by Don Marquis
was batted into the
alley and i picked myself
up out of a can full
of ashes a cat without a
home a poor little
innocent kitten alone
all alone in the great and
wicked city but i never
was one to be down
on my luck long archy my
motto has always been
toujours gai archy toujours
gai always jolly archy
always game and thank god
always the lady i
wandered a block or
two and strayed into
the family entrance of
a barroom it was my
first mistake mehitabels
adventures will be continued
archy
men shrank back from me
the curse of drink
to continue the story
of mehitabel the cat
she says to me when i
walked into that
barroom i was hungry and
mewing with despair
there were two men sitting
at the table and
looking sad i rubbed
against the legs of one
of them but he never moved
then i jumped up on
the table and stood
between them they both stared
hard at me and
then they stared at each
other but neither one
touched me or said anything
in front of one of
them was a glass full
of some liquid with
foam on the top of it i
thought it was milk
and began to drink from the
glass little did i
know archy as i lapped
it up that it was beer the
men shrank back from me and
began to tremble and shake
and look at me
finally one of them said to
the other i know what you
think bill what do i
think jeff said the
other you think bill that
i have the d ts said the
first one you think i
think i see a cat drinking
out of that beer glass but
i do not think i
see a cat at all that is all
in your imagination it
is you yourself that
have the d ts no said the
other one i dont think
you think you see a
cat i was not thinking
about cats at all i
do not know why you mention
cats for there are no
cats here just then a
salvation army lassie came
in and said you
wicked men teaching that poor
little innocent cat to
drink beer what cat
said one of the men she
thinks she sees a cat
said the other and
laughed and laughed
just then a mouse ran
across the floor and i
chased it and the salvation
lassie jumped on a
chair and screamed jeff
said bill i suppose now you
think i saw a
mouse i wish bill you
would change the
subject from animals said
jeff there is nothing
to be gained by talking
of animals mehitabel s
life story will be
continued in an early number
archy
a mouse ran across the floor
one day i left the place
pussy café
for some weeks said
mehitabel the cat continuing the
story of her life i
lived in that barroom and
though the society was
not what i had
been used to yet i
cannot say that it was
not interesting three
times a day in
addition to scraps from
the free lunch
and an occasional mouse
i was given a saucer
full of beer sometimes i
was given more and
when i was feeling
frolicsome it was the custom
for the patrons to gather
round and watch me
chase my tail until
i would suddenly fall
asleep at that time
they gave me the
nickname of pussy café but
one day i left the
place in the pocket
of a big fur
overcoat worn by
a gentleman who was
carrying so much that i thought
a little extra burden would
not be noticed he got
into a taxi cab
which soon afterwards
pulled up in front of
a swell residence uptown
and wandered up the
steps well said his
wife meeting him in the
hallway you are here
at last but where is my
mother whom i sent you to
the train to meet
could this be she asked
the ladys husband
pulling me out of his
coat pocket by the neck and
holding me up with a
dazed expression on his face
it could not said his
wife with a look of
scorn mehitabels life
story will be continued
before long
archy
a communication from archy
well boss i am
sorry to report that
mehitabel the cat has
struck no more story archy
she said last night
without pay art for arts
sake is all right but
i can get real
money in the movies the
best bits are to
come too she says my life
she says has been a
romantic one boss she has
the nerve to hold out
for a pint of
cream a day i am sick
of milk she says and
why should a lady author
drink ordinary milk cream
for mine she says
and no white of egg beaten
up on top of it either i
know what my dope
is worth boss it is
my opinion she has the
swell head over getting into
print i would hate
to stop the serial
but she needs a
lesson listen archy she said
to me what i want
with my stuff is
illustrations too the next
chapter is about me taking
my first false step well
archy i either get an
illustration for that or else
i sign up with these
movie people who are always
after me you will be
wanting to sing into a phonograph
next i told her
my advice is to
can her at once i will fill
the space with my own
adventures
archy
rganizing the ants the worms the wasps the bees for a revolt against mankind
the return of archy
where have i been so long
you ask me
i have been going up
and down like the devil
seeking what i might devour
i am hungry always hungry
and in the end i shall
eat everything
all the world shall come at
last to the multitudinous maws
of insects
a civilization perishes
before the tireless teeth
of little little germs
ha ha i have thrown off the mask
at last
you thought i was only
an archy
but i am more than that
i am anarchy
where have i been you ask
i have been organizing the insects
the ants the worms the wasps
the bees the cockroaches
the mosquitoes
for a revolt against mankind
i have declared war
upon humanity
i even i shall fling
the mighty atom
that splits a planet asunder
i ride the microbe
that crashes down olympus
where have i been you ask me where
i am jove and from my seat
on the edge of a bowl of beef stew
i launch the thunderous
molecule
that smites a cosmos into bits
where have i been you ask
but you had better ask
who follows in my train
there is an ant
a desert ant a tamerlane
who ate a pyramid in rage
that he might get at and devour
the mummies of six hundred
kings who in remote
antiquity had stepped upon
and crushed ascendants of his
my myrmidons
are trivial things
and they have always ruled
the world
and now they shall strike down mankind
i shall show you how
a solar system
pivots on the nubbin
of a flageolet bean
i shall show you how a blood clot
moving in a despot’s brain
flung a hundred million men
to death and disease
and plunged a planet into woe
for twice a hundred years
we have the key
to the fourth dimension
for we know the little things
that swim and swarm
in protoplasm
i can show you love and hate
and the future
dreaming side by side
in a cell
in the little cells where
matter is so fine it merges
into spirit
you ask me where i have been
but you had better
ask me where i am
and what
i have been drinking
exclamation point
archy
archy turns highbrow for a minute
boss please let me
be highbrow for
a minute i
have just been eating
my way through some of
the books on your desk
and i have digested two of them
and it occurs to me
that antoninus the emperor
and epictetus the slave
arrived at the same
philosophy of life
that there is neither mastery
nor slavery
except as it exists
in the attitude of the soul
toward the world
thank you for listening
to a poor little
cockroach
archy
archy experiences a seizure
“Where have you been so long? And what on earth do you mean by coming in here soused?” we asked Archy as he zigzagged from the door to the desk.
