“No, sweet girl,” Callie crooned, doing her best not to let the pain those words brought seep into her voice. “That couldn’t be any further away from the truth.”
“Yuh-huh,” Wendy insisted. “He left me here. He didn’t want to see me.”
“That’s not it, Wendy, I promise,” Callie insisted, sliding off of the edge of her bed to sit on the floor beside Wendy. “He had something unexpected come up, that’s all. You know he would rather spend time with you than anyone.”
“He didn’t before,” Wendy said sullenly, poking her bottom lip out in a pitiful display of unhappiness. “He was never around.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Callie insisted, although she couldn’t help feeling a bit like a liar.
It didn’t take much to remember how separate their lives had been before she had started nannying. All she had to do was close her eyes to recall the amount of work that had gone into pulling the family picnic off so that everyone had a good time. How easy would it be for everything to go back to the way it had been back then? Was it even fair to tell Wendy that her estimation of the situation was wrong?
“Don’t believe you,” Wendy said matter-of-factly, crossing her arms across her chest defiantly, “else why’d he go?”
"He had a meeting, that's all," Callie answered as soothingly as she was able. "Sometimes grownups do that. It was just for work stuff, you know? It won't happen every day, and I'm sure he's sorry he didn't get to spend the morning with you. I bet he can't wait to get back to you. I bet he—"
Callie's words were cut off neatly by the sound of the front door opening and shutting. Wendy's head snapped up, her eyes moving first to Callie and then to the bedroom door. As they listened, both of them heard the sound of Finn's cheerful whistling, and Callie winced. Even at such a young age, there was no way Wendy would miss the happy tone. It certainly didn't do anything to lend credibility to her argument that Finn had been missing his little girl the whole time he was away. A surge of resentment toward him overcame her. She understood if he had an unexpected meeting that couldn't be missed, but it wouldn't kill him to act like he was sorry to miss time with Wendy.
“Hold on a second,” she said grimly, patting Wendy on the back as she got to her feet. “I’m going to go and see what your dad is up to. I’ll be right back.”
Callie waited for Wendy to protest, her typical response to any suggestion of being left out of a situation. When she kept quiet, choosing to return to wistfully staring off into the distance instead of putting up a fight, Callie's own annoyance grew. She marched out of her bedroom and down the hallway, the floor creaking its protest beneath her heavy footfalls. When she got to the bottom of the stairs, she rounded them quickly, fully ready to confront Finn over his lighthearted entrance.
“Whoa, sugar!” Finn laughed, coming around the corner and almost running into her. “Where’s the fire?”
“Um, no fire,” she answered, taking a step back and wrapping her arms around herself. “I was coming to see what’s going on with you.”
“What do you mean?” he smiled, reaching for her and pulling her in close. “Why does something need to be going on with me?”
She looked at him incredulously, searching to see if he was really so oblivious. For starters, it had been days since the two of them had been so physically close. The look across that Sunday supper table had marked a change. These last several days, they had gone back to handling each other with kid gloves. It was almost more awkward than it had been in those first days. The history between the two of them was something she couldn’t erase the memory of, no matter how completely she tried to immerse herself in moving into the future. Whatever had gotten into him now, though, he seemed to have forgotten the wall that had gone up between them. He grinned down at her, his eyes full of shining mischief, his thumb running suggestively up and down her side.
“Seriously, Finn, what’s up with you? You’re acting strange.”
“Because I’m happy?” he laughed, shrugging her question off with maddening ease.
“Honestly? Yes, because you’re happy. Wendy has been super bummed all morning about you going. She thinks you don’t want to spend time with her anymore, and she’s worried about what’s going to happen…”
“What’s going to happen when?” Finn asked, frowning for the first time in the conversation.
“You know the answer to that,” she waved him off. “I’m just telling you, she’s feeling pretty sad, and hearing you whistle so happily isn’t making her feel any better.”
