by Natasha West
‘Get the hell out of my car’ Denise instructed.
‘Mom…’ Ruby began, and Emily could see she was revving up for round two. She put her hand on Ruby’s. ‘It’s alright’ she assured her. Ruby stopped and looked at her. And then down at the hand. Emily realised what she’d done and snatched her hand back. There was not a single reason in the world she was supposed to touch Ruby anymore. ‘I can handle her’ she said quickly, with a nod to Denise.
‘You can’t handle shit, that’s pretty obvious’ Denise said to Emily over her shoulder and then to Ruby, ‘Get out of the car.’
‘Where are you taking her?’ Ruby demanded.
‘To my place, to get her stuff’ Denise answered.
‘And then?’ Ruby pressed.
‘Where do you think? The airport.’
Ruby cast a stricken look at Emily. ‘Just like that?’
Emily looked back at Ruby, feeling so much. She’d thought she had more time. She didn’t know what she would have done with it, but still, she wished for just a little more.
But time and Denise waited for no man. ‘Yep. Say your goodbyes. I’m gonna book a flight’ she said and got her phone out.
‘You can’t even wait ‘til tomorrow?’ Ruby asked. ‘What’s the rush?’
‘No rush and no reason to delay either’ Denise said. ‘I’m serious, Ruby. Say goodbye.’ She turned back to the front.
Ruby turned to her and she said. ‘Emily.’
‘Ruby’ Emily said back. And they looked at each other for a few silent, dense seconds. Emily almost lost her head in that moment and said it all. But what was the point? It was what it was. And the thought of Denise laughing at her from the front while she tried to bare her soul to Ruby was sickening. Better to leave with her dignity. It was all she had left.
‘OK, I’ve got a flight leaving in three hours’ Denise told the car. ‘Should be just enough time. I’ll come by yours after I drop her off, OK, Ruby? And then we can finish our little talk.’
Ruby shot her mother a look and then she leaned over, gave Emily a small, soft kiss on the cheek and said, ‘I… Take care of yourself.’ And she got out of the car.
Emily looked out of the window, trying to watch Ruby for every last second she could. But soon enough, Ruby’s car was dropped off by a valet. She climbed in and drove off quickly. Emily supposed that was best. It had been kind of her to try and provide a buffer for her and Denise. But what did Emily care what Denise said anymore? What could hurt her more than leaving Ruby?
But Denise said nothing on the drive home. It wasn’t until she pulled up in front of her house that she merely uttered, ‘Get your shit. I’ll wait.’
Emily went indoors and up to her room where she stuffed her things back into her bag and left without a backwards glance. This place meant nothing to her. Not like Ruby’s flat. That was where her heart had been.
She got back in the car and they went to the airport. As Denise pulled into the drop-off zone at LAX she said, ‘I’ve emailed you a ticket. I’m afraid I couldn’t get you a direct flight. You’ve got a change at JFK.’
‘It was a cheaper flight, wasn’t it?’ Emily asked cynically.
‘You got me’ Denise said with a sour smile into the rear-view mirror. She took something out of her glove box, a slip of paper. ‘Here’s what we agreed. Could have been a lot more’ she said bitterly.
Emily took the cheque. ‘Yes. But your daughter would be miserable.’
Denise snorted. ‘So high and mighty. The girl who married a stranger, no, scratch that, thought she married a stranger because she was too drunk to tell the difference, as it turned out.’
‘Yeah. It wasn’t my proudest moment’ Emily admitted to Denise. ‘But of all the mistakes I’ve made lately, I don’t know, I think that one was the smallest.’
‘And what was the biggest, pray tell?’
‘Letting you talk me into making her a liar. She’s not a liar, Denise. You should know that about her. She’s special. And not just in the way that makes money for you. You’re lucky to have her in your life’ Emily said and got out of the car. Before she could close the door, she took the cheque, ripped it in two and threw the pieces in the backseat.
‘Classy!’ Denise yelled as Emily slammed the door shut and headed for the entrance. She heard Denise’s car rev off angrily and took a small measure of comfort from the fact that at least she’d never have to see that bloody woman again. It wasn’t much compensation for never seeing Ruby again, but she supposed she could always Google her now and again, see what she was up to and how she flourished over the years. It wasn’t enough. But it was all she had.
Thirty
Ruby was just about wearing a hole in her rug, pacing back and forth, waiting for her mother. She’d had it, she really had. If Denise thought she was gonna read her the riot act for the second time in a night, she had another thing coming. And tonight, of all nights? After she’d had to say that horrible, rushed goodbye to Emily? She was in just about the worst mood of her life.
She knew she could have said screw it and gone for it with Emily. Told her the truth. She’d been going to. But sat in that backseat, her mother in the front, she had a change of heart. So Emily had said some sweet things to her? So they’d slept together once? So they’d gotten fake married? It didn’t give her the right to lay all her stupid feelings on Emily before she was about to get on a transatlantic flight. It was selfish to tell her. The right thing was to leave Emily the fuck alone from now until the end of time, stop screwing her life up at last. That was the least she owed her.
