by Lee Mae
I’d be lucky now to even graduate.
VALLEY HIGH WAS nothing like Augustus. I stepped off the bus about a block away and could see the school in the distance. When I took in the security fence and security cameras, I felt a little like my dad. My former school hadn’t resembled a prison, but Valley High had a definite incarceration vibe and it was already giving me nightmares.
Walking through the door, I was greeted by curious looks from other students and metal detectors.
Freaking metal detectors!
One of the security guards even pawed through my Louis Vuitton bag. It was the only member of my extensive handbag collection I’d been allowed to keep, and to see some sweaty security creep putting his dirty paws all over it made me want to vomit. To make matters worse, a wrapped tampon fell out of my purse and the two guys behind me burst out laughing. Ignoring them, I clenched my jaw and gave the guard a dirty look.
Barely acknowledging me, he shoved the tampon back into my purse and waved me on. “You’re good to go.”
I grabbed my purse and kept my head down as I headed further into the school. I could feel dozens of eyes on me. I knew that they were probably just curious about the new girl, but a small paranoid part of me wondered if they knew about my dad and were already judging me on that.
You’re definitely being paranoid. Dad is already old news.
At least I hoped.
I pulled up my locker assignment, which was posted in our online account, and began searching for it. It was only the first day of the fall semester, but somehow the hallways were already dingy, with crumpled papers scattered around and marker scrawled on lockers. I found the entrance to the stairs, then headed up to the second floor. A few twists and turns, and I located what would be my makeshift closet while at school.
The lockers at Augustus Academy were twice the size of this metal monstrosity, and they had appropriate shelving and hooks. This was basically a metal hole, with one hook, and a tiny shelf on the top that barely held anything. Worse than useless.
Irritated, I closed the locker without putting anything inside, then hurried to find my first class. It was English, and the room was almost empty when I walked inside. Taking a seat in the back of the room, I kept my eye on the door, nervous and anxious. Especially with the outfit I had on. Clearly, I was over-dressed, which, admittedly, I’d done on purpose. But, it was my armor. I needed to feel protected, because inside there was still a raw seething mess of grief and loss. My designer clothing was a shield, making me feel stronger, and I’d chosen my current ensemble to grab attention. It was a fitted, red sundress that stopped above my knees. My lips were red to match, my light brown hair pulled up into a perfectly round bun. To complete the look, I wore a pair of black Jimmy Choo strappy heels.
But when the first group walked into through the door into the classroom, I already felt the armor starting to crack. The blonde in the middle froze, looking me up and down, before fastening on a smirk and turning to her friends to point me out. They sat in a cluster of desks in the front and spent the next few minutes chuckling together while giving me pointed looks.
I focused on my breathing, reminding myself that I hadn’t expected being the new girl during senior year to be easy. There were always cliques, and I knew I’d have to deal with Valley High’s existing power structure. I’d hoped brashness and bravado would carry me into the upper echelons, but I might have miscalculated, if these girls’ behavior was an indication.
A few more students trickled in, some greeting the teacher, a gray-haired woman in an old-fashioned dress. The chalkboard announced her as “Mrs. Greaves,” and let us know that we’d be starting off with the old high school standard Romeo and Juliet.
I’d already read the Bard’s so-called masterpiece last year at Augustus. While other girls were sniveling over the oh-so-tragic circumstances of the star-crossed lovers, all I could think about was how wasteful it all seemed. Juliet was rich, beautiful, and well-connected. There were plenty of Romeos in fair Verona for a girl like that.
I was still trying to keep an eye on the ladies near the front when my gaze was drawn to the door. A tall, muscular guy in a tight black T-shirt and low-riding, holey jeans was just walking into the classroom, and my breath stopped in my chest.
His hair was dark, long enough for its midnight waves to brush his shoulders. His eyes were a piercing blue that reminded me of ice on a turquoise mountain lake like I’d seen when my father had taken us on skiing trips in Aspen or Whistler. There was also an assortment of tattoos that wound down his arm, covered in part by his sleeve. I just couldn’t make out what they were. He definitely had a bad boy vibe about him, which I found incredibly sexy.
The mystery snack didn’t notice me, however. He slid into a seat three rows over and stared out the window, an expression saying he’d already checked out on his face.
“All right, class,” Mrs. Greaves began. “I know it’s never easy to start again after summer break, but if you could give me your attention today, I know you’ll be excited for our next read.”
Greaves held up a copy of Shakespeare’s masterpiece to the sound of crickets from her uninterested audience. That didn’t stop her from waxing rhapsodic about the play for the next ten minutes.
We each received our dog-eared copy, and Greaves talked about her ‘fresh new take’ on the play, which was neither fresh nor new, and not even as advanced as the way we’d covered the play in Augustus. We would be reading the lines out loud, each day new students being assigned characters, and at random ‘surprise’ points during the readings, she’d make the characters get up and act out the scenes.
This was supposed to encourage students to read the material ahead of time to familiarize themselves in case they were called upon to act that day, but from the looks of the rest of the class, all Greaves was guaranteeing was a lot of lost looks and mispronunciation of Shakespearean English.