“Shoot,” he said, running a distracted hand through his hair, although, incredibly, she could see the start of a smile at the corners of his mouth again. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I guess I didn’t think about that. Only, I was so tickled, I couldn’t help myself.”
“Tickled by what?” she asked in exasperation. “What are you talking about, Finn?”
“My meeting,” he answered, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, “the meeting I just came from. Callie, it’s happening. It’s finally happening.”
"I...I don't know what you're talking about," she gulped. She’d known this was coming. Of course it was coming. The whole point of her being there, to begin with, was to help them get to this point. She knew what he wanted, what he really wanted, and it had nothing to do with her. Or Wendy, if she was honest with herself.
“I got the invite I’ve been hoping for,” he answered breathlessly, “the rodeo. They want me to join up.”
“But that’s great!” she cried, trying hard to sound like she meant it. “That’s what you wanted.”
“I know, and it’s happening fast,” he agreed.
“Wow, okay,” she said shakily, taking a step backward. “Like, how fast?”
“By the start of next week.”
The words hung in the air between them, their weight a noose around Callie's neck. This was it. This was the moment to come right out and tell him that she had gone and fallen in love with him while she wasn't paying attention. She had no idea what his response would be, but that wasn't the point. The point was saying it, right out loud. Because time was moving far too quickly all of a sudden, and she knew that if she didn't speak up now, she would forever have to hold her peace.
“There’s a couple things I need to figure out before I head out,” he said, completely oblivious to any feelings she might be having on the matter, “but the main one is Wendy.”
“Wendy?” Callie parroted, her head spinning. She felt like she was one step behind, trying to catch up to the conversation. She had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that Finn was circling around the idea of choosing his own dreams over his daughter. At the same time, she could hardly make herself believe it was true.
“Well, sure,” he answered, running his hands through his hair again and adding some pacing to the mix for good measure, “the circuit isn’t going to be the right place for her, at least not until I’m sure what’s going on with her, and my in-laws can’t take her on full-time. I know Stacy would do it in a heartbeat, but I can’t ask that. Not with everything on her plate already.”
“Sure,” Callie said vaguely, “that makes sense. So tell me what you're thinking?” Her throat tightened, and her heart felt as if it were beating out of control as she studied his face. If there was going to be a time for them, it was now. It wasn't such a far stretch to imagine him telling her he didn't want her to go. She could see his face losing its frenzied look, breaking out in warmth as he asked her to stay. She was terrified of the question, terrified of what she knew she would say.
All she wanted in that moment was for him to tell her not to go. The rest, she felt certain, would fall into place of its own accord. She believed that, right up until the moment he spoke again.
“I can’t even believe I’m asking this,” he started, his eyes lifting to her face and holding her hostage with their intensity, “but I was thinking about when you go to New York.”
“Yes?” she asked faintl
y, some detached part of her waiting to see if she would completely lose her cool right there in the hallway.
“I don’t know the best way to ask you this, or if there really is a way to ask, but I was wondering if you could take her with you. Just until your year starts and I’ve got my feet underneath me. Would you? Do you think you could?”
She had no words, but she nodded yes, all the same. There was nothing else for her to do. She knew then, once and for all. She knew that whatever had transpired between them was over. There would be no more summer afternoons full of warmth and passion. Even with him standing right in front of her, between the two of them stretched nothing but a collection of memories.
Twenty-Two
“Tell me everything, baby. I want to know! Tell me about all of the awesome things you and Callie are doing in the Big Apple!”
“That’s silly, Daddy,” Wendy laughed into the phone. “I don’t see any apples here. It’s dirty here.”
“But not in your house, right?” Finn asked, torn between wanting to laugh at her literal observation and cry over not being able to experience New York with her for the first time. “The house you’re in is nice, right?”
"Mm-hmm!" Wendy exclaimed happily. "It's so pretty, Daddy. Callie says it’s really old. There's lots of old things in New York. And lots and lots of people!"
