by Ellie Hall
“Fair enough,” Ryan said respectfully. “But Tobias, I’d like you to tell Rachel what you said about Rachel Moore—” He stopped himself and shook his head. “No, I don’t want her to hear it. Just know that he’s no gentleman.” He angled himself protectively in front of her.
The brunette on Connor’s arm lifted her shoulder in a shrug, stepped forward, and then whispered in Rachel’s ear. Her eyes widened with each word spoken. “I’m sorry, but you should know what kind of guy he is,” she added, audibly and cut a glare at Tobias.
Rachel’s cheeks heated and then that red-hot feeling transformed into anger. She’d had it with her ex. “Tobias is the kind of guy I never want to see again.” She turned to Ryan. “And you...” But she trailed off, unsure what to say because the look in his green eyes had softened and was apologetic, but she wasn’t in the mood to spare the truth. She whispered so only he could hear. “Well, you’re the one who left me and broke my heart.”
Surrounded by five of the meanest (and she had to admit, best looking) football players she’d ever seen, Tobias rushed off. Good. She was glad to be rid of him. He probably spent as much on his plane ticket as she’d received for the ring. It went toward the insurance deductible on their health plan so it had been well worth it to her to sell it. Still, her stomach churned with anxiety over the entire situation.
“I should go home,” she said to no one in particular. “Thanks for inviting me.” With barely a glance in Ryan’s direction, she strode off.
She fought against her sagging shoulders and fretted over how terrible everything was going in her life. She tried to keep her chin lifted and wear a bright and cheery smile, but between leaving her future career, her mother being sick, having to pack up the house and sell it, on top of all the drama with her ex-boyfriends, she wanted to crawl under a blanket inside a cave and not emerge until spring. Hibernation didn’t sound like a terrible idea. But she also liked the peace the ocean brought her, out on a boat with the sun warming her skin and longed for that kind of freedom too.
As she collected her coat, she sighed, feeling guilty for thinking of a tropical escape.
The cold winter air was like a slap in the face as she opened the door to exit. But then a large figure rushed up behind her. She was hopeful it was Ryan, but a man in a blue suit jogged past her. “Excuse me. My wife forgot her purse.”
Rachel stepped outside, hoping Tobias wasn’t waiting but unsure how she was going to get home. She had an app on her phone for a car service that she’d sometimes used in Miami but wasn’t sure they’d bring her to her house all the way from Denver, never mind how much that would cost. Large snowflakes drifted slowly from the sky.
A truck rolled smoothly to a stop by the curb in front of her. The passenger side window lowered.
“Rachel,” Ryan said with relief. “I thought you took off with Flick.”
She’d been losing sleep over her mother and hardly had the energy to deal with anything else. “I’m sorry about everything,” she said.
“You’re sorry? What do you mean?” he asked. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I shouldn’t have let Tobias come.”
“I won’t argue with you there, but I have a feeling he’s a pushy kind of guy. I overheard him talking about you and... I lost it.”
“Well, you don’t have to defend my honor.” She wrapped her arms around her chest to keep warm.
“Maybe I want to.”
Rachel glanced up quickly and caught a sparkle in Ryan’s eyes.
“You deserve better than that lousy Flick guy.”
She had enough going on that there wasn’t room for guys in her life, lousy or not. Although, she wouldn’t lie, having Ryan Kelly stand up for her kind of felt right.
“Was he really your fiancé?” Ryan asked.
She nodded. “Was, past tense. He wanted more than I was willing to give before we were married and then he cheated on me.”
Ryan tipped his head to the side, incredulous.
“I should get home. I have to pack—twenty-something years of collecting stuff under one roof is proving to be a time-consuming endeavor.”
“How are the tires working out?”
She shrugged. “I came in Tobias’s rental car.”
“In that case, let me bring you home.”
She shivered. “You don’t have to.”
“It’s on the way and you’re cold.”
