by Ellie Hall
Right then, she was somewhere between freezing and frosty. It wasn’t because she’d gotten used to the weather in Miami, where she’d lived and worked for the last five years, despite her lack of a tan. It certainly wasn’t because the man had startled her—she’d seen him coming as she’d tied her shoe. But it didn’t prepare her for nearly running into Ryan Kelly after five years. If her fingers hadn’t been so stiff from the weather as she’d fussed with her sneaker’s laces, she would’ve risked tripping and darted back in the direction she’d come, avoiding him altogether. But she’d tripped anyway, well, slid on a hidden patch of ice.
Rachel stood there in a mixture of shock, astonishment, and surprise. Neither of them moved. The snow drifting onto his hat just barely coating his light red-brown hair and instead settled on his broad shoulders. His eyes floated over her as though checking if she was okay or making sure she was real. Then his gaze crash landed on her eyes. She staggered, rocking back on her heels. Only that time it wasn’t because of ice hidden under the new layer of snow.
His eyes were green and glistened in the cold. His full, familiar lips parted. “Hi.”
Little clouds of cold air puffed between them.
“Hi,” she replied. Her thoughts and feelings about seeing him again were as numerable as the snowflakes and just as frozen. But mostly she felt numb. It was a way to protect herself from the pain he’d caused.
She unlocked her gaze from his and focused on his large fingers, still wrapped around her arm from when he’d reached out to keep her from slipping on the ice. Her brain thawed just enough to remind her whose hand held her in place. She yanked her arm away. “I don’t need your help—”
As if realizing he still held her firmly in place, he lowered his arm.
Even though she wore a jacket, her skin underneath burned like she’d held a piece of ice too long and then ran it under warm water.
Ryan slid his hands into the front pocket of his sweatshirt. He gazed at his sneakers.
She let out a sharp breath, remembering her manners. Truly, she was grateful she hadn’t fallen. It just didn’t help that it was Ryan Kelly who’d gone to her aid. “Thanks for—” Rachel wasn’t sure how to end the sentence. Thanks for catching me? Thanks for not letting me fall? But she already had fallen for him back in high school. Fallen hard. After he’d broken her heart, it was like she’d fallen on her backside and it took a while for her to pick herself back up. Thanks for reminding me that I’m over you, Ryan Kelly.
He’d caught up to her junior year during a race that was a bet between the girls cross country team and the football team. Her specialty was running long distance. He was the only varsity guy who’d been able to keep up with her, even when she’d clocked mile ten. They just kept running until they reached the village and got ice cream together. She shivered at the memory.
They became inseparable. She thought they had a future together. He was the one.
Then he broke her heart. She’d never broken a bone but reasoned it would’ve been easier than healing the ache in her chest. It had taken five years, but she’d finally done it. Though the thudding against her ribs suggested otherwise. She couldn’t still have feelings for him. No, she’d washed herself of that possibility in the Atlantic Ocean, while spending weeks on a research ship as part of her job as a marine biologist. In less than a year she was supposed to start her Ph.D. program. However, that was no longer happening.
“Thanks for—?” he asked after her long pause. “Do you mean to say thanks for saving the day?” Amusement played on Ryan’s lips as he glanced at her feet firmly planted on the ground. It was just like him to swoop in and do something kind or helpful. But true to form, he had to gloat about it. He could be so cocky and infuriating, especially on the football field.
An icy hot feeling flared inside because she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of thinking she’d needed his help. “I was just testing out these new sneakers. I didn’t lose my footing.” Her arms crossed in front of her chest defiantly.
“Oh. I thought you were practicing some new ice-skating moves.”
As if her cheeks weren’t already pink enough from the cold, heat crept up her neck. She inhaled a deep breath, ready to continue her run and get as far away as possible from how confused she felt about seeing him again. Her body responded positively, warming her through, clouding her thoughts. But her brain and heart knew better. Unfortunately, they were preparing for battle. Her brain and heart were on the offense. Her body was on the defense but thankfully outnumbered.
