by Lee Mae
“Please don’t stop,” she moaned against me.
I moved to lick and suck at her neck, then nibble her earlobe.
“I’ll never stop,” I whispered. “Not until you give me all of your pleasure.”
Her head started thrashing against the pillows, and I could tell she was about to go over the edge. And this time, I would go with her.
I thrust faster, starting to lose control. Moving my mouth back to her breasts, I concentrated on making her climax as powerful as possible. Her legs started to shake, her muscles tensing as a wave of pleasure rolled over her.
I felt her inner muscles clench around me as her orgasm hit her, and that was all it took for my restraint to break. I joined her in her climax, holding her tight as I experienced the most intense moment of my life.
After I came back into my body, I shifted and pulled her tight against me. We lay there, limbs entangled, and I noticed that our breathing was in sync. I took that as a good sign.
She looked at me, and for once I could see that the mask she often put on to protect herself from the outside world had slipped. Her expression was open, and I could see a hint of vulnerability that I’d never seen before, even when Leigh was doing her worst.
For the first time, I was filled with a sense of real hope. Although I’d been attracted to Nicole from the first moment I met her, I couldn’t envision anything beyond a contentious relationship initially. Sparks flew, but the kind of fire they ignited was cold and full of vitriol at first. We’d had no common ground to meet on, and we’d rubbed each other the wrong way.
The rubbing we’d done last night was definitely the right way.
A smile graced Nikki’s face as she rested her head on my shoulder, drifting in that realm between sleep and being awake. I loved her smile and the joy she could bring, and moving forward, I hoped we could concentrate on finding ways to make each other happy.
When I was fourteen, I’d thought I was in love with my first serious girlfriend. We hadn’t even kissed, and I was already telling my dad that I was going to marry her. He’d chuckled and ruffled my hair and asked why I wanted to marry her.
I remembered telling him that she was pretty and we liked to have fun together. He’d nodded, an earnest expression on his face. “What happens when you’re not having fun? What’s it like then?”
I’d thought about, then shrugged. “I guess I don’t know.”
He’d put his arm around my shoulder and hugged me to him. “Marriage is about the good times, but it’s also about the bad ones. What happens when you get into a fight? When she gets mad at you and refuses to talk to you? When you’re sad or tired or sick?”
He was trying to make me realize that marriage wasn’t a decision to be taken lightly, just because I was infatuated with someone. There was more to a relationship than sexual chemistry and looking good in prom photos.
“Your mother and I have had our ups and downs, and we’ve had issues that have really tested the bond between us. But I know that I can trust her to do what is best for the family, just like she can trust me. Once you start hiding things, or compartmentalizing things because you’re afraid of making waves, you’re basically sewing your own doom.”
It had been hard for me to understand it then, four years ago. But looking back now, I wondered if maybe he hadn’t been warning me not to follow in his footsteps. When he died, we found out exactly how much he’d kept hidden from my mother and myself. It was devastating, even though I knew deep down he’d just wanted to do what was right for us. It didn’t make it easier to swallow when he was gone, though.
I’d thought my parents had a perfect marriage, but I knew now that even folks who seemed like the best fit couldn’t always make it work. I knew a strong relationship would be hard work, and it had to start on a basis of honesty with oneself and one’s partner.
I brushed a stray hair off Nikki’s face. “I like you.”
Her eyes opened and she gave me a grin. “I like you too.”
“I’m not proud of my associations with the people I called my friends,” I started, feeling the need to lay everything out on the table tonight. “And I don’t plan to renew those associations. You were right to call me out on my behavior, and I want you to know that I’m very sorry about how I acted.”
Her expression became solemn. Putting her hand on my chest right about my heart, she met my gaze with an openness that warmed my insides. “I’m sorry too. I know I started out with a chip on my shoulder. I was so worried about what I was leaving behind that I didn’t see the opportunities in front of me. I know I gave you and others some major attitude, and I could see how I put a target on my own back.”
“That doesn’t mean you deserved what you got.”
“It’s over. Clean slate?”
I nodded. “Clean slate. If we’re going to do this, we need to start with a strong foundation.”
“Do this?” she asked, a charmingly confused look on her beautiful face.
“A relationship.”
Her green eyes widened. “Officially?”
I let out a chuckle. “Yes, let’s make it ultra official: Miss Nicole Easton, will you be my girlfriend?”
She covered her face with her hands. “Wow.” Slowly uncovering her face, she looked at me intently. “I will.”
Her sense of humor never failed to tickle me, so I decided to tickle her in exchange. She let out a little squeal and tried to squirm out of my grip, but I kissed her, and soon she was clinging close again.
Finally pulling away, she gave me a little frown. “I’ve got to go. It’s late.”
“Parting is such sweet sorrow,” I said, pulling her back to me for another kiss.
“Stahppp…,” she called at last, laughing and pulling herself up to slip back into her clothing. I sat up and put on my shorts, then stood to zip her up into her dress.
“Let me give you a ride home,” I said, gathering her into my arms for yet another kiss. I couldn’t let her go, because instantly I missed the feel of her.