When the bell finally rang, I grabbed my bag and stood up. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched the hottie leave the classroom, this time getting a nice view of his butt. The mystery man also appeared to be taller than I’d originally thought. Well over six feet and much more mature looking than the other seniors I’d seen.
Things were definitely looking brighter at this school…
I almost wanted to follow him, just to see where his locker was, but ran into the clique, who exploded into giggles when I passed.
Irritated, I stopped and turned around. I could tell by the way they were staring at me that I was nothing but a joke to them.
Fine.
I knew that if I didn’t meet this head on now, I’d be the laughing butt of their jokes for the rest of the school year. I was also tired, frustrated, and PMSing. Not to mention, I’d been part of the bitch crowd at my old school. They wanted a war?
So be it.
I stared down the blonde. “What’s so funny?”
She eyed me up and down with a sneer. “We were just wondering what in the hell you were wearing. This isn’t the Golden Globe awards.”
The other girls laughed.
I smiled coolly. “That’s funny! You think I’m overdressed and here I thought maybe you all just forgot to do laundry.”
The girls behind the blonde gasped.
She narrowed her eyes.
I pretended to pick a piece of lint from my dress. “I suppose that I could try and slum it down tomorrow so that I fit in here better.”
The smirk was back, this time accompanied by the clicking of her tongue. “Talk about slum. It’s unfortunate the kind of trash they let into our school nowadays, isn’t it?”
Her girlfriends tittered at her amazing wit, but I wasn’t one to give up easy.
I snorted. “Yes, it’s a shame that a better class of trash was admitted, isn’t it? It makes all the old garbage look even more like a hot mess.”
The blonde’s jaw dropped, filling me with evil glee as I turned around and stalked out of the classroom, head held high.
3
ZACK
I SAT BY the window, listening to the chemistry teacher drone on and on about bonds. If only human relationships were as easy as chemical bonding. Oppositely charged particles bound in a lasting attraction.
Through the window of the chemistry classroom, I could see the Nova in the parking lot and considered leaving campus during the lunch hour and not coming back. Really, what was the point of sticking around? I’d finish high school to go to college and…what? Learn some useless information to string together into skills that might get me a job which would earn me just enough to survive? Even if I made megabucks, some swindler would come along and relieve me of it.
It just seemed…futile.
The class ended and I slung my backpack over my shoulder, my mind made up to get in my car and just drive. Maybe I wouldn’t even go home. Hell, maybe I would just keep driving until I found a world that wasn’t filled with shadow. A world made of light.
If one existed.
The hallways were their typical chaos, kids elbowing their way through the crowds, loud voices and high giggling laughter, lockers opening and closing. I headed down the stairs, but before I could make it to the door that led to the parking lot, I was intercepted by Chris and Nate, who were hanging outside the ladies’ room door.
“What are you creeps doing here?” I asked, nodding toward the stick figure with the triangle skirt painted on the door. “Trying to find dates?”
“No, but if it worked for you, I guess it’s not the worst idea,” Chris joked.
I chuckled.
“You on the team this year?” Nate asked. I’d played on the football team with his older brother Dave last year, but now Dave was at UCLA and I was here.
Valley High. Go team.
“Nah. Wasn’t planning on it.”
He frowned. “Why not, bruh? You could start varsity. We need a quarterback. Get you a scholarship for college, fam.”
The bathroom door opened before I could respond, and out walked Leigh with her minions in tow.
“Hey, Zack,” she said when she noticed me. “You’re back.”
I nodded, realizing now why Chris and Nate were lingering around the ladies’ room. Dave used to the do the same thing when he was dating Leigh last year. It looked like he’d passed the torch to his younger brother now.
“Yep,” I replied, straightening up.
“Bummer, dude. You must hate being back in this shithole.” Nate said and then looked embarrassed.
“You have no idea.” It wasn’t just that I had to serve another year of classes. This group was the closest thing I had for friends and I could only handle so much of their bullshit. But, they were better than nothing.
“At least you can hang with us,” Nate said.
Great.
I smiled. “Yeah. Thanks.”
Fortunately, they all knew why I was there and didn’t question me further. Something terrible had happened, and now I was back like nothing had changed.
Leigh swung her blonde hair over her shoulder and smiled. “You going to the cafeteria?”
The girls behind her fluttered their eyelashes and for a moment, it was so ridiculous I wanted to laugh.
“Course he is,” Chris said. “It’s lunch. Where else would he be going?”
“Great,” Leigh said, putting her arm through mine. “Let’s go claim our table before someone else does.”
I could have pulled away, could have headed down the hallway and out into the warm sunlight, but in the end, what would it get me? I’d wind up at home watching my mother sit on the couch and ignore daytime television. Driving until I found the life I was supposed to live might sound appealing, but it wasn’t realistic.
I couldn’t leave Mom like she was. I might feel like a ghost at home, but without me, no one would make sure she ate. No one would pick up her prescriptions and make sure she took a shower now and then. Mom needed me. She had no one else.