She stopped bouncing on her toes to keep warm. “I don’t need you bailing me out.”
“Your house is literally on the way. Plus, I don’t trust Tobias driving on these icy back roads.” He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as though he waited for her to say more.
“I wasn’t going back to Tobias.”
He opened his door, went around to the passenger side and held the door open for her. “Well, good. Get in.”
Without any other affordable options and since Ryan literally had to pass Mulberry Street in order to get to KB Ranch, she hopped in the truck.
Once more, snug in the warm cab of the vehicle, her thoughts carried her back in time to other drives to and from school, after football games, and how careful Ryan always was in bad weather. As he so often had, he was looking after her, but she knew like he’d done before something would happen and he’d ditch her.
Ryan tapped the steering wheel as he waited at the last traffic light before leaving the city and heading into the mountains. “The fundraiser gala went well. Thanks again for coming.”
Her phone beeped with an incoming message. Tobias’s name flashed across the screen and ignoring it, she slipped it in her bag.
“Was that him? Begging for forgiveness?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah, but I don’t know what he wants. It’s probably better to forget about him.”
“I’m sorry that I pried about you being engaged, but—”
“But you were curious.” She wasn’t sure if it was the comfort of the truck’s cab or that she just needed to vent, but the story came out. “Our relationship had been over for a long time before we officially broke up. But before that, I was finally able to open up to someone again after—”
In the driver’s seat, Ryan winced. “After what I did.”
Even though the truck was moving, the world slowed. Yes. What he did. How he ran. Broke her. Broke her heart. She’d put herself back together, but the thing about forcing herself to be numb, not to think about everything that happened and the way she felt, was that it was still there, frozen in time, keeping part of her in the past. And their reunion had caused a thaw, brought her emotions back to the surface. She was hurt, but also couldn’t set aside the very real feelings she’d for him. Her heart hammered and her breath was loud in her ears reminding her that they were still alive and so many people they loved weren’t or soon wouldn’t be. She had to heal, mend things, she had to live while she could. If that looked like being friends with Ryan, then she’d do that.
She cleared her throat, coming back to the present. “Yeah.” She went on to tell Ryan how she’d learned Tobias had only asked her to marry him because his mother was pressuring him.
Ryan’s left arm rested on the window frame and his fist pressed against his lips as though he was holding back saying something.
When she was done with the story, she said, “So now I’m back here.”
“You were saying you have to pack your mom’s things. How’s she doing?” His careful tone suggested he knew. But he also drove with care because the snow had picked up and had already accumulated on the unplowed road.
She told him about the diagnosis and the outlook for her recovery. “It isn’t good, but she agreed to participate in a trial treatment. So far, it seems only to have made things worse. But the doctors said sometimes that happens.” Rachel fought off tears. When she’d told Bea and Thistle, it was as though she’d heard someone else’s voice speaking robotically out of her mouth. But with Ryan it was her. She didn’t hide the pain behind a cheerful smile and hopeful
outlook.
By the time she was done relaying the details, he pulled into her driveway. A strong word his mother would’ve scolded him for fell from his lips. “Rachel, I didn’t know it was that bad. I’m sorry. So sorry.”
She swallowed. “I have to sell the house. Pay for medical expenses and all that. I was by the town hall earlier today to confirm there aren’t any liens on the property.”
He exhaled through his nose. “Funny, I was there too. Small town.”
She’d spotted him in the clerk’s office but didn’t want to draw attention to the fact that she had to sell the house. She imagined the decision pained her mother. “Yeah, I know. I mean—”
“You saw me but didn’t say hello?” he asked.
“You were talking to someone and I didn’t want to interrupt.”
He snorted. “How does your mom feel about selling the house? I know how much it meant to her.”
“We have to do what we have to do. She’s so brave.”
“So are you. Leaving your degree program, coming back, telling Tobias aka Mr. Wrong to take a hike.” His chuckle came out like a growl.