The doorbell went and Ruby ran to the door and flung it open. Her mother stood there, hands on her hips, ready to fight. But as Ruby thought of all the things she could say, she realised she didn’t have the strength to say any of them.
And then something absurd happened. Ruby burst into tears. She ran away from the door, into her bedroom, trying to hide. A moment later, her mother walked in. ‘Well, what the hell is this all about?’ she asked.
‘Mom, get out, would you? Please?’ she asked. She wasn’t even angry at Denise anymore. She was angry at a world that would allow the thing you wanted to dance at the reach of your fingertips, only to disappear when you tried to touch it. Ruby rolled over and pressed her face into her pillow and waited for her bedroom door to close behind Denise.
But the door never closed. And then there was a pressure on the bed, a person sitting down. ‘Mom, chew me out later, OK?’ Ruby said from the pillow, feeling like she was back in puberty.
‘I don’t understand what you could possibly be this upset about’ Denise said. But she said it quieter than her usual brash yelling. ‘You threw that movie away. No one else. You.’
Ruby sat up and looked at her mother. ‘It’s not the movie. How many times do I have to tell you I didn’t want it!’ Ruby cried.
Denise rolled her eyes. ‘So it’s the girl.’ She shook her head. ‘I knew it. I knew something like this was gonna happen. But not to you, Ruby. I thought you knew better. Don’t you know a loser when you see one?’
‘Don’t talk about her like that’ Ruby snapped. ‘You don’t know her.’
‘I know the type. She’s just like your father…’
Ruby’s jaw clenched. They never discussed Ruby’s dad. He was on a list of forbidden topics, banned for years. But they were apparently in some sort of twilight zone because Denise was suddenly ready to talk about him. Or more accurately, criticize him. Ruby wasn’t having it. ‘Don’t talk about him either.’
‘Why not? I raised you singlehanded. Gave you everything. If I wanna complain about that lazy sack of shit, I’ve earned the right.’
Ruby was stunned. ‘He wasn’t lazy, Mom.’
‘Then why wouldn’t he get off his ass?’
‘He was depressed’ Ruby told her firmly.
‘Sure, right. Depressed’ Denise said pissily.
‘You know he was. I realise that probably wasn’t what you thought you were marrying, but that’s
not his fault’ Ruby admonished. ‘He’s doing a lot better these days, if you ever wondered. He found some good drugs.’
Denise sniffed. ‘Good for him. But you should know that he was the reason you nearly didn’t get acting lessons.’
Ruby rolled her eyes. ‘No, he wasn’t. I told him I didn’t want to do it.’
Denise’s eyes nearly came out of the sockets. ‘But it was your idea!’
‘It was your idea. You saw me in the school play and that was it. You decided my whole life. He was trying to protect me and spare your feelings. Why couldn’t you see that?’
‘That’s not what happened’ Denise barked.
‘You have a real talent for re-writing a story. You missed your calling as a script doctor’ Ruby said. She thought she was about to get screamed at.
But Denise looked away for moment, lost in her own memories. ‘Shit. You’re right’ Denise muttered. Ruby didn’t think she’d ever heard her mother say that. To anyone. But there were more surprises coming. ‘Am I a monster?’ Denise asked.
Ruby considered being kind. But she thought the kindest thing would be the truth. ‘A little’ Ruby admitted. ‘Sorry. Barry said you were the biggest shark he’s ever met.’
‘Barry Curtis said that?’ Denise asked, stunned.
‘Yup.’
‘Wow’ Denise breathed. She thought about that for a moment and then shrugged, over her revelation at lightning speed. ‘Ahh, fuck it. I’m a shark. There’s worse things to be.’
Ruby braced herself and plunged on. ‘The thing is though… I don’t think you can be my shark anymore.’
Denise looked angry, but not very surprised. ‘You’re firing your own mother?’
Ruby hadn’t known she was going to do this until it was coming out of her mouth. But it was long overdue. ‘Look at it this way, I’m holding you back. You could be managing someone who really needs you, someone who wants to go to the top and make you millions of dollars in the process. Throw a stone in this town, you’ll find someone like that. But it’s not going to be me.’
Denise thought about it and Ruby could see she was somewhat buoyed. ‘You really didn’t want to act?’ she asked.
‘Not then, no’ Ruby told her firmly. ‘I like it now though. Even kind of love it’ she admitted. ‘Only… I think I need to do better stuff.’
‘You’re quitting the show?’ Denise cried, aghast.
Ruby laughed. ‘God, no. That would be stupid, I still have bills to pay and it’s a regular pay check. You taught me the value of a dollar. I’ll always be grateful for that. But I’m gonna choose better projects for hiatus. Stuff like Marisa Benson does.’
Denise rolled her eyes. ‘Well, best of luck with that.’
Ruby took a deep breath and spoke from the calmest place she could find. ‘I’m gonna pretend you meant that sincerely. That way, just for once, we can go out on a better note. I don’t wanna keep being angry with you. It’s a waste of both our energies.’