He climbed onto the typewriter keys and replied indignantly:
soused yourself i havent had a drink
and yet i am elevated i admit it i have
been down to a second hand book
store eating a lot of kiplings earlier
poetry it always excites me if i eat
a dozen stanzas of it i get all lit up
and i try to imitate it get out of my
way now i feel a poem in the kipling
manner taking me
And before we could stop him he began to butt on the keys:
the cockroach stood by the mickle
wood in the flush of the astral dawn
We interrupted. “Don’t you mean Austral instead of Astral?”
Archy became angered and wrote peevishly:
i wrote astral and i meant astral
you let me be now i want to get this
poem off my chest you are jealous if
you were any kind of a sport at all
you would fix this machine so it could
write it in capitals it is a poem about
a fight between a cockroach and a
lot of other things get out of my way
im off
the cockroach stood by the mickle
wood in the flush of the astral dawn
and he sniffed the air from the hidden
lair where the khyber swordfish spawn
and the bilge and belch of the glutton
welsh as they smelted their warlock cheese
surged to and fro where the grinding
floe wrenched at the headlands knees
half seas over under up again
and the barnacles white in the moon
the pole stars chasing its tail like a pup again
and the dish ran away with the spoon
the waterspout came bellowing out of
the red horizons rim
and the grey typhoon and the black
monsoon surged forth to the
fight with him
with three fold might they surged to
the fight for they hated the great
bull roach
and they cried begod as they lashed
the sod and here is an egg to
poach
we will bash his mug with his own raw
lug new stripped from off his
dome
for there is no law but teeth and claw
to the nor nor east of nome
the punjab gull shall have his skull
ere he goes to the burning ghaut
for there is no time for aught but crime
where the jungle lore is taught
across the dark the afghan shark is
whining for his head
there shall be no rule but death and
dule till the deep red maws are
fed
half seas under up and down
again
and her keel was blown off in a
squall
girls we misdoubt that we ll ever
see town again
haul boys haul boys haul.
“Archy,” we interrupted, “that haul, boys, is all right to the eye, but the ear will surely make it hall boys. Better change it.”
you are jealous you let me alone im off again
the cockroach spat and he tilted his
hat and he grinned through the
lowering mirk
the cockroach felt in his rangoon belt
for his good bengali dirk
he reefed his mast against the blast
and he bent his mizzen free
and he pointed the cleats of his bin
nacle sheets at the teeth of the
yesty sea
he opened his mouth and he sluiced
his drouth with his last good
can of swipes
begod he cried they come in pride but
they shall go home with the
gripes
begod he said if they want my head it
is here on top of my chine
it shall never be said that i doffed my
head for the boast of a heathen
line
and he scorned to wait but he dared
his fate and loos
ed his bridle rein
and leapt to close with his red fanged
foes in the trough of the
screaming main
from hell to nome the blow went home
and split the firmament
from hell to nome the yellow foam
blew wide to veil the rent
and the roaring ships they came to
grips in the gloom of a dripping
mist
“Archy,” we interrupted again, “is there very much more of it? It seems that you might tell in a very few words now who won the fight, and let it go at that. Who did win the fight, Archy?”
But Archy was peeved, and went sadly away, after writing:
of course you wont let me finish i never saw as jealous a person as you are
to bring humans and cockroaches into a better understanding
peace—at a price
one thing the human
bean never seems to
get into it is the
fact that humans
appear just as unnecessary to
cockroaches as cockroaches
do to humans
you would scarcely
call me human
nor am i altogether
cockroach i
conceive it to be my
mission in life to bring
humans and cockroaches
into a better understanding
with each other to
establish some sort of
entente cordiale or
hands across the kitchen sink
arrangement
lately i heard a number
of cockroaches discussing
humanity one big
regal looking roach
had the floor and he spoke
as was fitting in blank verse
more or less
says he
how came this monster with the heavy
foot harsh voice and cruel heart to
rule the world
had it been dogs or cats or elephants
i could have acquiesced and found a
justice working in the decree but man
gross man
the killer man the bloody minded
crossed unsocial death dispenser of this
sphere who slays for pleasure slays
for sport for whim
who slays from habit breeds to slay and
slays
whatever breed has humors not his own
the whole apparent universe one sponge
blood filled from insect mammal fish
and bird
the which he squeezes down his vast
gullet friends i call on you to rise and
trample down this monster man this
tyrant man hear hear said
several of the wilder spirits
and it looked to me for a
minute as if they
were going right out and
wreck new york city but
an old polonius looking