“That’s true, honey,” he said with a smile. “Definitely more people than at home.”
“Are you okay, Daddy?” Wendy asked, her voice unusually timid.
“Of course I am, baby, why would you ask a thing like that?” Finn answered, frowning.
“Dunno,” Wendy said quietly, “Callie’s boss lady said rodeo stuff makes people get hurt. She said it’s dangerous.”
“Well, what do you want to bet Callie’s ol’ boss lady hasn’t ever even set foot into a rodeo arena?” he said, careful to keep himself sounding lighthearted. He was glad his little girl couldn’t see the way his jaw was clenching and unclenching, the number one tell that he was pissed off.
“I dunno,” Wendy said again, although this time there was the sound of a smile in her voice. “I bet not.”
“Right?” Finn said, picking up steam. “I bet she’s never even been around a horse!”
"You're silly, Daddy," Wendy giggled. "I love you. Are you gonna come to the Apple, too? Are you gonna come see Callie and me?"
"Not right now, baby. I've got some more rodeoing to do. Is that going to be okay with you?" he asked, swallowing hard. He was almost certain he knew what her answer was going to be, but he felt the need to ask anyway. When it came to his baby girl and this strange path he'd set them both on, he couldn't ask for permission enough times to make it feel all-the-way okay.
“Yup!” she said brightly. “Callie and me are awesome! I’m gonna go now, okay? We’re going to a really big park!”
“Sure,” Finn said quickly, “but do you think you could put—”
The last part of the sentence was still in his mouth when Wendy hung up the phone, already mentally moving on to her next adventure with Callie. Finn’s heart sank despite knowing this was for the best. All he wanted was for Wendy to be happy and for him to be able to be happy right alongside her. He believed that, eventually, those two things would happen with the two of them side by side. As for what would happen to them both when Callie wasn’t in the picture anymore? That was something he was putting a whole lot of energy into not thinking about.
“That your kid?”
Finn shoved his phone into his pocket, turning to see a guy named Sam standing behind him. He’d been rooming with Sam since his abrupt joining up with the rodeo, and although they'd only known each other for going on two weeks now, Finn already considered him a friend. The cowboy was no more than a kid, really, only just having crossed into the territory of being legal to drink. A kid—but an earnest kid, already with a wife of his own and a little baby girl on the way. In a lot of ways, Sam reminded Finn of himself when he was younger. It made all those memories of being newly married, and well before, swim to the surface, and that was something Finn didn't mind at all. He grinned at Sam and nodded.
“Yeah,” he agreed, “my little girl. She’s a firecracker, I’ll tell you what.”
“Yeah?” Sam laughed, joining Finn alongside the railing and resting his arms casually over its top. “How old is she?”
"She's only six, but sometimes it's hard to remember she's still so young. I swear, sometimes it's like she's older than I am. She keeps me in check; that's for sure."
"Jeez, that's hard though, ain't it?" Sam asked, turning to face Finn more completely and with such a serious look on his face that Finn couldn't help feeling a bit taken aback. That was a pretty strong reaction, coming from somebody he didn't know so well. If he didn't like the kid so much, he might have made a joke, shrugged it off, and gone about his business. When he looked Sam in the eyes, though, really looked, he was half sure he was looking at a younger version of himself, and walking away didn't seem like an option.
“I’m not sure I know,” he answered truthfully. “Depends on what you're talking about.”
“Shoot, I don’t mean to pry or anything,” Sam said, his face stricken like he’d just stepped in it well and good.
“No, don’t worry about that,” Finn assured him. “You aren’t prying. I’m interested in what you’re trying to ask me. Don’t worry about my feelings, cowboy, I’m pretty sure I can take it.”
"Right," Sam stammered, "it's just that I've been up nights ever since my wife came up pregnant, worrying about how we're going to make it work. I've been turning things over and over in my head, and it just don't compute, you know?"