There was no way she’d entertain anything with a man, especially not him, especially not then. She’d recently gotten out of a relationship with a guy who was somehow more arrogant than Ryan if that was possible.
“Maybe I helped a little bit.” He held his thumb and forefinger an inch apart.
She fought against stomping her foot on the ground and storming off. However, given the fact that her sneakers were almost brand new and the ground was slippery, she’d probably fall and actually break a bone.
Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “You’re wearing a Miami Riptide hat. You’re with the competition now?”
She cut him a glare.
“I didn’t expect their fans to enjoy cold weather recreation like running in the snow and ice skating.” He seemed to have shaken off his own surprise at seeing her easily enough.
She wanted to push him into the nearby pond, but too bad it was frozen. “You’re wearing a Boston Bruisers hat, which means you’ve probably had all your sense knocked out of your head.” Her tone was as frozen and flat as the pond’s icy surface.
He pointed as though remembering it was on his head. “Actually, I’m the running back for the team.”
“As I said...”
The Boston Bruisers were known for being the roughest and toughest team in the NFL. She knew his position and a lot of other details she’d rather not admit. It was hard not to pay at least a little bit of attention to the hottest, singlest, and most valuable player in the NFL—at least that’s what the headline on a magazine her ex had left at her apartment said. It was Ryan’s ruggedly handsome face and athletic body on the cover. Instead of returning the magazine to Tobias, she’d tucked it under her stack of wedding magazines—from a subscription her mother had bought her for her birthday. Too bad she wouldn’t be around to see her daughter get hitched. Rachel cast her gaze to the mountains and sent the thought away.
“So you switched teams?” His eyes darkened at the accusation of her disloyalty.
“You did too. If I recall, you attended every Colorado Crush home game senior year and you were hoping to be drafted so you didn’t have to leave the state. I moved to Miami after college so...” She and her girlfriends had gone to a few games over the years, mostly when Miami played their biggest rival, which also happened to be Ryan’s team—the Boston Bruisers.
“We’re going to cream the Riptide at the next game.” He flashed a self-assured grin.
Her lips twisted. Maybe it wasn’t her body, mind, and heart that had gone to war. Perhaps it was the two of them. “Good luck,” she said.
Those simple words were like a blow. His face fell. It wasn’t that the expression good luck was uncommon, but it was part of what they’d say before every one of his games. He’d reply Good luck always finds the Kellys. The family even had a painted sign in the kitchen of their ranch home with an Irish proverb about how they were rich with good luck. It was what she knew he’d believed wasn’t at all true after his mother died in a terrible plane crash.
Ryan was significantly taller than Rachel and his broad shoulders shielded her from the snow, but the way his forehead creased and lips lowered, she wanted to protect him from the pain of losing his mother. She hadn’t meant to upset him.
His was the kind of agony Rachel was on the brink of discovering for herself.
He gazed at the mountains as though struggling to figure out which way to run—onward or back. But he remained on the top of the hill as though also
frozen in place. It was like the two of them knew if they continued in opposite directions, they may never see each other again.
Once more, her body, mind, and heart vied for the upper hand.
Body: Let’s stay here, close together, warm in Ryan’s presence.
Mind: Don’t be foolish. He hurt you once. He’ll do it again.
Heart: Save yourself!
Hardly a day had passed that Ryan Kelly didn’t come to mind, but she wasn’t sure she wanted him back in her life.
“You’re awfully pale for living in Miami.” His voice was like a low rumble, practically shaking the earth, shaking her to her core. But it seemed he’d collected himself by gritting down and burying his feelings deep.
Not much of her skin was visible from under her running gear, but her legs went wobbly. It wasn’t because of his strong, masculine features or the way his eyes on her always made her feel: beautiful, adored, seen. It was only because she was no longer used to running in the cold and snow. At least that’s what she told herself.
