by Rob Cornell
“Where is your focus?”
I almost said I didn't know, but then an image materialized in my mind's eye. Mom, her head resting in my lap, eyes closed, blood all down the front of her, and a shard of wood jammed through her heart as if she were…
Mom opened her eyes and stared up at me. A red glow grew in her eyes until it blocked out her irises. She opened her mouth and hissed from back in her throat. She had fangs three inches long.
Mom, no!
She launched her gaping maw against my neck. The pain of her fangs stabbing into my throat filled me from my heels to the ends of my hair. I didn't know pain could touch some many parts of my body at once. Worse than the pain, though, was the wet lip-smacking sound Mom made as she sucked in my blood. I could feel it flowing out of me. Not just my blood. My life force.
I cried out. Tried to shove her away. But her bite was too deep. I would have had to rip half my throat off to escape her.
Impossibly, I heard her voice even with her mouth open against my neck.
Let go. Accept. Accept.
No. Never. No!
My eyes snapped open. I was sitting in the room with Urvasi again. The walls seemed closer. The staff with the bronzed animal skull rattled in the rack as if trying to escape.
Urvasi loomed over me. “Close your eyes, Sebastian.”
“What are you doing to me?”
“Close your eyes and tell me what you see.”
I couldn't. I was too afraid I'd go back to my mother feeding on my blood.
“Trust me,” Urvasi said. “It's the only way.”
Against every protest of my will, I closed my eyes.
“What do you see?”
I gasped.
I stood face-to-face with myself. Only, my double had red glowing eyes, gray wrinkled flesh, and a set of fangs. We stood in near darkness. I could see him, but nothing else. A rhythmic thump came from all directions. It was if we stood inside a giant heart.
Do you know what it's like, my copy said, not to have a heartbeat?
I shook my head.
Like this.
He (me?) pressed his hand against my chest. My heart became a silent stone inside of me, cold and useless. The thumping around us also quit.
My vampire double smiled and tilted his head. Well?
I shoved him away, stumbled backward, tripped, and dropped onto my ass.
He stepped forward and looked down at me. You must accept this. It is a part of you. You can no more deny that than deny you have a…heart.
I didn't understand. Why were these ugly visions saying this shit to me? As if they were speaking for Urvasi?
Because they were.
“What do you see?” Urvasi asked again.
I forced myself to keep my eyes closed. “I see me. As a vampire.”
“Embrace him.”
“Like, literally?”
“Yes.”
“You mean, like, hug him?”
“Yes,” she repeated with a hint of impatience.
I stood in my vision and approached myself. He held out his arms, knowing what I intended. (Of course he did, he was me.) My skin crawled as I stepped into his embrace. He squeezed tightly, as if he hadn't see me in a long time and had missed me terribly. Which was just fucking weird to think about.
I wanted to squirm loose. Instead, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back.
Once I did, it felt strangely natural.
“It is time,” Urvasi said. “Time for you to learn acceptance. Not only of the poison in your veins. Everything. Let your rage go. Become something more than wind and fire. Something larger than yourself. Breathe. And let what is be what is. Only with acceptance comes control.”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then I pulled my double more closely against me.
Another deep breath. An even tighter embrace.
After three breaths, I felt my vampire self merge with my body. And while our bodies joined, my mind split. I was both a vampire and a man.
Then our bodies were one, but I still had the two sides within me. The man. The vampire.
It had always been this way, from the moment that old vampire forced his blood into my mouth. I stood between life and undeath. But I couldn't stay that way forever. I could no longer be the Unturned.
I felt the infection pulsing through me. My instinct was to drive more power against it. But Urvasi was right. I couldn't win this fight. But if I didn't fight, what did I do?
Accept.
Fine. I would accept. What the fuck else could I do?
I felt my anger simmering.
I began to split apart again, into vampire and man.
Deep breath. Deep breath. Accept.
I grew calm. I kept myself in one body. And then I let all my magic go. The infection surged through my system, free and hungry. Panic made my stomach clench. I still couldn't feel my heartbeat, and I was afraid I never would again.
I was afraid.
No longer angry.
Afraid.
And I accepted that, too.
“Yes,” Urvasi said. I'd forgotten all about her. “It courses through you. It is you. And there is only one person who can control you.”
“Me,” I whispered.
I drew on my magic, but this time I didn't use it to push the infection away. I flowed my power into it, let the energy mingle with it, become one with it the same way I had drawn my vampire copy into my body.
I shivered from a sudden chill. My cold face felt like a wax mask.
I breathed.
Just breathed.
I imagined my magic attaching itself to the infected blood. And once my blood, the vampire blood, and my magic mixed, I whispered, “Burn.”
My veins and arteries seemed to light up like toaster wires. The pain was extraordinary. Yet it felt cleansing, like any good fire should.
Urvasi had been right. I couldn't fight the infection. I had to embrace it, let it become a part of me.
And destroy it.
I exhaled, opened my eyes.
Urvasi stood in front of me, looking down, eyes and smile bright. “You did it.”
“I…” I rubbed my hand over my mouth. My skin felt as if I had just set down a hot mug of tea. “You mean I could have done that all along?”
