by Jena Wade
“Stop. Stop. Stop.” His breath came out short and ragged. “You’re gonna make me come.”
“Already?” Jason’s eyes still sparkled with laughter, but they were glazed with lust and Lucas knew he was just as close to coming.
“Yeah, well, it’s been a while.”
Jason’s eyes turned serious and he sat up, maneuvering them so Lucas was sitting on his lap. “Me too.”
They stared at each other for a long moment, understanding the significance of what they’d confessed.
Finally, Lucas shook his head and removed himself from Jason’s lap. “No. We can’t do this. Not again.”
Jason stood, closing the distance Lucas put between the two of them. “What? Why not?”
“You’re not gay and I’m not going to be some experiment.” Lucas put his hand to Jason’s chest, pushing him away. But it was a mistake; the heat of Jason’s body shot through his arm, straight to his groin. Christ, would he ever be able to forget what touching Jason was like?
Jason laid a hand on Lucas’s shoulder; he spoke softly, like he was approaching a skittish horse. “I’m not exactly straight, Lucas. That’s more than obvious. This feels right. Can’t you see that?”
Lucas closed his eyes. “It felt great the first time too. Until you rolled over and wouldn’t even look at me. I’m not setting myself up for that shit again.”
“What? Is that why you left? What the fuck did you want from me? I was tired. We’d just had sex. I wanted to sleep. Isn’t that what people do?”
Lucas opened his mouth to say something. But what could he say? That he’d wanted to cuddle? To be acknowledged in some way?
Jason ran a hand through his hair and sat on the bed. “See, this is why I don’t have relationships. I’m not good at this shit. How was I supposed to know you wanted to talk or whatever that night?”
Lucas shrugged, feeling a bit exposed now that they were having this conversation. It was too close, too personal. “It’s not a big deal. Forget about it.” Lucas was trying to. He turned away. There wasn’t enough space in the hotel room for Lucas to escape.
“I don’t want to forget, Lucas. I don’t want to ignore it. I want you to admit there’s something between us, and together we can figure out what to do about it. Otherwise we aren’t going to win this year, or even come anywhere near the top five. We can’t work as a team if you don’t trust me.”
Lucas sank onto the bed next to Jason. “I do trust you.” Too much. “And there is something between us. But that doesn’t mean I want to do something about it. ‘Gay for you’ doesn’t exist in real life. You’re straight, I’m planted firmly in the closet, and neither of us wants a real relationship anyway.”
“I think we can both agree that I’m not completely straight. And maybe the closet isn’t the right place for you.”
After a long pause and a deep breath, Lucas said, “Did I ever tell you about my first roping partner, Kevin?”
“Not really. You don’t exactly talk about yourself a lot. Why?” Jason gazed at Lucas, questions in his eyes.
It gave Lucas the push he needed to continue, though he didn’t want to. “He was gay. We were together for a while. He wanted to be out. We both did. Until he told his parents.” Lucas took another deep breath; this was harder than he’d thought. “They kicked him out. Never spoke to him again. He got the same treatment on the circuit. Everyone ignored him. Then the name calling started. I never even defended him.”
“That was a long time ago.”
Lucas closed his eyes. He could feel the dust from the arena that night. Blocking his vision as he waited for Kevin to get up after being tossed around like a rag doll. “It was yesterday to me. Kevin—Kevin wanted to face everything head-on. He thought he could prove to them he was just as much of a man by riding a top-ranked bull.”
“Oh fuck.”
Lucas looked up long enough to see the realization in Jason’s eyes. He had to look away before he completely broke and spilled his heart on to the floor.
“Kevin Thorton. Your partner, your boyfriend was killed by that bull, Dozer, in the arena. I heard about that. It was awful. Oh, Lucas. I—”
Lucas swallowed hard. “He never should have gotten on that bull. He wouldn’t have, if we had just stayed quiet. If we’d kept to ourselves, everything would have been fine.”
Jason grabbed Lucas’s hand and held it tight. Somehow, it held Lucas’s tears at bay.
