by Kate Forster
Grace burst into tears.
Violetta slumped in her chair. ‘What the hell?’
‘I know,’ said Carlotta.
Grace sobbed loudly. Spencer mistook her sadness and sat on the arm of the chair she was on. ‘It’s OK, sweetie,’ he said uselessly.
‘I know it’s OK, it’s fucking great!’ screamed Grace, and she started to laugh.
Violetta joined in her relieved laughter while Carlotta stared at both of them.
‘I know, I know,’ said Grace. ‘Trust me, it’s a good thing.’
She told Carlotta the burden of her secret with Matthew in Spain. Carlotta’s face turned white with anger. She said nothing, instead, she held Grace for a long time.
‘I’m OK,’ said Grace. ‘Really I am.’
Once the sisters had settled down they sat staring at each other. Then they looked at Spencer.
‘So if Leon is not our father then who is, Spencer?’ Violetta asked him pointedly.
‘I have no idea,’ he said.
But Grace noticed his eyes not quite reaching Violetta’s. ‘I think you do know, Spencer,’ she said.
‘You think it’s me?’ he asked quietly.
‘Care to take a test?’ asked Carlotta. ‘It’s not like Birdie is going to be able to tell us the truth.’
Spencer stood up and walked to the window and stared unseeingly from it.
Violetta walked over to him. ‘Are you our father, Spencer?’ she asked quietly.
Spencer looked down, so elegant in his suit. Age had been kind to him and he still remained single, although certainly not without his fair share of women.
It all started to make sense to Violetta now. He had never married, he remained a part of their and Birdie’s lives over the years. Protecting her the only way he knew how, through legal documents, turning up when things were hard.
‘You love our mother, you love Birdie. I think you have always loved her. Is that right, Spencer?’ she asked gently.
Spencer nodded and continued to look away.
‘So what happened?’ she probed.
Spencer turned to her, his eyes wet with tears. ‘I do love her. I always have. Even when she came back from Paris with Leon on her arm. I was devastated but she loved him more than she loved me. It was passion, you see. Leon had passion but I didn’t have much of that. I am a boring man and Birdie needed excitement.’
Carlotta and Grace sat forward, listening to him. He seemed in a trance now, back in his memories.
‘I thought we would marry when she came back from Paris. I asked her before but she said to wait till she had seen the world. She had wanted to sleep with me before but I told her to wait till we were married. She was so filled with longing and desire for the world and I pushed her away, stuck in tradition and the expectations of our families.’
‘So what happened?’ asked Carlotta impatiently.
‘She married Leon and moved away. She started Pajaro and she and Leon borrowed the money from her father. The only way I could see her again was to offer my services as her attorney. I did it so I could see her.’
Violetta nodded, encouraging him to continue.
‘She was happy and Pajaro started well but soon Leon was having affairs. All she wanted to do was to be a mom but Leon was never there and he told her he didn’t want children. She was shattered. After a few years she and I became friends once more. I would visit and she would come down to Georgia. It was like old times and I suppose we fell in love again. Then Leon came to Georgia and dragged her back to New York.’
‘Why didn’t she stay with you?’ asked Grace.
‘Because she was married to Leon, she made a promise to him, and somehow she thought it might work. I was devastated and wrote her an angry letter telling her to stay away from me, to stop breaking my heart.’
Violetta nodded at him. ‘I understand.’
‘And then she found out she was pregnant. She was sick, so sick, her mother told me. In and out of hospital and then she had you all, early. Leon, who had at first said he never wanted children, was proud he had fathered three at once and Birdie, happy to have him satisfied for once, stayed with him. All because my stupid pride kept her away,’ he said regretfully.
‘So what happened then?’ asked Carlotta.
‘We weren’t in contact until her father died and then she came for the funeral. As her father’s attorney, I had to speak to her and we became friends again. Nothing more, she was loyal to Leon, and that’s when I met you, when you were three,’ he said, smiling at them.