“I think you were the one to do that.”
“You know it’s easier to do what’s familiar and reliable. But it’s better to do what’s right. I couldn’t—” Ryan’s voice was strained, but he turned to face her. “I’m sorry for leaving, for turning my back on you. I’ll never make that mistake again. So whatever you need... If there’s anything I can do...”
“I don’t want pity.”
His forehead wrinkled. “It’s not pity. It’s kindness and care. It’s Christmas and I care a lot about you, Rachel. I’m truly, truly sorry.”
Her mind wanted to know why. Why, why, why had he left? She wasn’t sure she could trust him or if returning home brought on a lot of guilt, but her heart wasn’t ready to hear the truth.
He slapped his hand on the steering wheel. “I know. I know what you need.” He backed out of the driveway and headed back to town.
She jolted. “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
In the village center was a small Christmas tree lot strung with big white bulbs and fluttering green and red triangular flags.
Rachel shook her head. “No, I don’t have time to decorate a tree and who’d see it anyway?”
“Us,” he said simply and got out of the truck.
As she continued to protest, he slung a large spruce over his shoulder and dropped it in the bed of the pickup. He slipped a hundred-dollar bill in the metal honor box and then got back in. “Come on. I haven’t decorated a Christmas tree in years.”
Rachel continued to plead with him that it wasn’t necessary. She was usually the jolly one and during senior hear spearheaded a group to decorate the high school for the holidays, but she wasn’t feeling the Christmas spirit that year.
“We’ll take photos of it for your mom. It’s her favorite holiday, right? If she can’t be home by Christmas, we’ll bring it to her.”
The sentiment silenced Rachel because it was incredibly thoughtful, but she knew her mother probably wouldn’t return to the house on Mulberry Street again. Small snowflakes dropped like a sheet from the sky.
“I missed home, but not the snow. Will it ever stop?” he asked after a beat.
“You know the answer to that as well as I do.”
“Do you miss Miami?”
“Not as much as I miss my mom.” She wiped away a tear.
“She’s still here. Well, not here...” He trailed off.
Rachel felt like her heart was caving in because she knew it wasn’t much longer; the end was coming.
Once back at the house on Mulberry Street, she got out of the truck. A commotion came from beside the house followed by a squawk. “I forgot to close the coop,” Rachel fretted.
“Wait here,” Ryan said, rushing down the driveway. The snow was already at least two inches deep. She’d have to shuck out more money to the plow guys.
Her mother had three chickens and that was the third time that week she’d forgotten to close the coop. The birds had a sizable enclosure so they didn’t wander off, but there were plenty of coyotes in the hills behind the house who’d gladly help themselves to a snack.
Ryan called from the side of the house. “Head on in and warm up. I’ll be right there.”
She worried the coyote got ahold of the birds and was thankful Ryan was there to deal with it. When she turned the floodlight on at the back of the house, he had a hammer in hand and was banging on the enclosure.
She fed the kittens who’d already gotten rather plump, put on the kettle and Ryan entered, gripping the large tree.
After setting it in the stand, he rubbed his hands together then started a fire. Still dressed in his suit, she hoped he didn’t get sap on it but didn’t mind the view. He was indisputably handsome dressed in the finely tailored jacket and pants.
As the fire warmed him, he took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. “Chicken coop repaired—don’t worry, no casualties, but it was a close one—, Christmas tree ready, what else can I do for you, my lady?” he asked with mock gallantry.
Warm fuzzies fought with the tension of aggravation. It was thoughtful but also infuriating. Why couldn’t she just make sense of how she felt?
He held up a finger and looked around the room at the many boxes scattered everywhere. “Where are the decorations?” His eyes landed on the red plastic bins with green lids. Rachel had taken them down from the attic to put in the pile with items for the yard sale. Ryan popped the top of one box and drew out a string of lights and swiftly wrapped them around the tree.