“I don’t need you to come out to anyone. I need you to trust that I won’t out you, and that we’re still friends and partners after what happened between us. Can you do that?”
Lucas nodded. “I can do that.”
Jason hopped off the bed, like he was suddenly full of energy. “All right. Then let’s act like a team again and start winning some rodeos.”
His smile was infections, pushing away the sadness of the previous moments, and the air around the room was lighter as the tension of their conversation dissipated. Even the future looked brighter, and the knot in Lucas’s stomach, present since the minute he’d come down from his orgasm afterglow that night with Jason, subsided. Yeah. They could do this.
Chapter Four
Jason tapped his hands on the steering wheel to the beat of the country song on the radio while Lucas browsed the Internet on his phone. The two of them had gotten along better since their talk. At each rodeo, they moved higher and higher in the rankings. Lucas wasn’t missing throws, and even the horses seemed calmer on their long drives.
It was like before. Normal. Jason loved it. Couldn’t ask for more, but still something was missing. Just a smidgen out of place, and he knew that if he could fix what it was, all would be right in the world.
“You hungry? I’m starved.”
Jason snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Lucas. “We’ve only got another hour, and we’ll be at the rodeo. You can grab something there while I check us in.”
Lucas huffed out a breath and crossed his arms over his chest like a toddler on the verge of a tantrum. “Fine.”
Jason bit back a chuckle at the adorable sight. He wanted to reach over and touch Lucas, caress behind his neck and ease the tension from his face and shoulders. But that wasn’t allowed. Though the two of them had fallen into their familiar routine of being friends and teammates, the attraction still burned unrequited between them. Every so often Jason swore Lucas was going to make a move, and if he was honest with himself, he wanted Lucas to take him in his arms.
With his thoughts running in a direction he didn’t want them to go, Jason focused on the road in front of him. If they did well today, they’d be at the top of the standings, and then they had two weeks off before they had to be at the next rodeo. All he had to do was behave himself.
A short time later, Jason pulled the truck into the lot, next to all of the other rigs belonging to the rodeo riders. Many of which he recognized. Once he was parked, Lucas looked at him with his dark eyes. “I’ll get some food; you get the horses settled and us checked in.” He was out the door before Jason could argue.
“Get me an elephant ear!” Jason called after Lucas as he walked away.
Jason rounded the trailer and let the horses out, giving them a quick drink of water before heading off to the registration tent.
He passed many of the regulars along the way. A cheery tune hit his ears, and it took him a moment to realize he was the one whistling.
Jason approached the registration table and handed the lady their check. “Jason and Lucas for team roping,” he said.
The lady gave him a knowing smile. “Planning to take the lead today, are ya?”
Jason winked. “Hoping to.”
A small skip entered his step as he made his way back to the trailer. The horses greeted him with a whinny.
“What’s got you all smiley?” Lucas spoke around a burger he was shoving in his mouth. He handed Jason a to-go bag. “Got you a burger and fries. No elephant ears until we’re done riding. You don’t need all that sugar before we
go in the arena.”
“Okay, Mom.”
Jason and Lucas leaned against the wheel well of the trailer, eating their lunch.
“You see any of the regular teams?” Lucas asked.
Jason shook his head. “Just some of the bull riders. Haven’t seen any ropers yet. We’re a little early though.”
“Yeah, ‘cause you drive like a bat out of hell.”
“Got us here, didn’t I?”
Lucas shook his head and looked away. Jason wanted to tease him some more, draw out that smile that he loved to see, but that could wait until later.
Right now they needed to focus on the event ahead of them. Lucas pulled out his lasso and spun it around his head, loosening up his muscles. Muscles that Jason had a hard time not staring at. Lucas wore a T-shirt that stretched tight across his chest. Each time his arm rose in the air, his biceps rippled and the fabric strained against the muscle.
“Am I doing something wrong?” Lucas asked. Real concern laced his eyes.