She laughed. “No, Sebastian. You couldn't do it until just now.”
“But that doesn't make any sense. How could it have been that easy?”
“It was really so easy, huh?”
I supposed not. Simple, perhaps. But not easy.
“I have you to thank.”
“You see,” she said with a devious twinkle. “I have plenty to teach you.”
I stood. Too fast. The room spun. Urvasi gripped my arm to keep me steady. When my head cleared, I looked at her with such wonder. I was speechless. But a question knocked around in my head, desperate to get out. I forced my mouth to work and finally put some words together.
“Is it really gone? For good?”
She pressed her hand against my forehead like before. A few seconds passed, and I started to get anxious that I wasn't going to like her answer. But when she lowered her hand, I could see from her expression I didn't have to worry.
“You are no longer the Unturned.” She shrugged. “Just plain ol' Sebastian now.”
I laughed harder than I had in a long time. My belly ached with it. My voice boomed in the door-less room. Next thing I knew, I was hugging Urvasi while I trembled with excitement.
She laughed, too, patting me on the back. “Okay, okay. You're still a little warm.”
I drew back. I smiled so hard my cheeks hurt.
“What else is gone?” Urvasi asked.
The question took me off guard. I hesitated, but then I realized what she meant. All this laughing and smiling.
“My anger.”
“And so?”
I let the memory of my dead mother swim up from the depths of my mind. I felt a pinch in my chest, an ache in my (beating) heart
. But the rage didn't follow. I didn't need to go after the Maidens. I didn't want to. I just wanted my life back. To heal. To find a way to move on as the last Light on this Earth.
It would start with working more with Odi. Not just his magic. The Toft from my nightmare had been right about one thing, though he had the details all wrong. Odi needed to learn more than sorcery. He needed to learn how to live. He needed more than just me. He needed a purpose of his own. And I would do whatever I could to help him find it.
He wasn't the only one who had much to learn, though.
“Urvasi.” I took her hand. “Will you take me on as your apprentice?”
“I will.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
I had a different life ahead of me. A life of peace. A life as a pure mortal and not a demon waiting to happen. I had two people I desperately wanted to tell. Sly and Odi.
In the middle of the day, Odi was snoring away in his coffin. Well, vampires didn't snore—did they? I laughed at my crazy brain as I drove toward Hazel Park from the cemetery where Urvasi had returned me.
When I pulled up in front of Sly's shop, my hands shook with excitement. I felt like the whole world had shifted, the earth's tectonic plates rearranging every continent into something new and near unrecognizable.
I swung his front door open with a little too much force, but its hydraulics kept it from slamming against the wall.
I came to a halt when I noticed all the people. A half-dozen of them eyeing the artwork on the walls, only one of them flipping through the pot tomes at the back. The art-goers oohed and ahhed as they studied each work in turn.
Sly stood in his box in the center of the shop, leaning his butt against one of the display cases, arms folded, a light smile touching his face as he watched his patrons. The ping of the doorbell hadn't drawn his attention.
I stood slack jawed as the door swung shut behind me.
I hadn't seen Sly smile for a long time. The sight inflated the already light feeling in my chest. I hurried to the counter. “Sly.”
His smile faltered at the sound of my voice. He turned his gaze toward me, slowly, as if it hurt him to do it. By the time his eyes met mine, his smile was a memory.
“You look chipper,” he said. His normally sharp eyes looked glazed. I couldn't smell it, but I wondered if he'd smoked weed recently. Or if an unfocused gaze was really the only way he could stand to look at me.
I glanced around. No one in the shop was paying attention to us, but I didn't want to have to whisper my news. “Can I talk to you in back?”
“I've got customers.”
“I know. And that's awesome. The new artwork thing looks like it's really panning out.”
“Why don't you come back later?”
I leaned over the counter and spoke in a low voice. “It's important.”
He sighed. “What kind of trouble are you in now?”
“That's just it,” I barely whispered. “This is good news.”
He shrugged. “Then I'm happy for you.”
“Gods damn it, Sly. Would you please just talk to me in back?”
He stared at me for a handful of seconds, his gaze still slightly skewed. Then he grunted and walked through the gap in the square of cases. “Ladies and gentlemen, if you need anything, I'll be in the back room for only a few minutes. Thank you for your patience.”
Nobody seemed to notice. They kept doing what they were doing.
I followed Sly into the back.
I gasped upon entering.
Sly had always done most of his alchemy work in the back room of his shop, a sort of magical lab where he concocted potions, salves, and whatever else he needed to affect the world with its own materials. It had also served as warehouse to hundreds of different ingredients, formerly? contained in stacks of cardboard boxes that went clear up to the ceiling, each labeled with black marker, but otherwise not in any discernible order. It had always been a mystery to me how he could get something from one of the bottom boxes with all the others stacked on top, but he always seemed to have what he needed on hand.