‘Did you think we might be yours?’ asked Grace.
‘Perhaps, I had hoped, but she was staying with Leon so it didn’t matter.’
‘It would have mattered to us,’ said Carlotta bitterly, remembering Leon’s temper.
‘Your mother made her choice and I made mine. We started a new friendship that was about you three. I loved being with you all,’ he said, smiling at them.
‘What happened before she went into hospital?’ asked Violetta, putting the pieces together in her mind. ‘What happened, Spencer? I know something did. I saw her for lunch a few weeks before and she was different. Something happened between her and Leon.’
Spencer paused and pulled out a dining chair. He sat on it heavily. He seemed tired and defeated.
‘Your mother and I started up again. I guess we couldn’t leave it unfinished and I told her I regretted what had happened long ago. She made the decision to leave Leon. She told me she was going to tell you, Letty, when she had lunch with you. She said that you would be the most understanding, that you were the most non-traditional of the girls.’
When he smiled at her Violetta felt guilty for her selfish behaviour that day. Her mother needed her support and she had been a brat.
‘We had a fight and she never ended up telling me,’ Violetta told them.
‘She had put everything in order and finally found the courage to tell Leon. She had learned of Matthew and his mother, and she’d had enough. She said she wanted a new life. She wanted to be back at Pajaro and to bring you in, Letty. Leon, I guess, knew he would be screwed without her. She owned the majority of the company and he was going to be ousted. He panicked and hit her, from what the police have worked out.’
The girls were silent, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Grace looked at Violetta finally and they shared a brief smile. It was hard to hear from Spencer yet it made sense.
‘Did you ever ask Mom if we were yours?’ asked Grace.
‘No. It was none of my business and unless she shared it then I chose to remain silent. I tried to help in other ways but I didn’t want to force her to do anything. I made that mistake once and I lost her,’ he said sadly.
Carlotta stood up and paced the room. ‘I can’t fucking believe this. I can’t believe that you would leave us with such a prick of a man when you even thought for a moment that you might be our father.’
‘That’s still not proven, Carlotta,’ said Violetta sternly.
‘So what are you saying, Letty? Mom whored herself about? If we are not Leon’s children then we must be Spencer’s. I cannot imagine that Mom was fucking just anyone.’
‘Carlotta, stop it!’ cried Grace.
‘Why, why should I stop it? asked Carlotta. ‘Spencer, you go and do that test and then we will talk, OK?’ She picked up her bag and stood in the doorway. ‘Until then I don’t want to hear from any of you.’ And she slammed the door after her.
Grace raised her eyebrows at Violetta and Spencer. ‘Well, she may not be Leon’s daughter but she sure does have his temper.’
And for a moment the three laughed.
Violetta reached out her hand and held Spencer’s in hers. ‘I hope you are our father, Spence,’ she said.
‘Me too,’ said Grace, standing up and holding his other hand.
Spencer looked at the girls, who he had treated as his own, whom he had loved and cherished, even from afar.
‘I hope so too.’
29
Birdie looked contemptuously at her husband. ‘You have nothing to hold me here any more, Leon,’ she said as she moved into the bathroom. ‘My parents are dead and I’m leaving.’ She started to rifle through the cupboard, looking for her face cream.
Leon felt the rage burning within him.
Birdie continued, she wasn’t scared of Leon any more. She had had an affair with Spencer for the last ten years and now her parents were gone, her daughters were independent, well almost, she wanted her life back, the one she thought she might have had a long time ago.
‘I own more of Pajaro than you, so I will buy you out, return to my company,’ she said haughtily.
Leon looked at her. ‘You cannot be serious,’ he said, shaking his head.
Who was this woman who stood before him? She had changed over the last ten years and he didn’t like it. As the girls got older he had stopped hurting her physically. Instead he took out his rage against her out on their children. Belittling them, denying them opportunities, and Birdie had tried to make up for Leon’s cruelty.
