‘Mother?’ I whispered.
She took steady breaths as if she had to remember to breathe.
Bridget’s hand moved down to Mirabelle’s throat and her finger pushed into the flesh.
Aunt Charlotte looked up at her. Bridget was biting her lip so hard her teeth were leaving deep imprints. She shook her head slowly and dislodged a tear.
Bridget pulled in a long breath and said, ‘She’s gone.’
CHAPTER 35: WE FALL INTO SHADOWS
We remained, kneeling by Mirabelle for quite a while, waiting for all of her to go. In the silence, I could hear the air moving around as though it was gathering something up, sweeping up around us in small circles until my hands were pale with cold and my feet numb.
The rain had dwindled and now a dark, oxblood sun hung low behind the mist. It brought no warmth. I was aware of the others moving beyond our tight group of mourners, the villagers whispering nervous questions and hurrying over the stones. Lee Colman was striding around at the edge of my vision, Verity crying. These people had, in an instant, become nothing to me anymore. Some of them were clustered around the hissing car. They didn’t seem to move with any urgency. I didn’t even care to ask the outcome there.
After some time, I don’t know how long, sharp lights clouded the grey air and everything blurred at the edges. The only thing shining out clear that I remember in that picture was Mirabelle and her perfectly still, abandoned face.
* * *
That actual moment of death, when life stops, is so fleeting, but it is a note that plays beneath the surface for many years and days to come. It may fade into the imperceptible sound of memories, a remembered old relative, a funeral long ago. Or it may be a ferocious tide that washes everything else away in its wake. When you finally surface and it spits you out, you may have been so lost beneath those violent waves that everything else just seems so quiet and still. Everything else, the normality of life, is just dull. Life can be pale beside the vibrancy of death. It is easy to be lured in. Grief is a hydra. Take off one head and another grows up in its place. Screaming desperation is so easily replaced by anger. Sorrow slips over to bitterness.
I didn’t just lose Mirabelle that day. I lost Dad — again. He’s not come back yet. I look for him in windows, reflecting back the empty streets. I search dark, forgotten corners for just a glimmer of movement, but there is nothing. He is consigned to memories for now.
There’d been two losses that day, Dad and Mirabelle. Not three. Not Marsha. She survived. Harriet Bradshaw had finally managed to get some phone signal down in the village and called the police. They had arrived in two small dinghies at the outskirts of the village, already prepared for three murders.
The semi-conscious murderer, Marsha Black, was taken out first. There was a flurry of people, voices, photographs. Areas taped, blankets, notes — while Mirabelle just lay there serenely. She was not troubled by any more of it. But she would have enjoyed all the reporting of events — she always liked that part.
Our theories didn’t need too much proving. The case was short and bitterly fought. Marsha threw all the mud she could and dragged her beloved sister-in-law’s reputation through the papers until all Verity Black could do was hide away in her castle, alone. Lee Colman kept his farm but not his regard for her. Too many lies pollute even the clearest stream.
Greystone was finally allowed to go back to being a sleepy, cosy little village. They just harboured more jealousy and resentment than they did before our visit. But we’re no strangers to that.
We buried Mirabelle on a cold morning beneath a crushing sky. It wasn’t love on display but pain. Mirabelle’s death took pieces out of Mother that I could not replace. We would never ‘get over it’, just bend around it. I waited for her to bend, not break.
Mother and Aunt Charlotte were both trapped in disbelief.
Bridget wore her grief extravagantly, but I did not resent her for that. Grief is bespoke, cut to fit perfectly and so different for each individual person.
Mirabelle was gone and she’d taken parts of my mother away with her. I should have hated her for that, but it was pity that overwhelmed me. She’d gone trying to take the lie off her lips. I should have despised her for that as well but I didn’t. It just confused everything. Now the lie was gone and so was Dad. Why, I didn’t know. Was he somehow redeemed? Had she set him free? That was something I could hate her for, I suppose.
Mother didn’t talk about the lie. And when we mentioned Mirabelle’s name, it was as if some shame had attached to it. Whose shame though, was still unclear.
Aunt Charlotte insisted on coming round more often, which irritated Mother, so that at least provided some welcome familiarity as they bickered their way around the kitchen. We even suffered Bridget’s increased attentions, but Mother drew the line at animals when Bridget adopted Dupin the monkey, so that vastly reduced the visits.
We found some solace with each other in those quiet months until the next invitation landed on the mat. It’s fair to say, that threw us all into disarray, especially when a name from the past reappeared and changed everything.
THE END
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
This is the first book I’ve written that won’t be launched into lockdown. So if your name isn’t here, I can finally thank you in person when we catch up for a drink. I’ve got three books’ worth of celebrating to do!
It takes a lot more than me to write three books, which means there’s a lot of people to thank. Firstly, a huge thank you to everyone at Joffe Books. To the wonderful Emma, whose editing is so fabulous and makes the books sing, thank you for all your work and patience! Thanks to Laurel as well for your fantastic editing. And thanks to the lovely Nina and Annie, for your endless support and help. And to Jasper, thank you so much for believing in these books, for your endless encouragement and for giving me the chance of a lifetime. It means the world.
Thank you also to the Crazies for the fabulous parties and gifts. These are so special. Jill and Bev, you’re amazing! I can’t wait to meet the gang and all the Joffe authors in real life! You guys are the most supportive bunch of authors and I feel very privileged to be with you. To all those wonderful readers, reviewers and bloggers, thank you for all your amazing support.
Thank you also to the D20s, my wonderful co-convenor at the CWA, Bonnie, and all the other authors who reach out and offer endless support and advice. It’s mind-blowing how fantastic the writing community is.