“No sir. I’ve already called a rideshare.”
“What? You’re kidding.”
“No. I knew that if you took me home, we’d spend all night making out in your car and I’ll be grounded for the rest of the semester.”
I groaned, then gave her one final long, slow kiss.
Shortly after, we heard a car pull into the driveway, so we made our way to the front door.
“Good night,” she said, clinging to me for a minute.
I closed my eyes, wishing that she could stay forever. The feel of her in my arms seemed so natural. In fact, when she pulled away, I immediately wanted her back.
“Bye,” she whispered.
“Bye. Text me when you get home.”
“I will.”
I watched her make her way to the car, keeping my eyes on her until the vehicle was out of sight. Then I shut the door behind me and made my way to bed. About twenty minutes later, she sent me a text reassuring me that she’d made it home safely.
Tonight was amazing, I texted.
The best.
I grinned and put my phone away.
It took a while to fall asleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about her and what we’d just done.
Nicole is mine, I thought, a possessive rush flowing through me.
When I finally fell asleep, it was with a smile on my face.
IN THE MORNING, I wandered into the kitchen for a glass of orange juice and was surprised to find my mom already there, cooking some eggs. “Hey baby,” she said, giving me a kiss on the cheek. “I thought you were going to spend half the day asleep. Did you have fun at the dance?”
“Sure did,” I said, grabbing a slice of toast from a stack on the counter, then making my way to the fridge to find the juice.
“I thought I heard someone here last night,” she said, her voice neutral but the ghost of a grin on her face. “Did you have someone over?”
I gave Mom a hard look. She’d been sleeping like the d
ead thanks to her pills, and I could play my video games at full volume and not have to worry about her waking up. I wondered if she hadn’t taken a pill last night. Maybe she’d really taken to heart our conversation before the dance. It figures she’d pick last night to turn over a new leaf.
“Uh, yeah. My friend Nicole came by after the dance.”
“Nicole, huh?” she said, flipping the eggs out of the pan and onto a couple plates. “I haven’t heard that name before.”
“She’s been over to study before,” I said. “You were napping.”
Mom frowned. “I spent a lot of time napping. I think I’ve finally caught up on my sleep, don’t you?”
Nodding, I took the plate she offered me, then picked up the stack of toast and carried it to the table with me. We dug in, and I realized this was the first time she’d cooked breakfast since Dad died.
“I plan to be much more present,” she told me between bites, “which means I hope to meet Miss Nicole. That is, if she’s going to be hanging around?”
I almost choked on my eggs. Was my mom hinting that I might have been hooking up with a girl after the dance, and that I wasn’t serious about her? “She’ll be around.”
“Good,” Mom said. “What’s she like?”
I leaned back, considering how to answer. “She’s complicated.”
Mom laughed. “Uh, oh. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.”
“Me either. Probably neither. Or both.” I took a drink of juice. “All I can say is, I like her.”
“Then I’m sure I will too.”
As I helped Mom clean up the dishes, my mood was in the stratosphere. Maybe the long twilight was finally ending, and my mother would emerge from her grief to reclaim her life. Combined with the high of asking Nicole to be my girlfriend and having her accept, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this happy.
I should have known it couldn’t last.
14
NIKKI
I WAS SITTING in Zack’s room, pretending to work on our Econ homework, but all I could think about was jumping his bones. I restrained myself for as long as I could, but when he yawned and stretched those amazing muscles, I tossed my book on the floor and straddled him as he sat on the edge of his bed.
He cupped my behind with his hands and asked me what I was doing.
“Practicing economics. You have my supply of kisses. I demand them.”
His slow smile scorched my insides. When he kissed me, I thought my whole body would burst into flames. I’d never been kissed the way Zack kissed me, and I looked forward to the experience for the rest of my life.
We’d only been dating for a couple weeks, but I was ready to declare my undying love for Zack Modine. Everything about him made him so perfect for me. He was smart, funny, kind, and caring. I knew he’d protect me from anyone or anything that tried to hurt me, and his little possessive streak secretly turned me on to no end.
And then there was the fact that he was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.
Zack always made me smile, and although we’d gotten off to a rocky start, I now knew I could trust him with anything. Which, ironically, was the only dark spot on my happiness.
I hadn’t yet opened up to Zack about my past. Although I hoped he would accept me for who I was, I wasn’t yet ready to drag out all of that painful baggage. Even my mother and I had barely talked about what happened to my father. Mom went into full-on panic mode before she began scrambling for a means to make enough money to survive. It didn’t leave a lot of room for heartfelt discussions about our feelings.
And although I knew Zack would let me talk about anything, and that he was a safe space for expressing my feelings, my fears, my regrets, I also didn’t want to pop the bubble of bliss that currently surrounded us. I knew I had to tell him, just not yet. I’d wait until the time was right for both of us.
We were going hot and heavy when there came a knock at Zack’s bedroom door. “Dinner will be done in about twenty minutes, sweetheart,” his mother said.
I sprang off his lap like I’d been scalded and Zack laughed. “Okay, Mom. I’m just studying with Nikki.”