Jason snapped out of his daydreams about Lucas’s arms pulling him close. “What? No. No, you look fine.” You look great.
“Quit staring at me then. You’re making me nervous.”
“Sorry.” Jason hustled to the tack room of the trailer, hoping to crawl in there and hide. Lucas’s good mood might turn sour if he knew Jason was ogling him.
Focus on your goal. Focus on your goal.
He repeated the mantra over and over in his head, but it did nothing to wipe away the memory of Lucas.
Somehow, getting Lucas back into his bed seemed more appealing than winning the title.
The thought came out of nowhere, and Jason banged his head on the door of the tack room.
“You okay over there?”
“Yeah…just…looking for my tack.” Lusting after your body. Fuck, he had it bad. When the hell had this happened?
Probably around the time he’d gotten to see Lucas’s smile again. These past few weeks since they shared that hotel bed had been great. Lucas laughed and joked like before. He smiled and made Jason weak in the knees like some lovesick fool.
He couldn’t recall ever feeling like this before. He’d never let himself. How could he have a relationship with anyone when he had nothing to offer? Most of his relationships were quick—nonexistent, really, except for the sex.
Lucas was different. His. Yeah. That sounded right.
But without a ranch, Jason still had nothing to offer. The only things he owned were his horse and the rickety truck and trailer.
“Are you sure you’re all right?”
Suddenly, Lucas was standing outside of the tack room, looking at Jason like he’d grown a second head.
“Yeah, why?”
“I don’t know. You look…weird. You’ve got this goofy-ass smile on your face.”
Jason shrugged, then grabbed his bridle from the hook and tossed it at Lucas. “Just excited about today. I’ve got a good feeling.” Jason stepped down from the tack room, carrying his saddle and pad.
“Yeah, well, I do too, but don’t jinx it.” Lucas stepped past Jason, and Jason caught the scent of his sweet cologne mixed with the enticing aroma of leather.
“Let’s get saddled up; we don’t want to be late.” Maybe once Jason mounted up, his hard-on would go away, and he could focus on winning. One look at Lucas hefting his saddle onto Rain’s back told him that was unlikely.
* * * *
Lucas stared out into the arena, his gaze wandering from the crowded stands and back to the entertainment being put on by the rodeo clowns. Dust flew into the air, and the smell of horses and livestock surrounded him. Jason sat atop Argo, yakking away on his cell phone, talking to one of their sponsors. Based on the smiles he sent Lucas’s way, the conversation was going well.
The next event was team roping, and since they’d arrived early, it was likely they would be up first. Lucas waited for the nerves to hit him like they had at every other rodeo this year, but they never came. A calm surrounded him, and instead of feeling like he was about to compete, it felt more like he and Jason were enjoying an afternoon trail ride. Even the noise of the crowd and all the activity didn’t interfere with his state of peace.
Jason hung up the phone, slipping it into the carrier attached to his belt. Lucas tore his gaze away, trying to focus on something else. Like he needed to be staring at Jason in those tight jeans.
“We got this,” Lucas said.
“What?”
“We got this. I feel good about this ride.”
Jason clapped him on the back, and a wide smile spread across his face. “That’s what I like to hear. Let’s go out there and tear it up!”
Jason chuckled. “Why don’t we wait until they call our names, yeah?”
“Spoilsport.” Jason feigned a pout and slumped his shoulders, looking like a child who’d just dropped his ice-cream cone.
“Buck up, you big baby.” Lucas couldn’t hold back his laughter, and soon Jason joined in.
After a while, their names were called. As Lucas steered Rain into the box, he caught Jason’s eye, and Jason winked. That set the butterflies in motion, but not because he was nervous.
They waited for the buzzer to sound and the steer to be released. The announcer kept talking in his exaggerated Southern drawl.
“Now, this team here has been together since the beginning of time. Whoo-ee, you won’t find either of these boys riding without the other. No way.”
Lucas bit back a laugh as the announcer kept going. If only he knew the type of riding he was thinking about doing with Jason.