‘I am serious, Leon. You and I had an agreement. Now my parents are gone there is nothing left to say. You have insisted on continuing with your mistress Melanie ever since I came back to New York. You think I don’t know. I knew she was on holidays with you and the girls, I knew her son was there. How do you think that makes me feel?’ she asked, although she didn’t really care any more.
‘Well, you think I didn’t know about you wanting to fuck that fag Spencer all this time? What a shame he only likes men, probably sucked your father’s cock,’ said Leon, his face was ugly as she spoke.
Birdie felt herself hurt with the rage she felt. ‘Not only did I want to fuck him, as you so elegantly put it, Spencer, I did. And I have done for the past ten years,’ she said, trumping him.
Leon stood in shock; he had entertained the thought, of course, of Birdie and Spencer together. But he was sure no man would remain single forever, and there was no mention of lovers so Leon assumed, as always.
‘You are serious?’ he said.
‘Deadly,’ said Birdie, not afraid of him any more.
‘I will turn the girls against you, they will side with their father. I have the money, all they want is the money,’ he said desperately.
‘Don’t bother, Leon, they aren’t even yours,’ she said, turning her back towards him.
‘What?’ he roared.
Birdie turned to see him lunging towards her. ‘Of course you knew that, Leon,’ she said, trying to push past him. ‘Why else would you be so horrible to them? No father could treat their own flesh and blood like that,’ she accused. ‘I’m leaving you for Spencer. We are starting again. What should have been. You and I should never have been, Leon,’ she said, suddenly sad.
Leon slapped her hard, his rage filling the room. Birdie instantly regretted telling him. She tried to push past him to get out of the small confined space.
‘You fucking whore,’ said Leon.
He pushed her with his whole body and she flew backwards, slamming her head against the bath. The room went black. The cold tiles lay beneath her head. She tried to get up but her body wouldn’t do as she wanted. Her head hurt, like a rubber band was around it, squeezing tighter and tighter. She tried to crawl but all she could do was roll over.
Just be still till the pain goes away, she told herself. Thea will come, she thought. She willed Thea to come, but she was still.
He had left. She heard the car start and then she heard nothing. Only silence, and the thumping in her head reverberating. She tasted blood.
I should have walked away, I should have left the house, she thought. I shouldn’t have said anything about the girls. I should have waited for Spencer. He said he would be here with me but I wanted to say it to him.
She thought about her girls, her trinity of daughters. She knew they wouldn’t come. Where were they? She felt tears fall and tried to wipe them away but her arms wouldn’t obey her. She tried to cry out, but who would hear her?
She cried silently on the floor, helplessly. Grace, Violet, Carlotta, she wanted to scream but the words wouldn’t come out. She saw them as small children; they had their own language, they could communicate without words, each looking out for each other, Carlotta taking care of Violet, Violet taking care of Grace.
‘Grace wants a drink,’ Violet would say.
‘I didn’t hear her ask,’ she would answer.
‘She told me in her mind,’ Violet would tell her.
Carlotta knew before she did when Violet was sick and when she was in pain. When Carlotta fell off the horse, Violet and Grace were at her side before the officials even realised she was hurt.
When did they stop being sisters? Why did they not communicate now? Could they hear her now? Did they know she was hurt, that she needed help?
She lay on the floor and closed her eyes and saw their faces. She focused on them and slowed her breathing. Be calm, she told herself, and she began to become tired, so tired. She dreamed she whispered in each of their ears. ‘I need help.’
And then there was nothing. Only darkness.
30
Grace left the apartment in a daze with Violetta. ‘Do you wanna get a coffee or something?’ she asked.
‘Sure.’
They wandered along the street in silence till they found a reasonable coffee shop and headed inside.
‘What do you think?’ asked Grace.
‘I think that the test is a mere formality,’ said Violetta.
‘You really think that?’ asked Grace.
‘Come on, do you think Mom is the type to sleep around?’
‘No, not really.’