“Oh! Invite her to stay for dinner. I’d like to get to know the mysterious Nikki or Nicole.”
My eyes widened. I looked to Zack to see his reaction. I was expecting some level of alarm, but there was none.
“Would you like to stay for dinner?” he asked casually.
“I…uh…should I?”
“Well, that depends. Do you like tortellini?”
I stood there, blinking, taking a moment to process his question before collapsing into giggles. “Yeah. Tortellini’s good.”
“Then stay.”
And that’s how I ended up at the Modine dinner table with Zack and his mother that night. Not that I thought I would regret it. The tortellini was delicious.
I was just complimenting Mrs. Modine on her cooking abilities when she told me she’d actually learned the recipe from her late husband.
“Steven was an amazing cook. He’d spent summers with his Sicilian grandmother and she taught him every kind of Mediterranean dish imaginable. God, do I miss his cooking.”
I could tell that Zack was trying to hide his concern over her words, monitoring her to see if her memories might pull her back into the depression she’d been struggling with. In the weeks since we’d started dating officially, he’d shared a lot about how he and his mother had lived after his father passed.
I knew he’d worried about his mother slipping back into her malaise. It had been a rough year, and Zack’s mom was only now starting to break free from her depression, resuming the things that she enjoyed and taking some of the pressure off her son. I decided to do my part by shifting the topic of conversation.
“I always loved Italy. Well, Europe in general. I think my favorite city has to be Paris, because it’s just so classic, you know?”
Both the Modines were blinking at me, and I realized that maybe I’d revealed a little too much about myself. I backtracked, trying to cover.
“I mean, you see all these fabulous destinations on travel videos and whatnot…but it’s hard to see any that beat Paris…” My words trailed off into awkward giggles, and I hoped I’d thrown them off so maybe they wouldn’t realize I’d spent plenty of time traveling the globe.
“Sure,” Mrs. Modine said, a polite smile on her face. “I’ve never been, but I’ve always wanted to go. We did go to Hawaii one year, didn’t we, Zack? He spent all his time drooling over this lady lifeguard. Remember that?”
“Mom,” Zack groaned, and I had to pretend to wipe my mouth with my napkin so my boyfriend wouldn’t notice my grin.
As we ate and made conversation, I realized that this was missing from my own home. Mom was always working, and I was busy with homework and hanging out with my new friends. We rarely had a meal together, and if we did, it was something quick like pizza or take-out.
Not that my mother had done much cooking back when we lived in the Hills. But she had insisted we sit down for a meal every night, whether my dad was home or not. I might have resented it then, but I longed for it now.
It sometimes felt like I was living with a stranger, or a roommate who was living a separate life. I knew I was technically an adult now, and that next fall I’d be headed to college, if I could find some way to afford it. But that didn’t mean I didn’t want a relationship with my mom, especially now that it was just the two of us.
“Zack’s been telling me that not only are you a great Econ partner, but that you’ve even been helping him improve his Spanish.”
I nodded. “He doesn’t need much help. We’re just working on his accent at the moment.”
“Nikki’s accent sounds very authentic,” Zack said, reaching across the table and grasping my hand.
I sent him an air kiss in thanks. I was really enjoying the family dinner, and my pleasure led to a relaxing of the guard I kept in place.
“Is that right? Accent was something I always stru
ggled with in my Spanish classes twenty years ago. It’s hard to get things just right. How’d you come by your near perfect accent? Do you parents speak Spanish?”
“God, no,” I said, taking a drink of water. “Sometimes I feel like they barely speak English. I really improved my Spanish when I spent a summer in Spain.”
The minute the words were out of my mouth, I froze. Both Zack and his mother looked surprised by my revelation, and I wondered if I’d said too much.
“Spain, huh?” she asked, setting her fork down. “That must have been quite an experience. And expensive.”
“She’s from Beverly Hills originally,” Zack volunteered by way of explanation.
“Is that so? And you moved from there to…here?” I could tell Mrs. Modine was careful about her tone, but her curiosity was showing through.
“Uh, yeah. After my dad…left.” I knew it wasn’t exactly accurate to say it that way, but it was technically the truth, since he’d left us to go to prison for a couple decades.
“I’m sorry to hear about that, dear,” Mrs. Modine said, patting my hand. “It must be a big change to go from there to here.”
Her understanding look and the way she squeezed my hand made me feel as if something unlocked in my chest. I’d kept all of this to myself for months now, and it rose inside me now like a wall of water about to overflow a dam. It was coming out, and I didn’t think I could stop it.
“You could say that. We used to live in a nine-bedroom, ten-bathroom house with an Olympic sized pool, three soaking tubs, and a kitchen that was once featured in an interior design magazine. Now Mom and I live in a two-bedroom apartment where the shower runs out of hot water if you’re in there longer than five minutes. So yeah, a big change.”
Their wide-eyed expressions were back at my revelation, but I tried to feel comfortable revealing tidbits about my former life. Maybe I could audition some talking points here, and then I wouldn’t feel so awkward saying them to my squad.
“What does your father do for a living, Nicole?” Mrs. Modine asked, then took a sip of her beverage.