“I guess my tan faded.” The fact that she didn’t tan was a joke between them about their shared roots. Her grandparents had been from County Cork, Ireland, making her half Irish. The only thing she knew about her father was that he was Italian and had a fiery temper.
When she and Ryan were in high school, even though they’d run together and spend long afternoons by the pond, somehow her skin repelled sunshine while his was somehow always golden. She’d complain about how it wasn’t fair. He’d always said how much he’d loved her skin tone.
She was like snow and he was like the sun.
They were two halves of a whole.
He ate the outside of an Oreo cookie and she liked the inside.
She preferred the ocean and he liked the mountains.
At prom, he’d even requested the DJ play the classic song We Go Together from Grease—one of her favorite musicals and movies. They’d danced to it and even sang along. At the end, he’d spun her around, dipped her low in his arms, and whispered in her ear, “We go together like you and me.”
Rachel inhaled sharply at the memory. Thinking about how they were two parts of a whole led her to once more think about the hole he’d left in her heart.
As though Ryan also pulled himself back to the present, he cleared his throat. “So are you home for the holidays?”
“No.” She shivered. “I moved back last month.”
His head tilted in surprise. “Oh, I didn’t know that.”
“There are a lot of things you don’t know, Ryan Kelly.” She was ready to name them off, one by one. He had no idea of the strong woman she’d become in the last five years nor was he aware of the strength she still needed. She wanted to direct her anger at him for the heartbreak instead of the splinter that had recently lodged itself in the fragile muscle in her chest.
“Name one,” he challenged. Before she could reply he said, “I know that we need to get you a new hat, right now.” He wiggled the brim.
“Did you just say right meow?”
“No, I said I can’t stand to imagine you cheering on the Riptide when there’s a much better choice.” That wasn’t what he’d said, but she knew what he’d meant.
She heard the sound again, like a low meow coming from behind Ryan. Her eyebrows pressed together as she finally moved her feet. Her toes were stiff and almost numb. She crept toward the oak tree, ignoring the carving in a smooth part of the trunk. R+R 4ever.
The snow drove down harder and coated one side of the tree as it blew in from the mountains. On the other side of the massive trunk was a hollow. She paused, listening. Again, there came a meow.
Ryan stepped beside her and they both crouched down. The air smelled like winter, like snow—a scent she’d missed for the last few years of having her mother fly to Florida for Christmas to give her a break from the cold. But beneath the scent of ice and snow was Ryan: a hint of something spicy like aftershave—though he was in need of a shave—the fresh scent of soap, and a masculine fragrance that was all him, all athlete, all man.
Suddenly wobbly in the knees, she braced herself against the tree. Her mind told her body to cut it out.
A pair of meows drew her back to the task. Ryan shined the light of his phone into the tree hollow. Three little furry faces looked up at them. Their almond-shaped eyes flashed from the dark.
“Looks like three little kittens,” Ryan said.
“We should look for the mother cat,” Rachel suggested.
Ryan blew into his hands. “We’re not too far from the east barn. She’s probably there.”
As the snow fell harder from the sky and unsure if that was the right course of action, they debated what to do. Ryan read an article about finding kittens aloud from his phone.
“I guess we should bring them to a better shelter.”
He blew on his hands again, and then scooped up two of the kittens.
“Careful, they’re not footballs. Don’t squish them,” Rachel said.
Ryan rolled his eyes then passed one kitten to her. It was white with a little black tip on its tail. The others were also mostly white with a few black patches.
With the discovery of the kittens, it felt strangely right to be walking beside Ryan on the old familiar trail to the barn on his family’s property.
Needing to release some stress, she’d set off for a run and found herself on his land. She shouldn’t have been surprised to find him there. Yet her breath halted, her pulse doubled, and tingles rushed through her body before landing in her stomach the minute she saw him. They hadn’t stopped. Thankfully, the barn came into view.
