, no. Not on me. They’re either in albums or on my old phone.’
I realise that was a weird question for me to ask and it didn’t come out as casually as I was aiming for. In fact, it was probably verging on creepy. But I can’t help myself. When I saw Bella my reaction was so visceral that I can’t ignore it. There has to be some reason why she provoked such strong emotions in me. The only explanation I can think of is that it’s some mother–daughter bond. Of course there’s the chance that she isn’t my daughter. That it’s just a coincidence she happens to look so much like Holly. But how can I ignore the possibility that she might be. If there’s even the tiniest probability that she’s my missing child, then I have to find out for certain.
I’m pretty sure Matt is raising his eyebrows at me again, so I purposely don’t look in his direction. Instead, I turn back to Shaun, unable to stop my line of questioning now I’ve started. ‘It’s funny, isn’t it, how she has such different colouring when your other two have such fair hair and blue eyes?’
Shaun shrugs, starting to appear slightly uncomfortable. ‘I suppose so.’
‘Because Jess has dark hair and dark eyes like me. And Charlie has fair hair and blue eyes like his dad.’
I glance at Kate, who suddenly looks a little pale. I notice she’s stopped eating and has started tearing strips off her paper napkin.
‘Anyone for another top up?’ Matt interrupts. I can feel his eyes trying to connect with mine, trying to silently ask what the hell I’m wittering on about. I can feel how forced my questions are becoming. But I can’t seem to help myself. These people are here in my house, and there’s a chance they’re the people who ruined my life. I know this is the worst way to go about finding anything out, and it’s not as though they’re going to tell me the truth anyway. All I’m doi
ng is making everyone uncomfortable and pushing the Morrises further away, when I should be endearing myself to them and keeping them close.
I notice everyone’s bowls – apart from my own – are empty. I stand abruptly. ‘Let me get you all some seconds.’
There’s obvious relief around the table. The previous awkward topic of conversation is relegated to the past and Shaun turns back to Matt to resume their conversation about building, this time including Kate. I leave the room to get the casserole dish and more bread. I try to give myself a talking to about reining it in, but the wine is slowing down my thinking. I should have eaten some more food. In the kitchen, I tear off a piece of bread, shove it in my mouth and start chewing. But I’m pretty sure I’ve left it too late to soak up the three – or is it four? – glasses of wine I’ve already had. And I’m not sure I’m in any state to win the Morrises back around.
11
I return to the dining room and dish out second helpings of the main course for everyone except me, as I’ve barely touched my first helping. The atmosphere in the room feels a little strained and I have this swooping feeling in my stomach and a rising heat in my cheeks. I wish I’d never invited the Morrises round. What was I thinking? Either they took Holly and their playing some horrible mind games with me, or they didn’t take Holly and they think I’m a crazy person.
‘I checked on the kids,’ I say. ‘They’ve demolished the pizza and ice creams – now they’re laughing their heads off at the movie.’
‘That’s good,’ Kate replies, nodding a little too much.
‘What are you guys up to for Christmas?’ Matt asks.
‘Not too much.’ Kate pushes her plate away. She’s barely touched her second helping. ‘I think we’ll just be having a quiet one.’
‘Same here,’ Matt says. ‘It’ll just be the four of us. We’ll go to my mum’s on New Year’s Day, but she’s spending Christmas Day with my brother in Devon.’
‘I’m actually not feeling too well,’ Kate says, holding her stomach.
‘Oh no, I hope it wasn’t anything you ate!’ I’m mortified by the thought I’ve given everyone food poisoning. But I can’t think how – the meal was freshly cooked. ‘Does everyone else feel okay?’
Matt and Shaun nod. And there’s nothing wrong with my stomach, apart from an anxious swirl of emotions that’s been there for days.
‘I think I might need to go home.’ Kate gets to her feet. Her lips are pressed tightly together. I try to catch her eye to give her a sympathetic smile, but her head is bowed, and it feels as though she’s purposely avoiding eye contact.
‘Of course,’ Matt says. ‘Let me get your coats.’
Kate really doesn’t look well. The colour has completely drained from her face and she’s holding onto the back of her chair as though for support. ‘We’ll take the children home too, I think.’
Shaun comes over to his wife and puts an arm around her. She murmurs something to him, but I can’t make out what it is. They follow Matt out into the hall and Shaun goes into the lounge to get Amy and Kieran. There are howls of disappointment and all four kids come into the hall wearing indignant expressions.
‘Mum, please can we stay!’ Amy wheedles.
Kate is gingerly putting on her coat and opening the front door.
‘No arguing,’ Shaun says to his daughter.
Amy nods and bites her lip. There’s no way Jess would have backed down so quickly. Both Amy and Kieran look downcast, while my two are utterly incandescent at the unfairness of it. But they’re too unsure of Shaun and Kate to voice their disapproval, especially as Kate looks so stern – her eyes hard, her lips a hard line. No, my two will wait until the Morrises have left to show their disappointment.
It takes a few moments for Amy and Kieran to gather up their belongings, and then, less than one hour after they arrived, the Morrises are leaving.
‘Sorry about this,’ Shaun says as he follows his family out of the door.
‘Hope Kate feels better soon,’ Matt says.