Gone, however, were the days of the cardboard bricks. Metal shelving had replaced the boxes against every spare wall space. The shelves were chock full of vials, bottles, and jars. Books and cassette tapes and a couple rotating shelves filled with CD cases. Hell, he even had a collection of eight-track cartridges. This last should not have surprised me, knowing Sly's retro tastes. I probably wouldn't have even known what they were had Sly not been a large part of my growing up.
The only thing that looked the same was the lab table in the center of the room. It was the same table he'd been using for as long as I've known him. And it was covered with bottles and vials similar to the ones on the shelves. Along with a centrifuge he used to mix his potions.
I must have looked like a stunned deer.
“I thought it was a good time to get organized back here, too.”
“Wow.”
“Look, brother,” he said, leaning against his work table like he had the display case, arms crossed, eyes slightly unfocused as he looked at me. “I need to get back, so make it quick.”
Now that I had him alone, I didn't know how to tell him. I wanted my next words to melt every inch of ice that had formed between us. I wanted to see him smile, open his arms, offer me a hug and a hearty slap on the back. But reality put my brakes on. He'd be happy for me, ecstatic even. I knew that beyond doubt. As far as fixing our relationship? No matter how good the news, this wasn't what would bring him back around.
“Well?” he asked.
Forget fancy. Just tell him like it was. “I'm not the Unturned anymore.”
He furrowed his brow. “Not following, brother. You don't look like a vamp to me. Especially since it's the middle of the day.”
I waved a hand. “No, that's not what I mean.” I thought a second, snapped my fingers. “You remember that woman I told you about.”
“The one who claimed she knew Judith?”
“Turns out she's the real deal. A damn powerful sorceress, and a damn good teacher, too.”
“Still not following.”
I took a few steps toward him, my body full of electricity. The smile on my face felt dorky, but I didn't give a damn.
Sly stiffened at my approach.
Through all the electric joy running through me, I felt a pain in my chest. I took a step back to give him the space he obviously wanted to keep between us.
“She taught me how to get rid of the infection,” I said, voice quivering. “Burn it right out of my system. It's gone, Sly. It is totally gone.”
The change in his expression lifted me up like a magic breeze. His jaw hung open, but a smile lifted the corners of his mouth. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “I'm not fighting it anymore. That shit is out of my system.”
He broke into a laugh from deep in his belly, shook his head in wonder. “That is radical, brother. Totally rad.” Then he moved toward me. He wrapped his arms around me. His shirt had the smell of pot baked into it, but it wasn't fresh. Just Sly's normal old smell.
I hugged him back, hard. If I had to be honest, I teared up a little, too. “Sly, I'm so sorry.”
His embrace eased, but he didn't let go. “I know.”
“Are we good?”
He sighed. “I love you like a son, Sebastian. Always have. Always will. I just needed…still need, maybe…time, brother. Just some time.”
He gave me a thump on my back and pulled away. “I'm sorry about what I said to you before. I don't resent you.”
“You don't have to lie to me. You have every right to feel the way you do. But I can't stand the thought that we still aren't…family.”
“Then rest easy, brother. We'll always be family.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
I couldn't wait to share the news with Odi too. I raced home, the speed limit an unbearable burden, but I didn't need a speeding ticket right now. I was so jazzed, my hands shook as I tried to stick the key into the
lock of my front door.
The second I was through the door I ran right for the basement. The soles of my boots knocked loudly against the wooden steps, the sound echoing in the stairwell. I felt the big dorky smile on my face. I couldn't help it, and I didn't care. I just couldn't wait to see the expression on Odi's face and hear the inevitable whoa dude come out of his mouth. Granted it was the middle of the day, and the vampire kid was fast asleep in his coffin. The basement was dark enough, though, that it wouldn't kill him if I opened up the coffin and roused him. Hopefully, he wouldn't be too crabby.
But the second my feet hit the basement floor and I cleared the stairwell, I froze.
Odi's coffin was gone.
A cold fist squeezed my heart. My jittery excitement turned to trembling fear. I scurried over to where his coffin normally lay and bent down onto one knee. I brushed my fingertips along the cool cement in the rectangle of missing dust, a stark sign of something absent.
Gods dammit. What the hell had happened?
A stupid question. I knew what had happened. The Maidens of Shadow had happened.
I shot to my feet, clenched my hands into fists, and spun on my heel. I charged back up the stairs. Marched straight out the door and stopped on the sidewalk outside. The sun felt hot against my face, while the wind sent chills through my body. It felt like a fever.
I stood there for a moment, wondering what to do next. Rushing out of the house had been an instinct. But now that rationality had caught up with me, I needed to figure something out.
I looked both ways down the street, as if I might find the answer in either direction. A blue compact car with a little too much rust drove by spewing exhaust. A pigeon cooed from somewhere nearby. Needing to do something, I got back in my car, buckled my seatbelt, gripped the steering wheel, and waited for some kind of inspiration to strike me. I racked my brain. And then the obvious answer hit me.
I couldn't do this myself. I needed help. And I knew a hell of a powerful sorceress that could do it. I just needed to convince her to change her mind about helping me find the Maidens.
Once again, I drove to the cemetery.
Urvasi needed to give me a damn cell number or something.
Chapter Twenty-Five