‘How are you holding up?’ asked Violetta.
‘I’m OK,’ said Grace vaguely.
‘How’s your bike courier?’
‘Ah, not so great. We broke up.’
‘Why?’ asked Violetta as she put a sugar into her coffee.
‘I don’t know, I just wanted some time to sort things out about Matthew and Mom and work.’
‘Do you love him?’ asked Violetta.
‘Yes. But it’s not always enough, is it? Look at Mom and Spencer.’
Violetta said nothing. The past weeks with Jeff were like a dream. They were busy in their work and she still had filming obligations, but when they saw each other it was incredible. Not just the sex but the laughter and conversations. Jeff was so smart and yet so unaware of the world. Violetta introduced him to a world of pop culture and fun, which Jeff had never known before. She had even stopped smoking and started to run with him. Not all the way but she was working on it.
Violetta nodded. ‘Listen, Gracie, I have to tell you something.’
Grace put her head in her hands and leaned forward. ‘Oh God, what now?’
‘It’s not bad, at least I don’t think it is.’
‘Let me be the judge of that.’
Violetta waited, summoning up the courage to speak. ‘I am seeing someone. Well, I think I am seeing someone.’
Grace looked up. ‘Do I know him?’
‘Yes.’
‘Who, who? I can’t think. Simon Ponters? William James? Topper Blacklock?’
Violetta shook her head.
‘OK, don’t tell me, I want to guess.’
Violetta sighed, there was no way Grace would be able to guess.
Grace sat with her fingers on her temples. ‘Jeff Carson.’
Violetta gasped. ‘How did you know? Who told you?’
‘No one, he just popped into my head. Jeff? Really? I was right? How lovely.’
‘What’s lovely? You being right or me seeing Jeff?’
‘Both.’
‘You don’t think it’s weird?’
‘What? You dating a brain surgeon? No weirder than me once dating a bike courier.’
Violetta laughed. ‘Man, our life is crazy.’
‘Crazy? No. Interesting? Yes,’ said Grace as her phone r
ang.
‘Hello?’ she answered. ‘Yes, I know, I’m coming now. See you soon.’
‘I have to go to Pajaro. The images of Calypso are ready for approval. You coming?’
‘Yep, come on,’ said Violetta.
And they walked to Pajaro together, more companionable than they had been in years, amidst an interesting world.
*
Matthew’s apartment was in the financial district and Carlotta jumped out of the cab, throwing twenty dollars at the driver.
She stomped inside, waiting for a man to exit. She watched him get onto a bike chained up to the lamp-post outside. She rang Matthew’s buzzer, waited for him to answer.
‘Yes.’ She heard his voice.
‘It’s Carlotta.’
And then she heard the buzzer and the door opened. He was waiting at the front door when she got out of the elevator.
‘What the fuck do you want?’ he asked.
‘I want to know what the hell you did to my sister?’ she demanded in the hallway.
Matthew stepped inside, gesturing for her to follow him. She left the door opened just to be safe.
‘What does it matter now?’ he asked. He walked over to a bookshelf and started loading books into a box.
‘It matters to her and to us. She thought for a moment that she had been raped by her own brother.’
‘Half,’ he corrected her.
‘So you don’t deny you raped her,’ Carlotta said. He was disgusting and he made her feel sick. She swallowed to get rid of the metallic taste in her mouth.
‘I didn’t rape her. We got drunk. She had been flirting with me the entire holiday, if I remember correctly.’ He taped up a box and started folding another one.
‘That’s not how she remembers it,’ said Carlotta, her arms folded.
‘Well, there’s nothing you can do now. You want to have her charge me with something that happened years ago and bring more shame to your family. Anyway, I’m leaving New York and I won’t be back anytime soon.’
‘Where are you going with your newfound money?’ asked Carlotta, curious at his cockiness.
‘I’m going to stay with my parents.’
He said it with relish and Carlotta felt herself wanting to hit him but she held back.