“I should be packing.” She was unable to carry on as though Christmas that year was like all the others. She knew what was coming for her mother and nothing about it was merry or bright.
Ryan continued to unpack, unwrapping ornaments from sheets of newspaper and hanging them on the sturdy branches of the tree.
“Ryan, you don’t have to do this,” she said, taking a gold bauble from his hand. Inside was a picture of the two of them during homecoming.
Ryan dipped his head. “Hey, I know those two.”
“Knew,” she corrected because neither one of them were the same as they’d been as teens.
“What if we both went our separate ways, grew up, changed, and now we’re even better.” The corner of her mouth lifted in a tentative half smile.
She couldn’t deny the way the possibility in his words made her heart rise in her chest.
Ryan took her hand in his, still holding the ornament. His touch was firm, meaningful, powerful. He smelled like comfort, like Christmas: cinnamon, vanilla, pine...and hope. Something she hadn’t felt since she saw how much the illness had changed her mother.
She felt an internal shift just then.
Maybe it was Ryan’s influence: he was big enough to move mountains.
Perhaps it was the crackling fire, the tree, and the undeniable spirit of Christmas and the coming birth of the Savior.
It could’ve been that she’d finally told someone all that had transpired.
Maybe it was that Ryan had apologized and she forgave him.
It may have been any number of things, but at that moment, it didn’t matter because at last, she felt a lightening inside, a softening. Rachel dug into the bin of decorations, finding her favorite ones and started to help.
Ryan played carols on an old radio and less than an hour later the tree was trimmed. They took a few photos for her mom, including a selfie of the two of them, glowing brightly. She hadn’t smiled like that in a long time.
They tidied up the boxes then he reached for her hand again. Instead of cupping it, he laced his fingers through hers. His gaze floated from their joined hands to her eyes and then landed on her lips. He stepped closer then lifted something overhead. “I found the mistletoe.” His voice was low, practically a croon.
She craned her head. Sure enough, he held the mistletoe her mother always hung over
the cased opening leading from the entryway to the living room.
“Will you kiss me?” His eyes sparkled. “Please, say yes.”
The words reminded her of the slip of paper in the box under the tree at his house.
Chapter 9
Rachel’s smile was like the firelight. The sight of it was soothing, relaxing...and hot. She lifted onto her toes. In response to his unspoken question, will you kiss, me, she whispered, “Yes.”
Their lips pressed together softly at first. It wasn’t the first time for them, not by a long shot, but as he brought his hands to cradle her head, it may as well have been a first kiss. They were both hesitant, careful, and maybe a little unsure.
There was a certain tremulousness between them. Her heart thudded against his as their chests pressed together. They fumbled a moment as they tilted their heads the same way then they switched and brushed noses. She giggled and smiled against his mouth.
That sound was like a key, opening something inside Ryan that shifted things from tender to filled with desire, a longing that had long been dormant. He loved the sound of her laughter.
Feeling her mouth under his and how very right it was, how much he’d yearned for it over the years doubled his pulse. His heart hammered and his breath became a secondary notion. Primary was the kiss, the connection, the passion crackling between them.
Her hands pressed against his broad back, and he tangled his hands in her hair. He’d loved her hair, her skin, her eyes, her lips—everything about her was perfect. She was the woman for him.
She was so soft and gentle, yet demanding as the kiss deepened. He was sure that she wanted him as much as he did her. Her scent was floral, like a bouquet of flowers or a spring meadow with a hint of citrus. He breathed her in, unable to get enough.
Then the kiss slowed and he trailed his lips across her cheek, to the soft space behind her ear, to her neck, then the wrist, until he reached the back of her hand. He drew the flat of her palm to his chest and pressed it against his heart.
“Please don’t ever doubt how much I care about you.”
Her eyes twinkled in the light of the Christmas tree and the smile she gave lit him up, filled him with hope, and at least for the time, cast away his regrets over turning his back on her.