The cafeteria was crowded, the folding tables filled with exuberant students all sharing what they did on their summer vacations. Leigh gave instructions to her minions to grab one of the tables by the windows, then had me escort her to the lunch line.
“Grab a tray for me, will you?” she asked.
I did and held it out for her.
She gave me a pouty look. “Could you fill it?” She held up her long, manicured nails. “I just had these done and don’t want to break any.”
“You’re kidding. How are you going to eat?”
“With a fork, silly.”
Sighing, I pushed the tray down the line, filling it with the items she pointed at.
“I won’t be able to eat all this, so you’re sharing, ‘kay?” she said.
My grunt was noncommittal.
I stood holding the tray as she paid the lunch lady, then led me through the lunch room toward her group. Leigh’s crew scurried off to buy their own lunches once she arrived at the coveted table they’d been saving. Chris was pawing through his sack lunch, and Nate was eating an apple.
Leigh patted the spot next to her so I sat down and grabbed a fry from her tray.
Might as well eat if she’s offering.
I felt like I was floating through my day, no agency to carve a path for myself. It was simple enough to settle into this group, which was very similar to my last. A couple of meathead guys and some pretty girls ready to cause ridiculous drama when they got bored.
Could I spend the year pretending everything was the same as before?
Just the thought of it made my temper rise.
Leigh looked me over before popping a carrot in her mouth. “You playing football this year? I’m a shoo-in for head cheerleader.”
“Hadn’t planned on it.”
Football meant waking up early for practice, staying late to run laps and preparing for the games. I didn’t feel good about leaving my mother alone for that long. Besides, football would never be the same now that my father wasn’t ever going to be in the stands, cheering me on. The thought of him not being there to watch me play was painful.
“You should,” Leigh said, putting her hand on mine.
I knew where this was going.
Apparently, so did Nate. He looked pissed as hell.
I pulled my hand out from under Leigh’s. “I’ll think about it.” I stood up from the table.
Leigh stared up at me in confusion. “Where are you going?”
“Not sure.” I turned around, not paying attention, and knocked into the tray of the person behind me. It clattered to the ground, not before spilling a bowl of pudding all down the front of her dress.
“What the hell?” she growled.
I looked at the girl who was now decorated with vanilla custard and couldn’t take my eyes off of her face.
She was gorgeous.
Big green eyes, splash of freckles, and beautiful full lips that were now pursed together in anger.
Leigh let out a loud peel of laughter. Her minions, having returned with lunches of their own, joined in. As did the meatheads.
Before I could apologize, Chris was asking her if she walked much.
The girl shook her head in disgust and started to wipe the mess off the front of her dress. I reached forward to help her, but she slapped my hand away.
“Get away from me, asshole,” she grumbled. “You’ve done enough already.”
I bristled at her tone. She wasn’t someone I recognized. Clearly I wouldn’t have forgotten a girl that looked like her.
Leigh confirmed my suspicions when she spoke. “Look at the new girl!” She was loud enough to draw the attention of half the tables in the cafeteria. “Who’s the hot mess now, bitch?”
The girl’s emerald eyes glistened with unshed tears and then they hardened. Instead of replying, she held her head up and pushed past me, storming out of the dining room in anger.
“Who was that?” I asked, sitting back down.
Leah wrinkled her nose. “Some new girl who insulted me in English.”
&n
bsp; I raised my eyebrow. That was a new one. Normally she did the insulting. “What did she say to you?”
Leigh nodded, putting on a pout. “She called me garbage. She totally deserved what you did to her. She’s the garbage. Dumpster girl.”
“It was an accident. I didn’t do anything,” I said, standing up again. I began picking up the trash from the tray that was littering the path between tables.
“That’s not what she thinks,” Nate said, chuckling. “Which is too bad. She’s hot, bruh. You coulda had a shot with her.”
I’m not gonna lie - I wanted a shot with her.
Who wouldn’t?
I took the tray over to the trash, and then left the cafeteria, half-wondering if I could find her in the halls. The least I could do was try and apologize again. I’d obviously embarrassed the hell out of her.
I only made it a few feet before Nate burst out of the lunchroom and jogged in my direction. I figured he was going to pester me about football some more, but I was wrong.
He stopped in front of me. “Hey, Zack, do me a favor.”
“What do you need?”
Nate sized me up, looking a little nervous. It didn’t stop him from speaking forcefully though. “Lay off Leigh, all right? You know she and Dave have a thing.”
“They had a thing,” I pointed out. “You can’t tell me your brother is really worried about a high school girl now that he’s in college.”
He shrugged. “Nevertheless—”
“Look, man,” I said, cutting through the bullshit. “You might tell yourself you’re keeping an eye on Leigh for your bro, but the truth is, you’ve got a thing for her yourself. So why not go for it?”
He blinked, then sputtered before coming out with a lame, “Nah, fam.”
I turned and started walking away. “Do what you want. But don’t worry, I’m not into Leigh. So she’s yours, if you want her.”
He didn’t reply.
I kept walking down the hall, abandoning the idea of finding the girl in the pudding-covered dress. All I really wanted was some air.