“Last year they went home with the second-place title, and though they’ve had a rough start this year, it’s looking like they might get that first-place buckle. Let’s see how they do here today.”
With one last look at his partner, Lucas focused on the ride ahead. His hand gripped the rope, ready for the windup at any moment.
The buzzer sounded, and the steer took off. Without a cue from Lucas, Rain followed. Out of the corner of his eye, Lucas saw Jason release his lasso. Pride swelled in his chest at the beautiful technique. The rope landed on its intended target, roping both horns of the steer. Jason tied off the rope to his saddle horn and the steer spun, in perfect position for Lucas.
Lucas acted completely on instinct, tossing his rope, and, like he’d done a million times before, he hooked both rear legs of the steer.
The crowd erupted in applause, many jumping to their feet in excitement.
Lucas met Jason’s eyes through the dust as it settled around them. Damn. He could practically feel the heat radiating from his partner, and his body responded. Tonight they would celebrate. Surely with that ride they had to have made up some of the lost ground from earlier in the season.
The announcer’s voice crackled through the speakers, interrupting their moment. “Whooo-eee folks. That’s how it’s done! This team is back in action and ready to take over. Now I can’t be sure, but I would lay odds that this was one of their fastest rides to date. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the time to beat, not only for today, but for the rest of the season!”
* * * *
Jason tied Argo off at the trailer and went in search of Lucas. God, he wanted to kiss him or hold him or fuck him or some combination of the three. That ride had been exhilarating, and he still hadn’t recovered. His skin jumped and prickled with overactive nerves.
He found Lucas standing in a group with some of the other rodeo riders, probably discussing the day’s events. Jason resisted the urge to drag Lucas away and keep him all to himself. No. That was no way to behave in public.
“Well, if it isn’t the other half of the dynamic duo. That was one hell of a ride today.”
Jason smiled. “Thanks, Darren. Shouldn’t you be getting ready for the bronc riding?”
“Nah, there’s plenty of time. Hey, y’all want to join us for a drink tonight? We’re all heading up to Mac’s Tavern. Gonna be some buckle bunnies there for sure. With the winnings you earne
d today, you can have your pick of whoever you want.” The tall man smiled at Jason.
Jason’s stomach rolled at the thought of picking someone to take back to his hotel room. The person he wanted to be with was Lucas. Only, because of Lucas’s rules, they were in separate rooms again.
“Yeah, we might come out for a beer,” Lucas said.
Jason nodded, even though he doubted he would be going out tonight. He nudged Lucas’s shoulder. “Let’s get the horses put up for the night.”
Lucas followed as Jason sauntered off toward their trailer, making his way through the crowd of riders, horses, and other obstacles that blocked their path. This was one of the larger rodeos they attended, which made the area behind the arena cramped with activity.
“Loose horse!” a voice screamed out from behind them. Both Jason and Lucas turned. It wasn’t uncommon for a horse or steer to get loose; usually it was pretty easy to catch them with some treats and a gentle voice. But an angry steer or stubborn horse could be dangerous if left running around freely.
Just over Lucas’s head, Jason could see the palomino thundering through the crowd. The world slowed as Jason watched. Lucas didn’t move out of the way fast enough, and the horse plowed right into his side, knocking him into the fence.
Lucas’s head and arm bounced off the metal rail and he hit the ground facedown, barely catching himself with his right arm.
“Shit. Lucas!” Jason rushed to Lucas’s side as the man rolled over onto his back.
The horse took off like nothing had happened, and a group of cowboys chased after it.
“He okay?”
Jason didn’t even look up to see who was asking. “Get the medics over here, now.”
Lucas groaned and held his head. “I don’t need a damn medic.” He sucked in a breath as if the effort of talking had taken too much out of him.
Jason knelt on the ground, pulling Lucas against his chest. “Yeah, you do. You hit your head damn hard, and your wrist looks like it’s going to explode.”
Lucas held his right hand in front of his face. Already it had swollen to twice its normal size. “Is there supposed to be two of them?”