Denise’s mouth went very tight and Ruby expected more snark. But then Denise shook herself, gave a half laugh and said, ‘Yeah. Good plan.’ She stood and went to leave. At the door, she sighed to herself and with enormous resentment turned back and said. ‘I think you’re a dummy.’
‘Thanks’ Ruby said. They’d almost made it to a nice moment. But hey, Denise was Denise.
However, Denise wasn’t quite Denise because then she added, ‘No, I really do. That girl… I don’t think she’s right for you at all. You know she ripped that check up just to spite me? Have you ever heard of anything so smug in your life?’ Denise looked horrified at the thought. But then her expression softened, just a fraction. ‘But if you want her… You should go get her.’
Ruby nearly fell off the bed. ‘What?’
‘I lied. It was my idea to have her stay at mine. I was trying to help you and I still say I’m right about that’ Denise said firmly. ‘But I’ve failed. Because you went and fell for her anyway, didn’t you?’
Ruby’s head was spun out. ‘Why would you lie? And why take her to your place at all if she didn’t ask?’
Denise gave an almighty shrug. ‘Because she told me she had feelings for you.’
Ruby stood slowly from the bed, trance-like. ‘She told you what?’
‘Yeah. She thinks she’s in love with you’ Denise said with a shake of her head.’
Ruby took two steps forward and then stopped. And then she began to move again, running at her mother, who flinched as though she thought she was about to be struck. But Ruby grabbed her face and planted a smacker on her cheek. ‘Thank you!’
Denise wiped her cheek, annoyed. ‘Her flight takes off soon. Flight 345, connecting at JFK. You better hurry.’
Ruby ran from the apartment. She left the front door wide open.
***
Ruby was driving down the highway, trying not to run herself off the road. She was really doing it. She was gonna run through the airport to reach her true love, movie style. She would figure out what to say when she saw Emily in person. But it didn’t matter what she said. Emily loved her too. Everything was going to be alright.
At the airport, she ran to a free desk and said, ‘Hey, has flight 345 gone yet?’
The woman looked at her screen for a moment. And then looked up cheerily and said, ‘It sure has!’
Ruby’s face fell, landing somewhere near her knees. ‘What?’
‘It left ten minutes ago’ the chipper lady informed her.
Ruby turned from the desk, devastated. She wanted to tell Emily everything, how she felt, what she meant to her. Because she could. It wasn’t selfish anymore. Emily loved her too. But she was on her way home. Ruby could call her when she landed, she supposed. But she didn’t know if she could wait that long.
Thirty-One
Emily was sat in the departure lounge. Her flight left soon. Three sodding hours she’d had to sit waiting for the connecting flight. Just enough time to feel like forever, yet not enough time to leave the airport and see anything of New York. Denise had really excelled herself with this one.
The announcer called boarding on her flight and she tossed aside her magazine, some stupid celebrity thing she’d found on the seat. As it flopped open, there was a small picture in the top right-hand corner, easy to miss. It was Ruby. And her. Her face was basically a tiny, indistinct blob next to Ruby’s easy beauty. The words underneath mentioned Ruby, her show and her new marital status to some Brit known only as Emily. It then went on to make up some bollocks about them feeding each other food. And then it described how in love they both were. ‘Well, half right’ Emily thought. But she ripped the picture out anyway and slipped it into her purse. A memento of these crazy few weeks, maybe the only one she’d ever have. And it had to be said, Ruby did look great.
Emily boarded the plane, a seat in economy, of course. Not even economy plus. That cheap arsehole. She was squeezed in on a window seat, the chair next to her quickly occupied by an enormous guy in a Doctor Who t-shirt that was about two sizes too small. Emily’s legs were already cramping as the flight taxied down the runaway and lifted jaggedly.
Once in the air, Ruby put her headphones in. She realised just how exhausted she was. It was two in the morning, California time. That was ten in the morning at home. She didn’t know where her circadian rhythm was anymore. Possibly somewhere around China. She wondered what Ruby was doing right now. Probably asleep. Which is what she should try to do. Once she got to London, she had to make her way to Oxford, that would be another few hours. The thought was tiring, and she soon nodded off.
She immediately began to dream. She was walking towards something in a sun-drenched desert, she didn’t know what it was, but she knew she had to find it. Then she heard it, the thing she needed, its voice. The voice kept talking to her, a soothing tone, saying her name, drawing her through the bare landscape. She felt as though she could reach out and touch it…
‘Emily.’
Emily woke and wiped a little bit of drool off of
her chin. She turned sleepily in her seat. ‘Mmm?’ she asked, her bleary eyes clearing. The voice spoke again. ‘Emily.’ Emily realised she was looking at Ruby, sitting in the seat next to her, still in her party dress. ‘Ruby!’ she yelled.
‘Hi’ Ruby said sheepishly.
Emily stared at Ruby, awe-struck. Was she still dreaming? She gave herself a little pinch on the arm. ‘Ow!’ she screamed.
‘What did you do that for?’ Ruby asked, amused.
‘That’s what people in crap books do to see if they’re dreaming’ Emily explained.