Well aware of the second tragedy that had befallen his family in recent years, maybe the Kelly boys were going to sell the ranch and that was what had brought him back. Then again, she knew at least one of the brothers managed or used the massive property.
The barn smelled like hay and manure, like summers gone by. While Rachel remained with the kittens, keeping them close, Ryan poked around until he found a warming light the boys had used for raising chicks, a box, and a blanket.
“This should do for now,” he said, plugging it in.
“Are we going to leave them here?” She didn’t like the idea of them being without their mother.
“We have to hope the mother will come back.”
They exchanged a quick but meaningful glance.
His expression said he knew how foolish and hopeless that was.
Hers was one of tireless hope. At least that’s what she told herself because doubt had crept in, taken root, and kept her awake at night.
While he arranged the kittens, she discretely folded her hands and said a silent prayer.
“Come on, let’s head back to the house,” Ryan said as though five years hadn’t passed and they were just hanging out on any old winter afternoon.
Rachel was at least seven miles from home and even though that wasn’t far for her to run in dry weather, the snow was already over an inch deep. She hesitated.
“We’ll get warmed up and come back to check on them. If the mother cat hasn’t returned, we’ll figure out what to do.”
That was only part of the reason she hesitated. The other was because heading to the house meant spending more time with Ryan.
Considering his loss and how he’d dealt with it, she was genuinely curious about why he’d returned. However, once outside, as the cold air whipped up the snow, her thoughts were carried away by the wind.
They hiked the three miles from the barn to his house, taking a shortcut that was off the running path. All the while, they both were quiet. Whether it was to keep warm or because there was so much to say and neither of them were sure where to begin, Rachel didn’t know.
The silence was broken when they reached the house, stomped off their shoes, and were welcomed by a fire blazing in the hearth along with JJ who threw on another log.
“Rachel, I thought I’d be seeing you soon,” JJ said in a smooth, low tone. He was a country singer a
nd hearing his voice brought up fond memories spent with Ryan’s family.
She greeted the oldest Kelly brother with a hug. As Ryan’s high school sweetheart, she’d become friends with all of them.
Ryan nodded at his brother. As he walked into the kitchen, he said, “I’ll grab us some water. Be right back.”
“I’d hoped Ryan changed but just didn’t know how much. You’re one lucky lady. It’s official. Yours was the first gift under the tree.” JJ pointed to the little square box tied with ribbon. “You know the Kelly Brother Ranch rules, Rachel. First gift gets the first open. Kelly ranch rules.”
The Kellys had loads of family traditions. One of them was that whatever gift was placed under the tree first became the first one opened of the season. Then everyone else would be jealous because they’d have to wait until Christmas. Some years the brothers put out gag gifts, other times something meaningful or useful.
Her head jerked back. “He didn’t have to get me anything—”
JJ cut across her. “Just open it.”
“Should I wait?”
JJ winked and gestured she do it right away.
Rachel pulled off the paper covered in Christmas kittens and thought of the helpless little animals they’d found in the tree.
Inside the box was a folded piece of paper. She read it then read it again. “Please, say yes.” She looked around the room, dumbfounded and as though searching for the question she was supposed to say yes to.
Her eyes locked on Ryan’s as he entered the room with two glasses of water. “Please, say yes?” she repeated.
His gaze fell on the box and the slip of torn paper in Rachel’s hand. He stiffened, but the water in the glasses rippled as though his hands were suddenly shaking.
Then she understood and she felt as empty inside as the box.
Chapter 3
What had JJ done? Why had he put that old box under the tree? Guilt at hastily rushing off for a run stabbed at his insides. Was his brother trying to get back at him? No, that wasn’t JJ’s style. No, he’d shoved the box in JJ’s hands. It made sense JJ would’ve put it under the tree. It wasn’t his brother’s fault, but he wanted to bolt back onto the trail and run back in time, to undo it, or at last get away from the discomfort that was sure to come from having upset Rachel all over again.