I don’t say anything. I just watch them go and flinch as the door bangs shut behind them.
‘Right, kids,’ Matt claps his hands, ‘time for bed.’
‘What?!’ Jess puts her hands on her hips. ‘First we were supposed to have a fun sleepover and now we have to go to bed early?’
‘It’s not early, its…’ Matt checks his watch. ‘Oh. Okay, it’s only eight thirty. Well, you can chill out upstairs for a bit.’
‘With my phone?’
‘Yes, okay, just for a little bit.’
Jess doesn’t need any further prompting. She takes the stairs two at a time.
‘Why did they have to go?’ Charlie frowns. ‘We were watching the film and we hadn’t even built our Lego castle yet.’
‘Sorry, mate. Kieran’s mum didn’t feel well. Why don’t you go and build the castle yourself, and I’ll come and take a look at it when you’re finished?’
‘Okay,’ he grumbles and slopes off upstairs.
I feel bad for them. ‘Do you think she really was ill?’ I ask Matt.
He turns to look at me. ‘What do you mean? Why would you think she wasn’t?’
‘Well, it came on a bit suddenly, didn’t it?’
‘Food poisoning can hit quickly.’
‘You think it was food poisoning?’
‘Whatever. Food poisoning, stomach bug. Don’t worry, it wasn’t your cooking. We all ate it, remember? And I feel fine.’
‘I … I think it was an excuse so she could leave.’
‘Don’t be daft. Why would she do that?’
‘Because I was asking questions about Bella.’
‘Who?’
‘You know – their eldest daughter, Bella.’
‘Come and sit down.’ Matt takes my arm and tries to lead me out of the hall.
‘I need to clear up the dinner things.’
‘Leave all that. Just come in the lounge for a minute.’
I do as he asks and plonk myself onto the sofa. Matt turns off the TV and stacks all the empty plates and bowls on the coffee table. The room is a mess, but I don’t care.
‘What’s going on, Rachel?’ Matt sits opposite me.
I know I’m going to have to tell him my theory, but I also know that he’s going to be sceptical.
‘Rach… you were acting really weirdly in there with them. Talking about their daughter and genetics and all that stuff. What’s going on? Is it…?’ He tails off and gives me a long look.
I know what he wants to ask me, and he’s right of course, but I feel paralysed.
He takes a deep breath. ‘I don’t want to ask this, but is it about what you told me the other day? About your daughter?’
I run my tongue over my teeth. I need to brush them. My mouth tastes sour.
‘Rachel, will you talk to me?’
‘Yes,’ I murmur. ‘Yes, all right?’
Matt sits back in his seat and pushes his hair off his forehead. ‘So… is it because we talked about Holly? Is it all coming back to the surface again? Do you need some kind of help, I mean to talk to someone? I don’t feel like I’m supporting you properly. I feel useless.’
I shake my head. ‘Matt, I’m not cracking up or having a breakdown. Something’s happened. Something that’s going to be hard to believe. But I need you to trust me.’
‘Okay. What? What is it?’
I feel sorry for Matt, for dragging him into all this. He didn’t sign up for any of this when I met him. He thought I was just a single mum who’d had a rough time. He had no idea about the trauma. He had no idea that one day he’d be put in this situation. ‘This is going to sound mad, but I need you to listen to me.’
‘Just tell me, okay.’
‘I think Kate might be the person who abducted my daughter.’
My boyfriend doesn’t respond. Even his facial expression doesn’t change.
‘Matt? Did you hear what I said?’
‘I heard. I’m just… I’m thinking about it.’
‘Her eldest daughter, Bella… I saw her the other day and, oh my goodness, Matt, you should have seen her. She’s the spitting image of my daughter. I mean, there can’t be two people in the world who look so similar. Unless they were identical twins. And I didn’t have twins.’
‘Rachel, how old was Holly when she was taken?’
I’m ready for this question. ‘I know what you’re going to say – that she was much younger, that she would have changed over the years. But people don’t change that much. You can still see them in their baby pictures, you can still tell it’s that person.’ I’m sounding too desperate, manic. I need to calm down. ‘Wait here.’ I stand and leave the room, jog up the stairs and into our bedroom. I yank open my T-shirt drawer and pull out the slim album that rests underneath my clothing. Squaring my shoulders, I head back downstairs, nipping into the kitchen to get my phone. It smells of burned cherries and I remember the cherry tart we were supposed to have for pudding. I turn off the oven and head back into the lounge.
Matt is sitting where I left him, staring at the wall. Eventually he looks my way and glances at the album in my hand. I sit next to him and open it up. There are only a few pages of photos. Most pictures of Holly are on my old phone that needs to be charged, but I have a few special ones that I printed and put in this album.
‘This is my daughter.’ I show Matt the precious photographs of my Holly berry before she was taken. Her dark hair and those vivid green eyes.
‘Wow, she’s beautiful, Rach.’ Matt takes my hand and squeezes.
I try not to let his emotion affect me. If I cry, I won’t be able to explain myself properly. While he looks through the album, I open Facebook to Kate’s page and find the earliest photo of Bella, when she was around six years old. ‘This is Kate’s daughter, Bella.’ I hand Matt my phone.
The Other Daughter (ARC) Page 7