"What doesn't? I mean, how, exactly?" Finn asked, his full attention on the problem at hand. He needed to get himself into the practice ring, and soon, but this was a conversation that felt worth having. There was a part of him that was starting to get a little uneasy about it too, if he was being truthful, but he wasn't about to let that stop him. Because he felt like this might be the kind of conversation he needed to have himself.
“How you’re supposed to do it with a kid in tow,” Sam said seriously, waving toward the arena with one hand in case Finn was missing any of his meaning. “I don’t see how you can make this the kind of life a kid can be a real part of. If you’ve got any pointers for me, I’d love to hear ‘em.”
“You’re starting early, right?” Finn laughed, suddenly more than a little uncomfortable.
"Well, sure," Sam answered earnestly, his eyes wide and full of fierce concentration. "My little girl's not even born yet, and the idea of letting her down makes me want to be sick. I'm just not getting how I'm going to make this all happen. For me and for my little girl. Like, where is your daughter right now? Her mother sticking with her, or what? Because my old lady—"
“No,” Finn interrupted, speaking a little too quickly and a little too loudly under the circumstances. “My baby’s mother isn’t taking care of her. Her mother isn’t with us anymore, I’m afraid. Hasn’t been for a couple of years, now.”
“Shoot,” Sam said haltingly, kicking the toe of his boot in the dirt and looking anywhere but at Finn. “I’m sorry, I have a knack for putting my foot in it, that’s for sure. My Marcy, she’s always telling me as much. I didn’t mean to dredge up anything painful.”
“No need for apologies,” Finn assured him. “You had no way of knowing. Besides, I don’t mind a chance to think about her every now and again. Good for the soul, I guess.”
"So then, where's your girl, if you don't mind my asking?" Sam said, almost shy now. "I just want to learn, mano. I swear, whatever kind of advice you've got to give—I'm starting to feel like I'm at a crossroads, and I'm not sure which road I'm going to take. It's seeming more and more like neither one's a good deal. There ain't no way to get everything you want in this life, is there?"
Finn shook his head violently, surprising both Sam and himself with the intensity of his reaction. He wasn’t sure he could even find the
words to explain to this kid all the reasons why his way of thinking was wrong. Listening to this boy was like looking through a window into his own painful history. He remembered thinking these same thoughts, the way that panic had driven everything he had done. Those were choices he was still trying to grapple with, all these years later, and if there was any way he could save another rodeo man from going through the same thing, well then, that was exactly what he planned to do.
“Naw, you’ve got it all wrong,” Finn assured Sam. “It’s possible. My little girl is staying with her nanny from last summer right now—”
“Hold on,” Sam interrupted, “she’s not here with you?”
“No, not right now, but she will be,” Finn answered, doing his best to backpedal and doing a piss-poor job of it, at that. “I’m moving her up here as soon as I get settled in and figure out what kind of schooling options we can work out. After that, it’s smooth sailing.”
“Man, that’s what I was afraid of,” Sam said, shaking his head. He looked like somebody had just kicked his puppy, and despite how much Finn liked the guy right off the bat, he could feel his feathers getting ruffled.
“Look, I know my situation isn’t what you’ve got in mind, but I’ve also been a kid in the rodeo. I can tell you from personal experience that it’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“Oh, yeah?” Sam asked, raising an eyebrow and leaning in. “What do you mean by that?”
"My dad," Finn answered, moving into safer territory and grateful for it. "He was a rodeo clown, and I grew up on the circuit. I didn't have a mom around to take care of me for most of my life, and it turned out okay. I had a good childhood. If my dad could do it, anyone can. Just takes the right kind of planning."
Finn felt heartily satisfied with his answer, but a quick glance at Sam told him that his young companion still wasn't quite on the same page. If anything, he looked less convinced than ever. When he caught Finn looking at him, he shrugged, and something about the gesture seemed helpless and strangely disheartening.
The Rancher’s Unexpected Nanny Page 17