Also, I need to thank the wonderful people of Devon, especially a small place I know! Thank goodness you’re all so much lovelier than the people in this book. Thank you for all your support and kindness. You guys are brilliant! There will be a party!
Thanks also to Venetia Vyvyan and all the team at Barnes Bookshop. Your support is so fantastic.
Finally, a massive thank you to my wonderful family, who show endless enthusiasm and support. To Sarah, thank you for reading everything, even the scary stuff! To my mother who keeps the library. Delilah and James, you are so understanding of when I have to lock myself away. Your opinions, thoughts and plot devices have been invaluable. Your murder board work, countless hours discussing ideas and Lego builds are legendary! So many characters would have been lost without you.
And finally, darling Kev. Thank you for all your limitless patience, support and love. You make this possible. I can never thank you enough.
ALSO BY VICTORIA DOWD
SMART WOMAN’S MYSTERY SERIES
Book 1: THE SMART WOMAN’S GUIDE TO MURDER
Book 2: BODY ON THE ISLAND
Book 3: THE SUPPER CLUB MURDERS
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DISCOVER AN ABSOLUTELY GRIPPING RACE-AGAINST-TIME THRILLER FROM BESTSELLING AUTHOR CHARLIE GALLAGHER.
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GLOSSARY OF ENGLISH USAGE FOR US READERS
A & E: accident and emergency department in a hospital
Aggro: violent behaviour, aggression
Air raid: attack in which bombs are dropped from aircraft on ground targets
Allotment: a plot of land rented by an individual for growing fruit, vegetables or flowers
Anorak: nerd (it also means a waterproof jacket)
Artex: textured plaster finish for walls and ceilings
A levels: exams taken between 16 and 18
Auld Reekie: Edinburgh
Au pair: live-in childcare helper, often a young woman
Barm: bread roll
Barney: argument
Beaker: glass or cup for holding liquids
Beemer: BMW car or motorcycle
Benefits: social security
Bent: corrupt
Bin: wastebasket (noun), or throw in rubbish (verb)
Biscuit: cookie
Blackpool Lights: gaudy illuminations in a seaside town
Bloke: guy
Blow: cocaine
Blower: telephone
Blues and twos: emergency vehicles
Bob: money, e.g. ‘That must have cost a few bob.’
Bobby: policeman
Broadsheet: quality newspaper (New York Times would be a US example)
Brown bread: rhyming slang for dead
Bun: small cake
Bunk: escape, e.g. ‘do a bunk’
Burger bar: hamburger fast-food restaurant
Buy-to-let: buying a house/apartment to rent it out for profit
Charity shop: thrift store
Carrier bag: plastic bag from supermarket
Care home: an institution where old people are cared for
Car park: parking lot
CBeebies: kids’ TV
Chat-up: flirt, trying to pick up someone with witty banter or compliments
Chemist: pharmacy
Chinwag: conversation
Chippie: fast-food place selling chips, battered fish and other fried food
Chips: French fries but thicker
CID: Criminal Investigation Department
Civvy Street: civilian life (as opposed to army)
Clock: punch (in an altercation) or register
Cock-up: mess up, make a mistake
Cockney: a native of East London
Common: an area of park land or lower class
Comprehensive school (comp.): a public (re state-run) high school
Cop hold of: grab
Copper: police officer
Coverall: coveralls, or boiler suit
CPS: Crown Prosecution Service, who decide whether police cases go forward
Childminder: someone paid to look after children
Council: local government
Dan Dare: hero from Eagle comic
DC: detective constable
Deck: one of the landings on a floor of a tower block
Deck: hit (verb)
Desperate Dan: very strong comic book character
DI: detective inspector
Digestive biscuit: plain cookie
Digs: student lodgings
Do a runner: disappear
Do one: go away
Doc Martens: heavy boots with an air-cushioned sole, also DMs, Docs
Donkey’s years: long time
Drum: house
DS: detective sergeant
ED: emergency department of a hospital
Eagle: children’s comic, marketed at boys
Early dart: to leave work early
Eggy soldiers: strips of toast with a boiled, runny egg
Enforcer: police battering ram
Estate: public/social housing estate (similar to housing projects)
Estate agent: realtor
Falklands War: war between Britain and Argentina
in 1982
Fag: cigarette
Father Christmas: Santa Claus
Filth: police (insulting)
Forces: army, navy and air force
FMO: force medical officer
Fried slice: fried bread
Fuzz: police
Garda: Irish police
GCSEs: exams taken between age 14 and 16, replaced O levels in 1988
Gendarmerie: French national police force
Geordie: from Newcastle
Garden centre: a business where plants and gardening equipment are sold
Gob: mouth, can also mean phlegm or spit
GP: general practitioner, a doctor based in the community
Graft: hard work
Gran: grandmother
Hancock: Tony Hancock, English comedian popular in 1950s
Hard nut: tough person
HGV: heavy goods vehicle, truck
HOLMES: UK police computer system used during investigation of major incidents
Home: care home for elderly or sick people
Hoover: vacuum cleaner
I’ll be blowed: expression of surprise
In care: refers to a child taken away from their family by the social services
Inne: isn’t he
Interpol: international police organisation
Iron Lady: Margaret Thatcher, applied to any strong woman
ITU: intensive therapy unit in hospital
Jane/John Doe: a person whose identity is unknown/anonymous
JCB: a manufacturer of construction machinery, like mechanical excavators
Jerry-built: badly made
THE SUPPER CLUB MURDERS a gripping murder mystery packed with twists (Smart Woman's Mystery Book 3) Page 26